A/N: I don't own any of this, it'd be noticably different if I did
"Mooony!"
"What, love?"
"Put the book away, I'm in the mood,"
"You know how cheesy that was, right?"
"Yep! Now get your ass over here,"
"What if it's not quite up to the task?"
"There's always a charm to make it ready,"
"We've tried that and you know it doesn't work,"
"Then we can think of something else to do to relieve my problem,"
"Hand me my bookmark, please?"
"Yes, sir,"
"Wow, a double salute, I'm so proud of you,"
"That's just what you do to me, now fix it,"
"You can be so very romantic when you want to be Siri, you know that?"
"That's why you love me, now please help a lover out?"
"Maybe..."
"Pretty please?"
"On one condition..."
"You wanna top, don't ya?"
"No, I want to read; a whole day to read and recover,"
"Scout's honor, now please help me? I really don't wanna pull a Snivellus and help myself,"
"Thanks for that mental image!"
"You're welcome, please help me, I'm in pain,"
"Fine, hand me my wand, please?"
"Ooh, kinky...That's right, shove it u-"
"I'm just going to lock the door,"
"You're no fun,"
"Well, if that's how you feel..."
"No! Come back! I love you! Help!!!!"
"What do you expect me to do?"
"Suck it,"
"Well... If you insist upon it,"
"Are you serious?"
"No..."
"You know what I meant,"
"...Why not?"
"You've never agreed before..."
"Well, you've never flat out asked before either,"
"If all I have to do is ask then-"
"No, that I refuse to do!"
"But why, you'd like it, I promise...Don't give me that look...Fine...be that way"
"Thank you,"
"Oh, God, Moony!"
"Hmh,"
"It could- aaaah...- help to remove... my pants,"
"You have a point, detergent doesn't taste too great, to be totally honest,"
"I'd hope not, now please take them off and continue with the lovely stuff you had going before,"
"It would be my honor,"
"Thank you,"