A/N - This is my first Victorious fanfic...enjoy. R&R. And I will be continuing this.
Disclaimer: I own NOTHING.

"So are you coming?" The text on my phone blinked at me in the darkness of my room. With the curtains drawn and my black walls, I really felt as if I was in a dark, endless void. I rather enjoyed the feeling...it was my simple escape.

"Jade? Are you coming with us?" My phone blinked again, a small vibrate shook it across my desktop and I launched forward to keep it from tumbling off onto the floor. I glanced at the text from Tori.

She had been super nice and friendly lately, and at first I wondered what her shtick problem was. Then Beck dumped me. After that she was always buzzing around me like an annoying fly that I wanted to crush with my shoe, asking constantly if I wanted to go to the mall or the park or whatever lame place she had in mind.

Sometimes I really wished she wasn't so friendly all the damn time...why couldn't she be rotten and bitter and selfish? She was like one of those goddamn faultless Disney princesses with all the woodland creatures gathering around as she sung and danced. The only joy I got from that train of thought was when I imagined her being devoured by carnivorous bunnies and rabid squirrels.
I wanted her to spit at my feet and treat me like dirt but that wasn't Tori... Fucking perfect Tori Vega. I finally convinced myself that she felt guilty for what happened to Beck and me but I knew that wasn't it. It wasn't as if she stole my man. She just saw what was coming before I did.

Now she wanted me to go Go-Karting with her and her lame dad. Apparently every Sunday was the day that Tori and her dad would go out and do something together. And I guess little old me was meant to be fucking grateful that I was even invited to go along. But I wasn't, of course...I mean it was Tori for Christ's sake.

Yet I still picked up my phone and typed. "Sure...but you have to come pick me up." My thumb hovered over the send button and I wasn't sure why I wrote that or why I was even questioning my next move. It was Tori Vega! The answer was simple...but the decision wasn't.

"Send." I murmured, pressing the button finally. It wasn't like I had anything else to do, right?

A dull green car rumbled into my driveway. Oh god, why did I say I would go? I wondered if I just didn't answer the door if Tori would leave. But there were two things wrong with that idea. One, Tori wouldn't give up that easily and she would eventually annoy me out of the house, and two, I wasn't Tori or her deranged sister or anyone else in our small group. I was Jade West and I didn't run away from shit like everyone else. But then again I was a compulsive liar.

So I put on my best scowl, smoothed down my black skinny jeans and answered the front door. "Ready?" The perky brunette chimed and I rolled my eyes as she rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet. Her short skirt swishes against her thighs. Why was she wearing a skirt Go-Karting? And why was I looking?

"As ready as I'll ever be, Vega. Let's get out of here before I change my mind." I grumble, ignoring the pained look on her face. It was one of irritableness...the same one she gave me with each and every comment I made. Yet this time that expression was softened. I could've knocked out the bitch's teeth but I only gritted mine, shouldered my bag and followed her to the car.

"Hello, Jade!" Her dad said from the driver's seat as I slid into the back with Tori. He gave me a warm smile, which was a rare sight for me. My father always gave me dirty look and drunken sneers. It was like entering an alternate reality. I had to swallow back the grin that threatened to spread across my lips and just made a distracted sound as I buckled my seatbelt. I saw in the rear view mirror that his eyes crinkled with a smile even though I hardly even acknowledged him.

I can't remember the last time I felt so uncomfortably awkward and out of place. It wouldn't be such a big deal but this me we're talking about! I don't give a shit-that right there is essentially Jade West's tagline. So why were my hands clammy?

I had decided to wear this silver moon pendent my grandma gave me a few years back. It was almost a whole circle with a small pointed break to make it just a simple, dramatized crescent. It was essentially a hoop on a string, posing as some rock in the sky. I fiddled with it as we sat, slipping it over my lip like it was a ring. The sharp edges pressed into my soft skin there, hurting and making that spot swell with continuous habit. It felt something like all the times I stumbled out of the janitor's closet with Beck, our lips sore, but this time my hair wasn't tousled and I wasn't out of breath.

The pain was brief and dull but it helped me to evade all the thoughts in my head. It was subtle enough to do in public and was almost as good as feeling the sharp steel against my wrist. Maybe I could finally stop that heinous act and let the scars heal. Then maybe one day I could wear a shirt without long sleeves or lose the gloves and bracelets that I used as a quick fix to a long-term problem.

"Hey, Jade, you're being real quiet. Are you okay?" Tori asked and I noticed that she was watching me...watching my lips as played with my pendant.
"Are you okay?" I mocked bitterly, crossing my arms and turning away.
"I don't talk like that!" Tori protested. I wanted to smirk. I loved getting a rise out of her. I loved taking a needle and prodding it into that pretty little soap bubble that was her life. Sadly I could never truly burst her bubble. It was like a fucking super bubble...damn.

"Well, whatever, Vega." I shot at her, sticking my tongue out at her. She just rolled her eyes at me and made an exasperated sound in the back of her throat. She mumbled something along the lines that Tori was her name but I wasn't hearing her. I had slid the moon over my lip again and I was drinking in the cool pain it brought.

I hate kids.

They were constantly dripping with snot and whining about something. And don't get me started on how easily amused they generally were. Tori assured me with a large grin that we would have the track to ourselves since it was Sunday and the only kids who came on Sunday were the little ones who weren't big enough to ride anyway. Yet as Mr. Vega bought our tickets, I pulled the small pocketknife from my shoulder bag and started sawing at my hair with mild frustration.

What was it with me and sharp things?

"Jade, stop mutilating your hair and come on!" Tori grabbed my hand and dragged me from the counter I was leaning on. She weaved me through the crowds of small, screaming children. I faintly fantasized about tricking and crushing a few but I just left that to daydream. I tried to pull out of her grip but for such a priss, she was strangely strong.

Tori pressed through a door, leading me out into the cool sunshine. I looked around at the dinky, run-down track. Of course this would be the kind of place that Tori would hang out. I glanced at the ticket booth where a bored, awkward looking man was leaning out and smoking a cigarette. He flicked it aside, still burning, as we approached. Tori handed over the tickets and the man nodded. Suddenly I was being pulled towards the row of rusted and decrepit looking Go-Karts.

Tori had led me to a pink car, saying something about how I deserved this car. She was lucky that I was kind of in the mood now to drive because otherwise I might have hurt her…I did have a pocketknife. I scrambled in, buckling my seat belt and grumbling. I wasn't sure why I was compiling but I was and it was just weird.

"You know, Tori always takes the pink one. It's the newest so it runs the fastest. She must think highly of you." I almost jumped out of my skin. I turned to face her dad. I wasn't sure when he had come outside but damn that man was quiet until he was right up on you. He was smiling at me funny. It was odd that he almost seemed to take a liking to me…adults usually hated me but Tori's dad seemed friendly and rather warm just like his daughter.

And what did he mean by what he said…?

RING! RING!

Oh god, please do not pick up. Don't pick up… If those were the thoughts in my head, why did I call? I really don't know. I realized that without Beck, I had no one else to talk to. Maybe I should have spent less time pushing people away and more time finding someone else in our little group in which to talk to.

The shouting in my head was becoming a headache as I contemplated slamming my phone shut. Behind me I heard Tori shout over the lawn-mower motor of her kart that I needed to stop making calls and race her some more. I smiled faintly at the idea of beating her again but my fingers were still latched to the infernal device.

"Hello?" The voice asked kindly. Their tone was chipper and kind, and that made my heart sink. If they were speaking civilly to me that meant that they didn't know whom they were talking to. That only meant that they deleted my number. And for some reason it hurt.

"Um…hey Beck." I choked out, my words sounding strained as if passing through a sheet of metal. My fingers flexed lightly but I swallowed back the urge to hang up. I was already speaking…no time to back out now.

"What do you want?" Beck said, his tone not necessarily angry but rather just annoyed. "If you are trying to win me-."

"Oh, shut up, Beck!" I snapped, gritting my teeth together. My fingers immediately went to the pendant around my neck, running my fingers over the points. I slid it over my lip, feeling the soft tear it caused. "I just wanted to ask a question."

"Shoot." He muttered, sounding bored. In the background I heard a female voice. I silently convinced myself that it was just the television but I knew the truth. It was just like the last time we broke up…er, I broke up with him. He found someone else already.

"How do you know you're in love?" I blurted and I heard Beck's surprised gasp. I could almost hear the blankness on his face. It was the oddest thing I could have asked him but I just wasn't sure. In fact, I didn't even know if that was the question I even wanted the answer to.

"Well, when you'll do anything for that person." I let his words sink in and I knew what he meant. I bit my lip absently, trying to ignore the bite of his words. But he had every right to hate me…because I don't I loved him. Sure I did things for him sometimes but that was only when he left me. I think I was afraid of being alone. But I was more afraid of my feelings.

I clicked the phone shut without another word, feeling worse than when I had originally called his number. Why had I called him of all people? Right, I was a friendless loser…well, I guess I had Vega but I wasn't going to her for advice.

I shoved the phone back in my pocket as I watched the brunette fly past, her long hair whipping wildly. As I hopped into my own kart I wondered if my hair looked so crazy when I rode but I didn't really put much thought to it…I was already off again after the other girl.

"I can't believe he just ditched us!" Tori was yelling as we stood in the parking lot. Her dad had snuck off to use the bathroom but never returned. We waited but eventually gave in and went to look for him. We went to check the car, only to find it gone.

"Great Tori…your old man is just as much of a flake as you are." I crossed my arms across my chest. This was somehow her fault! But at the same time I felt guilty internally blaming her. I wouldn't look into it too much.

"Do you have to keep being so negative? Maybe he just went to the store or something…?" She was trying to explain away her father's actions but her voice just trailed off and her face pulled into a thoughtful scowl. She grabbed at her phone and started pressing buttons wildly.

"Face it, Vega…he ditched us!" I cried, making a dramatic gesture and drawing a few eyes. I didn't mind. I am an actress, you know. Yet at that moment I caught the look on Tori's face and feel silent. "Come on," I said softer than I usually would. Tori looked up at me with confusion and hope written on her face. "We can try calling my mom."

The screen was blank.

I started pressing buttons madly. It was dead.

"FUCK!" I shouted, throwing it at the ground where it split in half. "Do you even know where we are exactly? Can you even get us home?" I growled, glaring up at Tori through my hair. Her face was pale as she bent to pick up the broken pieces that had been my phone. She didn't respond to my question as if she was afraid that I would throw her as well. I just might.

"Try my phone." She said, tentatively as she tossed the pieces she picked up in the trashcan nearby. She held out her small Pear phone. "Don't break it." She warned as I started pressing buttons. I had no bars…no service.

"No goddamn bars! Why the hell does this shit keep happening to me?" I shouted, almost dropping Tori's phone and I saw her gasp. I thrusted her phone back into her hands and started stomping into the building. She tore after me, saying something but I didn't hear her over my rampant swearing.

"You know this happened to me too." Tori ventured as I pushed a little kid out of the way and stomped back out to the Go-Kart track. I noticed the attendant was gone but so were the Go-Karts. I was planning to take the phone from Tori again and try to get service out here. I had gotten some earlier when I called Beck.

"Yeah but this is all your fault!" I snapped angrily, forgetting my plan to try for service outside.

"My fault?" She paused with a stunned expression on her face. "How is this my fault?"

"Because you can't just leave well enough alone!" I screamed. "You never just leave people on their own…you just get into everyone's business and fuck everything up! I mean, god, can't you just go away? Instead of letting me spend a nice afternoon at home, you annoy me into going out with you and your lame dad! And now we're stranded!"

Tori looked outraged, her face burning red as she glared at me. "F-FUCK YOU, J-JADE!" She stammered, tears leaking onto her face as it turned cherry red. Then she spun on her heel and stomped off. "And to think, I was just trying to help out someone I cared about!"

I never heard Tori Vega swear before. I hadn't seen her that angry before. I felt guilt almost instantly. I frowned after her. And she had said that she cared about me. I had thought she hated me. I guess I was wrong…I was always wrong.

I slumped to the ground and pressed my fists into my eyes, trying to block out all the anger and sadness and the rare guilt that kept bubbling up. I almost felt sick. And I hadn't even registered that I had done it until I pulled up from being doubled over to grimace at the vomit all over the ground. God, what was wrong with me?

So much…