Sometimes I feel it. Those eyes burrowing into my soul. He has a way of
staring at me as though I was prey. I supposed he does that to everyone.
But I still feel it. I feel the distaste and the hatred for everything and
everyone. You don't have to be an empath to pick that up. At least when I
was here, in my dark room in front of my computer, I felt immune to his
stares. I felt strong, as if no one could touch me. I could just drift in
cyber and space, both being equally beautiful. I think Brad likes it when
I am like this. I am safe and quiet, and calm, ready to be a puppet to the
master. I think Schuldig appreciates the things I do, even though
sometimes it is hard to live with myself for doing them. And he never
utters a thank you. But Farfarello, dare I say "God save us all?" He has
destroyed most of my safe places. I don't like, trust or feel okay around
him. And still he searches for me with those hawk-like eyes. Trying to
pull me from the depths of myself and make me insane or who knows what
else.
For example, yesterday I encountered him in the hallway. I was trying to walk calmly to my room, even knowing he was following me. I heard his footsteps stop and when I spun around to see if he was there, I was shaken to the core by a hand clamping around my jaw and a pain in my spine as I was shoved to the wall. I dropped the disks and books that I was carrying. I grabbed at Farfarello's wrist with my hands, trying to loosen his grip on my face. I could almost feel the bruising start. He laughed at me and licked his blade. I saw his eyes as he lifted me off the floor to stare straight into his face. Those eyes. I get paralyzed every time they look at me that way. I lock down. My talents useless. I have no defense.
"Do you believe that there is a God?" He asks me. I cannot speak. I would like to but my jaw is literally being crushed. "If you do, perhaps you can ask him why."
"W-why?" I manage to whisper.
"Why he has cursed and doomed us all. Poor wee Nagi you think you can love? You think that would be safe with your "gift"? You would kill the poor girl in the instant you get emotionally charged. Throw her against a wall perhaps? Maybe like I am holding you now? Maybe throw her out a window with that wonderful mind of yours? Nagi, do you think that God would let you fly?" He runs his blade down my arm, tearing my sleeve. I let out a gasp. It hurts.
"You, our Prodigy, our young one, little lamb does God love you? This beautiful face, those pretty eyes. Yes, God made you in love. How would he feel to see you at my hands? Do you think he would save you?" He leans in to lick my face and I whimper. Blood is trickling down the scratch on my arm.
"What are you doing??" Farfarello turns to the speaker. It's Crawford.
"Put him down, Farfarello. Your "Sunday schooling" is over for today." Crawford says with a hint of distaste in his tone.
Farfarello lowers me to my feet and roughly lets go of my face. My head hits the wall abruptly. For a moment I see the beautiful stars and I fall to my knees. When I look up, Brad has Farfarello against the wall, his shirt gathered in his fists. His glasses catching the light in a menacing fashion, I hear is gruff speech.
"Leave Prodigy alone. I won't tell you again." Then more nicely and with a smile to Farfarello as he lets him go, "Besides, we need him functional."
Farfarello turns his head slowly to me as if he were on puppet strings and smiles. Those eyes, this is not over and I know it. He wants me to know it. "God has saved you today, Nagi. Be humbly grateful." He turns to walk away. "Oh and Nagi? Don't forget to say your prayers." His footsteps echoed so loudly as he walked down the corridor and when he reached the door, he closed it with a slam.
Crawford helped me up. "Get yourself cleaned up. You should be in your room." I think I detected a hint of concern for my welfare and I hurried off to my room.
As I close the door, I realize that I am shaking a little. My emotions are high. A mixture of so many. "Relax, Nagi." I say to myself. I set about the process of calming down. It would do no good to blow up in here. The only things to move being my computer and my stars. And I haven't succeeded in moving the stars yet.
It has not let up. The relentless pursuit by Farfarello. I don't expect it will. Schuldig and Crawford are hard to intimidate. I just hope that the next time, God will save me again. Even if my God takes the form of Crawford.
For example, yesterday I encountered him in the hallway. I was trying to walk calmly to my room, even knowing he was following me. I heard his footsteps stop and when I spun around to see if he was there, I was shaken to the core by a hand clamping around my jaw and a pain in my spine as I was shoved to the wall. I dropped the disks and books that I was carrying. I grabbed at Farfarello's wrist with my hands, trying to loosen his grip on my face. I could almost feel the bruising start. He laughed at me and licked his blade. I saw his eyes as he lifted me off the floor to stare straight into his face. Those eyes. I get paralyzed every time they look at me that way. I lock down. My talents useless. I have no defense.
"Do you believe that there is a God?" He asks me. I cannot speak. I would like to but my jaw is literally being crushed. "If you do, perhaps you can ask him why."
"W-why?" I manage to whisper.
"Why he has cursed and doomed us all. Poor wee Nagi you think you can love? You think that would be safe with your "gift"? You would kill the poor girl in the instant you get emotionally charged. Throw her against a wall perhaps? Maybe like I am holding you now? Maybe throw her out a window with that wonderful mind of yours? Nagi, do you think that God would let you fly?" He runs his blade down my arm, tearing my sleeve. I let out a gasp. It hurts.
"You, our Prodigy, our young one, little lamb does God love you? This beautiful face, those pretty eyes. Yes, God made you in love. How would he feel to see you at my hands? Do you think he would save you?" He leans in to lick my face and I whimper. Blood is trickling down the scratch on my arm.
"What are you doing??" Farfarello turns to the speaker. It's Crawford.
"Put him down, Farfarello. Your "Sunday schooling" is over for today." Crawford says with a hint of distaste in his tone.
Farfarello lowers me to my feet and roughly lets go of my face. My head hits the wall abruptly. For a moment I see the beautiful stars and I fall to my knees. When I look up, Brad has Farfarello against the wall, his shirt gathered in his fists. His glasses catching the light in a menacing fashion, I hear is gruff speech.
"Leave Prodigy alone. I won't tell you again." Then more nicely and with a smile to Farfarello as he lets him go, "Besides, we need him functional."
Farfarello turns his head slowly to me as if he were on puppet strings and smiles. Those eyes, this is not over and I know it. He wants me to know it. "God has saved you today, Nagi. Be humbly grateful." He turns to walk away. "Oh and Nagi? Don't forget to say your prayers." His footsteps echoed so loudly as he walked down the corridor and when he reached the door, he closed it with a slam.
Crawford helped me up. "Get yourself cleaned up. You should be in your room." I think I detected a hint of concern for my welfare and I hurried off to my room.
As I close the door, I realize that I am shaking a little. My emotions are high. A mixture of so many. "Relax, Nagi." I say to myself. I set about the process of calming down. It would do no good to blow up in here. The only things to move being my computer and my stars. And I haven't succeeded in moving the stars yet.
It has not let up. The relentless pursuit by Farfarello. I don't expect it will. Schuldig and Crawford are hard to intimidate. I just hope that the next time, God will save me again. Even if my God takes the form of Crawford.