Dear Diary, September 30th 2016

We went to feed the ducks today.

Banba-san's face was flushed deeper than the crimson leaves spiraling down before us.

We were walking through our private paradise, a forgotten part of the park where time was frozen. The entire way, I held her hand tight. For it was in those moments that I cherished the most. Just having her hand in mine truly made me happy. They were so soft. So warm. Letting go was always the hardest part.

Weak sunlight spilled through the trees, splotching the whispering blades of grass in gold. However, the only sunshine for me was Banba's smile.

"Do you think there will be a lot of ducks out this time, Banba-san?" I had asked her, turning my head to look at her as we walked.

Banba glanced down immediately. Her mouth twitched in a wavering and flustered smile. "I—I thi…think t-th-here umm, uhh, will be…ducks…"

"I'm glad." I told her, grinning.

She seemed surprised by this. Even now, I still don't fully grasp as to the reason why she'd ever believe otherwise.

"W-why? Ha-hanabusa-san doesn't even…c-c-care about the ducks."

"But, I care about you."

Banba bobbed her head up in a hiccup of shock.

"I- umm, I care about you, too." I could feel the heat steaming off of her.

She was adorable.

Banba-san looked at me. I stared into those big, enchanting purple eyes, melting at the beauty swimming within. I'd never forget her smile that day. That I promised myself.

At the end of our red world, we sat on the dewy ground where the crystal pond met soil. Of course, I had to smooth my autumn dress before I did. If I was going to sit in dirt, I would at least look like a lady doing so.

For the first few minutes, we did not speak, we did not move. I blinked when something delicate covered the top of my hand. Averting my focus to the hand on my lap, my heart leaped out of my throat. Banba-san's hand, she placed her hand on mine! Ran through my thoughts. The weather had suddenly spiked in raging temperatures, perhaps, at the time, I thought I was getting sick.

"I guess there won't be any ducks, how disappointing." I sighed.

"B-but this—it's okay, be-because I…like…w-with you."

"Banba-san-" My heart returned to its home.

Quack, quack, quack.

Banba jolted up, full of energy and pointed. "I-I see ducks!"

Two ducks came into view. They ruffled their feathers. The ducks halted as if in waiting.

Sure enough, four baby ducklings followed in an orderly line.

Banba-san's eyes widened like a child holding a puppy for the first time. "T-they're so…so cute!"

What came next was unexpected. Banba-san rested her head on my shoulder. Sensations shot up my spine. With a shaking hand, she laced her fingers with mine.

"One day, we'll have a family like that." She breathed. I don't think she meant to say that aloud.

Stunned, images seared my mind of future family and future children. I leaned against her head, closing my eyes, the bliss of peace and joy felt good, felt right.

One day.

We remained like that for eternity, the air became drenched in evening-rouge and eventually, the sun plunged into the water. But my sun, my sun was still here, still burning, still full of warmth. Nothing could take that away from me.

Dear Diary, December 31st 2016

I regret to say that I can't write long. It's New Years Eve and I've decided to invite Banba-san and my former class black classmates to my parent's mansion for the last party.

That Azuma-san has mastered the art of holding a grudge. I'm surprised she hasn't tried murdering me or anyone else yet. Though, I do believe she came close to stabbing Takechi-san when she was drunk and hitting on Haru in psychopathic ways, much to Kenmochi-san's chagrin.

I'd advise Azuma-san to calm down, her eyes were always watching, always waiting, it ruined the mood. However, she and Ichinose-san did make a cute couple, I had witnessed Ichinose feeding, babying and giggling with Azuma, whose blush could challenge Banba-san's. Azuma was also a clumsy and embarrassed dancer compared to Ichinose-san. She didn't seem to mind. They're kisses were cute as well.

Before I left to go upstairs and write, Sagae-san and Inukai-san were locked in a war of tongues with each other on the sofa couch, tossing this way and that, despite the blaring music, their moans resonated through the living room. I'd highly preferred if they simply just requested to use one of the spare bedrooms. Shuto-san pulled on the book-reading Kaminaga, saying something about being cool. Namatame-san and Kirigaya-san were cuddling by the fire.

Nio had walked out of the kitchen with a melon-bun in her mouth. Packets of similar items in her arms.

Anyways, now that you know that, I must tell you about what transpired during that time. Because, that, that was…

I wanted to get some fresh air, so I stepped out onto the patio, basking in the glory of the shining sea of stars. Wind rippled through my hair. I hadn't even realized the sound of the door sliding open behind me.

"Hanbusa-san? I was looking f-for you." Banba-san's stuttering with me had improved over the months.

"Oh my, I forgot to tell you, I'm sorry." I glanced over my shoulders and smiled kindly.

"I-isn't it c-cold out here?" she wondered, worry stitching her fragile words.

"I—"

I was cut off by Banba-chan embracing me in a hug from behind, squeezing me and burying her face into my back.

"Banba-san?"

"Thank you, Hanabusa-san, for, for inviting me here and I-I'm having fun and I..." she twisted the fabric of shirt.

I heard sniffling. "Banba-san?"

I whipped around, terrified. Hearing her cry was like seeing your loved one being ran over and over again by a car. Subconsciously, I pried her hands away from her face and reached out and stroked her wet cheek.

She inhaled sharply. "I think, I am, I mean, I'm i-i-in l-love with you."

The glasses all around the universe shattered in that split second.

What was that feeling brewing inside of me? It consumed me, destroyed my thoughts, the damage swelled in my brain. It felt like the budding of a new rose, the explosion of guns on the battlefield, the combined cheers of stadiums worldwide, the ruckus inside me escalated, piercing the atmosphere of my sanity.

She. Loves. Me?

I don't quite remember what happened next. Just that I kissed her under the envious moon.

Dear Diary, April 6th 2020

What nice honeymoon pictures Ichinose-san sent us. She and Azuma-san were in the United States in New York City. Both of them turned out to be fine adults by the looks of it, Ichinose-san had even ditched her trademark twin-tails.

Is it strange that I had genuine sorrow and pride over the person I once attempted to murder and the girl who'd slaughter me if I did? Perhaps, I was growing up too.

"Sumireko, dinner's ready!" Mahiru's head poked out. We ditched honorifics and other unnecessary last names three years ago.

I could feel my gaze soften at her. She was dressed in her pink, frilly apron and mitts. This new apartment life was refreshing when I knew she would be by my side in it.

"What is that in your hand?" she questioned when I had been reading the mail.

"Ichinose-san and Azuma-san's honeymoon pictures. Want to see?"

"H-honeymoon?!" Mahiru blushed and frantically looked left and right.

She scurried back into the kitchen.

Dear Diary, July 5th 2020

I love Mahiru.

I love the way she gets fascinated by the simplest of things, I love her kind and gentle heart, I love how she breathes light into my darkness, I love her tender spots, her fractured spots, I love her perfect figure, her tiny dimples, I love the way she plays with her hair when she's nervous or the way she hides behind me when she's afraid of a spider, I love everything about her.

I want to marry her.

I'm going to marry her.

As I'm writing this, the case that holds all my dreams waits eagerly.

I love you, Mahiru.

Dear Diary, July 6th 2020

SHE

SAID

YES.

Dear Diary, August 25th 2020

It was the day. The wedding. My wedding. I cannot even fathom this being real; it was too good to be real. I was marrying the greatest girl in any dimension that existed.

I remember the arrows piercing me straight in the eyes when she walked down the aisle. She was gorgeous, prettier than a bouquet of flowers, her dark blue dress was tailored with a white sash and bluish veil and it hung perfectly on her body, fitting in all the right curves.

Mahiru was perfection. She was a treasure, my treasure. I wanted to protect her, understand her, comfort her, and love her until the end of humanity itself.

We exchanged vows, always looking into each other. In her, I saw home. I saw my life, my heart, our children, our grandchildren, together, we would be happy. How could I have been so lucky to find someone like Mahiru? She was a goddess.

Tears rolled down my eyes like rivers, but I was beaming with ecstasy. Mahiru was struggling with the same thing; she used the back of her hand to wipe away the stray drops.

"I do." I said.

"And do you, Banba Mahiru, take Sumireko as your lawfully wedded wife?"

"I do." Mahiru grabbed my hands firmly.

"Then, you may now kiss the bride."

Mahiru jumped into my arms and kissed me lovingly on the lips, I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around her, when we pulled away, we giggled, and we laughed. We kissed again, longer, deeper, passionate.

I was in heaven.

The future had amazing plans in store for us, I was grateful for the god that blessed this evening day.

Dear Diary, February 10th 2036

Mahiru is sick.

I found her collapsed on the kitchen floor of our house after picking up Miyu, Yuzuki and Satomi from school. Miyu stared in horror and Satomi was a sobbing mess. Yuzuki, being the oldest, was the calmest and helped me to quiet them as I dialed 911 and laid her onto the bed.

She breathed erratically the entire time. I'm afraid. I'm shaking, shivering, and biting my nails raw. Mahiru is going to be okay. She probably just has a bad fever.

After all, I couldn't judge if I should put ice on her and strip her of clothes or bundle her up like she was in the arctic. Her temperature had been haywire.

In the hospital I vomited out my guts or it felt like I did. Yuzuki grabbed my free hand; I stared, blinking away stressed tears. I nodded and inhaled. Yuzuki may be a teenager but she had the soul of the wise. And she looked so much like her mother, she was a carbon copy. White hair, purple eyes, little dimples, the only difference was that her hair was cut short and shaggy and boyish, a dash of black dyed onto her bangs for effect.

"M-mommy, will mother be okay?" Satomi sniffled, snot running.

I fixed her position on my lap and took out a Kleenex and dabbed her nose, frowning.

"Mommy's going to be fine, you shouldn't cry, aren't we going tomorrow to the park with the Azuma and Sagae families? Mommy just has a fever."

"Okay." her voice was sweet, innocent, it broke me.

Miyu sat in the chair, her eyes trained on the ground, her long and silk white hair masked her face. Her legs jittered.

"Miyu, honey?"

Miyu glanced up at me, her sharp, icy blue eyes were clouded, and tears were falling. She frowned and returned her gaze back to the floor. I wanted to speak, but, my tongue was lost. An hour and thirty minutes later and Mahiru came out, smiling apologetically.

We ran to bear hug her.

She was still weak, but, she said she was feeling better and that the test results were coming.

Dear Diary, February 11th 2036

I watched as Satomi's pink, salmon-ish and medium length hair danced with the chilling breeze.

Satomi was chasing Ichinose-san's youngest daughter, Riko, around the swing set. Haruki and Isuke's child, Sayuri attempted to make small-chat with Miyu. Tokaku's and Ichinose's other three children, one boy and two more girls, one girl being the exact age as Yuzuki were spread across the park.

I had been talking about recent politics with the other adults when a text came in to Mahiru's cell phone.

She checked it.

"I'm… s-sorry to interrupt, the…conversation, but, I need to talk with my wife."

"Yo, no problem!" Haruki grinned, the pink pocky in her mouth. It was questionable if she changed at all after all these years.

"What is it, Mahiru?" I placed my hand on her cheek once we stopped, she was cold, but that was most likely from the weather…

Her eyes wavered and tears shone like layers of glass. "T-the test came back and it's…"

"It's what?"

"P-positive. I have some type of s-severe c-cancer. I have to go back to the hospital immediately."

Mahiru weeped.

Dear Diary, February 13th 2036

No.

It's a lie.

It's a game.

This is ridiculous.

I can't stop crying.

It rained yesterday.

It's storming today.

Mahiru, I love you, I love you, I love you with all my heart.

Please, stay with me.

I will hold your hand forever. Let's go home. We'll be late for dinner. Please.

"Mommy, I'm scared."

"Mommy's scared too, honey." I said as I cry at the edge of an empty bed.

Dear Diary, February 14th 2036

"Happy valentine's day, I love you, please listen, I love you."

I crinkled the bouquet of roses; they were red when I bought them, but now they were withered black and useless.

"I'm sorry, Miss Hanabusa, but, we have to operate now."

The children protested, they whined and screamed, I held onto them as tight as if they were my lifeline tethering me to reality.

Outside the operation room, we huddled, we prayed to a god we didn't even believe in. We were desperate, we knew she was in critical condition, but there had to be hope. My sunshine isn't the type that disappears in the clouds.

Time oozed out underneath my feet only to freeze up again. I was falling through the famished shadows. I wasn't the one that needed saving. Mahiru was. My Mahiru. Beautiful, happy, smiling Mahiru.

She can't be gone.

She'll never be gone.

I have to have hope. Mahiru was strong. She had the strength of night residing in her.

"Mommy, I want to see mother, I want to talk to her and go home" Even Yuzuki was collapsing.

I've stared at this wall for many nights now.

When was the last time I've slept?

Dear Diary, February 15th 2036

"Come in."

"Mahiru, Mahiru!"

I pushed past the doctor and kneeled at the foot of the bed, grasping her hand, feeling her paled face, everything.

"I'm right here, don't worry, you're going to be okay."

The doctor left the room.

"H-hanabusa, M-miyu, Yuzuki, Satomi, yo-you're all here. I'm happy." Mahiru smiled the best she could.

"Mother, let's go home! We were going to see that movie together, you know, what was it called-" Yuzuki punched her tears and grasped her school uniform skirt.

Miyu walked up and cried, unable to speak. Satomi was standing beside me.

Mahiru coughed and groaned.

I hung my head, lips quivering.

"Let me, kiss you guys, one…more time." A tear sparkled in her eyes.

Mahiru pulled me down and kissed my lips. Her lips already felt dead.

The children lined up and received kisses, Mahiru giggled hastily and wheezed.

"I love you all so very much… I could have never… asked for a better family. Thank you."

"Don't you dare say that Hanabusa Mahiru! Don't-do it…" I clenched my teeth to keep from wailing.

"I wish, I could've stay… longer, Hanabusa, I love you so much. Thank you for being with me. Y-you three, stay strong, my l-little ducklings. I…"

Her heart monitor beeped and stilled.

"MAHIRU!"

Outside the window, the sun was setting.

Dear Mahiru, February 15th 2037

I haven't eaten, I haven't sleep.

I smell your clothes often, wrap them around me, wear them outside, did you know that your pillow is growing cold?

I found some old pictures of us on our summer vacation to Germany; remember that, back in 21? You were so frightened by the sizes of those german wieners. You wouldn't even try it. You were so cute. You were pregnant then, with our little Yuzuki. We were so excited; I couldn't believe I was going to be the mommy of the most outstanding wife and best friend in the world.

I miss you, Mahiru. I miss your warmth, I miss waking up to see your face and I miss you in my arms. You're beautiful, Mahiru. Inside and out. Only you can do that.

Life is difficult without you here, it's darker, I try, and I try to keep my head up because I know that's what you'd want me to do. But, how can I? It's been a year since that day and I'm already forgetting your smile.

I know you often viewed yourself in earlier years as darkness and I told you it wasn't true. Well, I still firmly believe what I said.

Mahiru, you are filled with light, innocence and youthful joy. I love those things about you. Your heart was my home. And now it's lost. It's gone.

I know I need to set an example for our children. I'm sorry I'm failing you. I just- just don't know what to do anymore. I've grown weary of writing these… There's no meaning in it when you're not here.

Mahiru, come back.

I love you.

Mahiru.

Let's meet again soon, one day.

…

Hanabusa dotted the period of her last sentence and signed her name, moving her face away from the paper, fearing that a droplet would splash onto the paper.

Rolling the letter up and tying it, she placed it on Mahiru's burial ground. She read the words written on the gravestone. She'd already visited this place almost every day with her children, but today, she did it without them, as they were still in school.

"It's a promise, then." Hanabusa's voice cracked and she turned away, unable to look at it any longer.

Later, she went to go and feed the ducks.

"In loving memory of Banba Mahiru, my precious sunshine…"

A/N Hanabusa wrote pretty much everyday of her life, I just chose the diary entrys that where the most impactful *I left out the first time sex one because I'm not good with scenes like those haha* So it's not weird time-skips you know where she doesn't like write for 5 years haha.

Also, I know some of my COTF readers will be confused because I'll also be uploading this as a single story, but I'm doing that because as I finished I didn't know if it really fit COTF since it's about crack-ships and underappreciated, so I'm going to consider this a Special edition? I don't know? XD Thank you so much! Hope to see you again next time!