Cascore's Note: As the title implies, this story is supposed to be awful. In fact, it's so bad that I think it barely classifies as a story. It has a beginning, a middle, and an end (plus a climax!), so that's good enough right? This is supposed to parody a number of things I see in downright bad stories, as well as showcase a few story ideas that people just generally dislike. Mind you, I have nothing against Yoshi or BowserxPeach in particular, it just seems like, if people around here are expressive fans of any one character or any one pairing, it's Yoshi and it's BowserxPeach. So I just tossed them in there. Anyway, hope you enjoy the terrible story!
"High school, here I come!"
"Hey Cascore, you self-inserted author you!"
"Hey Original Character who this story will be all about!"
"You ready for high school!?"
"Heck yeah I'm ready for high school!"
"Yeah!?"
"Yeah!!"
"Whoo!!"
Cascore and his Original Character best friend walked to school that day! And they just happened to be in the Mushroom Kingdom by the time they got there!
"Holy shizzle Cascore, how the heck did we end up in the Mushroom Kingdom!?" "I don't know Original Character! But look over there, it's Mario! As a teenager!" "Forizzle!?" "Foshizzle!" "Let's go say hi to him! Maybe we'll get wrapped up in some wacky adventure if we do!" "Sure thing! And let's keep talking without any paragraph breaks for our dialogue!" "Heck yeah!"
Cascore and his Original Character best friend walked over to Mario, and suddenly the entire high school blew up into a million pieces!
"Mama mia!" Mario said. "Holy crap!" Cascore said. "No school!" the Original Character said.
"Did somebody say TRUTH OR DARE PARTAY!?" Daisy said out of nowhere.
"HECK YEAH!"
Everyone hi-fived each other and went to an isolated dark room wherein Yoshi and, well, who cares who else is there, Yoshi rules!
"Whoo!"
"Okay so Mario, truth," Luigi said. "Do you have an incredibly major crush on Peach or what!?" "No, not really." "I WILL NOT LET YOU HAVE HER!!"
Holy crap, it's-a Bowser, and he's pissed!
"I love Peach more than the white hot intensity of a thousand suns! She will be MINE!"
"Over Mario's dead body!" I, the brilliant, awesome, fantastical author Cascore said. After making Waluigi trip over a bug.
"Darn you super-awesome-amazing Cascore! Darn you to heck!!"
Har. I laugh because Waluigi's suffering be funny.
"I don't really feel like fighti-"
"Dang you Mario! I'll be sure to win next time!!" Bowser said as he sulked away, defeated.
"Heck yeah Mario, you da man! You da maaaaaaaaaan!!" "I didn't even touch him." "Because you're that freaking awesome!"
The room exploded into a million pieces, leaving everyone in a deserted desert in the far reaches of nowhere!
"Are you all ready for a little game?" a mysterious voice said from nowhere and everyone looked around, shocked.
"Who...
…
…
…
…
…
...are you!!?!?!?!?!?" the Original Character said.
"I am.............................................................................YOUR GAME SHOW HOST, INSERT NAME HERE!!" INSERT NAME HERE the game show host said, stepping out of the sand to reveal himself to be an ordinary Toad. "AND YOU ARE ALL COMPETING TO WIN ONE MMMMMMMIIIIIIIIIILLION COINS!!!"
"nowai!!" "yawai!!" "o rly!?" "ya rly!!"
"Then I declare that I automatically win!" "Oh Cascore, you silly author you!"
The desert exploded into a million pieces! Everyone's HP dropped to 1 as Bowser appeared out of nowhere and grabbed Peach!
"Hah, I win!" "Oh no you don't!" the Original Character said, stepping up to Bowser without fear. "For I am a god, a Mary Sue, a perfect salad made of perfect lettuce and tomatoes! And guess what flavor my dressing is!!" "The flavor of perfection!?" "Correct!"
"Gah, I lose again!" Bowser said, falling to the ground and allowing Peach to run back to Mario's side. "Peach...I...suddenly...can't...stop...using...all...these...ellipses...I...love...you..."
"Oh Bowser, I love you too, more than the white hot intensity of a thousand suns, I just never knew how to say it, I mean, what would people think if I, the pure-hearted princess of the Mushroom Kingdom, admitted her love for the black-hearted lord of the Darklands, my citizens probably wouldn't care, people would stop asking if I like Mario or if he likes me, we would never have to go through all this charade of kidnapping just so Mario can come and rescue me even though we enjoy spending time with each other, but, for whatever reason, we just never told anybody that it was okay that we were together, oh my goodness Bowser I love you so much and the only way I could express that was with this extreme run-on sentence and now that Cascore is running out of breath just typing this I suppose I'll finally come over to you and give you a great big smooch!!""
Peach returned to Bowser's arms, Daisy and Luigi kissed, the world was saved, and Cascore and the Original Character returned to their home.
After Waluigi tripped over another bug.
"Darn you super-awesome, cool, greater than life itself author Cascore!! Darn you!!"
"Super Mario: Terrible Story"
Cascore gave a thumbs up and a wink to the reader. "It's really bad!"