I know this is like a season too late but I really wanted to write a post prom Addek fic to purge all of my anger with McBastard. And given the constant and not to mention most recent disrespect for the 11 year Shepherd marriage, I needed an outlet.

This is my first foray in angst writing so please bear with me.

THIS VICIOUS CYCLE

Summary: There is the saying 'What goes around, comes back around' and Addison and Derek's lives have become proof of that. Lies, revenge, betrayal and infidelity had replaced memories of what was once a perfect marriage. Will the threat of losing each other permanently make them rekindle what they have and break the devastating cycle or had all the hurt and deception become too much to bear?

Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy is not mine. No infringement intended.

CHAPTER ONE

'I need to get away' was all Addison could think about as she made her way down to the parking lot after the disaster of the silly prom thing. She couldn't believe how this night turned into this… heartbreak.

After Izzie's declaration and subsequent exit, Addison was about to ask Derek if he was ready to go home when she noticed the looks shared between him, Meredith and Finn. Right there and then, she understood what was happening. She wasn't born yesterday and she definitely wasn't going to stand for it. So, with what's remaining of her dignity in tact, Addison left the threesome alone but not before getting Derek's attention and sending him a look that clearly said, 'You fucking bastard.'

Addison was almost at her car when it dawned to her that Derek drove earlier that evening and thus had the keys. She cursed aloud and gathered her skirt, determined to leave one way or another. She decided to go back to the hospital's main entrance to get a cab when a voice stopped her cold in her tracks.

"Addison!" Derek shouted.

"Leave me alone, Derek"

"Addison, wait… let me…"

"Let you what. Derek? Let you explain? Fine, go ahead." She angrily cut him off, finally turning to face him.

"I…I…"

"Thought so. Only you, Derek. Only you can hurt me this much." Addison's tears finally made its way down her cheeks. "Leave me the hell alone. Don't talk to me, don't even look at me."

"Addison, please…."

"Shut up." She doesn't really want to be near him. She really needed to leave. "Give me the keys, Derek."

"No, let me… drive you."

"I'm not going anywhere with you. Give me the keys."

"No."

Not really in the mood to play games or delay her exit, Addison stepped forward and shoved her hands into Derek's pockets for the car keys. Pulling out her hands, she got what she needed and some more. Addison clutched the keys on her right hand and on the other she grasped black lace panties.

They both stood frozen, Derek with shame and guilt on his face and Addison with disbelief in hers. Earlier, she knew in her gut that her husband did something, especially with his flushed face and eyes unable to meet hers. Holding on to the physical evidence of that gut feeling was like a horrible punch in the face.

"You sanctimonious bastard!" she spat at Derek, throwing the panties at his face before storming off to the car.

Derek just stood there and watched her drive away.

x x x

Derek felt like the biggest scum on earth. He was sitting in the locker room, replaying the past hours of the night. He was truly a bastard. He couldn't believe he slept with Meredith while his wife was just a few yards away and then later on silently asked the intern to choose him over Finn. Who does this kind of crap?

The worst part, he decided was that with all those things happening, Derek still didn't know who he really want to be with: Meredith or Addison. He truly fucked up and didn't know what to do next.

Derek's thought drifted back to the confrontation with Addison. His chest ached just thinking about the hurt and devastation he saw on her face when she pulled out the panties. Remembering the look on her face, Derek realized what was truly the worst part of the whole evening: apologizing to Addison never even entered his mind.

x x x

"Goddamnit! Stop crying! He's not worth it!" Addison shouted, slamming her hands at the steering wheel, tears were still flowing freely down her cheeks.

Stopped at an intersection in downtown Seattle, Addison thought about what her next steps would be. Her marriage was over. And it happened on a night she was really looking forward to spending with her husband. The fact that he asked her to be his date with her Derek's smile gave her hope that everything between them would be fixed. Then this happened. She was truly an idiot. Derek didn't love her anymore. If only Addison could stop loving him, then this whole thing would be easier.

Addison decided that her brain would make her heart listen and stop loving Derek Shepherd. He had hurt her so many times and tonight it ends. Beginning tomorrow, Addison would remove everything Derek related out of her life. First on the agenda: calling up her lawyers to draw divorce papers. It's time to sign DNR papers on her marriage.

Addison wiped away her tears and fished out her mobile phone. She needed to talk to someone. She needed to talk to Savvy and she didn't really care that it's nearly 4:30am in New York. Addison knew Savvy wouldn't mind, after all she promised to call for details on her date with Derek at the prom and Savvy was her best friend. Addison needed her best friend.

Savvy's phone was already ringing when the car behind Addison's honked signaling that the traffic light had turned green. Addison shut her phone off. Her call to Savvy would have to wait until she settled herself in a hotel. Raising a hand to apologize at the driver behind her, Addison got her car in gear and started to drive on.

Nobody saw the car speeding on the other lane until it was too late and slammed into Addison's left side.

x x x

The ER at Seattle Grace was pretty calm and the resident on call was bored out of her mind. Dr. Susan Austin would give anything to retain the calmness until the end of her shift but since she was only halfway through, things were expected to change. And change it did when the doors to the ambulance bay opened.

"What have you got?" asked Dr. Austin to the paramedics.

"Unidentified female driver, mid to late 30's, side collision by a drunk driver. She was wearing a seatbelt but there is chest and abdominal trauma, multiple lacerations, BP is 80/55. Pulse in the low 60's. Hooked her up with saline on site. Been unresponsive since she was pulled out." The paramedic rattled on.

"Ok. Clear Trauma 2." The doctor said as they wheeled the victim towards the room.

"On my count… 1, 2, 3. Okay… CBC, chem. 7. I need a portable c-spine, chest and pelvis plus abdominal CT." Dr. Austin ordered. She then checked the victim's face and when she had brushed off the hair and wiped some of the blood, recognition came over her. Dr. Austin knew the victim. The young doctor even had the chance to work with this brilliant woman.

"Somebody please page the Chief of Surgery. Stat." she ordered frantically.

"The Chief is not on call tonight" said a trauma nurse.

"I don't care. Just page him. Now. Believe me, he'd want to be here" She paused then added gravely, "It's Addison Shepherd."