A/N: Yay! I exist!
Calvin sat at the kitchen table.
In one hand, a lemon.
In the other, a glass.
He put the lemon over the glass and squeezed.
SPLRT! "AAAAAAAAGH!!!"
Calvin ran around the table, clutching his eye. That is, if you can "clutch" an eye.
Hobbes heard the commotion from Calvin's room.
"He squirted a lemon in his eye again, didn't he?"
Back downstairs, Calvin was grumbling and returning to his seat.
"There's an art to this. I just need to get it right."
"Well, a big step would be to use a juicer," said Hobbes, who had just come downstairs.
"But then it loses all its handmade goodness, its attention to detail, its lack of machinery usage, its…"
"Its sweat and dirt undertones…" Hobbes remarked with a smile.
"Oh, quiet. You're just jealous because I won't tell you why I'm making lemonade!"
"Possibly for a lemonade stand?"
Calvin stopped right before another squeeze. "You aggravate me," he said, returning to his lemon.
Just then, his dad appeared.
His face reflected a thousand parenthoods, but he was only living through one. With Calvin. Hobbes felt sorry for him, as many did. And by "many," I mean…well…everyone.
"Hey dad, want to try some lemonade?"
"All right."
"That'll be ten dollars!"
"Who are you, Starbucks?"
"Hey, I-"
"Speaking of Starbucks, I need a coffee."
"You're getting a coffee at Starbucks?"
"Yes…"
"Only a coffee?"
"Yes."
"Dad, are you talking about Starbucks? Or somewhere else?"
"I'm talking about Starbucks, Calvin! I'm going to Starbucks!"
"Fine. Your funeral…"
"What?"
"Go. Enjoy your coffee."
Calvin's dad sighed, and left.
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Hobbes entered Calvin's dad's trunk.
"This looks like a good place for a nap."
Uh oh…
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Calvin's dad parked in front of the coffee shop.
He went in to see a lot of people drinking lattes and the like.
"Wonder why they're so hyper."
He said to the barista, "A coffee, please."
There were expressions of shock and disbelief on everyone's faces.
Then, silence.
"E-excuse me?"
"A coffee."
"W-what?"
"I'd like a coffee."
The barista looked as if he was about to get the coffee.
Suddenly, he spun around and barked into a walkie-talkie,
"RED ALERT! RED ALERT! HULL BREACH! EVACUATE AND SEND ALL UNITS IMMEDIATELY!"
"What the?" Calvin's dad looked around as sirens blared and red lights almost blinded him.
Mercifully, they stopped, but not until the barista had a word with Dad.
"Sir, I don't know who you are or what you're planning, but WHY would we serve a plain coffee?"
"Isn't that what you sell?"
"Who do you think we are, Dunkin Donuts? We don't serve coffee here, sir! Here, we serve venti-mocha-frappe-latte-chinos!"
"I'll ask just one more time. I would like…a coffee."
"Does not compute! Does not compute!" the barista screamed.
BOOM!
The barista's head exploded, revealing robotic wiring and such.
Guess he was a robot.
Calvin's dad, now scared out of his mind, slowly turned around to lots of snarling customers.
"Get him!" one yelled.
Calvin's dad did the only thing he could think of- he ran.
Good idea.
"After him!" another yelled, and soon a mob was right behind him.
Uh…oh.