"Ramen"

by

Little Kunoichi

There weren't a lot of things Naruto could count on in life. He couldn't count on Sakura ever agreeing to go out with him, nor could he count on Sasuke acknowledging him as his equal, or at least his friend. He couldn't count on getting attention from anyone, nor could he count on the hope that someday, the village would stop hating him. He couldn't count on being worth just a little, being worth anything at all, nor could he count on anyone even caring. There was only one thing in Naruto's life that never changed, couldn't hate him, wouldn't betray him, didn't care that he had Kyuubi, the monster fox sealed in his stomach.

Ramen.

Naruto knew, after a long, tiring day, ramen would be there to comfort him. After enduring glares and hateful whispers behind his back just because he went to buy new weapons, ramen would be there to give him the warmth he missed so terribly in his life. In fact, Naruto was sorely convinced that ramen was all he needed in life. He didn't need Sakura to notice him, and he didn't need Sasuke, no matter how much his heart ached. He didn't need friends or family, he didn't need attention or acceptance, and he certainly didn't need love. No, not at all. No matter how big the hole in his heart was, he knew- he just knew- ramen was all he could ever want or need, because ramen could fill that hole- even if he had to drown himself in it to do that.

And so, just like any day, Naruto came back to ramen. He sat on the stool, banged his fist on the bar, plastered a huge, fake smile on his face, and said with false cheeriness, "The usual miso ramen, old man!"

And, as usual, the old man would grumble and glare at the Kyuubi boy before turning to make the order. For he knew, that despite the horrible boy's reputation, he couldn't turn him down... Naruto was by far his best customer. Naruto's phony smile widened by a few teeth. Another instance where ramen had saved him.

And as he was about to devour the warm ramen- enjoy the warmth that was far too short to really make him happy, to make him content- there was a loud scraping as the chair beside him was pulled out and sat on.

"You know Uzumaki, you're a real asshole." Tenten said angrily, propping her elbows on the table and glaring at him.

Naruto dropped his happy façade and said soberly, "Can I ask what the hell you're talking about?"

She laughed mockingly and drew back her fist, punching him in the face. He didn't flinch.

"What am I talking about?" she said repeated just as mockingly, "What am I talking about? You know Uzumaki, either you have a lot of guts or you're just too damn stupid for your own good. You are coldest, most unfeeling bastard I have ever met. And remember, I am teammates with Neji."

Naruto remained silent, staring at his noodles.

"How dare you do that to Hinata," she hissed, her eyes narrowing to slits, "How dare you ignore her like that, throwing her feelings on the ground and- and- spitting on them. You know how she feels about you, nobody is that dense. Why are you such a selfish bastard? Prancing around, asking out that bitch every opportunity you get, acting like everything's cool, like there's not a fucking care in the world! Like nobody's feelings matter but your own, when you know fucking well that Hinata actually cares about you, actually gives a damn! Isn't that what you're always complaining about, when it's right under your nose?"

Naruto's eyes were blank and cloudy as he continued to listen to Tenten's furious ranting. His hand tightened around his chopsticks until they snapped in two.

"You even care about anybody but yourself-"

"Shut up," Naruto snarled, his eyes flashing red.

"What?" Tenten said coolly, "What do you want to say? What can possibly say to convince him to ever forgive you for doing this to her..."

"Contrary to what you say," Naruto said softly, dangerous softly, as if he was trying to hold in a horrible anger, "I actually care about people beside myself. I actually do care about Hinata, I know how she feels. So stop screaming shit at me and acting as if it's justifiable. Stop assuming that I'm a cold, unfeeling bastard, and assuming that I don't care how Hinata feels, until you know how I feel."

Tenten sneered and said, "Go ahead, but don't expect it to change my mind about you."

Naruto breathed deeply, the sadness in his eyes subtle. "I was six years old. I met Hinata when I was at the playground, and every kid there was avoiding me like the plague, encouraged by their parents. She was the only one alone, and so had no parents to pull her away from the 'monster,'" he chuckled bitterly, "but, I was glad. She said she had run away from home. Being young and naïve, I thought nothing of it. What I didn't realize at the time, however, was that she had been training with her father. Back then, she was still the heir, and she had to deal with disappointment in her poor abilities, because she wasn't good enough for them. So, she had her own share of problems.

"Hinata was the first one who cared, who didn't recoil with horror or disgust. She didn't care that everyone hated me or that everyone avoided me, and she didn't, and doesn't, care what I was told to be or what was inside of me... she only cared about who I was."

Naruto's head bowed and he continued quietly, "But then, that same day, when we were walking through the village, a few people happened to notice that she was talking to me. Associating with me, the devil boy. One particularly hateful villager picked up a rock and threw it at her," his eyes glinted sadly as he finished, "It was enough to do some damage. I think about it all the time. Everyday, I remember seeing her lying on the ground, blood flowing from her head," and his voice petered out to a whisper, "So you don't have to worry about not forgiving me... because I don't think I can ever, ever forgive myself for doing that to her..."

Tenten seemed to have calmed down after hearing what he had to say. She said, "Hinata has never mentioned..."

"She wouldn't remember," Naruto replied, "The concussion was enough to make her forget that whole day. So when I showed up the Hyuuga door step carrying a bleeding girl, they weren't too pleased. I'm not really expecting to get a dinner party invite anytime soon." He laughed darkly.

Tenten murmured, "I... I'm sorry, Naruto. I... didn't know."

The blonde looked her and said simply, "Now do you see why I can't acknowledge her, return her feelings like I want to? I could never, ever put her in a situation like that again. Someone might try to hurt her again because of me, or use her for bait. And if anything happened to Hinata... I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Hinata was... and is... special to me. And that's why..." Naruto paused, and then continued tightly, "that's why... I can never tell her how I feel about her. It would put her at too much risk... so I have to settle for watching her from afar, nothing more."

Naruto said under his breath, "It's like she's so close, that I could touch her... but if I did, she'd... shatter..."

The brunette glared down at the table and said, "A kid should never have to face the cruelness of the world that young..."

Naruto smiled morosely and said, "I wouldn't lose sleep over it if I were you. I'm used to it."

Tenten could think of nothing to say to that. She stood up and put her hand on his shoulder and said sadly, "I'm sorry that the hate of the village has made you this way, Naruto. There is no justification for prejudice based on what you are said to be and not who you are," and with that, she left.

Picking up another pair of chopsticks, Naruto turned back to his food. Putting it in his mouth, he grimaced. It was already cold.

Ramen could give everything he needed. Ramen could make him feel loved. Ramen really, truly cared. It was always there for him, through the good times and the bad... it gave him warmth... Ramen was all he would ever want, ever need. He couldn't wish for anything more...

END