Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural.
Okay, I think this should be rated T. But if anyone thinks I should up the rating please tell me, and I shall do so immediately.
Kensington Apartments was like just any other apartment building; with twenty floors, a penthouse, and a creepy basement. It was also home to two angels. They rented an apartment on the fifteenth floor, and blended in amongst the other tenants. Though the others on floor fifteen, and on floors thirteen, fourteen, sixteen and seventeen had complained about the guttural screams that came from apartment 1512.
And the highlight of the doorman's day was watching them lead two lines of beautiful women, five to twenty in number, through the lobby. At times, the two tenants had also been responsible for shutting down the elevators for five hours or so.
It was a beautiful Sunday morning; the sun was shining, the sky was blue, and cumulus clouds in the sky only enhanced the day's beauty. The sun shone in from the window, into a living room, that was combined with a breakfast nook, where Gabriel was scrambling eggs, and Balthazar was drinking espresso.
One of Balthazar's chosen bed-partners crept out of his room, crossing herself, and wondering how she could feel so clean, after participating in such sinful acts.
Gabriel whistled, "A nun, Balthazar? Nice."
"I must have been possessed by Asmodeus, the demon of lust," the nun told herself.
"I can assure you, nothing possessed you," said Gabriel.
"My soul is bound to be tortured for all eternity," the nun continued, her voice taking on a hysterical note.
"Sweetheart, I'd say your performance warrants you one of the best seats in heaven," said Balthazar.
"I should have told you, now your soul is condemned too."
Balthazar fell off his stool laughing, and Gabriel sent the frying pan of half-cooked eggs out in the window –where it hit the virgin doorman in the head- in his mirth. The nun figured she had slept with were demons, or worse atheists, and fainted.
After they recovered, Gabriel decided he'd rather just eat chocolate syrup straight from the bottle. Balthazar took the unconscious nun outside, and took in the paper. "I think the nun counts as two."
"We still tie," said Gabriel, opening up the door to his room.
Twelve lovely ladies filed out, each pausing to kiss Gabriel on their way out the door.
"Wrong," said Balthazar, opening the door to his room. An additional eleven women filed out. "The nun counts as two, so I have thirteen."
Gabriel sighed and pointed to a young woman who was asleep on the couch, "It's blasphemy to doubt an arch-angel."
Where is that written?"
"On a sticky note on the fridge," said Gabriel.
"So, how do we break the tie?" Balthazar asked.
"We base off of ours deeds up until this moment. But first things first," said Gabriel. "What's on the table?"
"You in a biker girl outfit, and something to do with whipped-cream," said Balthazar.
"I will see that, and raise you," Gabriel contemplated a moment. "You in a maid costume and something involving chocolate sauce."
"Deal," said Balthazar.
Gabriel fetched the newspaper, and handed it to Balthazar. "It's headline news."
Furrier Killed By Fur
Marion Scone a repugnant, despicable man died yesterday of asphyxiation. Scone has for years been in the repugnant and despicable fur business. At his hands thousands of innocent mink, otter, beavers weasels, foxes, and countless other animals have lost their lives. Scone's actions were illegal, but since our government does not care about the lives of animals, Scone has walked free. Thankfully, the universe's karma agents have righted the wrong of having Scone pollute the air by breathing. Thankfully, the universes karma agents have righted the wrong of having Scone pollute the air by breathing. Last night, after dressing for one of his repugnant functions, Scone's fox scarf, strangled him. It is sweet justice for him die that way.
Balthazar looked up at Gabriel, "She really likes the words repugnant and despicable. I didn't know newspaper journalists were allowed to be so anti."
Gabriel laughed, "I took that from an animal rights activist's blog. She summed up my opinion of the man quite well."
Balthazar laughed as he re-read the article, "The universe's karma agents, I rather like that."
"And that," said Gabriel, waltzing over to the dining room table. A mountain of candy appeared. "Is the front page news on every newspaper in the world. Ready to change into that maid costume?"
"Hardly," said Balthazar, and turned on the TV.
"Breaking news," the screen read, before switching back to an attractive news anchor and her aged companion.
"Last Friday, to the horror of a courtroom, William Murray Jr. son of millionaire CEO William Murray Sr. walked after being ruled innocent of the fourteen rape charges leveled against him," the attractive one said.
The screen switched to a courtroom that was full of sobbing, young women. The aged news anchor continued. "Early this morning, Murray was found dead in the Kensington Park. The police have not yet released the cause of death."
"However, reliable sources within the police force have reported that was impaled through the anus on the genitals of a horse-statue."
Gabriel whistled, "Poetic."
"And then eviscerated," the aged news anchor finished.
Balthazar muted the television. Gabriel raised an eyebrow. "This is far from over." Gabriel check the clock, "Five… Four… Three… Two… One."
The TV Screen, in both their apartment and every TV in the world, changed from whatever was on whether that be a muted news stations, jersey shore, or a survivor to a man about to perform a high-dive. After a moment the man jumped, performing an impressive number of flips, before diving into the pool.
The screen blurred, and came back into focus with Gabriel, who now donned a fake mustache, and expensive, professional suit, and sat behind a desk in what appeared to be a newsroom.
"As you may or may not recall, there was a massive oil spill five days ago, that killed destroyed underwater habitats and killed thousands of sea-dwelling creatures," Gabriel the news anchor began. "This atrocity was the fault of Larry Cole CEO of Billings Oil, an accomplished Olympic diver. You'd think he would have more care for water and the creatures that have a home there."
"Cole dove into his pool last night, only to discover the water had been changed to oil. And a five-inch layer of bullet-proof glass had been fitted to the top of his pool, and he drowned."
Balthazar muted the TV.
"Five-inch layer of bullet-proof glass seems a tad extreme," said Balthazar.
"I wasn't taking any chances," said Gabriel. "Now about you in that maid outfit."
Before Balthazar could answer, the girl who had been sleeping on the couch, rolled off said couch due to a dream she had been having, and as a result woke up.
"Welcome back to the land of the living," said Gabriel.
"There's coffee in the kitchen darling," Balthazar added.
"Thanks," said newly awake, and therefore, a tad delirious, one night stand of Gabriel's. To herself she muttered, "Where's my bra?"
"Under the kitchen table," said Gabriel.
"Oh yeah," the girl said to herself, with the air of recalling a fond memory.
"Now about you in the maid costume," said Gabriel turning back to Balthazar.
"Shouldn't we wait until she leaves," said Balthazar.
Gabriel pointed to the girl, who had been called the nickname, Nat, since she was six and a half. Due to Nat's half-asleep state, she was having some trouble retrieving her bra. The problem was she kept hitting her head on the kitchen table's legs.
"Good point," said Balthazar. "Look out the window."
Gabriel did," What am I looking for?"
"Now look fifty miles straight ahead," Balthazar added.
Gabriel did, and doubled over laughing. "You added bling to a mega-church."
Balthazar looked extremely proud of himself.
"Cool," said Nat.
While she wasn't sure she'd heard correctly. In fact Nat was fairly certain she had not heard correctly. How could one add bling to a mega-church? But it had made someone laugh, and was therefore, probably funny. Nat liked funny things.
"Hey, can I use your shower?" Nat asked.
"Of course, darling," said Balthazar.
Nat thanked him, and disappeared into Gabriel's room.
Balthazar took a seat on the couch, "After you change into the biker girl outfit, I want you to strip. Slowly."
"Why?" Gabriel asked, idly.
"I won, beat a mega-church decorated with bling," said Balthazar.
"I dressed the homophobic minister of that church in drag, and dropped him in front of his equally homophobic congregation," said Gabriel.
Balthazar sighed heavily, created a shot of hard alcohol, and downed it. "You win."
"The maid costume is waiting in your room," said Gabriel. "I'll get the chocolate sauce ready."
I hope you liked it.