A/N: So since you guys liked the last Shafferty one shot, here's another one. So the title sorta has something for both Rafferty and Shay which is why it's alternate titles so if you're reading more for Shay (is that a thing?) it's The Pros and Cons of Breathing, and for Rafferty it's Fall to Pieces. I'm working on a chaptered Shafferty fic so if you like this stick around. Reviews are VERY appreciated. You guys were all so sweet on the last one :)
The bustle of the early morning at firehouse fifty-one hadn't dragged Shay into its wake yet, as she laid with her head on the table in a half-conscious state. While the men cooked and cleaned and read newspapers, she didn't even think.
"Rough night?" Allison asked from somewhere unseen.
"You don't know the half of it." Shay mumbled, not even realizing who was asking the question.
"No, you're right, I wouldn't. My house is completely silent at night. There's no one taking up the other half of my bed anymore. No one snoring. I must sleep like a baby." She glared at the floppy bun on the top of Shay's head.
"Sorry, Rafferty. I didn't mean it that way. I just haven't been sleeping great since you got suspended. It didn't feel right to me." She lifted her head and gave a soft shrug.
"Well I'm back now. And I need you to do me a favour." She smirked, knowing there was no way Shay could say no now.
"What do you want?"
"There's a guy coming by to evaluate the house tomorrow after shift. You're about the closest thing I've got to a friend, and I could really use your support." For once there wasn't anything hidden in her tone.
"You're selling your house?" Leslie raised an eyebrow.
"Everywhere I look I just see bad memories." She shrugged.
"Okay. I'll be there." Shay agreed with a nod, knowing that this was probably a mistake.
Shay enjoyed seeing the house. Allison had obviously been living there for quite some time, and her decorating skills weren't half bad. The end of the hall was the only room to which Allison had closed the door, which obviously had Shay itching to see behind it. The Realtor had gone in first, followed by Shay and Rafferty trailing behind her.
"This will have to go before the open house." The man informed her, pointing to the large hospital bed and monitoring equipment in the middle of the room.
"I didn't really know what to do with it after..." She trailed off, swallowing the lump in her throat.
"I don't really care what you do with it, just get it out of here." He shrugged.
"Hey, buddy, I know you want to sell this house, but she just lost someone she loves." Shay stepped in between them.
"This room is an eyesore." He stated.
"Okay, get out. Now." Shay glared at the man in silence for a moment until he obeyed. She followed him to the door and locked it behind him.
"Are you okay?" Leslie returned to the room to find Allison white-knuckling the end of the hospital bed and staring unblinkingly at the spot in which her fiancé had likely spent his last hours.
"I can't talk about it." She gritted her teeth together to hold back the flood.
"You don't have to. You can if you want to. I just don't want you to break your hands." She closed her own hands over Allison's and removed them from the bed rail.
"If I talk about it, I'm going to cry." Allison murmured.
"You can cry if you want." Shay shrugged and pulled her into a tight hug.
"Can we sit down? I feel like I'm going to fall over."
"Yeah. Of course." Shay led her to the bed and sat on the edge with her.
"Sometimes I sleep in here." She admitted.
"I'm not here to judge you. If that's what helps you get through this, I'm all for it." Leslie's hand ran soothing circles on her back.
"I miss him all the time. I can't even think without missing him. But I hate him for it. I hate him for leaving me. I want to burn down this whole house." She blinked away the tears on her eyelashes as they gathered.
"I don't know if that would be the best choice." Shay advised.
"I hate him." She stood up and grabbed an empty vase off of the dresser, which shattered easily against the wall.
"You're gonna hurt yourself, Allison. Sit down."
"No! I want to destroy this room." She pulled open drawers and threw them and their contents onto the floor before tipping over the whole dresser and shattering its mirror with her bare fist.
"Shit, you're bleeding pretty bad there." Shay reached for her hand to examine the wound, but it was pulled out of her grasp almost as quickly as she had held it."I'm going to try and find something to wrap that."
After a couple minutes digging through cupboards, Shay finally found a roll of gauze and headed back to check on Allison.
"Oh my god." She had to actively focus to pick her jaw up off the floor as she took in the sight of the destroyed room. More broken and tipped over furniture, smashed photo frames, and curtains that had pulled their rod down with them littered the ground.
"I broke it all."
"I gotta stop that blood." Leslie climbed over the mess and sat down next to the brunette.
"Please don't." She jumped up out of reach again.
"Allison, I have to. Come here." She wrapped her arms around the other woman's midsection and held her arms down while she tried her best to wrap the bandages around her bloody fist.
"Why are you doing this?"Allison thrashed against Leslie's taught muscles.
"Because you sliced your hand open."
"No. Why are you here? Why do you even care if I bleed to death?" She screamed and dug her elbows into Shay's body.
"Because I love you, god damn it." Shay let her go as her hands flew to her ribs at the sharp pain.
"What?"
"I said I love you. I love you so much I can't even breathe when you're in the room let alone jabbing me in the chest with your sharp little elbows. It causes me actual, physical, pain to look at you because you have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen, and when you smile it's like everything ceases to exist because you are more radiant than any star in this universe. I love you and I've been trying to keep my mouth shut and just shove it back inside and ignore it and not say it for months now because you don't need this. You don't need me! You have enough on your plate already. You're a widow for Christ's sake! But I love you. I hate you, but I am so in love with you." Leslie finally took a breath as she waited for the explosion.
"I'm sorry I hurt you." Allison's voice was quiet now.
"It's okay. I bruise easy." Shay shrugged and sat back down on the bed.
"What do we do now?"
"You could pretend you didn't hear me. That would make me feel a lot better." Leslie admitted.
"I don't want to. I want to sleep next to someone. I want someone to give a shit about me for the first time in a year." She intertwined her fingers with Leslie's as their eyes met.
"Whatever you need, I'm here." Shay nodded.
"Don't leave me. Please, don't leave me." Allison started to cry again as they curled up on the bed together.
"I told you. I'm here." She held Allison in a strong embrace as she fell into a fit of body-shaking sobs and hours later finally fell asleep in her arms.