Hello everyone!! I'm back!!! This is Mack's turn at love...or is it? You'll see all your fave characters and maybe some new ones as well. Hope you like it!

PS - my computer is acting a little wonky so if your seeing this a few times, it's because of that...

All SVU characters belong to Dick Wolfe. Nikki/Helen belong to SHED productions...

Sequel to Too Call Her Own

All I Want

Prologue

"NIKKI!" Helen was getting more and more agitated by the second. 'Where the bloody hell did I put it?' she frantically thought.

Nikki leaned against the door frame smiling at her wife. She always was late no matter how early she got up. Holding up the earrings Helen was looking for, Nikki arched an eyebrow and smirked.

"Looking for these?" Helen looked up and gave her wife an annoyed glare. Storming over to where Nikki was, Helen grabbed her earrings and was unexpectedly pulled into Nikki's arms. With her arms tucked in between her and Nikki, Helen was trapped.

"Nikki…" Helen said warningly. Nikki just smiled and leaned in and softly kissed Helen's lips. Feeling her self melt, Helen slid her hands around Nikki's neck. All too soon the kiss ended.

"Go on…you'll be late." Nikki said with a smirk still on her face. She loved to drive Helen mad in the mornings. Shooting a playful scowl at Nikki, Helen put on her earrings and grabbed her briefcase. Giving her self a once over in the mirror Helen smoothed out the invisible wrinkles in her power suit.

Wrapping her arms around her, Nikki kissed the base of Helen's neck then met her gaze in the mirror. "You look…beautiful…" Reaching up and placing a hand on Nikki's cheek, Helen leaned into her and closed her eyes loving the feel of Nikki's body against hers.

It had been 4 years since Nikki's release. The first year was the toughest of all. Nikki had a hard time trying to fit back into society that thought she was guilty. It wasn't that she wasn't trying…it was those around her that had a difficult time adjusting to Nikki. But with Helen's help, Nikki came out on top the winner.

Nikki had finished her Open University course and earned herself a degree in English Literature. She had sold her share of Chix to Trisha and with the support of Helen, took a course in psychology. Because of her experience in Larkhall, Nikki desperately wanted to keep the young women out of the prison cells. Nikki began to volunteer her time at a local halfway house and became a mentor of sorts to the women there.

The second year of freedom, Nikki opened up her own 'halfway' house. She counseled, trained, mentored and advocated for women that came in and out of her centre. Helen became a partner not only personally but also professionally to Nikki. They both worked well together and helped many. With Helen's connections and Nikki's perseverance at helping other's they soon became unstoppable.

Helen had the love of her life, had a job she actually enjoyed doing…what else could she ask for?

But as all ways, God had other plans in mind for Helen Stewart-Wade. In May of 2005, Nikki began having painful migraines. Both women chalked it up to stress…they had been working non-stop for the past few months getting a program similar to theirs set up in the States. When the migraines persisted Nikki made an appointment with her doctor. What she found out brought her to her knees.

Rushing home after getting a call from Nikki, Helen burst through the door. Finding her wife sitting on their bed, head in her hands Helen slowly made her way over to her.

"Love? What's wrong? What did the doctor say?" Gently taking her face in her hands Helen gazed at Nikki.

Nikki gave her a sad smile and held on tight to Helen as she relayed the results the doctor had given her. Helen stood frozen. Pulling out of the embrace she stared at Nikki. Covering her mouth with one hand and reaching out with the other, Helen held on to her wife.

'Cancer…she has cancer…' Helen thought.

As the weeks passed, Nikki's condition seemed to be on a steady decline. One afternoon Trisha stopped by the flat to give Helen some fresh air and a much needed break.

"Trish thanks for coming by. I need to ask you a big favor…"

"Of course, anything."

Nikki told her ex of her plan to help Helen after she had passed. Trisha wasn't thrilled about it but agreed to do it anyway.

"Look…I know you two haven't been…the best of friends…" Nikki started out slowly.

"No we haven't. That's not to say we haven't tried. But you are happy and it's because of her. You're obviously madly in love with her and she's absolutely committed to you…I can't be upset about something that I can never change."

"Thank you…" Nikki said with tears in her eyes.

"Oh stop it you silly cow!" Trish said with a smile on her face. She was humbled that Nikki would trust her with her most treasured item – Helen. Trish still loved Nikki and she would do everything in her power to make this plan work.

July 2005

They stood and stared, some with tears in their eyes and other's with their heads bowed in silent respect. But Helen stared blankly at the coffin that held her wife's body. She felt like the air had been sucked out of her and she had to mentally reminder herself to breath.

As always, since childhood in fact, Helen never allowed herself to cry. Not even when her own mother died from the same hideous diseases. She was a stone of emotion letting nothing affect her. She heard the sympathies of those there, those that knew and loved Nikki. Monica, Barbara, Clair Walker and even Karen were there.

She felt Trisha standing silently by her side. Never leaving her for a moment. Helen felt oddly comforted by the presence of Nikki's ex. Feeling a gentle hand on her back, she looked at Trish.

"Would you like to stay a bit longer or would you like to head back to the car?" Helen looked around and saw that everyone was making their way to their vehicles. Shaking her head Helen just stared back that coffin.

"I'd like a minute, if you don't mind…"

"Of course. I'll be right over there if you need me." Nodding in acknowledgement Helen watched as Trish wandered a few feet away but stayed close by just in case.

Turning towards Nikki's coffin, Helen let out a breath. "This wasn't supposed to happen. After everything we've gone through…we were supposed to grow old together. Drive each other mad…" fearing she would completely lose control, Helen stopped. Looking up to the heavens she prayed for the pain to stop, knowing full well that God would probably just ignore her as always.

Placing her fingers to her lips, Helen then softly touched Nikki's casket. "I love you," she whispered. She felt a warm breeze on her face and she could have sworn she heard, 'I love you too'. Squaring her shoulders, she turned and headed for Trisha and out of the cemetery.

3 weeks later…

Helen had been holed up in her flat since the funeral. None of her friends could get through to her. Trisha did her best to get her out and about but was only given stony silence. Everyone began to worry about Helen's mental state.

That's when she received an odd package. It had her name on it. Opening it, she realized it was small tape recorder and attached to was a tag that had the words: PLAY ME.

Doing as she was instructed, she hit the play button. The voice she heard took her breath away.

"Hello love…it's me, Nikki if you haven't already guessed. Surprised? Don't be. I promised I'd take care of you, and I will. But I need you to help do that…don't roll your eyes at me…" Helen stopped rolling her eyes and stared in shock. "Yes…I know you well my wee bird. Now Helen…I need you to listen carefully…" Helen found herself nodding. "Good girl. Now, I want you to run yourself a nice warm bath. Then I want you to get yourself dressed. Trisha will be by to pick you up in a couple of hours. You girls will be doing a little shopping. Now before you go completely mad, let me explain. Remember our meetings with that group in New York City? Well…it looks like we've got ourselves a place to try out our program…" Helen's eyes widened. Nikki managed to convince the board in New York to let them test run one of their programs in there area. 'How in the world did she do it?' Helen thought. " Now my wee bird, I can't tell you how I did it. All I can say is that YOU will be showing the boys and girls in New York how we Brits do things. That's right…you my beautiful wife will be whisked away to New York in about…2 weeks, if my calculations are correct…hmmm…it is still July right?" Helen could here counting softly. "Ah-ha! I am right! You know how much I love being right…which means, that in August, you'll be off to the Big Apple. Now, don't worry about anything. I've already arranged everything down there. All you need to do is to get your sexy self down there. If you don't you won't be getting any letters from me…consider it an incentive…" Helen's jaw dropped.

"But that's blackmail!" She wailed. How could Nikki do that to her?

"I know! It won't be blackmail if you do as you're told, my wee bird. You know I would never let anything happen to you. Never. Now…let's get ourselves ready…come on now. Off you go…"

Helen had no choice but to get up and head to the bathroom. 'I guess I'll be going to New York' she thought.

"…Oh…uh…by the way, love…you'll be staying in New York for a year…"

"WHAT!?"