Here's How
Summary: Naruto writes a letter to his best friend Sasuke on how to treat Sakura once she becomes an Uchiha.
Dear Teme,
You shouldn't have ditched me at training that day. I know where you really went. Seriously, Teme! Get soundproof walls or something! I could hear you moaning from outer space! Anyway, I'm here to tell you how to treat Sakura once you two tie the knot.
1.) Never call her forehead big! NEVER!
If you're to call it big at all, call it adorably irresistibly big. And then kiss it! That usually soothes her over. Why? I saw Neji do it when they were dating. Don't burn the letter! She has you now!
2.) Open up to her.
She hates it when you keep stuff from her and it'll only make your punishment worse if you keep secrets. If you get sick, which I highly doubt, let her feed you or give you medicine and the soothing medical ninjutsu.
3.) Make sure I'm not around when you make out.
There I can't help you 'cause I somehow find you two whenever you're making out and then Ero-Sannin pounces on me and makes fun of me for no longer having virgin eyes. MAKE IT STOOOOOOOP!
4.) Tell her you love her.
Seriously, she's waited since we were 12 which was what...ten years ago! Swallow your fucking pride for once and tell her! Even Kakashi and the Konoha 11 agree with me! So does Ero-Sannin and Baachan!
Sasuke talking/Naruto talking
Dobe! What the hell?!
Like my letter, Teme?!
It's burning in the fire.
I actually gave you good advice for once and you throw it in the fire?! Some best friend!
For your information, I rather like what we have now. Especially at night when-
MY VIRGIN MIND!
I was going to say look at the stars.
Oh, good. Go on.
And then make out in bed.
MY VIRGIN MIND!
You are a real dobe. -Sigh-. Sakura's waiting for me to pick her up at the hospital.
SHE'S IN THE HOSPITAL?! DID YOU GET HER PREGNANT OR SOMETHING?!
She works there.
Oh right.
Bye, dobe.
Tell me when Uchiha Naruto comes around!
(Insert punching)