I stare at the double blue line. I wonder if I should reread the instructions, but that's all I could do while I was waiting for the results.

How did this happen? Well, all right, I know how it happened. But how I got to this point, now sitting on my bathroom floor, leaning against the tub, holding this stick, well, that's complicated. Like everything involving Tony.

We were in Jamaica and we'd just agreed to not let this go further. Well, it was what he wanted and I agreed, like I always do. He has more to lose than I do—his job, his home, maybe even his identity. Not that it's not risky for me, even now, more than five years after Michael left. But it would probably not change my life as much. OK, this is life-changing, but this part wasn't supposed to happen.

Tony and I snuggled together on the bench on the beach, back to our warm, close, but not that warm and close friendship. It was nice, cozy. So I gave him a little peck on the cheek.

He smiled and returned it. Then I was going to give him another, but he turned his head and opened his mouth, probably to say something. But my lips landed on his open mouth. And from there, we started French-kissing again.

This time I broke away. "I'm sorry."

"Angela, no, I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. I kissed you first."
"No, I mean I'm sorry I stopped earlier."

I was taken aback. "You are?"

"Yeah, maybe it's crazy to keep fightin' it."

"I thought you wanted to wait till we get married. If we get married."

"We could just—"

"Yes?"

"Blame it on the tropics."
"Excuse me?"
"Angela, I care about you. I don't want it to be something short and casual like I usually do. But couldn't this be, I dunno, we got carried away by Jamaica?"

I blinked. "You want us to plan to be swept away?"

"It'll just be tonight. And then we'll go back to where we were."
"A one-night stand?" I felt disappointed, but also turned on. I wanted Tony, but all of him.

"No, not exactly."
"What then?"
"Well, a one-night stand is just one time, ever. We could still get together down the road, just like if we didn't have tonight. Unless you don't wanna?"

"I've never had a one-night stand. But as long as I'm cutting loose."

"Yeah, and it wouldn't be as cheap and sleazy because it'd be with me. I mean someone you know, not a stranger."

"There are worse people I could be cheap and sleazy with."

"No, I shouldn't have put it that way. It'll be good. Romantic, passionate."

"It is tempting." What if this was my only chance to be with Tony? Was it worth taking? And he was right, it wouldn't rule out us getting together later, maybe when he was done with college. Maybe when he was no longer my housekeeper.

He whispered in my ear, "What can I do to convince you?"
"How are you at foreplay?"
He moved his head away and looked taken aback by my directness. "I think I'm pretty good. I don't get complaints anyway. But you'd have to judge for yourself."

"OK, show me."

"I can see why you're a success in the business world."
"Well, you made me an offer. Now you have to sweeten the deal."

"Here? Now?"

"Well, no. We're in public, although no one's around at the moment. Show me second base."

"Well, I was a second baseman for the Cards. But I'm a little rusty."

"Do you skip first and go right to third?"

"Yeah, sometimes, but all right."

He didn't immediately steal second, like I was expecting. He went back to first, kissing my mouth and then, smoothly, gradually, but intensely, he transitioned, so it was hard to say where one base ended and another began. His lips moved from my lips to my neck, then to my bare shoulders, his right hand preceding his mouth, caressing me and also signaling that his lips were on their way.

He rolled down my orange sundress on my left side, so that the breast that was exposed was hidden by the back of the bench, although I'm sure anyone who came close enough to us could've guessed what was going on. I felt daring and alive, if a little nervous and self-conscious. I also thought that even if we didn't make love that night, this was further than we'd ever gone before, and I could live on the memory of it for a long time.

Of course, some memories last longer than others. But I'll get to that.

"Mmm, perky," Tony said, tweaking my left nipple.

"Tease," I whispered.

"Angela, you ain't seen teasin' yet."

I almost said, "What do you call the last five years? Starting with when you woke me up your first night in the house, dressed in that tight white T-shirt and your blue pajama bottoms." Instead I said, "It's not nice to tease, Tony."

"No, it isn't nice to tease Tony."
Did he think I was a tease? I'd meant it about going to bed with him. I just wished it wasn't for one night and then a long wait.

He caressed my left breast, his hands firm and warm and somehow greedy and impatient at the same time. "I've been waiting a long time for this."

"That's not my fault."

"I know. But I explained why."

"So what changed your mind?"

He shrugged. "I have and I haven't. I'm still weighing things."

"If that's a reference to the size of my bust—"

"Come on, Angela, your breasts are beautiful. Well, this one is anyway."

"It is?"

"You kiddin' me? Look at that hard nipple and the soft white skin around it, except here, where your tan line starts."

He started kissing my tan line. And then below my tan line.

It got to me, oh, how it got to me!

He stopped kissing, and licking, to ask, "You like that, Angela? Is that good enough second base for ya?"

"Mmm hmm," I murmured. "I can't wait to see third base."

"Well, if you can't wait." And then his left hand tugged up the hem of the long dress.

"Here, Tony?"

He moved his hand up and under my skirt. "No, here, Angela," he whispered. "Right about here." His hand found my panties.

I could've stopped him, or at least suggested we go somewhere more private. But it felt too good to stop. And his right hand went back to playing with my breast.

"From the glimpses you gave me, and everybody else, during your hot, hot, hot dance, I think these are orange, too." He eased my underwear down. "Yeah, orange," he said, tossing them onto the sand.

"Tony!"

"I'll pick them up later. They're just going to get in the way now."

And then he teased me. His hands playing above and below, as his mouth kissed my ear and whispered things like, "Mmm, yeah, does that feel good? I bet it's nice in there. Real nice!"

I couldn't say anything even that coherent. I just tried not to make noises that anyone but Tony could hear. I loved what he was giving me but wanted more. And he'd let things build but not release me, till I'd never been so frustrated with him in five years, and that's saying a lot.

"Tony!" I begged.

"Whassamatter, Angela? You don't like the foreplay?"

"Yes, but."
"Do you need to come, Angela? You want me to help you come?"

"YES!"

"Mmm, I like the sound of that. But keep it down. This is just for me, OK, Angela?"

"Yes, Tony."

"Come just for me, Baby, there we go!" His hands got faster, the left one deeper. "Yes, Baby, mmm, yeah, you come real good!"

He sounded almost condescending, and I couldn't have that. So since my hands were free, I found the bulge in his gray slacks. It wasn't hard to find.

"ANGELA!"

"See what it's like to be teased, Tony?"

"Believe me, I don't need lessons in that. Oo, that's good! But here?"

"Right here. Or maybe here." I shifted so that I was sitting in his lap.

"Wait, Angela, I don't got no protection." He sounded like I imagine a teenaged Tony would've sounded twenty years ago.

"Let me get my purse," I said, reluctantly getting up, and deliberately flashing him a little. The performance area was now deserted, the talent contest over. I found my purse still at my table and took a quick peek inside. Nothing had been taken. Then I went back to Tony's bench.

"You got protection in your purse? Were you expecting something to happen in Jamaica?"

"No, but Mother was."
"Mona?"

"Well, not necessarily with you. But she saw how wild I've been acting, so she bought me a package of condoms. Just in case."

"Such a good mother."

"Yes. I didn't plan to use them, but under the circumstances?"

He nodded. "Yeah, just hurry up before we come to our senses."

I almost made the obvious pun but instead took out the condom box.

"I don't recognize the brand."

"I think it's something local."

"Well, no time to be fussy."

I nodded and unwrapped a condom. Then I rolled it onto Tony, and then rolled my hips so I was sitting on him, my bare legs around the waist of his slacks.

"This is so crazy," he murmured.

"We can be crazy, one night in Jamaica." Then I slid him into me and then out, teasing both of us.

So he started teasing both my breasts with his hands and mouth. I couldn't keep teasing when he did that, so I rode him till I came.

"You like it on top, don't you, Baby?"

I couldn't deny it. "Yes. But other positions are good."

"How about this one?" With one smooth athletic move, he had me lying on the bench and himself on top. And then he teased me with the best tease of all. Slow shallow slow shallow, and then quick deep quick deep, over and over. I kept almost coming.

"Tony!" I scolded and pleaded.

"Angela, if I'm getting only one night with you for awhile, I want it to last as long as it can."

Then I thought I heard footsteps. "Someone's coming!"

"You wish."

"No, I mean footsteps are—Oh, they're fading."

"Focus, Angela."

So I did. I raised my bare knees and pressed my bare feet against that nice firm derriere.

The teasing stopped and we rocked together, locked together, even our eyes. Sometimes Tony and I, before all this happened, would make love with our eyes, promising someday we'd—and now someday was here!

"Angela, this is the best I've ever—I luh—OH GOD!"

His eyes squeezed shut as he came, like he was trying to keep his mouth from spilling too many words. But I watched the changing expression on his face, unable to look away after wanting to see this so long.

I wanted to tell him I loved him. Would I ever have a better opportunity than this? But it wouldn't be fair. He'd feel pressured. And I just wanted him to feel good.

And he did, until he withdrew and looked down.

"What's wrong?" I didn't like that facial expression at all.

"Well, the light's not very good but I think, it felt like, could you tell?"

"What, Tony?" I demanded.

He lay on me, not as post-coital cuddling or as afterplay, but as if he needed comforting and wished he could offer it to me.

"I think the condom broke."

...

Orange is the opposite of blue. I remember that from helping Jonathan with a color wheel in, what was it, third grade? Tony helped, too. I remember him joking about the colors. Tony can find humor in almost anything. Almost.

The rest of that night is blurry. I guess I wanted to block it out. I reassured him, said it was the wrong point in my cycle and after all I'm almost forty (he didn't even tease me about my age), so the chances were it'd be fine.

I remember picking up my panties, shaking out the sand, as Tony sat sadly on the bench looking at the remains of the condom. I felt a strange urge to laugh, but of course I didn't.

Then Tony cheered up a little. "Yeah, it'll be fine. It's just not a great end to our evening."

Yes, the evening was over. How could we continue after that?

"True."
"You'll let me know if, if there's a problem later, right?"

I felt a sudden urge to protect him. "Of course."

Even then, it was hypothetical. And things like that, like this, don't happen to me, Angela Bower. Not the 39-year-old president of her own ad agency.

I stumble out of the bathroom, through my bedroom and downstairs. I take the home pregnancy kit stick and box with me. I'll have to find a place to hide them, since the garbage is Tony's responsibility. Maybe I could take them on the train this morning, throw them away somewhere in New York, if I can do it without Mother noticing.

She's the last person I want to know. So of course she's in the living room.

"Angela, you're late!"

"Late?" I ask, hiding the evidence behind my back.

"For our train."

"No, Mother, it's Fall Back, not Fall Forward. I reset my bedroom clock and my watch and it's only 8:30." I wanted to be precise, despite the time change, because I so rarely get time alone in this house. I'd told Tony I'd take the train that's after he gets Jonathan to school.

"Nine-thirty, Dear."
"Really? So it would've been 10:30?" I must've set them back two hours and not noticed on Sunday.

"What's wrong with you, Angela? You've been so scattered lately."

"I—I have to go to the bathroom." I rush to the one under the stairs. I leave the box and stick in there for now, then I wash my hands and reluctantly return to Mother.

"What's wrong, morning sickness?" She laughs at her own joke, as she is wont to do.

I scowl.

"Lighten up, Angela. I know that that would take immaculate conception."
"Not that immaculate."

She stares at me. "You? Pregnant?"

"Please, Mother, I'm not in the mood to hear jokes about my sex life, or lack thereof."

"Angela, I know you went a little crazy in Jamaica, but just how crazy did you go?"
"Crazy enough."
"Was it a local or a tourist?"

"A tourist."

"Did you at least get his name?"
Before I can decide whether or not to lie, Tony comes in the front door with groceries and says, "You running late, Angela?"

"Actually, Mother and I are going to work from home today."

"We are? Oh, right, we are!"

"We need to discuss that account in my study, Mother."

"Of course, Dear." I expect her to tease me in front of Tony, but for once she behaves.

Tony, however, says, "What, you can't talk about it front of me? You think I'm a company spy?"

"No, I know how devoted you are to the Bower Agency. But the facts and figures are in my study, so it's easier there."

"OK. Let me know if you ladies want coffee or Danish or anything."

"Thank you, Tony."

Mother waits till we're in my study before she says, "So Tony got you in trouble, did he?"

"Mother! You make it sound like I'm sixteen."

"No, Dear, you never did things like this when you were sixteen. You decided to wait till middle age."

"I didn't decide."

"So it was an accident?"
I nod, humiliated.

"Dummy! What do you think the condoms were for?"

"We used one. It broke."

"Well, the same thing happened to me. Of course I was almost married at the time."

"I was an accident?"
"Let's say you were an unexpected guest."

"Well, that's what I've got, an unexpected guest."
"And unwanted?"
I sigh. That's what's so hard to face. But it looks like I have to, because Mother won't let me avoid facing it. "It's not that I wouldn't like a baby with Tony, someday. But we're not ready."

She laughs.

"Mother."

"Angela, you're 39, Tony's 37, and your whatever the hell you call this relationship is five years old."

"I know. But he's still finding himself, searching for meaning in his life."

"Well, a baby might provide some meaning."

"No! I don't want him to feel trapped."
"Dummy," she says, but under her breath this time.

"Tony and I agreed that he had to sort out his life before we get together."

"It seems to me that this is pretty together."

"It was just supposed to be one night of pleasure, and then we'd go back to the way we were. And we did, until this happened."
"Bull."
"Excuse me?"
"Sorry. Bullshit. Is that clear enough?"

"No, I'm afraid not."
"Then let me spell it out for you. I knew something happened between you two in Jamaica. Not this of course, but maybe stolen kisses in the moonlight. Something more than before. Because you two have been different together."

"We have?"

"Yes, and if I didn't have this blindness, not entirely unjustified of course, about your sex life, I would've realized that you'd slept with Tony. Not that it didn't occur to me, but if nothing happened in Connecticut, why would it happen in Jamaica? In fact, I thought you might've slept with a stranger there, and that was what causing this weirdness between you and Tony."

"Oh. And you didn't interrogate me?"
"I wanted to, but I knew I'd find out eventually. Who else have you got to confide in? Obviously not Tony."

"I'd like to. But I don't want him to feel, well."
"Pressured?"

"Yes."

"Well, I think he's going to suspect something after a few months."

"Not if I get rid of it," I say quietly.

"Is that what you want?"

I burst into tears. "No, I want this baby! But I don't see how this is going to work."

"It won't work if you don't talk to him."

She's right. But I can't face him. Not yet. Then he knocks on the door.

"Angela, I know you're in the middle of something, but can I talk to you?"