Thursday Afternoon-Library
Dear Friend,
My name is Sarah Borden and I am married to two men.
I knew the moment I saw Alfred's smile that he would break my heart. His eyes were so eager, looking to me with a quiet charisma. How could I resist, even though I knew one day by his own choice he would leave me? A man like that could never truly fall in love with a woman like me.
Beautiful, childlike Alfred surprised me by asking me to be his wife. It was one of Alfred's good days; love was shining out from his eyes and all of it was directed towards me. I can never forget the way he touched my hair, his hand running through it as the other reached for the ring box. The ring was simple, for we did not have much money, but I would never trade it in. I could never have said no to this Alfred, the one who loves me. I wish I could have said no. It would have saved me much heartbreak.
My husband is two men; one is my Alfred, the other that damnable performer, "Freddie" as Olivia calls him. Olivia…Olivia is my husband's mistress. It kills me to write this, but I must. To not write would be denying me this last bit of sanity that I am clinging to. I am living a half life and I don't know how to stop it. Oh I know a way, but I can not go to such an extent. I have my daughter to live for and I also have Alfred, on the days that he is truly there.
Have I mentioned that Alfred is a magician? He is one of the best in London. When I met Alfred he was learning the trade of the magic world and performing charity shows. I dream of those early days, when the good days were so close to one another. I should have realized that those simple shows could have never lasted; Alfred craves the applause of the people. He needs it in ways I can never understand. Olivia is in my life because of this. She is my husband's assistant and lover. He thinks I do not know of their affair, but how could I not? It haunts me. I can not stop imagining them together, having his hands run across her body as they once did to mine. Damn her! Why? Why must I live like this?
I watch him leave me during the night and I can only lie there. I always hear Fallon come in the door as my husband leaves me for his lover. Fallon is my husband's trusted advisor. I love him as I would love any member of my family. He protects me and my daughter and I know that he would die for us. Some days I can feel him watching me in a way that is both exciting and frightening, always when Alfred is gone and "Freddie" is there.
I speak with Fallon even though he can not speak to me, he is mute. I have asked Alfred about this, and he simply says that Fallon was born that way. At first I was hesitant around Fallon for I did not know how he would react to me speaking to him when he could not respond, but Fallon continuously soothes me when "Freddie" is there. Today is one of those days.
My husband is off gallivanting with that woman and Fallon is sitting across from me as I write this. My daughter lies at my feet playing with a doll that Fallon has given to her. My child is always able to bring a smile upon my face, even on the bad days. I smile at Fallon and he smiles back to me, for a moment I am stuck at how familiar it is. My daughter interrupts my confusion with her question to go to the park. I must leave my story here for Fallon and I are taking her. Goodbye my friend.
Thursday Evening-Parlor
Dear Friend,
The trip to the park was what I needed. To be out in the sun and fresh air did wonders for my mood. My daughter had a wonderful day as well, it would have been a truly great day if Alfred had been there, but to tell you the truth, with Fallon there I was able to forget my troubles with my husband. The images of Olivia and him together were banished from my mind.
Sadly this good mood did not last for long. My husband returned home long enough to say goodnight to our daughter before he had to go off and "practice" with Olivia. Normally I wouldn't be too distressed, but tonight he had the audacity to bring her into our home! As soon as he left the house I fell to the floor, sobbing.
I cursed him, her, and myself too many times to count. Luckily Fallon was with me and he brought me here, the parlor, to calm myself down. I do not know where I would be without Fallon for tonight he saved me.
I was dying inside and if I had been alone I may have done something that I would have regretted soon after. But he was there and he took me into his arms allowing me to weep upon his chest. In my mania I imagined that it was Alfred who was comforting me; Alfred was the one holding me in his arms and while this helped, it also caused me greater pain.
My love for Alfred is boundless. Fallon, God Fallon. I need him and it frightens me. I don't want to have these thoughts about Fallon. When has Fallon started to replace my husband? My mind is weary and my body aches from my sobbing. My eyes are starting to close, but I am not ready to go to bed.
To lie there in the empty bed will kill me. Knowing that my husband will not be there for me will bring back the sorrow from before. I glance up from this book towards Fallon. He is sitting in a chair that is close to me. Our eyes meet and I blush remembering the scene from earlier. He doesn't say anything and I know I shouldn't expect him to, but sometimes I long for him to speak to me. Fallon…I wish my husband would be as loyal as you are.
Disclaimer: I do not own The Prestige.
Author's Note: I hope you have enjoyed this first chapter and please tell me what you thought of it, even if you didn't enjoy it. I would like your opinion. Thank you.