He opened the door to the hotel room and let me in. I walked in with a huff and threw my bag on the floor. I wasn't happy. He wasn't happy. I sat down on the foot of the bed and put my head in my hands.
"What was that in there?" He was screaming now. I had never heard him scream before.
"We're only twenty years old and we live three thousand miles apart, how can you possibly expect me to marry you?"
"We love each other right? We've been through everything together. We need each other." I looked down at the carpet, this wasn't going to get me anywhere. I didn't know how to answer him. One look into those blue eyes of his and I could say yes a thousand times but one second of thought in my silly little brain and I couldn't, I just couldn't.
"What do you want me to say, Peyton, I'll say anything, anything to get you to say yes. I'll move here. I'll live here. I can do it Peyton, we can do this." He grabbed my hands and kneeled in front of me. I didn't want him to beg. It wasn't like him to beg. He was crying and I was a sorrowful mess.
I couldn't speak a word. English was a forgotten language and I went temporarily brain dead. I simply looked at him with my sad green eyes.
"Oh, I see how it is now. You don't want me anymore, you don't want this. Isn't that tight, Peyton, you secretly hate me now don't you?"
I could never hate him. "You're right, I don't want this. I'm not built for this Luke." I finished with a sigh. I was more quite now than I had ever been in my entire life.
"Let me love you Peyton, let me take care of you."
One word could make this all go away, one word could send us into a spiral of giddiness and laughter. I couldn't say it.
"I can't, Luke."
"You love me, I know you do, just say yes and we can be together forever."
I had told him once that I would love him forever. I will love him forever.
"I love you, Lucas," it was the first time I had said his full name all night, "I do, but I can't, I just can't do what you need me to do."
Tears fell from my eyes. I wasn't sobbing, they were silent tears, but tears that sting nonetheless. He was on his feet again, pacing the length of his hotel room. I looked at him through faded vision, but I really looked at him.
He looked sad, more sad and upset than I had ever seen him. It was surprising me, he was breathing hard and he was making me worry. I wanted the color to return back to his face, I wanted the paleness of anger and depression to leave his beautiful face. I wanted Lucas back.
"Look at me." He turned on his heals as fast as I think was humanly possible. And I looked at him.
"What?" He yelled in my face.
I took his hands a brought him down to his knees in front of me again. I placed my hands on either side of his face. He was calming down. He had closed his eyes and had nuzzled his face into my right palm. I could have said yes then, I really believe I could have.
"I love you, Lucas Scott," his eyes were still closed, "I always have and I always will, I promise." I bent down and placed a kiss on his forehead.
"Marry me." It wasn't a plea, it wasn't a random question asked at dinner, and it wasn't an order. It was a simple question he had asked an hour before but it sounded right this time.
Silly me, "I can't, Lucas."
He looked at me with his sad blue eyes. I loved him more in that moment then I think I ever had.
"Don't say no again, Peyton, please don't."
I wasn't going to say anything. We both knew where this was going. One of us was going to leave that morning. We weren't coming back to each other and maybe we never would.
"I love you." It's really all he could say. It's all I wanted him to say, it's all I needed him to say. I picked his face up and placed a kiss on his cheek. I really shouldn't have. I should have gotten up and walked out of the door. I should have left him in peace.
"Don't leave." He whispered it in my ear like a last wish. I wasn't going to leave. We were going to leave each other eventually but right now wasn't the time or place. In the morning all of our questions would be answered and one of us would be left lying in bed but both of us would be left with broken hearts.
"I love you too." I had said it many times before and had I realized it was going to be the last I wouldn't have said it. He looked up at me again and his eyes were no longer sad nor angry but empty. I knew he could see it my eyes too. We had no fight left in us. We had used one another up. We were empty.
He stood over me once more and pulled me to my feet. He kissed me harder than he ever had before and I kissed back just as hard. I was wrong, I should have said yes.
