"So.. I guess I'll see you around then, huh?" Ennis said trying to remind himself that this is the way it had to be.
"Right" Jack nodded. He couldn't believe that he had been so dumb to think that there was even a slight chance that Ennis would break it off with Alma. It was a one shot thing, Jack reminded himself as the man walked away.
As Ennis heard the car door slam behind him, he bit his lip. This was the way it had to be. This was the way it had to be. He turned his head slightly as the black pickup passed him.
Jack felt his eyes sting a tad as he looked in the review mirror and saw the figure turning smaller and smaller. Suddenly he stepped on the break, stopping the car. Jack took a deep breath. It couldn't end like this. The embraces, the nights of talking, the kissing. He had to at least hear Ennis say that he didn't want Jack. Then he could move on. Maybe. Jack staggered out of the car, walking towards him.
Ennis rubbed his forhead. He couldn't cry. He couldn't.
"Ennis" His head lifted. Jack had stopped the car and was walking back to him.
"Wha?" Ennis called back. Jack put his hands on his neck, much like the first night in the tent. Ennis pushed him away, not hard, just enough for him to get a clue.
"We can't do this, bud" Ennis shook his head and Jack hung his.
"Why not?" He asked after a few minutes.
"Don't do this, Jack. Please"He sighed.
"Fine. You love Alma, I get it" He somewhat snapped and turned around.
"No, Jack. I don't" I finally admitted. "I-" He cut himself off to keep from saying the four letter word they had silently agreed not to use. "But she ain't done non' wrong. She don't deserve this, Jack" Jack turned around, pulling Ennis into the alleyway, since he was slightly scared of somebody watching them. Ennis softly put his lips to Jack's to assure him that this wasn't something that he wanted to do. "Stay" Ennis sighed when they parted. "A day or somethin', just…" Jack nodded.
They didn't say much as they walked back to Jack's truck and drove to the bar where they had had beers the first day that seemed so long ago. As they sat down Jack wanted to ask him if he had wanted a day to say goodbye or a day to talk himself out of going back to Alma. But as far as Jack was concerned, that subject was very fragile and could cause a very big argument, something he didn't want.
Ennis sneaked a glance of Jack's red and blue cheek once in awhile. He wanted to apologize, to tell him that he had only done that because he couldn't handle the thought of losing him. But the words would never reach his tongue, and on some level, Ennis knew that they didn't have to. Jack knew. If they were alone, he would have stroked the bruise, to silently say he was sorry, but they couldn't do any of that here. "So, um.." He said instead to get Jack's attention. "You goin' up to your daddy's place tomorrow or what?" Jack nodded, so that was it. It was a day to say goodbye.
"Reckon that's somethin' for me to do" Jack answered, trying to push his abusive father and horrible childhood out of his memory. He had never thought of himself as much, but he had to admit that it was incredible that he turned out as well as he did.
Ennis was fighting the inner battle weather to savor this day and go back to Alma, as he was scared he had to. Or if he should break off the engagement and run off with Jack. He had to admit, the latter seemed to appealing, despite the danger they would be exposed to. On the other hand, he had always thought of himself as a man to keep his word. Ennis convinced himself that he still had time to make up his mind as he directed his attention to Jack once again.
Two hours later the staggered out of the door, slightly intoxicted. Jack hadn't wanted to get drunk, he was afraid to get too much courage and blow his relationship with Ennis for good.
Ennis, on the other hand, wanted to drink to build up the courage to maybe stay with Jack after all. Jack hesitated, eyes on the motel sign across the street. It wasn't like it would be weird once they were in there, but Ennis could also insist that it would be risky, in case of being spotted. They weren't on Brokeback anymore.
"You wanna stay in the truck or..?" Jack tested. Ennis shook his head.
"We've been drinking, ain't wanna get caught in a car, they'd haul us away in handcuffs" Jack nodded towards the sign and to his surprise, Ennis nodded and they went in. Ennis stayed outside while Jack went and booked a room, his old fear of getting caught still nagging at him, but he pushed it away for now.
"35" Jack mumbled when he came back, room key in hand.
Ennis nodded, truth is, he didn't feel bad about cheating on Alma, he knew now, that he would never love her. As soon as the door was locked, Jack crashed his lips onto Ennis's, surprising both of them. Not that Ennis was about to complain. He groaned, deepening the make out as they fell onto the bed. Their hats and boots were already off. Soon enough they were naked and Jack asked Ennis what he wanted.
"Wanna…fuck you" He said and Jack nodded. "Wanna see you" He added and blushed a little bit. They had only done it from the front a few times. Jack nodded, and turned onto his back, anticipation running through both sets of veins. Jack never thought he would experience this ever again. Ennis spit into his hand, as they had nothing else to use here. He almost cringed at the thought of the fat he got from the elk they shot awhile back. He put his face in the crook of Jack's neck as he slowly pushed in, the pleased sigh he heard Jack give was worth anything he had to do in return, he thought.
"God" Jack sighed as Ennis started to move. He rose his head up from Jack's neck and pressed their lips together. "Don't leave" He heard Jack sigh, barely audible. He decided to ignore his plea. He couldn't think about that now, he just couldn't.
"Jack" He moaned, instead. He grabbed Jack and started to stroke him, in time to his thrusts. Soon enough they came together and fell into a pile of sweaty limbs.
"Damn" He heard Jack sigh into the crook of his neck as Ennis held him. This had been one of the quietest times they had ever had, but somehow they both knew that tonight, no matter what happened tomorrow. They weren't fucking, they were making love.
"Yeah" Ennis simply agreed and when he heard Jack's breaths slow down, indicating he was asleep. He kissed the black hair and sighed as he knew what he had to do tomorrow.
"I'm so sorry, bud" He whispered.
When Jack woke up the next morning, the other side of the bed was empty and the shower was running. After last night, truth is, Jack would be surprised if Ennis was going to choose Alma over him. It had been one of the most wonderful times they'd ever had. But Jack was feeling strange, he knew it was because he didn't know if it had been amazing because Ennis had tried to show him he loved him, or if it had been Ennis's goodbye. Or worse, both. When Ennis came out of the bathroom, dressed in his jeans, Jack was sitting on the edge of the bed, dressed in his underwear and his shirt. Ennis bent down and pressed his lips tightly to Jack's, but somehow tenderly. Which was unlike Ennis.
When they were standing by Jack's truck, Ennis took a deep breath.
"So, um.. I'll see you around, huh?" He sighed as he realized it was almost exactly what he had said yesterday.
"Yeah" Jack said, slightly pissed. Here he had stayed another day, hoping and praying it wasn't goodbye, but here it was. He tried to ignore the stinging in his eyes and he watched the man look down at his boots. "I'll see you around" He jumped into his car and drove away along the street. This time, not stopping.