Disclaimer: I own neither Doctor Who nor Florence and the Machine… sadly.
'Cause they took your loved ones,
But returned them in exchange for you.
But would you have it any other way?
- "What the Water Gave Me" Florence and the Machine
Standing there on the beach in the wind with the cold and the damp seeping into her bones Rose feels so small, so lost, so alone… and yet she isn't.
He's there right beside her, slipping his hand into hers. As their palms settle together, she rubs her thumb over the smooth expanse of skin just above his knuckle. His presence is the only thing keeping her anchored to the here and now.
In that instant as the TARDIS vanishes from sight, she's suddenly and inexplicably afraid. Afraid because this is what she wanted and yet the last thing she wanted. Afraid because this is all so new and yet so familiar. Afraid because she doesn't know what to do next.
He squeezes her hand and she looks at him, meets those unfathomable eyes and, for a moment, all she wants is to tell him to leave her alone, that she never wants to see him again, that she hates him for doing this to her again and being an imposter and having a face that she loves and being the same man but not the same man.
But the moment passes and he is still holding her hand, looking down at her with an unreadable expression on his face and the look he gives her, equal parts need and concern and overwhelming love, is just so completely and totally him that she hates herself for even thinking that she could ever stand to be apart from him for any length of time. She crossed universes and endured hell just to see this face again and here he is.
"What do we do now?" he asks.
She wants to say wait – he always told her to wait five and a half hours – but realizes how unnecessary it is. He's with her now. She doesn't have to wait anymore.
Yet she can't shake the urge that maybe she still should.
…
Within an hour, Pete has a zeppelin there to pick them up. Turns out there are some perks to having a father who is rich and well-connected – and a mother who is so vocal and insistent.
Rose holds the Doctor's hand as they follow Jackie up the ramp into the aircraft. He looks up at massive gray hull, face uncertain, and she gives his hand a quick squeeze.
"Okay?" she asks.
"Zeppelins stopped being a popular mode of transportation for a reason," he mutters. "This will carry us all the way back to London?"
"It's safe," she assures him.
He gives her a lopsided grin and follows her without another word. He would follow her even to the very pit of hell, she thinks, and wonders whether or not she's about to lead him there.
…
Her mum falls asleep almost instantly and for that, Rose is glad. She's been hovering over them ever since securing their transport home, asking hushed questions and watching them with close eyes. He's really the Doctor, then? What do you think he means, half-human? This isn't like last time, is it? Should we get him some tea? Do you think he still likes tea? Rose doesn't want to think about those and the million other questions running through her brain; her mother's sleep-induced silence is a mercy.
The Doctor is oddly quiet, though, looking out the window at the unfamiliar world below. Rose wishes he would talk to her, say something, anything to distract her. She doesn't want to be left alone with her thoughts.
"Is it all that different?" he asks suddenly.
"What?"
"This world," he clarifies. "How much of it is different from…?"
"The other?" she finishes. He nods. "Not all that much. Basic geography and things are still the same. History's a bit off, though. I'm still trying to hash it all out myself."
"I'm so sorry," he says, apropos of nothing. "I trapped you here, all this time… and I never understood. Not until now."
His eyes glisten with tears and she sees in his eyes the fear, the anger, the sudden realization that he is stuck here. Rose reaches out and takes his hand again. His fingers grip hers, needing her support. She says his name and when he looks at her, she meets his gaze steadily so he knows she's serious.
"It's going to be okay. We'll figure this out. Together."
He sits forward and pulls her into his arms, hugging her as best he can over the armrest of their seats. She wraps her arms around his neck and lets herself slip into the familiarity of it all.
"I love you," he says, and she is momentarily taken aback by how easily the words roll off his tongue.
"I love you too," she whispers, muffled by his shoulder.
He holds her tighter and she wonders whether she meant him or him or whether it matters at all.
…
Silence falls between them and the next time she glances over at him, he's dozed off. The gentle hum of the zeppelin's engines and the security of her hand in his must have been enough to lull him into a sense of security.
Rose watches him, studying his face. He looks the same – the exact same. Other than his single heartbeat, which she can feel pulsing through his fingers, she's noticed that his skin is slightly warmer than he used to be, his body temperature now regulating roughly around a very human 98.6.
She's still putting it all together. It was one thing to accept the strangeness of two Doctors while fighting for their lives in the Crucible and once aboard the TARDIS – it's another to accept it once her feet are firmly on the ground and she's faced with the reality of a life with the Doctor. It's what she always wanted, but not quite. When she promised him forever, she never imagined that it would be like this.
His eyes dance in dreams beneath his eyelids and she wonders if he ever imagined this either.
…
It is his voice in her ear and his warm hand on her leg that brings her back to reality. She wakes with a start; she doesn't remember falling asleep.
"It's okay," he says softly, his thumb rubbing circles on her kneecap. "We're here."
She nods and takes a deep breath, blinking back into the waking world.
"Your mum says there's a car waiting for us."
"Right, right," she murmurs, rising to her feet. She wobbles a bit, but he is right beside her, a hand at her elbow keeping her upright.
"Careful."
"Thanks."
He smiles, but it isn't a real smile, not like the smile he gave her on the TARDIS. It doesn't reach as far across his face as she thinks it should and his eyes don't crinkle quite the way she remembers.
But then again, he isn't quite the same man she was with on the TARDIS.
…
Neither of them sleeps in the car as they head from the heliport to the Tyler mansion. Jackie chatters at them from the front seat, turning around to talk about Pete and Tony and how they'll have to greet him in the morning since it's long past Tony's bedtime and how they'll have to get him some new clothes tomorrow because, frankly, he smells and he can't wear one suit forever, even if it is an alien suit and she's not about to have him running around all raggedy-looking, thank you very much.
She drones on and they nod and murmur in the appropriate places, but neither of them are really listening. The Doctor gives a deep sigh and turns to look out the window. Even in the half-light of the streetlamps whizzing by outside, Rose can see the weariness on his face and she feels sorry for him that after all this, he has to end his day by listening to her mum's incessant prattle.
She gives his hand a little squeeze, as if in apology, and lays her head on his shoulder. In response, he twines their fingers together and rests his cheek on top of her head.
She closes her eyes for a moment, and for the first time, she can hear the beat of his single heart under her ear. A steady thump-thump, thump-thump, thump-thump. It's so unfamiliar that her eyes snap open and she almost pulls away. She flinches at best.
Of course he notices. He asks if she's okay, quiet enough that her mother can't hear him over the sound of her own words. For that, she is thankful.
"Just a chill," she lies without thinking about it, nodding into his shoulder, blinking back tears that she doesn't understand. "I'm fine."
…
Pete is waiting for them when they arrive back at the house.
He helps Jackie out of the car and hugs her close as Rose and the Doctor climb out of the backseat. Rose smiles at the sight of them. After all she has seen and done, there are times when she is still taken aback by the sight of her parents together. That they defied death and all other odds and found each other once more.
It makes her hopeful.
Pete hugs Rose next and offers his hand to the Doctor. No hugs for him, apparently. Which is just as well. The Doctor doesn't hug just anyone. At least… she doesn't think so.
The four of them head towards the house and the Doctor gropes for Rose's hand. She stops suddenly and looks at him with some concern.
"What is it?"
"I just remember the last time I saw this house," he says softly, no doubt envisioning cybermen and guns and little terriers named Rose – none of which are in the mansion any longer.
"It's safe," she promises for the second time in twelve hours.
He swallows and nods and lets her lead him inside.
…
Rose takes him into her bed without so much as a second thought.
Despite her mother's mention of the guest room across the hall and the war that has been raging in her mind all day, she doesn't want to be alone. She's been too long without him, and all she wants tonight is for him to hold her like he used to… like the other him used to.
They change for bed with their backs to one another like nervous teenagers – she into a pair of pajamas and he strips down to his undershirt and pants. They find one another beneath the blankets, bodies curling together without much difficulty. She lies on her side, spooning against him, his long, lanky frame pressed up against her back. She doesn't sleep with her head on his chest; she doesn't want to hear his single heartbeat and realize that this is different. Just for tonight, she wants to pretend that he's the same – the exact same.
…
Tomorrow she'll face reality, she'll remember. But tonight, in the dark, she just wants to forget.
…
A/N: There are only so many ways to tell the same sort of events, so if I have infringed on anyone else's work, it was surely unintentional. As always, I hope I have brought something fresh to the table, something new or enlightening... Hoped you enjoyed. :)