It was early morning.
I roll over and stare at Peeta, who lay still on the opposite side of the bed. Sleeping so peacefully, with a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.
These are the times when he is truly Peeta. Not the nightmare ridden boy who can't keep his two realities from melting into one.
At first it was hard. One second he would be smiling and kissing my cheek, the next he would have his hands around my throat screaming, "Mutt! Mutt! I hate you, Katniss! I hate you."
My fingers instinctively fly up to touch the scars that lye just below my ears on each side.
He still hasn't forgiven himself.
After that he pulled away. He didn't answer his phone, he wouldn't come around. The only connection I had to him was the basket of fresh, warm cheese buns that appeared on my doorstep each morning. I hated him for it.
Then my hatred turned to longing. I missed him. It had been 2 weeks since I had seen his face, felt his arms around me, or touched his lips.
One day, after staring at a picture of Prim, I remember how she sat with me that night in 13. She knew I loved him before I did. Prim. I couldn't take anymore. I rushed downstairs to head for the door, just as I opened it I looked up to see Peeta, staring back at me with tears in his eyes. We didn't have to say anything. I pulled him over the threshold and into my arms.
It happened again a few times after that. By the fourth time I was able to tell when he was about to go under, and I would slowly creep out of the room and listen to his screams from the yard.
The next time after that, we were lying in my bed. Peeta protested, he didn't want me to be caught off guard if he had one of his…episodes. But he belonged there, he belonged with me.
It was early morning, and I stared at him the same way I do now. His eyes shot open and I quickly sprung from under the covers and headed for the door. I felt a hand on my waist and I was whipped around, back against the wall. I forgot how quick he was.
"Mutt! I hate you, Katniss! You were going to kill me. I will kill you, Katniss."
I couldn't move. Couldn't breathe. His eyes were not his own and I felt the fear overcome me. I had nowhere to turn. I became desperate.
"Peeta. Peeta please, it's me. It's Katniss. You know me, you love me. Not real. This is not real Peeta, please! "
He threw his hands up and laughed a horrible sound that I've never heard him make before. I had run out of options. So when he turned his head back to me, I caught his face in my hands and place my lips on his.
He fought at first. But I didn't stop, I couldn't stop. Driven by adrenaline, fear and passion; he needed this, he needed to remember. After a few minutes he started to kiss me back.
I felt hot liquid on my cheeks. He was crying.
He pulled away after a second and stared at me. He was my Peeta again, he was back.
I brush a piece of sandy blonde hair off his brow and smile. He really is beautiful.
Peeta starts to stir and I close the space between us. He wraps his arms around me and kisses my forehead.
It's not easy. He isn't completely stable, yet; neither of us is. After that morning things got better though. Every time his eyes would glaze I would take him in my arms and hold him. He needed to feel that I wouldn't hurt him; that I loved him.
It wasn't as hard as I used to think it'd be. Love turned out to be so …natural between us.
After everything I've been through, we've been through; I realize this is what I am here to do. To help him, just as he has me. We wouldn't survive without each other.
"Katniss," Peeta's voice brings me out of my thoughts and I look up at him.
"Hey," Is all I seem to muster up. I will never be good with words.
He chuckles, obviously realizing this is one of the few things about me that haven't changed since we met.
He looks down at me and smiles; a smile that makes my stomach flip. He starts to say something but I stop his lips with my own.
Just as I pull away, I whisper, "Stay with me?"
He looks surprised by this at first, but quickly recovers and looks me right in the eye,
"Always."