Full Metal Alchemist- Lockdown Mode
So, yeah, here is my attempt at being funny. The characters included are: Edward Elric, Alphonse Elric, Roy Mustang, Riza Hawkeye, Jean Havoc, Heymans Breda, Vato Falman, Kain Fuery and Meas Hughes. I do not own Full Metal Alchemist. Sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes. Review if you wish. Enjoy
LOCK DOWN MODE
"No Al," Edward whined as he was pushed forward. "Don't make me do this. Let's go back to the dorms for a while."
"No!" Alphonse insisted. He changed his tactic and decided to drag his struggling brother down the hallway. Passing military officers sent them odd looks. "The Colonel wants your report today. Not tomorrow!"
Ed snarled at the suit of armour, "I wasn't going to do it tomorrow."
"Oh, what?" Al countered. "You meant the day after? A week after tomorrow? No, you're doing it now!" It was times like this when Al was grateful for Ed's red coat; it was easy to latch onto the hood and lead the blond around like an enraged puppy.
"Al, really, I'll do whatever you say if you let me go!"
"Really, Brother?"
"Yes!"
"Okay, good," Alphonse said brightly and halted. He pointed at a familiar wooden door and said firmly, "Deliver your report. Please!" Oh perfect; now Al was giving his older brother the 'please-oh-please' tone.
There was absolutely no way Ed was going to fall for that -how was a suit of armour able to look so defenceless and sincere? There were no muscles or flesh to form frowns or smiles; it was steel shaped in a particular way. And yet, Al was able to give puppy-dog eyes.
"Fine," Edward grumbled, stuffing his hands in his pockets.
"Thank you!" Al didn't have to sound so damn pleased about it! Alphonse did the honours of knocking the wooden door. And then he waited.
"…Aren't you going to open it?" Ed asked curiously, confused as to why they hadn't moved it.
"It's rude to just simply barge in."
"Oh please Al!" went the state alchemist. He stepped forward and reached for the door handle. However he was cut off when the door suddenly swung open and slammed right into him, specifically his face. Al gave a cry as his older brother fell to the ground, clutching his nose and swearing quite loudly –not that his language was anything new.
It came quite a surprise for the brothers when they saw the bemused expression of Colonel Mustang at the door. Mustang spied Ed and connected the dots. Immediately, he had to stifle his laughter, "Full Metal, you just made my day a whole lot better."
"Shut up!"
"Brother! Are you okay?" Alphonse dived to Ed's side and was frantically checking for any serious injuries.
At the door, Roy Mustang was about to speak when two officers peeked over his shoulder to take a look at what happened. "C-chief?" 2nd Lieutenant Havoc spluttered. He and Breda shared a moment of 'did-that-just-happen?' with each other and then with their superior before all three snorted.
"Life's never boring when you're around Chief!" Havoc cackled as he held onto the door frame to steady his balance.
Breda's face was burning redder than his hair, "Seriously kid? Don't you know how to not make a fool of yourself?"
Appalled, Edward shouted in his defence, "It wasn't me! It was the –"
"–I proudly take full responsibility." Mustang said proudly.
The three military officers could have laughed and poked fun at Edward Elric all day if the 1st Lieutenant, Riza Hawkeye, hadn't arrived and shooed them back to work. "Thank you Lieutenant," Alphonse squeaked as Hawkeye pocketed her gun.
"No problem," the woman replied casually, as though threatening people with a gun was an ordinary everyday occurrence…then again, for her it was. "Now, Ed, let's get a bandage."
Later…
Edward didn't accept the bandage.
Instead he strolled right into the office, Al racing after him still worried about his injury. Ed ignored Havoc and Breda who were desperately trying to control their laughter at their desks. At the death glare of Hawkeye, they hunched and stared down at their paperwork. Warrant Officer Falman grimaced at Ed's furious face and Master Sergeant Fuery paled at the sight of so much blood pouring from Ed's nose.
"Brother, I really think we should get your nose checked!"
"Shut up Al."
Edward made it to the door that would lead into Mustang's office. Everyone watched as Ed noticeably hesitated as he reached for the handle. Feeling all eyes on his him, Edward sucked up his courage and, in a flash, yanked the door open. Ed sighed in relief, earning more chuckles from behind…and from Mustang who was sitting at his desk.
Alphonse slouched in defeat when Edward closed the door behind him.
"Don't worry Al," Breda spoke up with a smirk. "The Colonel's probably gonna stuff tissues up his nose or something."
Al only moaned in reply.
Inside Mustang's Office…
"Well aren't you looking lively today," Mustang said brightly. He was way too happy. Look at the way he sits there at his desk; leaning his head in his hand, like he can't be bothered to even sit up straight, let alone attend to paperwork.
"Again, shut up!" Edward spat, allowing himself to collapse onto the couch.
The Colonel frowned, "Do me a favour: don't get blood on the couch."
"Shut up –"
"–is that your only comeback for me today, Full Metal? That mission must have really taken the energy out of you."
Ed's hands suddenly clenched, "Yeah some mission! You call that a lead?"
"…I take it the mission didn't go well."
"It went fine! We completed it! But there was nothing on the Philosopher's Stone!"
Mustang was clearly losing interest. His free hand was fiddling with a pen, "Well, that's nothing new."
Infuriated, Edward got to his feet. It was quite a show for the Colonel. It was always entertaining to watch a thirteen-year-old try to appear dangerous and someone not to be crossed with. Especially when a fountain of blood was streaming from his nostrils. "Al should have his body back by now!"
"I didn't realise there was a deadline," Mustang shot back, now getting irritated himself. "And it's not my fault if a lead turns out to be a fake. So stop being childish and blaming it on me –!"
The two were cut off from their ever-growing-in-volume 'discussion' when an ear piercing siren rang throughout the area. Without meaning to and feeling quite stupid after he did so, Ed covered his ears with his hands and winced at the sound. It was so loud and put him on edge. "Well, that's inconvenient," Mustang said dryly.
"Why? What is it?" Ed called out, removing his hands.
"I thought being the 'genius' you are, you could figure out it's a siren."
"I know it's a siren you bastard! For what?"
"I…think it's for lock down mode," Mustang muttered, and then all the lights in the room switched off. It was now apparent that it was raining outside. The grey clouds had rolled in over East City and let the rain fall to the earth. In the silence where Ed and Mustang were too caught up in the weird sudden transition from light to dark, the rain's force increased and pelted hard against the windows.
Finally Edward spoke, "Lock down mode? Are you kidding me? I'm not hanging around for that!"
"So what? You're going to just walk out of here?" Mustang answered patronisingly. The man was only visible because of the dim light coming through the window. Ed didn't need lights to know there was a smirk playing on Mustang's lips. "Have you ever thought that perhaps there might actually be a dangerous criminal, Full Metal?"
Ed scoffed, "Like that'll stop me."
"Please refrain from allowing your stupidity to take over -"
"-Why you–!"
"–Sir," it was just then Hawkeye decided to open the door and waltz right in…without permission, Mustang couldn't help but note. "We are undergoing lock down mode. I suggest we begin to prepare immediately."
The Colonel slightly scowled and felt the need to mutter, "I was going to do that, thank you."
Hawkeye only sent Mustang a dry expression that perfectly portrayed her opinions of the man. They were not exactly high. Edward sniggered. The door suddenly flew open again and another uninvited guest strolled on in. Mustang made a mental note to make a 'Knock-before-entering' sign. This was ridiculous; he was a superior officer! He shouldn't have to go through the trouble of making a sign!
Kain Fuery didn't realise this however. "Sir," he squeaked. The young man looked a lot paler from the lack of light. "Permission to freak out sir."
"…Are you serious?" Ed knew Fuery was the anxious type but this was sort of unexpected.
"Quiet Full Metal," Mustang shot down the thirteen-year-old than addressed his Master Sergeant, "No, you do not have permission to freak out. You have permission to man-up, if you please."
Again, the door opened and the occupant, who had being listening to the conversation outside, stumbled in, "Yeah but sir –"
"–Breda, don't just come into my office without –"
"–Hey, is this where we're all hiding for the lock down mode?"
"–Dammit Havoc, do I have to –?"
"–Brother, you should have told me we were staying in here!"
"–Hey Al; over here." Ed motioned for the suit of armour.
Mustang absolutely hated it when he felt like a child but, good grief! This reminded him of the time when he would hog all the toys to himself and refuse to share with the other kids. "All of you get out of my office!"
"Everyone, I brought the food supplies," Falman said, momentarily dumbfounding the Colonel, as he joined everyone and closed the door. "…is there a problem?"
"Well, looks like we're all here," Breda said with a casual shrug. Then he proceeded to drop onto the couch, sighing like he was in paradise. Havoc flopped down beside him with a cheeky grin on his face. Havoc rummaged through his jacket's pocket and pulled out a cigarette and lighter.
"Havoc!" Mustang stepped in sharply. "Don't you dare smoke in here! I don't want you staining the couch!"
"So it has nothing to do with damaging our lungs?" Fuery mumbled awkwardly.
"Uh –well...that too," Mustang added.
Havoc didn't really seem to understand how irritating his habit was, "Aw, calm down –"
"–No. Either ditch the cigarette or go outside," Mustang pointed to the door. Conveniently, lightning flashed. And it created a threatening tone for the door. The once innocent door now had gone under a terrible transformation. It wasn't just a door it was now a portal to the outside! Where, the killer could get them!
"Fine," Havoc grumbled, stuffing the contents back into the pocket. Breda gave him a teasing shove.
Mustang couldn't believe how the day was turning out. Not too long ago, he had been relaxing in his chair; fresh coffee in his hands, smirking at the endless possibilities in teasing Full Metal. Like planned, the brat had turned up and everything had been going so perfectly…and then the lock down happened.
"Dammit," he cursed, rubbing his eyes tiredly. What time was it anyway? "Why the hell wasn't I informed of the lock down?"
"You were sir," Hawkeye replied dryly, rolling her eyes.
"…I was?"
"Geez, you're pathetic," Edward said smugly, leaning against the wall. Al murmured a dejected, "Ed, please," but, either his voice was too quiet or his plead was ignored, because Ed simply continued, "I mean, really, what kind of 'superior' would have no idea that there would be a lock down? Especially, since you're in charge of the East City Command Centre."
There was a quite impressive silence (considering it was the Elric Brothers, Mustang and his squad we are talking about) before a round of sniggers ruined it.
"He got you there sir," Havoc felt the need to add more salt to the wound.
Mustang was thankful there was a lack of light otherwise someone with keen eyesight might have spotted a faint blush. Damn, he was supposed to know about this. He is in charge after all but then…when was this decided…?
…Oh…
About a week ago…
Mustang was so tired.
Why did he have to be in this meeting? Why couldn't he be home already? He barely got any sleep last night –not his fault entirely. His male subordinates had tempted him with whiskey -Whiskey! –and he had woken up with an awful headache. Mustang had experienced many hang overs but this was up there as one of the worst. He felt like a desert, all dried up and dusty. Not to mention his stomach was suddenly an acrobat and performing flips. Ugh. Yeah, this was a bad one.
Perhaps it had something to do with him falling out of bed after his alarm went off.
Either way, he was still so tired!
Maybe he could lie about a stomach ache and flee from the meeting. Then again, he'd already told all the people present that he was feeling extremely well…he was a tad nervous about the possibility of them figuring out his alcohol fun-filled night. No one expected that from the Führer. So…damn! Why did he have to be here anyway? It probably wasn't anything important either!
"So, we'll have it in a week's time, agreed?"
"Agreed," everyone chorused.
Damn, what were they talking? Might as well go along with it, "Agreed," Mustang added. He sighed with relief when they were dismissed. He didn't know what the hell that meeting was about but, quite frankly, he couldn't care less.
Coffee time!
Present…
"Damn," Mustang murmured. "I was out of it."
He could feel everyone casting him annoyed expressions. They didn't need to speak but Mustang could almost hear them thinking, Really? Are you that pathetic?
Mustang knew Ed probably added a, Well duh, after that.
The moment of rounding up against Mustang was disrupted when a thud was heard outside the office; a majority of the crowd jumped. Fuery screeched –like a little girl in Breda's opinion –before Hawkeye deliver a fair whack to the back of his head. Besides the temporary "Ow," Hawkeye's tactic had worked. Everyone else behaved more appropriately. Breda and Havoc shared slightly shaken expression; Ed swallowed his fear but was engulfed by Al's crushing hug-of-comfort; Mustang's brave act loosened but he gathered it all back together, except when Falman stumbled into him.
"Shit! Don't do that Falman!"
"I'm sorry sir!"
"Brother! The Colonel swore!" Typical of a twelve-year-old boy…
"Al, grow up. I can say worse things."
"At your age Full Metal?" Mustang shoved Falman away as he addressed the blond kid. "I'm ashamed." Ah, yes, sarcasm all the way.
"Lieutenant," Fuery murmured dejectedly, adjusting his glasses and rubbing his aching head. "Did you have to hit me?"
Hawkeye harrumphed, "I take whatever actions necessary."
"Geez; remind me to never freak out in a fire drill with Hawkeye," Havoc muttered teasingly.
Breda smirked at the quip before his face fell, "…I'm hungry."
"Trust," Edward scoffed, folding his arms. He ignored Breda's foul look and said, "Dammit, I don't want to be here."
"Stay put Full Metal and you'll get a lollipop for your effort," Mustang replied monotonously. Breda's mouth watered at the thought
Instead of reacting violently like most expected, Ed simply went back, "A lollipop? That's all I'd get? Is that all my effort is worth?"
"Well," Alphonse shrugged. "Perhaps we could negotiate with the Colonel; maybe you could ask for fudge or something."
"I'm not giving Full Metal fudge Alphonse," Mustang interrupted. "He'll get what he deserves."
"And that's a lollipop?" Falman waited for his superior's answer.
"…Yeah; I guess," Mustang suddenly felt stupid...then he figured out why. Why the hell was he talking about sweets with the Elric Brothers? His pride was wounded and it felt worse considering it was his fault. Damn, he could feel the impatience and low opinions of him radiating off Hawkeye.
"Has everyone forgotten that there was a noise outside?" Fuery cried while still maintaining the volume of his voice. He was waving his arms frantically. His fear and panic intensified when his co-workers only shrugged.
"Meh," Havoc scratched his hair subconsciously, "Been and gone."
"Yeah but," it surprised everyone when Falman spoke up. "Who knows, it actually might have been something important. It could come back."
"Nothing to worry about," Breda waved it off. "I mean, the sound hasn't gone off again so there's nothing to –"
Another thud from outside the office. Everyone's hearts halted for a split second (even Hawkeye would sourly admit later to herself). Alphonse wrapped his older brother in another one his death-hugs squeaking, "Are we going to die?" Havoc was now thankful Mustang had prevented him from smoking – he knew he would have sucked up his cigarettes from the shock. Breda gulped, a small voice at the back of his mind (nah, probably his stomach) wishing food had being in there. Hawkeye's hand reached for her gun as she gritted her teeth. Though his heart stopped, Mustang wasn't given the time to freak out since he noticed Fuery and Falman scrambling towards the door.
"What are they -?" he muttered to himself before the two answered him.
They slammed their backs against the door. "We're blocking the entrance!" Falman whispered, grabbing everyone's attention. He sounded very much like a soldier about to give up his life.
"We haven't even locked the door!" Fuery murmured with surprise. He then, to everyone's relief, locked the door. There was a round of sighs after that. "Sir," Fuery turned to his superior. "Please, come down and help us block the door."
"Um…" Mustang really had better things to do than that. "I don't know. You two seem to be doing well yourself." It was getting frustrating having to whisper and mutter all the time.
"Get down there sir," Hawkeye ordered (Ordered? Mustang thought with dismay) and pushed the man down. Did she just push me? The Flame Alchemist thought before he made contact with the ground, creating his own thud inside his office.
"Dammit Hawkeye!" he cried, getting up. "Did you have to–?"
"Shut up!" everyone demanded. Mustang suddenly felt the need to go sit in a corner and wollow in his self-pity. But he refused to step down. He was going to be the Führer one day, after all! Mustang casted Falman and Fuery scowls before he got to his feet. "No," he put on his boss-voice. "I will not be quiet. There is nothing outside that can harm us. So I'm going to talk all I –"
Oh he did not! Mustang was cursing every one of his subordinates to an early grave, especially Breda, when the said-man slammed his hand over Mustang's mouth.
"Shut up sir," Breda hissed ignoring his superior's efforts to get out of his grasp. "You're gonna give us away!"
"But wait," Edward leapt to Breda and Mustang. "The bastard's right. I mean –stop giving me that look, you bastard! Yeah, I know I'm agreeing with you –there isn't anyone outside. Something probably fell. This lock down was scheduled so we're freaking out for no reason –"
"Shut up Chief," Ed never expected Havoc would do the exact same thing to him as Breda had done to Mustang. Interestingly enough, as Havoc and Breda shared triumphant smiles; Ed and Mustang raised an eyebrow at each others' situation.
Another thud! Fuery and Falman push themselves further against the door. Hawkeye mentally told herself off for jumping. Like twins, Breda and Havoc seemed to be very much alike in their reactions. Both cringed and shrivelled up like drying seaweed. Neither Edward nor Mustang worried (denying that they had felt a twinge of fear) as they were alchemists and alchemists accessed the situation…or, at least, state alchemists did.
"Brother," Alphonse, an alchemist, yelped. "I'm scared." It was quite a weird sight to see a suit of armour curled up into a ball; his body withdrawn like he was trying to protect himself. It was also strange to hear such a scared twelve-year-old boy's voice in such threatening looking armour. Heck, if there was a killer crawling about, Al would be the safest.
Ed, noticing the relief in pressure from Havoc's hand, peeled it off his mouth. "Al," immediately he took his big brother role and rushed to his sibling's side. "It'll be okay. Come on, this is just a practice run. There's is no killer or bad guy or anything."
Alphonse moaned, "The one time I manage to get you here punctually, and it turns out to be a lock down!"
Taking this into account Ed smugly replied, elbowing his brother teasingly, "Yeah Al. What were you thinking? It would have being better if I had come tomorrow or next week." Ed wasn't granted a lot of superiority when Hawkeye shooed him away so she could comfort Alphonse properly.
"You're such a supportive brother, Full Metal."
"I know I am, bastard."
Next came the biggest shock of everyone's day… so far. A simple repeating thud had unnerved everyone but this was extreme. The door handle rotated…ever so slowly…scaring the absolute hell out of the officers and brothers…before it ceased. The handle appeared to have knocked against something; it tried again and again but no avail.
Everyone mentally congratulated Fuery for locking the door earlier.
However, there was still an issue. The person outside was still fiddling with the door handle. Piss off! No one bothered trying to gulp down their fear. No one was holding it back. Even Mustang and Ed couldn't draw conclusions as to why someone was outside the office trying to get in if it was a false lock down. Havoc, Breda and Alphonse knew they had every right to be terrified if even Hawkeye's eyes had widened in shock and fear. Good Lord, if she was scared than the world was ending!
The tension was building…until Fuery finally snapped. He banged his fist against the door –causing most to experience an early heart attack –and proceeded to shout, his voice squeaking, "You can't get in! The door is locked!"
"You idiot!" Falman was simply amazing today. He slapped Fuery's shoulder; the poor young man was going to be covered in bruises by the end of the day. "Now the killer knows we're here!"
Fuery gasped at his stupidity.
"YOU DOOMED US!" Breda cried.
"Dammit, I knew I'd die looking stupid!" Havoc wailed. "Shit, I'm going to die single too."
"Well, that's a given," Mustang honestly felt the need to add that. Despite the fact Havoc and Hawkeye shot him annoyed looks.
Edward Elric was formulating a plan in his head through all this commotion. He could easily activate his alchemy with a clap of his hands and create a weapon if needed. Hell, he could use alchemy to permanently 'lock' the door so there was no way a killer could get in. And if the killer did manage to get in, if he happened to be an alchemist, Ed could easily hide since he was so small…
…
…SHIT! "Dammit," Ed groaned, burying his head in his hands. Alphonse turned to him in puzzlement but Ed didn't notice. He was too busy whinging in his head. He did not just admit that, did he? Something was wrong with him today! …That never happened. No one had to know! …Especially the bastard.
"Guys, come on! Let me in!" went a familiar voice outside.
Time stopped. And then mouths fell in disbelief. "Meas?" Mustang cried in relief.
"No wait sir!" Breda exclaimed. "People can always use fake voices! You don't know if that's the Lieutenant Colonel!"
"Do I need to prove who I am?" the voice outside went. There was amusement in his tone.
"No you don't –" Mustang's voice died off when everyone in the office glared him; as if daring him to oppose their beliefs. Disconsolately, Mustang sighed, "Fine. Yes, you do. Say something only Hughes would say."
"…Well, I got photos of Elysia to show. Gracia found a cute little fairy costume. It's bright pink and it sparkles and Elysia looks like the ultimate princess of fairy cuteness –"
"Aw come on!" Breda cut in roughly. "Everyone knows that's what Hughes would say!"
"It was very in character though," Alphonse murmured.
"Yeah," Edward said. "A little too in character, don't you think?"
Mustang sighed again, "Sorry Hughes. Try again."
"Well…um…" the 'Hughes' outside hummed to himself thoughtfully before he went, "Ah ha! I know! Roy, remember the time at the Academy when we pulled that prank? You know, when we were seventeen? With the uniform and the mini-skirts and –"
"–That's Hughes," Mustang finished abruptly.
"W-wait," Havoc murmured. It was now apparent everyone was giving Mustang a certain…look. "What the hell is Hughes talking about? The Academy?"
"The prank?" Breda narrowed his eyes suspiciously. The other subordinates followed.
Falman: "Seventeen?"
Fuery: "Uniforms?"
"Mini-skirts, sir?" Hawkeye hissed, clearly unimpressed.
Shit. "That's really none of your concern," Mustang made another mental note to hunt Hughes down and threaten the guy that if he ever mentioned Academy pranks again, his photos would be used as fire wood.
Edward and Alphonse gave each other side way glances before shivering. "Do we even want to know?"
"No!"
"Roy, can I come in?"
"Oh yeah. Fuery, Falman, let him in."
The two officers at the door were not exactly comfortable but they slid out of the way. Fuery then slowly reached out towards the handle…and then unlocked the door. Immediately, the door flew open, Falman only just managing to save his face. Alphonse and Fuery gave a cry but they were lost in Hughes' welcome party…which consisted of him and him alone. But he was energetic enough to make up for it.
Shit, why did I let him in? Was all Mustang could think before Hughes went off.
And off he went. Rambling on and on, dumbfounding his audience, as he talked about his daughter and how adorable she was. As Hughes took a deep breath, Mustang cut in dryly, "I take it back. Throw him out."
"With pleasure," Breda and Havoc saluted.
Before the two could take action, Alphonse piped up, "No wait! We can't throw out Mr Hughes! There's danger out there! He could be killed!"
"That's right!" Hughes added, though he was thinking, Killer? Does Al think there's a killer?
"I'll take my chances," Mustang dismissed Al's argument. The twelve-year-old couldn't believe the Colonel!
"Dammit, all of you! Quiet!" Hawkeyes suddenly growled. In her hands was her beloved gun. She couldn't point at everyone (but she wished she could) so she decided to direct it to Mustang who, for the life of him, couldn't understand why he was the one being threatened. The threat did the job though; everyone shut their mouths.
"First of all," Hawkeye began. "Hughes is staying here but, sir: keep your mouth shut! Second, I don't care whether there's a killer or not, we're all supposed to be pretending there is a killer. If there was, we would have given away our position long ago."
"–yeah but I say that's Fuery's fault for yelling," Breda said but Hawkeye aimed the gun's eye at him. Mustang, finally out of the gun's eye, sighed in relief.
"Continuing," Hawkeye…continued. "Everyone better sit down and stay quiet! Otherwise, you'll have to worry about me being the killer, understand?" Was that an evil smirk playing on her lips…?
That got them all to shut up. Breda and Havoc slumped onto their couch again. Alphonse and Edward, who were still sitting down leaning against the wall, remained where they were. Falman and Fuery moved back to guarding the door, Fuery quickly locking it again. And then Mustang decided to sit in his special seat behind his desk. Hughes and Hawkeye sat down on the other couch, opposite of Havoc and Breda. The whole crowd was still and silent…
…and silent…and silent…listening to the rain pelt against the window…in the dark…everyone was so quiet, not even their breathing was heard…
…well everyone except Breda's. Havoc elbowed him, "Geez, wake up already. Your snoring's going to get us all killed."
Breda was obviously offended by his friend's remark. "There's no killer outside –" Mustang muttered.
"Shut up sir," Hawkeye demanded harshly. Mustang couldn't understand why he was the one getting in trouble!
…And then the silence fell again…and it stayed silent…still silent…still raining…
…Till: Hic…
…What the hell?
"What the hell?" Falman voiced, looking at Fuery.
"I'm -hic- sorry," Fuery yelped, he clamped his palms over his mouth.
Ed and Al were heard snickering in their specific spots. "Are you kidding me?" Mustang couldn't believe he got stuck with such people.
"Hic- I'm sorry. This doesn't -hic- usually happen," Fuery was blushing madly, fiddling with his glasses again.
"Hold your breath for as long as you can," Falman suggested. Hic-
"Everyone –" Hawkeye scowled when no one listened to her. They were not supposed to be speaking!
Hic! "I thought you had to hold your breath for a specific amount of time," Havoc frowned.
Falman shrugged -Hic! -carelessly, "Whatever floats your boat." Hic!
"God, this is getting annoying!" Edward snarled. Hic!
Hic! "Brother, please, I put up with you when you get the hiccups."
Mustang snorted, "Full Metal getting the hiccups? Now that's a funny thought." Hic!
Hic! "Shut up bastard!"
"That comeback again Full Metal?" Hic! "Can you even call it a comeback?"
"Everyone –!" Hawkeye squeezed the gun in her hands. No one was listening! Hic!
"I'm pretty sure if you experience fear or shock, it'll do the trick," Falman snapped his fingers in accordance to his brilliant idea. Hic!
Breda and Havoc brightened up. Hic! "I dunno," Hughes shrugged. "I thought I scared Fuery before."
Hic! "Yeah but that was before he got the hiccups," Well, Breda concluded that question quickly. Hic!
Havoc chuckled, "It shouldn't be too hard to freak him out. This is Fuery we're talking about –"
"–Hic–"
BANG!
And a round of shrieks.
"–Enough everyone!" Hawkeye shouted with the gun in her hand, a fresh bullet hole in a wall. Mustang's shoulders slumped at the sight of his damaged wall. Hawkeye went on, "I don't give a damn about how to get rid of hiccups! We are all to remain quiet! I swear it's like dealing with children." No one bothered to mention that two of the occupants were children. "Now if anyone wants to oppose, speak now!"
Mustang decided to remain silent about the hole in his wall. Not because he was cowardly; he just didn't want his balls shot off. And so…with the silence back…Hawkeye sat down…and the atmosphere cooled…
"…Hey," Falman whispered. "Fuery, your hiccups are gone."
Thank God, everyone thought.
And then silence went on...and on…and on…the rain fell harder…the lightning had died down…but the thunder was still easy to hear from afar…it was an almost blissful silence after all the commotion... before:
"I don't get it Hughes," Ed suddenly spoke up. What the hell is this idiot thinking? "I thought you worked in Central. Why are you here?"
Hawkeye tried quieting Ed down (with Mustang randomly deciding to side with her; Hypocrite, she thought) but Hughes answered back cheerfully, "Oh well, my investigation team and I were call over for an investigation –"
"–Well obviously," Breda snorted.
"–Hey, don't interrupt!" Hughes lectured firmly. Then smiled, "We're investigating a killer who's being roaming around East City for a few weeks. He's managed to kill three and Mustang didn't want to waste any more lives."
"Oh, okay," both brothers went.
"Wait," Mustang murmured awkwardly. "When was I involved?"
Hughes' eyebrows knitted together, "What do you mean? My team was called over by you and higher staff members…didn't you decided this at a meeting?"
"Probably another one he wasn't listening to," Havoc chuckled. Hawkeye glared darkly.
Mustang was sick of feeling stupid today…but he couldn't help but think that it had probably been a meeting after another heavy alcohol-filled night. Damn, he needed to stop doing that. "Stupid," Edward said, loud enough for his superior to hear. He was being rude…too bad everyone else agreed with him.
"W-wait!" Mustang made another mental note to thank Fuery for saving his ass from more embarrassment after this was over. Fuery was noticeably paler again, "D-did you say killer, Lieutenant Colonel?"
"Uh…yeah?"
"…Oh my God! It's probably the killer in the Command Centre!" Fuery exploded and, like dominoes, so did a majority of the occupants in the office. A flurry of cries, moans, 'mummies,' and whimpers was followed. Along with a very annoyed Hawkeye adjusting her gun again. Hughes wondered to himself why he bothered meeting up with his friends. Ed was busying himself by calming his younger brother (and himself) down. Mustang, though, was shuffling through his desk, looking for something to play with like a pen; he was getting bored.
"Good idea sir," Mustang glanced up when he heard Hawkeye's voice. "You should finish your paper work now."
"Uh…what? No!" The commotion ceased as everyone watched the scenario between Hawkeye and Mustang play out. Oh boy, who was going to the hospital this time? All bets were placed against their superior officer. Mustang couldn't believe his subordinates. In the heat of battle with enemy troops about to fire upon them, would they all stop defending themselves if Hawkeye and Mustang got into another argument…after seeing this: most likely.
"B-but, the killer!"
"–if we stay quiet, he won't find us," Hawkeye finally decided to go along with Fuery. Then she turned and glowered at her superior, "Sir, with all your…moments in regard to not paying attention to important meetings, you're not fit to oppose me. Now, get to work."
"I was not being stupid," Mustang muttered bitterly.
"I never said you were sir."
"But you were implying it."
Edward stifled his laughter, "Ha, you always call me stupid whenever I say that."
"What? When I call you small?"
"WHO ARE YOU -?"
"SHUT UP!" Wow, with forces combined, Mustang's subordinates could defeat the Full Metal Alchemist.
"Kid, I don't feel like dying because you can't admit your lack of height!" Breda snapped.
"WHAT? Lack of height?"
"Forget Edward's lack of height!" Hawkeye seethed, frightening everyone. Edward had a moment to grumble at Hawkeye even admitting it. "Now, sir, get to work."
Oh great. Another staring match. No way was Mustang losing this time. Hawkeye's amber eyes bore into Mustang's onyx eyes. And everyone watched like it was a football match. How riveting.
…
…
…
…
Mustang blinked. "Dammit!" he shouted, slamming his forehead on his desk in defeat.
Hawkeye exhaled heavily as her co-workers burst into laughter, except for Fuery who was still worrying over the supposed killer creeping around the Command Centre. "Get to work now sir," the Lieutenant ordered, folding her arms.
"I –I …" Mustang stammered, obviously desperate enough to fight till the end. He then surprised the crowd in his office when he suddenly attended to Hughes with a large goofy grin, "Meas! Tell us another one of your stories about Elysia."
And it worked. Hughes flew off again about his wonderful daughter and how she would be starting ballet classes soon. "She'll be a super star! She'll have the crowd roaring with delight. She'll have roses showered upon her like rain!"
Falman smiled pleasantly, "She'll probably have all these guys chasing after her."
Hughes shocked everyone when he pulled out from his holster a gun. He cocked the gun, "Yeah and they'll have to answer to me."
"Sir," Hawkeye addressed Hughes. "I admire your dedication but I doubt you could hit the boys with a hand-gun. I suggest a rifle."
…Why was Hawkeye going along with this? Shouldn't she be pointing out the wrongness in Hugh's plan? Al was so confused. He couldn't pin-point the personalities of these officers. Even years from now when he had his body back, they would always surprise him.
While Havoc, Breda and Falman were now watching the conversation between Hughes and Hawkeye with fascination (Fuery still fretting over the killer and praying) and the Elric Brothers mumbling to each other about their poor brains, Mustang was internally celebrating. Escaped paper work again!
"Oh, thanks," Hughes replied, inspecting his hand-gun. "That's okay. I can get myself a rifle easily. It's great working for the military sometimes."
"B-b-but Lieutenant –" Al stuttered.
"I don't think the military would permit you to borrow a rifle to shoot boys, sir," Hawkeye added.
Hughes shrugged, "I'll just buy my own then."
"Fuery, for Lord's sake!" Breda suddenly cut in. "Calm down! You've been shaking like an idiot for ages!"
"B-but I c-can't…"
"So Hughes," Mustang spoke up with strange enthusiasm, he was obviously trying to change the conversation again. "I do have to ask: why the hell weren't you hiding when lock down mode commenced?"
"Oh, well," Hughes made himself comfortable on his side of the couch. Hawkeye looked quite disappointed the conversation was no longer about guns. Mustang Advice No. 3: Distract Hawkeye by mentioning guns. Works every time. "I was wandering around the hallway when the sirens went off and, well, your office was the closest."
"Bull crap," Mustang titled it immediately. "You could have gone to Peters' office."
Hughes smirked, "Yeah but his office isn't nearly as entertaining as yours."
"Peters?" young Alphonse suddenly perked up. When he had heads turn to him he answered, "I think I've heard that name before…but where?"
Beside him, Ed had been casually day-dreaming until he heard the name Peters. He started slightly and then cringed. At the end of Al's question, Edward elbowed him and shushed him. "It doesn't matter Al. No reason to bring that up." The boy's golden eyes then met Mustang and narrowed, sending the Flame Alchemist a clear message to keep his mouth shut.
Mustang couldn't help it though. With his subordinates and best friend giving him looks that were asking for an explanation, combined with the possibility of annoying Full Metal, there was no way he could back off. "Come on Full Metal, where's the harm in telling them? I think it's hilarious."
"Of course you do!" Ed snarled and then Alphonse gasped, "Oh! Peters! Lieutenant Colonel Peters! A state alchemist!"
The officers nodded, "Yeah?"
"I remember him!" Al exclaimed excitedly. "When Ed and I were younger."
"No Al!" Edward was trying so damn hard to shut Al up. It probably wasn't even that bad but this is Edward Elric we're talking about.
Mustang then decided to inform them with much smugness in his tone, "It's not that bad. Full Metal's just exaggerating. Remember when Peters went to Dublith?"
"Yeah?"
"Shut up bastard!"
"Brother, please. It's okay for the Colonel to tell."
"No it's not!"
"Shut up Chief," Havoc ordered, listening to his superior.
"Anyway," Mustang continued, leaning back into his chair. "Peters came back from Dublith and said he had a bit of trouble. Apparently two young boys with golden eyes pinched his pocket watch. And then, using alchemy, they created a giant tower with the ground. Both screamed like little girls apparently."
There was another silence (Hawkeye couldn't believe it! A silence) as the officers figured it out. Then Ed and Al were showered with expressions crossing between confusion, disbelief, and amusement when they all remembered one thing: Ed has gold eyes, who else do they know who has gold eyes? And Al probably had gold eyes when he had a body.
"Are you serious?" Breda snorted as Havoc's chuckle began to develop into laughter.
Fuery momentarily forgot the supposed killer and sniggered along with Falman. Hawkeye sent the brothers an unimpressed risen eyebrow while Hughes and Mustang shared looks before bursting into laughter. "No way!" Hughes cried gleefully.
"Did you two really steal a state alchemist's pocket watch?" Falman chortled. "That's a criminal offence."
It was apparently true since Edward turned a darker shade of red as Al nervously chuckled. "Yeah," the suit of armour answered sheepishly. "We were only young. Brother was nine and I was eight. It was when we were studying with our Teacher. We just wanted to take a look."
"A look doesn't require touching Alphonse," Hawkeye said.
"Y-yeah," Al agreed, embarrassed as Ed avoided eye contact and just looked at the ground.
"Don't know what you two are so embarrassed about," Mustang teased. "I mean, I think it's brilliant. Have you two gone to see Lieutenant Colonel Peters yet? I bet he'd love to see you two again. Just refrain from taking his watch. After all, Full Metal, you have your own to play with now. Just make sure you share with Alphonse."
It was infuriating how Mustang could make Edward feel like a child. Especially when he turned an incredible item like a state alchemist pocket watch into a toy! "Damn you!" Ed shouted before lunging at the Colonel. He didn't get far when Havoc managed to stop the thirteen-year-old…well, he more of poked his foot out and tripped the young alchemist.
If anyone was hanging around outside Mustang's office they would have being startled to hear a loud explosion of laughter coming from inside. And then the furious (with a hint of humiliation) scream of the famous Full Metal Alchemist demanding them shut up. Alphonse felt the need to head back to Resembool, reside with the Rockbells for a while before getting back to work again. This day was draining all his energy and patience.
And then…suddenly…
BANG!
Plus an intense bright light blinding everyone. The lightning had returned with a vengeance. A bolt of lightning snapped right outside Mustang's office.
The bang was accompanied by terrified and shocked shrieks from every person in the office.
The noise that had blasted their eardrums drowned out and left everyone to awkwardly trail their screams off. Then stares were shared. "That never happened," Mustang declared.
"Agreed," all answered firmly.
"Listen, everyone," Hawkeye said, her voice was slightly shaking but she was controlling herself quite well. Back to looking professional. "We still need to be quiet for this lock down." She was still worried about that? Hawkeye then snapped at her officers, "Falman, Fuery, get away from the door and grow up already! This lock down was meant to happen. Havoc, Breda, you two should know better than to constantly tease and go along with people's stupidity." S-stupidity? "Alphonse, I know it's hard but please try to understand that everything's alright. Edward, may I remind you that you're a state alchemist; stop being childish! Hughes, if you're going to be here then please be useful! And Sir," she turned to Mustang.
She can't be rude to him! It was alright for her to shoot down all the others but not him.
"You're an idiot," Hawkeye shortly claimed.
Ouch.
"Okay, okay, we get it," Hughes whispers, he carefully eased Hawkeye down to the couch again. "I suggest we do something to pass the time. One that will be quiet." He quickly added then he turned to Ed and Al with a large grin, "You boys are always on long train rides. What do you two do to pass the time?"
…
"Play Truth or Dare," Alphonse admitted.
…
"Brilliant idea!" Breda never looked so excited.
Later…
This lock down was taking way too long!
They had being locked inside Mustang's office for ages now. The storm had finally passed and the peak of everyone's fear died down. Though it had been quiet, the Truth or Dare had turned out to be quite hectic.
Breda's hands were tingling for sitting on them for so long. And he thoroughly regretted picking dare again because he now couldn't eat for the rest of the day, Havoc would make sure of that.
Havoc himself wasn't too fabulous either. He felt like digging a hole and dying in it when he had to admit he got his first kiss at twenty-three all because of a dare and only managed to convince a girl to bed because she felt sorry for him being a twenty-five year old virgin.
Falman's throat was sore and raspy because he'd had to talk for a whole ten minutes about whatever came to his head. Conversations about toothpaste, lollies, bricks, plates, cabbage, monkeys and large hats were born. For the normally silent man, Falman's poor tongue and throat never felt more painful.
Fuery wasn't in the office at the moment. After refusing to admit who his first love was, he was forced to accept a terrible dare: to stand outside Mustang's office for five minutes. They could still hear his rapid breathing and desperate soft pleas to be let back in. "Her name was Stacy okay?" No one let him in.
Alphonse was threatened to be kicked outside too if he didn't do as he was asked. Al got it off pretty well. He only had to punch his older brother in the face. Al just knew he was never going to hear the end of it from Ed.
Speaking of Ed, the state alchemist was forced to endure Mustang throwing his pocket watch out the window and ordering him to "fetch." Al begged him to do it later but then Ed was cornered when he, more or less, told of the time when he and Al fought over who would marry Winry.
Hughes was still sniffling over his photos. He was never going to forgive Mustang or Ed for this. The two decided to team up and eliminate Hughes' photos with their alchemy as the dare. Then Hughes had to admit out loud whether Gracia was good in bed or not, to which Ed and Al covered their ears, permanently scarred.
Hawkeye hated to see it but Havoc and Breda were both able to spit and smash her beloved gun against the ground, denting it in many areas. Then Fuery was able to deconstruct it and clumsily put it back together when Falman removed some vital pieces and hid them. Hawkeye then bluntly stated that no, she did not have a crush on the Colonel.
To which, everyone smirked evilly and dared Mustang to kiss Hawkeye. His cheek was still stinging and burning after that slap. Damn, she didn't even hold back. It had just being a short kiss! Nothing too bad was it? He wasn't a bad kisser after all. Then Mustang swore loudly, scaring Al, when Ed also snatched his pocket watch and threw it out the window. Damn that brat!
"I can't do this any more," Mustang decided crossly. "That's enough. Let's do something else."
"Yeah, I'm bored," Edward complained.
"You can come in now Fuery," Breda said. Falman took the door handle and opened it. Fuery scampered inside. He was clearly hyperventilating. Everyone watched as Fuery gathered himself up again, gasping so loudly it sounded as though he was suffocating. Drama Queen, everyone thought. Fuery gulped and sighed.
"...Well," Havoc murmured, breaking the silence. "Now that that's settled, let's move on."
"Alright, how about we –" Hughes began but then another noise cut in.
This was, by far, the most impressive moment for the Elric Brother, Hughes, Mustang and his squad. The door suddenly shook when something large outside collided into it like it was trying to break the door down. Like the time with the lightning bolt, all screamed.
But then it only got worse when a grizzly voice outside rumbled, "Open the damn door! And let me slice you all to pieces!"
…
"ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!"
"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"
"I CAN'T DIE SINGLE!"
"I CAN'T DIE ON AN EMPTY STOMACH!"
"I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!"
"HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"BROTHER! I DON'T WANNA DIE!"
"GRACIA! ELYSIA! I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE YOU BEHIND!"
"I CAN'T DIE NOW!"
"SAVE US! HELP US!"
"OH GOD!"
"HAVE MERCY!"
And then, to everyone's horror, the door burst open. The outsider succeeding in breaking it down. The shrieks and screams were impressive…until they all dissolved into cries of confusion…
…was that the Führer?
The Führer laughed out loud like a jolly Santa Claus. "That was the most fun I've had in a while. Oh do all pull yourselves together and laugh. Ha ha!"
Mustang and his squad awkwardly laughed with the Führer. Mustang, twitching, mentally cursed the Führer and was eagerly awaiting the day when he could kick the man's ass. And then the Führer cleared his throat and said cheerfully, "Anyway. The lock down has officially ended. The mission was a complete success. The killer was apprehended and–"
"–WAIT? WHAT!"
The Führer frowned at the many pale and shocked faces, "The killer. The one you've being searching for Lieutenant Colonel Hughes. He infiltrated the Command Centre. Luckily, I arrived today and managed to capture him. I find it quite ironic that the killer turned up on the same day as the scheduled lock down."
Another incredible silence.
All were pale, sweating, breathing rapidly and heavily; their hearts beating a thousand miles per hour, frozen to the core…
… Then:
"OH MY GOD!"
"THERE ACTUALLY WAS A KILLER!"
"BROTHER, YOU WERE WRONG!"
"SHUT UP AL! HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?"
"I CAN'T BELIEVE I WAS OUTSIDE WHERE THE KILLER COULD HAVE KILLED ME!"
"YOU THINK YOU GOT IT BAD FUERY? I WAS WANDERING AROUND THE HALLWAYS FOR LORD'S SAKE!"
"AND WE WERE SO LOUD! HE WOULD HAVE FOUND US!"
"OH DEAR LORD!"
"I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE ALIVE!"
"IT'S A MIRACLE!"
"NEVER AGAIN!" Mustang's shout was the loudest of all of them.
Damn, he needed a coffee.
-END-
Right. That's it. My one-shot.
Fun Fact: The lightning incident happened to my dad when he was in the army. A lightning bolt struct right outside his room. It scared the hell out of him and his friends. Hilarious.
Anyway, if you want to know: the thing with Lieutenant Colonel Peters refers to my other FMA fan-fic. This fic is about the days when Ed and Al were training with Izumi. It's not really a funny fic (I'm not even sure this was). It's more about learning lessons, growing up and family moments. Anyway, thanks for reading!
Review if you wish.