This is my first ever Rogan, and it's silly. VERY silly. So please expect silliness The first half of the story deals with the beginning of everything silly, the second half... Well, you'll just have to read and find out. It's still silly, though. It's my silly baby, very silly. Silliness is bound but never gagged in this story. Expect silliness!

Anyway, please tell me what you think. Reviews are my crack, they truly are.

The silliness is all set after the catastrophe that was Last Stand. Anything else you want to know, just ask and I'll be willing to reply in a silly way.

Updated and rewritten chapter as of 20/06/2012 – I hope you still enjoy the silliness!

Love Me Do

Love, love me do.
You know I love you,
I'll always be true,
So please, love me do

- The Beatles

It all started with an innocent comment that went something like this, "Doesn't his perfect ass look great in those ripped, rugged and ready to rip off jeans, Roguey?"

I looked; I'll admit that I looked again and know I shouldn't have done. I'd spent a lot of my time looking; I just couldn't help myself. Homework has been left high and dry because I looked until my eyes were bloodshot and in fear of cracking open like eggs. I looked until I developed unhealthy issues and became a pervert. I even looked until I felt like weeping when he eventually left without removing any other shreds of clothing.

Oh God, did I look and because I looked I'm now a loud, proud and positively psychotic pervert, but hey, nobody is perfect in this world and all I did was look.

Okay, this is all Jubilation Lee's fault! She asked me that prickly, loaded question and made me look. But she's my best friend, so I can't kill her, it wouldn't feel right. The girl is boisterous and often crude, and gets me into the worst trouble, and I still can't kill her. Trust me; once you get to know her adorable, often crazy ways of behaving, you will love every inch of her and those funny little quirks of hers. I mean what the hell? This girl is fixated, no, she is obsessed with guys; all guys of any age, shape or size! Just why did she have to look at this particular man and why was I looking with her?

Of course it didn't stop with the looking, oh no, things became a lot worse, and that's when it happened. It all happened so fast I couldn't stop it and to be honest, I didn't even think I wanted to. From the comments on the fringe of, "That guy has serious walnut cracking ass cheeks!" to, "I'd love to lick some Chunky Monkey off those fine abs" everything toppled on my poor frazzled brain until realisation dawned on me in a flash! I liked Logan and I really loved looking at him.

This is where the story began, after the looking, and right where the silliness and scheming started to engulf the mansion and myself and Jubilee's lives. My story is a rambling one and I offer no apologies to you for the length and twists or turns. I do suggest you take a seat though and send your family and friends a note tasting of goodbye, because this is where things get messy and absurd.

So here we are and it all began on a stifling Tuesday morning in August of 2008…

When did this looking morph into a crush that was crushing me? No scratch that dumb question, how could I let this happen to me? I'm smart and I have a brain I mostly enjoy using when the questions aren't too tough, so how did this happen!

Have I actually fallen in love with Logan, the resident asshole of the mansion? Do I even know the meaning of love or is this just lust? I'll be damned because they're both as bad as each other. I'm yearning for something that is so far out of my reach and it always will be. I'm just a silly kid in his eyes. Even though the law says I can drink, drive, gamble and fuck, of course, not all at the same time, but I'm twenty-freaking-one! I'm not the kid he saved from the freezing conditions in the Canadian wilderness and I'm nothing like the upset girl on the train. I don't even think like I did on the statue anymore, I've matured, and I refuse to be treated like a kid by Logan and his hard, toned, delicious ass.

I snap my eyes shut and I plead with myself to drift back to sleep and ignore the Logan thoughts, the sound of that annoying person creeping into my room and the smack of a pair of heavily glossed lips. Gum! The intruder is eating gum and my life is over as I know it.

"Roguey, if you've died, I'm going to kill you."

Snorting at the words, I open one tired, bloodshot eye and stare at her for a moment or two."That's not even possible, Jubes." I grumble half-heartedly, my heavy Southern accent thickening as the huffiness grows. "And I'm not dead yet!"

I drag the covers over my head and hope that I suffocate. Suffocation equals an unconscious Rogue and that sounds like Heaven right now. I'm completely mortified about being dumped by Bobby, even more embarrassed I didn't see it or the cheating coming.

"You weren't at breakfast." She declares like she's the only person that noticed said situation as she chews on a piece of gum loudly. "Is there anything you want to tell your best friend?"

"No, there ain't. Now get outta here, Jubilee."

"I don't like being kept out of the loop, Chica." She pouts, blowing a well-rounded yellow bubble with her sacred gum.

"Jubilee, there's no loop except you! You're a fruit loop dressed in lemon and you're annoying me." I slam back with my words and turn angrily on my side. "I'm completely fine. There's nothing bothering me, because I'm one hundred percent fine. Completely fine! Bobby and Kitty are doing fine, I'm fine, you're fine and Logan is fine. We're definitely all fine and dandy!"

"Okay." I hear her say and I hope that signals she's fine, no longer looking at me and leaving. I want to go back to moping, sulking and sleeping. That is what I was put on this Earth to do and I'm pretty damn good at it. "Oh, by the way, I nearly forgot Logan's on his way up here."

"What!" I demand in a terrified and desperate tone, saucer-eyed and almost delirious with worry.

I glance worriedly at Jubilee, she nods her head, and I curse rapidly under my harrowed breath. In seconds, I spring to my feet, tossing the bed covers to the floor and gazing around the room searchingly.

"But – But he can't be!" I complain, dragging my slender fingers through my tangled hair in a mass panic. "Jesus Christ, I'm all bed hair and bad breath!"

I dash around my room throwing any object that doesn't resemble a hairbrush onto my bed, floor, over Jubilee's head and as far away from me as possible. Why am I so disorganised and where did I hide my fucking hairbrush?

"Oh my God, I need to get changed. What do I wear? Shit, I'm going to die if he comes in here right now!"

Abandoning the last thought for a long moment, I launch myself into my bathroom to brush my teeth. "Whatever you do, Jubes, don't let him in here. Not when he'll take one look at me and run screaming from the mansion and all the way to the nearest brothel."

Jubilee suddenly squeals and then bursts into a fit of hysterical laughter, collapsing onto my bed in the crazy process. "I knew it!" She cries, pointing an unwavering finger at me. Her nails are brightly painted summer yellow and splattered with silver glitter, and the critic in me is disturbed by the colour.

"Have you lost your mind finally?" I question her as I look concerned, standing with the toothbrush in my hand and spearmint toothpaste decorating my lips.

"You do like him, I knew it. Oh, I'm so good. I knew you were hiding something from me. Shame on you, Chica."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." I claim quietly, almost overcome with embarrassment. "Wait a minute, you knew what would work?"

"You're blushing, Roguey!" Jubilee starts to squeal again. "I'm that intelligent and beautiful I knew if you thought I wanted to jump Wolvie's bones you'd get jealous and admit your feelings for his scrumptious ass. But when you didn't and this is the good part, I lied and said he was coming up here right now to see you."

"You planned all this? I didn't get any sleep last night because of your scheming!" I snarl, hurling my toothbrush at my so-called best friend. "And I'm not jealous. I don't get jealous. Never ever do I get jealous! I don't look either. Oh, and I'm not in love with Logan!"

She grins at me, parts her lips and takes a deep breath before belting out a loud tune. "Logan and Marie, sitting in a tree, F-U-M-B-L-I-N-G. First comes touching, second comes the grinding... !"

"Shut the heck up!" I order in a frightened tone, attacking her on the bed and clapping a hand over her enormous fucking mouth. "The whole mansion will hear you and I don't want that. You'll make their ears bleed with your voice." I slowly remove my hand and fall into a comfortable heap next to her.

"I don't think even Wolvie can hear my beautiful singing voice from the city." She snorts, continuing to hum the terrible tree song.

Has he really gone to the city without me again? That used to be our thing when he could see me growing bored of the mansion and going stir crazy here. Why would he want to do it alone and leave me here? Who am I kidding; we're not even friends anymore because he'd know doing something like that would hurt my feelings.

"What's up, Rogue?" My friend asks, sounding concerned for me.

"It'll never happen, Jubes." I sigh with a sprinkle of sadness; glaring childishly at the ceiling and wishing it would collapse on my head, putting me out of my misery.

"What, you and your hairy lover boy? Who says you won't be rocking away in a bed come the weekend?"

"He's in love with another woman for one thing. I'd be surprised if he hasn't dry humped her grave yet. And he thinks of me as a little girl he made a promise to. I don't even know which of those points is worse."

"You really think he loves Jean?" She snorted, scrunching up her nose and poking my side. "She's six foot deep, there's no coming back from that. Anyway, she never liked being humped. Gossip is a beautiful thing and the red headed one never liked it rough, not the way Wolverine likes it."

"That's not the point! Logan still cares about her too much and I bet he would have convinced her to have it rough with him. That's just his way of doing things. His handsome lips can do anything. I swear he should be active in political circles."

Jubilee shrugs and pops her gum. "I don't care about any of those things and you shouldn't either. We're gonna change his mind, Chica!"

"What do you mean?" I question her anxiously, tapping her arm. "I know you've been planning this for a while, but I'm not getting involved, Jubilation Lee."

"Yep," Jubilee responds popping the 'P'. "I knew you'd say that, but you're wrong. You'll help me help yourself."

"It isn't going to work, Jubes, so why bother?" I dismiss her absurd reassurances, refusing to get my hopes up and then cruelly dashed. "There's no point bothering."

My head's not circling in the clouds, it remains here in this room under the firm belief this will never, ever work. My life is never simple and having a feral fall into my lap, one that wanted me, really wanted me, would be just too easy and ridiculous. After all, Logan would never fit on lap, he's huge.

"That's about to change, my clueless, horny friend! Hi, my name is Jubilee and I will be your adviser, stylist and all round matchmaker for the next few weeks."

She turns and offers me her hand to shake. Sighing despondently, I take her hand in mine with slight reluctance and sincerely hope I know what I'm getting myself into because this could be an absolute disaster.

"You've sealed your fate now, Miss D'Ancanto. There's no turning back, you're mine to mould as I please and Mr. King of the Fucking Growls won't see what's hit him in the balls." Jubilee cackles in an evil way as she rubs her hands together.

I gulp as I contemplate the messy, potentially embarrassing task ahead of me. Please just kill me now before I'm even given half the chance to make a foolish fool out of myself in front of Logan. Oh God, I think I'm going to be sick. Why didn't I stay put as a perverted looking look artiste?