From .com: "Imagine a blunt person your OTP knows asks them about their sex life... and wants details." [Erm, tweaked for comedic effect :D]

Blunt person: Kousuke Ueki

Blunt Force, Trauma (PG-18 for references and for explicit use of the word "sex")

Sano and Ueki had been playing video games the moment Ueki arrived at their apartment. At least, judging by their hunched shoulders, eyes glued to the television screen and monosyllabic responses to Rinko's questions are what told Rinko this.

Seeing that it was impossible to get them to glance at her, she mentally threw her hands up, sighed, and brought her groceries into the kitchen by herself. Being the ever kindly big sister-type to Ueki, she prepared some snacks and glasses and brought a tray over to where the boys were playing. And playing they were, wildly swaying their controllers left and right, as if it would make their respective virtual cars go in that direction. It was then Rinko noticed this about her partner.

"Sano! You're still in your bathrobe?! We have a guest!"

"He doesn't mind." he monotonously said, still focused on the game. "You don't mind, right Ueki?"

"Nope." his good friend's equally monotonous reply was.

Letting out a sigh of exasperation, strike two for that day, she set down the snacks and the ice tea. As soon as she turned her back to attend to the rest of the groceries, she heard a loud clink sound. She turned around only to be greeted by already-emptied plates and glasses. The perps continued to race their virtual cars, Ueki allowing a small burp to escape his otherwise blank face.

She looked at the two expectantly. Five seconds passed. Then ten seconds. Then 30 seconds. One minute. She wasn't going to get it.

Strike three today, Sano. She promptly removed the tray and went back into the kitchen, noisily cleaning the dishes and putting away the groceries. Thankfully, just as she'd known, this went unignored by her 'beloved.'

Pause went the game.

"Could you be any louder?"

Ueki was momentarily stunned by the paused game. He turned to Sano who had just walked into the kitchen and started arguing with his 'beloved.'

"Nothing! Absolutely nothing's wrong, according to your brain."

"What's that supposed to mean, eh?"

"You should know! It's you not thinking!"

"What are you talking about? You know I can shift my focus really easily, unlike some people."

"Don't you try pointing out my faults this time! This was all your own doing. If you had just-"

"-but it was okay! He didn't mind it-"

"-just because you're friends doesn't mean-"

"-lucky I didn't lock the door-"

Ueki just watched the two duke it out as usual. Although, he was pretty sure he didn't want his friends to fight over something so petty. Especially when this visit was supposed to have been for spending some quality time with them.

"Uh..hey."

"WHAT?" The couple said in unison, turning to face the neutral expression of their green-haired friend.

It was funny, they were each holding the cuffs of the other's shirt (or robe, in Rinko's case), and just about to deliver a punch to the other's jaw.

"Calm down, okay?"

Sheepishly, they looked at each other and then regained their composure.

"That's better. You should think of how you two feel about each other, especially after last night. That's the best way to stop your little arguments."

Sano turned to stone. Rinko's cheeks burned red hot.

"W-what are you talking about, Ueki?" Rinko barely managed to blurt it out.

"You know. You manage to have sex so often it sometimes hard to figure why you continue to have little spats like this."

Sano's brain broke a little bit. Rinko got even redder.

"Hey, what's the matter, Rinko? Are you running a fever?"

Rinko fainted but then it was Sano's turn to break out of his stupor.

"Wh-wh-where are you getting all of this?!"

Ueki was attending to Rinko, currently in denial on the floor.

"I don't know what you guys do but I would get these calls on my mobile from Rinko in the middle of the night sometimes. Now, she wouldn't talk to me but I would hear her making these moaning, groaning animal-like sounds and occasionally whispers of your first name, Sano. And I think a couple of times, I would hear you too."

Sano's brain broke a little more. Meanwhile Ueki failed to wake Rinko up and so proceeded to get some iced water from their refrigerator. Sano on the other hand decided to crumple on the floor as well. His knees went wobbly. He never noticed that Rinko's phone would be on the bed when they were playing around. How many times exactly has Rinko's phone been accidentally calling Ueki whenever they had their fun? He dared to ask.

"H-How many times has Rinko called you?"

Ueki had come back with a damp towel and was about to place it over Rinko's forehead.

"Hmm.. I lost count."

Sano's soul almost left its body by that point. Oh the shame. He then pushed Ueki out of the way with such urgency that Ueki slammed against the back of the couch. He lifted Rinko up and started shaking her vigorously, crying as he did so.

"RINKO! What are we going to do about this? If it weren't for your lousy locking system on your phone-"

Rinko bolted awake and socked Sano on the jaw.

"What do you mean WE? You always always had to jump me whenever I got home! You wouldn't let me put my bag down or even change into something comfier!"

Rubbing his jaw, he answered her back with the same amount of ferocity. "But why would you have your phone in your hand instead of in your bag?"

"I was busy checking my schedule for the following day! And now, thanks to your spontaneous personality everyone on my contacts list knows we try different positions every night!"

"Who's idea was it to consult the Kama Sutra, eh? Who said we had to have a schedule for these kinds of things every other night, hm? I didn't see you make any objections to tying me up, that's for sure!"

"At least no one had to hear you!"

The two were were standing up again, almost wringing the other's necks.

Ueki rubbed the bump now growing on the back of his head. He looked at his best friends. His perenially squabbling best friends. He smiled to himself, enjoying the familiarity of their conversations. If only they knew he was cool with it. And as far as he's concerned, he's the only one who knows. It's not like anyone else had been receiving strange calls from Rinko in the middle of the night.

Somewhere, Mori tripped on the crack on the sidewalk pavement and Hideyoshi suddenly lost his balance while atop a step ladder.

The End :)

R&R most welcome!