Tags for the Episode "Sex and Violence"...
What if the end had gone a different way...(as in yes, this is an AU...)
I do not own Supernatural (sadly enough) nor the characters (also sadly enough...). I am merely borrowing them. Kripke owns all my toys, damn him....
Without further ado...
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Chapter 1:
Turn On A Dime…
"Dean…..you know…what I said back there…I didn't really mean it…I…we were both under the Siren's influence…and well…I…I didn't mean what I said." Sam said with a sigh, cautiously stealing a glance in his brother's direction…Dean was silent, his head lowered, contemplating something that was leaving an obviously bad taste in his mouth, so to speak…"Dean?..." he repeated quietly, the worry pervading his questioning tone…
"I heard you Sam…" he said, not looking up…
Sam nodded sharply and lowered his head…he knew Dean had something on his mind, something he was having a hard time saying. Sam knew better than to push him. He would only talk when he was ready…
Dean closed his eyes for a moment, drawing in a deep breath. He had never been one to talk incessantly about what he was feeling, but he couldn't keep this inside in anymore, especially after all that had been said under the Siren"s spell. He thrust his hand into his pocket, taking one last deep breath to steel his nerves…
"Sam…about what I said…I meant it…every word of it…" he said, his voice breaking off into silence for a moment as he felt Sam's body tense and his head snap to look in his direction. He could tell Sam was about to say something, but he wasn't finished, so he interrupted Sam before he could get started…
"Sam…I just need to get this out…dude….we need to talk…" he stopped to swallow hard, his throat rapidly becoming dry…."I meant what I said Sam…and I think you did too…Siren or no Siren, I think we've both been holding in things and not dealing with them like we should have…Sammy…I'm worried about you…you aren't the same Sam I raised…I don't blame you, I'm not the same as I was then either…I would be fooling myself if I thought that was even remotely a possibility for either of us. I don't know what's gonna happen from one day to the next and I guess I kinda just hung on to the notion that you were the one constant, unchanged thing in my life…but you're not…and it's not about the psychic stuff, I know you didn't ask for it…that you didn't ask for the demon blood…I know that, and even though those things worry me and scare the crap out of me, I can deal with them. What's really worrying the hell out me is the secrets…the lies…the acting completely outside of your self…those things aren't you. They never were. It's not you and it scares me to think that you aren't who I thought you were. And then, there's whatever you're hiding…It's got something to do with your powers, I know it does, because all of a sudden your powers are getting much stronger then they ever were before. I also know that whatever it is, it must be really bad if you would go to such great lengths to keep it from me…Sam, you know what Cas said…what Uriel said…Sam, they have wiped entire civilizations off the map…they aren't going to hesitate to kill you dead to stop you. Even with that, I have to confess something. I know what it feels like…to have power over others…At first you think, well I'll only use it a little, I won't let it get out of hand. But then that line you set to not cross…gets crossed…So you move it back and swear to yourself you won't cross it again…but you do…Again…and again…and again you cross it…because power like that…is addicting. You find yourself doing things…" he choked, his mouth devoid of moisture, tears streaming slowly down his face, their searing trails almost painful over his tightly clenched jaw muscles. He pushed himself on, knowing he had to finish this…"…you find yourself doing things…that you never in a million years would have thought you would do…or could do…Sam…I didn't, I couldn't tell you about Hell…because deep down…I…I knew…if I did…then you would see what a monster I let myself become…what monster that I am…I couldn't…let you see what the man you used to look up to…was actually capable of…I wanted…no, I needed to think you still looked up to me like you did when you were little, but I don't deserve that, not any more. You were right Sammy…I'm weak. I always have been. I mean I couldn't even last a couple of days without you after you died…I went out and did something that went against everything we know, everything we were taught. I ended up becoming just like dad. You…you were always stronger...alway willing and able to stand up for yourself...to fight for what you wanted…I think dad saw that about you…even when you and him were fighting, he still loved you…he still thought of you as a son and not just a soldier...not like me...not like the mindless, worthless soldier I was..." he trailed off, letting his shaking body collapse forward in utter dejection as he unclenched his desperately aching muscles, his shoulders hunched and his tear-filled eyes closed as he reached into his jean pocket. He retrieved the keys to the Impala, his shaking hands registering the feel of the cold metal against his skin. The weight of them in his palm caused memories to stir in his mind, some of them fond, others, not so much…. Dean's eyes slid closed as he bit down on his bottom lip. His eyes burned beneath their sheaths of skin. After a long moment, he opened them, and turning, he walked toward the trunk. He slid the key home, the trunk lithely springing up. He clutched up his duffle, swinging it onto his shoulder before closing the trunk. He willed his shaking legs to carry him to his brother's side once again. He reached out and grabbed Sam's wrist. Sam's tear-streaked face turned toward him, his glistening golden brown eyes latched on to his big brother's before shifting to look to the duffle. His eyes returned and his brow furled, tears welling heavily…
"You were right Sam…you don't need me…" Dean said, his breath catching for a moment. He knew he needed to say one final thing. "Goodbye Sammy…" he pressed the keys into his brother's palm and curled his lengthy fingers tightly over them. He held onto his brother's hand for a just a few more moments before letting go and striding away, his drooping form making his strides heavy…ungainly…Dean bit down on his lip and fought the urge to turn back. He rounded a corner, leaving Sam's line of sight…
Sam shook with terrible guilt and sadness. He stood there for a moment, unable to process what had just happened. Then, with a dreadful spike of pain in his chest, reality came slamming back down onto him.
"Dean!!..."he cried out, his heart hammering in his chest… "Dean!!!!!!!!!!!!...." he screamed…no answer…He ran forward to the corner of the building that Dean had disappeared around…
"Dean!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...." he bellowed, as he rounded the corner, but there was no one there to hear his cries. His big brother was gone. Nothing but the empty street tumbling off into the distance before him…He leaned heavily against the wall, his arms out to brace himself as shuddering sobs gripped him. He slammed he fist violently against the brick. He cried out as white-hot pain ricocheted through his arm, radiating thunderously through his muscles and nerves. He gasped deeply at the pain. Gripping his wrist, he turned and collapsed heavily against the wall, sliding to a jarring stop as he made contact with the ground. The feel of the keys clutched in his palm beneath the flesh of his quite probably fractured wrist brought it all home in his mind. He shook with sadness…with regret…with shame…He closed his eyes and bowed his head as tears slid unabated down his face and throat. He shook his head, the words bubbling up out of his parched throat…
"Dean…I'm sorry….I didn't mean…I didn't mean it…I'm sorry…Dean…please come back…I didn't mean it…" he whispered out as he broke into sobbing gasps. Dean was gone, and he had no one else to blame but himself and his own wicked heart. Everything he had said, he should have said to himself, but instead, he lashed out on the one person he loved…Siren or no Siren, he had broke a trust and without it, he had torn down his own world around him. He deserved Hell, but his brother had taken that pain for him…and it had destroyed him, left him hanging on by a thread…
Sam gagged bitterly thinking about what he had said, the horrible words rang through his mind with out end. Dean…he had to find him, to apologize. He snorted in a bitter little laugh. He could never apologize enough and he knew it. Any apology he gave would only serve to assuage his own guilt. How very selfish of me, he thought…
He knew he couldn't let his brother be all alone in this world, he didn't deserve that. Sam stumbled, standing awkwardly. He struggled to right his muscles, to overcome the ungainly shuffle he was caught in. He scrambled into the car. He had to find him…He had to find Dean, before it was too late. He slid the key home in the ignition, turning over the engine into a thrumming rumble of a purr. He turned to look back as he backed around, then shifted to drive and surged off after his brother…
***********************************************************************************************************************Another cliffie!!!
Remember...Patience is a virtue....not one of mine, but still......
*evil grin*