Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry: Book Club
Book Chosen: Alice in Wonderland
Prompts Used:
(Creature) Cheshire Cat - Bonus!
(Dialogue) "Who in the world am I?" / "Ah, that's the great puzzle."
(Word) Bizarre
(Word) croquet
(Title) Mad-Hatter
A/N: I drew quite a bit of inspiration from Alice in Wonderland, not just the prompts above. Most of the Cheshire Cat's speech is of my own creation but the song; I am odd, is actually from a deleted scene from the 1950's film. I haven't used the whole song and I have added lyrics of my own to change the overall feel of it; the first two lines and the last two lines are from the original song.
I had a lot of fun writing this so I hope you like it xD
The Mad Hatter and His Curious Cat
"Harry," Hermione tapped on Harry's arm pulling him out of his daydream. "Hagrid's waving at you." She said pointing to the teachers table to a beaming, Hagrid. Harry waved back to him, a little less enthusiastically, before the sound of Hermione shouting diverted his attention.
"Ron!" Hermione snarled a little too loudly. "You know one of these days you will make yourself choke."
Ron glared back at her and then shovelled even more bacon into his mouth; shrugging his shoulders. Hermione huffed, and took a book from her bag, before disappearing behind it, leaving Harry and Ron to discuss the upcoming quidditch match between Gryffindor and Slytherin. Ron continued to swallow down food like a starved pig as they argued about the best defensive strategies. By the time Hagrid approached their table, they were debating in very loud voices.
"Alrigh', Harry, Ron, 'ermione?" He said with a wide grin hidden beneath his wild beard.
"Hi, Hagrid." They said almost in unison, Hermione quickly hid behind her book again, still angry with the boys.
"I got a righ' lesson for you today. I don' wanna say to much, but you can bet it'll be a good'un. I'm just on me' way to prepare now, so I'll see you down there."
As Hagrid stomped off, Hermione slammed her book down on the table, unwittingly knocking a drink over Ron. He spluttered at the attack and stood up to dry himself as Hermione just continued with her rant.
"I just hope whatever he has planned is appropriate, especially after what happened with Malfoy and Buckbeak. He's got to be careful!" she said as she started packing away her things and left her breakfast half finished, before chasing after their giant teacher.
"I wish she was more trusting of Hagrid. We've had some excellent lessons so far, and what happened with Malfoy was his own fault!" Harry said defensively as Hermione ran off, though he knew, deep down, that she was right.
Ron played with his last crust of toast, ignoring Harry's questioning look.
"I know, mate but she's got a point. He has got to be careful now, hasn't he? What with the Malfoys sniffing around." He admitted reluctantly.
"Yeah, I suppose. I wonder what he's got. He seemed pretty excited, I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not." Harry said with a weak laugh, inside he squirmed. Hagrid could not get into trouble again; not now.
Ron shrugged his shoulders, "Well there's no point in staying in suspense, is there? Shall we go down?"
Harry and Ron were the first ones to arrive outside Hagrid's odd, misshapen cottage. With nobody around they waited beside Hagrid's pumpkin patch. Soon enough Hermione stormed over from around the side of the hut, huffing and puffing.
"He won't tell me anything. He's out back preparing it now but he won't let me go near. He even threatened me with detention." She said with a slight waiver to her voice.
Harry didn't miss the fleeting look on her face as she said it but he let it go. His focus had to be on Hagrid; Today's lesson must be excellent and he would do what ever he could to make it so.
"Come for a sneaky lil' look 'ave ye? Well you won' be gettin' one; it's a surprise!" Hagrid said as he appeared, a twinkle of excitement in his eyes. "Ye can see it with the rest o' the class"
"It isn't... well it isn't... dangerous, is it Hagrid?" Hermione said as she looked down at the floor and played with her feet. "It's just after what happened with Buckbeack..."
"I ain' never shown anythin' dangerous in this class. That boy was an idiot, Buckbeak din' mean too..." Hagrid hiccoughed away a few silent sobs, obviously thinking about Buckbeak's impending trial.
"I'm sorry Hagrid. I didn't mean to imply.." Hermione apologised weakly.
"'S alrigh' 'ermione, no matter." He brightened up and gave her grin. "Righ' the rest of the class'll be along soon, I reckon. So I best get on with my preparations. Make sure they all stay 'ere. Don't let anyone come round back 'til I say so."
"What do you think it is?" Hermione looked at Harry with worry as Hagrid disappeared from sight.
"I dunno, but what ever it is, he's excited about it!" He said shrugging his shoulders.
Hermione's face turned to a mask of horror as she considered the possibilities; they knew all too well how Hagrid cooed over strange and dangerous creatures. None of them would forget Fluffy in a hurry and any assurances from Hagrid did nothing to reassure her.
"Relax, Hermione." Ron urged, "it'll be fine."
Soon the whole class was congregated around the front of Hargid's hut waiting for their teacher.
"Righ' then,' Hargrid's voice boomed as he approached them with massive strides. "I got something special to show ye all today. It's a very rare creature and i' took me a grea' deal o' bargaining to get him here, I'll tell ye. Well, come on then" he said leading them around the side of his house.
"He still hasn't told us what it is," Hermione whispered, as she walked with Harry and Ron, at the head of the line.
The rest of the unenthusiastic class slowly made their way to his makeshift garden, at the back of the hut.
"Come on, don' be shy." He called, beckoning them on and gathering them around.
Hagrid's tiny garden housed a stained and threadbare armchair, a rusted tin watering can and a few, questionable plants, but nothing else.
"What exactly are we supposed be looking at? Besides what I assume is your most prized possession." Draco shouted out, to the amusement of the other Slytherin's. Many of the Gryffindorins turned to glare at him, but they couldn't disagree completely. There appeared to be nothing in sight.
Hagrid blushed but otherwise ignored the comment. He bent low down into the chair and audibly whispered through gritted teeth, "Well where the ruddy 'ell are you now?"
With a faint pop and shrieks from the crowd, a very bright and very fat cat appeared, as if from nowhere, with a massive grin plastered on its face. It fluttered its eyelashes at Hagrid and regarded the crowd.
A few girls in the class gasped and squealed, most of the class took an unwitting step back and Pansy Parkinson pretended to faint at the shock, spinning on the spot and falling into Draco's waiting arms. Hermione turned to glare at her and hissed, "Get up, you blithering bimbo!" Much to Ron's delight and applause.
For the first time the entire class was silent as they stared at the creature with, confusion, revulsion, fear, wonder.
It was the most uncat-like cat; with its lurid pink and purple striped fur, it's large, knowing face and massive, almost clown-like grin. It was large, as large as quickly small pig. It looked at them in amusement.
"Wha' the bloody hell! What is it?" Ron said indignantly.
"Ahh..." Hagrid started but he was interrupted by a voice coming from the chair.
"What is it?" The cat replied with a cheeky wink and a wider grin, it almost looked psychotic.
The entire class jumped, some clutched at their hearts and Pansy screamed with genuine fear. Unrest rippled through the class, whispers amongst class mates. But the cat continued, ignorant of his surroundings.
"I should think, my young fellow, that the correct way to phrase that sentence would be to ask; who are you?" The cat gave Ron a nod and a wink and began pawing on the armchair. As his claws worked at the fabric he began to whistle, and then to the surprise of the class, broke out into song.
"Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle.
I am neither a rich man's thing nor a human being,
A snarling dog or a filthy hog (though I do like my food)
Not loves keen spell or a wishing well
Nor croquet bat or your top hat
Not a talking cat!
Oh wait! yes I am!
I am, a Cheshire Cat!"
The cat finished and turned to clean himself. Hagrid beamed as he turned to face the class,"Well as he said, he's a cheshire cat and despite their errr...err.."
"Eccentricities," Hermione offered shakily, unable to look away from the... thing.
"Righ'. Despite their eccentricities they're highly intelligent. As clever as you or me, in fact."
"I highly doubt that you are as clever as me." Malfoy muttered to his group giggling Slytherins.
Hagrid went red but his beard and his smile hid it well, "So what d'ya think?"
"It's a bit mental, isn't it." Ron said.
"Don't let him fool ya, he's a fascinating..."
"What did you just call me? Mental?" The cat spat, aghast. "Mental...! I should think not, good sir!" he shouted out in protest. "Crackers, maybe. Twisted; sure. But mental, How very dare you!"
Recovering from the initial shock, some of the boys sniggered amongst their friends, as the cat pranced up onto the arm of the chair and sang another tune.
"Most cats have handsome whiskers but me, I've got a beard
'Cause obviously, quite obviously, I am weird.
Most cats don't have thick eyebrows, but mine, they take half my face
But obviously, quite obviously, my head's all over the place
My massive grin invites you in, but do not count me as your friend
Because obviously, quite obviously, My mind's around the bend.
When I was a kitten, they'd said I'd be a gem!
But now that I'm a Cheshire Cat, it's odd how odd I am."
The bizarre cat finished his song, gave a yawn, and as if he became bored with the proceedings, curled up on his seat and went to sleep; occasionally letting out exaggerated yawns and purrs.
It was evident that Hagrid had given a great class and Hermione let herself relax and enjoy it. The mutterings among the class were generally positive. Gryffindor's gave the best reviews. All agreeing that this was the best lesson yet. None of them had ever encountered anything so strange before and they loved it.
A few Slytherins tried to provoke Hagrid, or Harry but mostly their voices were lost in the crowd. Draco was relentless with his shots and finally one hit a nerve.
"So what's the point of this talking cat? Seems to me that it's nothing more than a transfigured teddy bear." Draco sneered snotily, breaking the awed silence.
"Talking cat..Transfigured teddy bear." Hagrid spluttered. "Have some respect, Boy! This beautiful creature is more than just a talking teddy bear. He is an incredibly intelligent creature. Full of unique and special magic. Not only does he think and talk like a 'uman, once you gain their friendship ain't nothin' more loyal.
Not only that, the cheshire cat can disapparate and turn invisible at will; I'd say it's a handy creature to have as an ally, if you can fin' one. Most don't, incredibly rare see. They reckon there's only tens left." Hagrid seemed to loose steam as he spoke with passion whilst staring lovingly at the napping cat.
Draco said no more for the rest of the lesson and hung back, sulking, as the rest of the class moved in closer when the cat decided again it wanted the attention and fuss.
More than half of the class groaned as Hagrid called time on the lesson.
"Come on now, away with ye'. You don't wan' to be late for ye next lesson, do ye'." Hagrid beamed.
Hermione, Ron and Harry were among the last to leave. Harry reached up and tried to pat Hagrid on the shoulder but barely grazed his elbow. Harry gave his friend a wide grin before turning to leave with his classmates.
As the trio followed the Gryffindors to the greenhouses, Hermione was bouncing on her heels and smiling; she grasped Harry's arm and said, "That was rather good wasn't it?"
"Good? Hermione, that was excellent!"