Jo scowled and violently threw the unopened pregnancy test back on the shelf. She snatched a small box of tampons from a lower shelf and ripped it open, shoving a few into her scrubs' pockets. Leaving the open box behind, she walked out of the supply closet and right into April Kepner.
"Oh!" April gasped at the contact.
"Sorry!" Jo said flatly, her hands automatically coming out to steady April.
"Don't worry about it, Jo!" April said, looking at the fellow surgeon a little strangely. "No harm done. Actually, have you seen Hunt? One of our patients needed a trach and I wanted to let him know."
Jo shook her head. "Sorry, no. I haven't...um...no."
"Okay, thanks anyway!" April gave Jo a quick wave and headed off down the hallway at a brisk pace. Jo frowned and spun on her heel.
"April?" she called out the older woman's name hesitantly, as if she were afraid she'd lose her nerve. Jo twisted her fingers together nervously.
"Mhm?" April paused and turned.
"Um," Jo chewed at her lower lip. "How...how do you...after your first..."
April looked on sympathetically as Jo struggled to find the words she wanted. She moved forward, closing the gap between them.
"How did you know?" Jo asked, her voice hoarse. "That everything would work out?"
April wrinkled her nose. She knew that Jo and Alex had been having trouble getting pregnant, the whole hospital knew really. April's heart went out to Jo and now she reached out to grab Jo's hand and gave it a squeeze.
"I have faith, Jo," she said simply. "It wavers sometimes, but it never leaves. God has a plan and I know you and Alex will be blessed and He will only give you what you can handle, exactly when you're ready."
Jo smiled a little, tears filling her eyes. "Thanks, April," she whispered, spontaneously pulling the redhead into a brief hug. April, surprised, took a minute to react, but wrapped her arms around Jo's back.
"I'll pray for you guys," April said kindly. "And if you ever want to talk more..."
She trailed off and Jo finished, "I know where to find you."
April beamed and squeezed Jo in another hug before saying, "I'm sorry! I have to go..." and jerking her thumb over her shoulder.
Jo laughed, genuinely now, and nodded, "Go, go find Hunt!"
Both women headed off in opposite directions, each looking for a different attending.
Jo curled up with Alex on the couch and tucked her feet under the cushion.
"We can try again," Alex muttered quietly. His thumb rubbed circles on Jo's forearm and he threw a few pieces of popcorn into his mouth with his free hand.
Jo sighed against his chest and fiddled with a loose thread hanging from his shirt's hem. She thought about what April had said earlier.
"I don't know, Alex," she replied. "Maybe we're trying too hard. Maybe we should take a break, enjoy us for a while."
She felt like there was a hand squeezing her throat, it hurt so much to say that they should stop trying for a while. Alex raised his eyebrows and looked down at Jo. She kept her gaze locked on the tv.
"You sure?" he asked, his stomach sinking a little bit. He'd seen Jo cry over so many negative tests, hell, he'd cried over his fair share of them himself. He just wanted the chance to see Jo be a mom.
"No," Jo admitted honestly, "but I'm tired of seeing all those negative tests. I just...I just want to stop being so anxious every month."
"Okay," Alex said. "Okay." He sighed. "We'll stop for a little bit."
"It'll be good for us," Jo said quietly, trying to convince herself. She curled closer to Alex's body, feeling cold all of a sudden. His arms tightened around her and he sighed.
They were quiet, sad, for a little while, just holding onto each other. Jo's eyes glazed over, not focusing on the action movie Alex had playing. She fiddled with her wedding rings, just desperate to give Alex the family he deserved.
She hoped April was right and something good was heading their way soon.
Meredith held a scrub mask in from of her face and pushed the door to the OR open.
"Alex," she called her friend's name, voice muffled.
"I'm busy, Mer," he said tersely, not looking up from his patient. He held out his hand and the nurse dropped a scalpel into his palm.
"Alex, you need to come with me," Meredith insisted, huffing an exasperated breath.
Alex looked up sharply, "Are you going to finish this colectomy?"
"No," Meredith said slowly.
"I am," Arizona finished, tying her mask behind her head and walking purposefully towards the operating table. Alex looked at her dumbly. "Go," she said gently but firmly. "I've got this, Alex."
He looked at her, scowled, but gave up the scalpel.
"This better be good, Mer," he grunted, ripping his scrub covers and mask off and shoving them in the trash as he followed Meredith into the hallway.
"CPS is looking for you," Meredith said bluntly. A crease formed in between her eyebrows. "Are you and Jo adopting?"
"What?" Alex shook his head, shocked at the non sequitur. "No. We stopped trying a month ago. We're just -" He cut himself off with a shake of his head. "Why does CPS want to see me?"
Meredith shrugged. "No idea. I happened to be getting an update on my patient from Mary and they came up asking for you. I offered to find you."
"Well, thanks," Alex walked off towards the main desk, distracted and curious as to why CPS needed him. It must have been a mistake. He hadn't talked to CPS since, well, since Aaron and Amber were minors.
Meredith followed him. "What do you think they want you for?"
"I don't know, Mer," Alex snapped, looking back at her as he speed walked to the front of the hospital.
"CPS doesn't just randomly show up for no reason," Meredith said.
"I know, Meredith!" Alex grumbled. "Don't you have rounds or a patient or something?"
"No," Meredith said simply. "I'm curious."
"God you're annoying," Alex scowled, a pit of nerves and anxiety forming in his stomach. He reached the desk were two CPS workers were waiting before Meredith could respond.
"Hi, I'm Alex Karev," he said, sticking out his hand. Both the man and woman shook his hand. "I heard you were looking for me."
He hadn't meant for it to sound so aggressive, but his defenses were raised.
"Yes," the woman stepped forward. "I'm Angela Benson and this is Michael Grant. We're sorry for the intrusion, but we needed to ask you some questions."
Alex crossed his arms. "What's this about?" He was cognizant of the fact that Meredith was hanging around behind him. He shifted a little bit to try and block her view.
"Do you know an Isobel Stevens?" Ms. Benson asked and Alex's jaw tightened. He could practically hear Meredith's jaw draw behind him.
"Yes," Alex said tersely. "What does she want?"
The two CPS workers shared a look before Angela sighed and said, "I'm sorry to inform you, but Ms. Stevens passed away two weeks ago."
Alex's mind went blank. "What?" he muttered, shaking his head. "No, she...she's dead? What?"
Meredith stepped forward. She rested her hand on Alex's forearm, "Was it the cancer?"
"I'm sorry, ma'am," Angela said, "I'm not sure about that. But, are you Dr. Karev's wife?"
Despite the situation, both Meredith and Alex smirk a little before saying a simultaneous no.
"I'm just his friend," Meredith said. "I know - knew - Izzy too."
"My condolences," Angela smiled tightly. "However, Dr. Karev, we do have a purpose here. I'm afraid..."
"Wait?" Alex shook his head, a thought occurring to him. "You're from Child Protective Services. Why..." he shook his head again, "Don't tell me. She did it. She implanted the fucking embryos without my fucking permission. Dammit Izzy."
Angela and Michael both looked a little shocked at his anger.
Michael stepped forward, looking a little worried that he'd have to restrain Alex. "Ms. Stevens left behind a 5-year-old son and her will stipulates that he go to his biological father, in the event of her death."
"A...a son?" Alex's anger deflated and his jaw went slack.
"Yes, Thomas Denny Stevens." Michael supplied the boy's name and pretended to ignore the inhaled breaths both Alex and Meredith took.
"I..." Alex scrubbed his hand over his face. "I have to tell my wife. I have to tell Jo."
"When does he come to stay with Alex and Jo?" Meredith asked. "Where is he now?"
"Tommy is with his grandmother, Ms. Stevens' mother, for the time being," Angela said. "We'd like to place him with you and Mrs. Karev as soon as possible, pending you pass our suitability qualifications."
"Dr. Wilson," Alex said automatically, the only thing he had retained from the social worker's sentence.
Angela looked confused, "I'm sorry?"
"My wife is Dr. Wilson. Not Mrs. Karev," Alex sighed. It was a little detail to get caught up in, but it was the only thing right now that wasn't completely crazy.
"I have to tell her before you do your tests or whatever. She's not finding out about this when you show up on the doorstep. I...Mer, give them my contact info. I have to find Jo," Alex turned and jogged off in search of Jo, still entirely freaked out.
Alex fidgeted awkwardly. Jo looked up from her magazine and watched him with sympathetic eyes. Her own stomach was turning anxiously, but she was trying to be a steady, calming support system for Alex.
After all, this was a bigger deal for him.
"Do you want something to eat?" she asked. Off of his raised eyebrows, Jo laughed, "I can make a peanut butter sandwich without burning it!"
"I can't eat," Alex said in response. He stood up and started pacing. "I thought they said they'd be here at 1:30?"
Jo looked at the cable box and sighed. "Alex, it's only 1:33. It's going to be okay."
He whirled around and looked at her searchingly. "How are you not freaking the fuck out about this? I have a son and he's coming to live with us because his mom died. We're gonna have a 5-year-old in this place for the rest of our lives."
Jo bit the inside of her cheek. Truthfully, she was freaking the fuck out. She was furious at Izzie Stevens for lying to Alex, she was disgusted with herself that she couldn't give Alex the family he so desperately wanted. But mostly she was so proud of him for how well he was handling this major curveball. He'd been so good in the past three weeks.
Alex had told her right away what was happening, which was just the first sign that he'd grown up. That first night had been rough for both of them. There was screaming and crying on both of their parts, but now Jo was working her way through the storm of feelings that came with Tommy's arrival.
Now was her time to be supportive of Alex, just like he was more and more supportive with each negative pregnancy test.
"Well," she said, "I don't think he'll stay five forever."
Alex looked at her, deadpan, as she giggled a little.
"Come on, Alex," she sobered up a little, "Of course I'm freaking out, but think about him, about Tommy. The poor thing lost his mom and now he's coming to live with two people he doesn't know, in a city he doesn't know. He's going to be scared and I want to be strong for him. And for you."
Alex dropped to sit in the armchair across from the couch and covered his face with his hands.
"Most dads get nine months to prepare. I had three weeks. I'm so fucking pissed at Izzie," he ground out.
Before Jo could answer, the doorbell rang. She reached out and squeezed Alex's forearm before getting up and opening the door.
Angela Benson smiled mildly at Jo, one hand holding onto the handle of a large suitcase and the other holding the hand of a little boy.
"Hello, Dr. Wilson," she said pleasantly, "May we come in?"
Jo's gaze dropped to Tommy and she sucked in a relieved breath. He was the spitting image of Alex. Thank god, she thought. It would've been so much harder if he looked like Izzie.
Shaking her head a little to clear her thoughts, Jo smiled and stepped back. "Come on in," she gestured behind her and moved to the side of the door so Angela and Tommy could come in.
Alex jumped up from the chair and looked around, slightly wild.
"Hello, Dr. Karev," Angela said, tone measured and calm. "This is Tommy."
She looked down at the little boy and knelt so she was able to make eye contact with him. "Tommy, this is Alex Karev. Do you remember what we talked about?"
Tommy nodded, his brown eyes wide as he flicked his gaze between Alex and Jo.
Alex's face softened into affection and he knelt down. "Hi," he said softly, holding out his hand, "I'm Alex. I'm your..." the word stuck in his throat. "I'm your dad."
Tommy looked at his outstretched hand and tentatively grasped it with his own, much smaller one and shook. He gave Alex a careful smile, "I've always wanted a dad."
Jo let out a tiny gasp and quickly covered her mouth with her hands, tears filling her eyes. Alex looked up at her, concern lacing his features, but Jo waved him off, murmuring, "I'm fine."
"Would...do you wanna see your room?" Alex asked Tommy, hopeful. "We can redecorate it if you want."
Tommy nodded, "My old room had Spidey! But I don't like him anymore. I like Batman."
Alex stood up and led Tommy down the hallway, saying, "I think we can find some Batman stuff for your room, buddy."
Once they were gone, Angela turned to Jo. She smiled, "It seems like you and Dr. Karev are going to do a wonderful job."
"Alex has always been meant to be a dad," Jo said, her voice wavering a little bit.
"This is some of Tommy's stuff," Angela said, pushing the suitcase forward. "The rest will be shipped over by Ms. Stevens' mother."
Jo reached out and grasped the suitcase's handle. "Thank you," she said sincerely. "I...just, thank you."
Angela produced a business card from her pocket and offered it to Jo, "This is the number for a therapist that I trust very much. For you, Tommy, or Dr. Karev. This isn't a fast adjustment, but it can be manageable."
"Thank you," Jo took the card and pocketed it. She had a feeling that it would come in handy. She already loved Tommy - how could she not? He was 50% Alex - but her heart clenched painfully when she remembered that the little boy was also 50% Izzie Stevens.
"For what it's worth Dr. Wilson," Angela said, preparing to leave, "You've taken this much better than some other wives. I think you and Dr. Karev will be just fine. Tommy, too."
Jo thanked the woman again and let her out, locking the door behind her. She had a second completely alone before the phone rang. "I've got it!" she called out, even though she was the one who always answered the phone anyway.
"Hello?" she said, resting the phone against her shoulder and opening the refrigerator to take out hamburger meat.
"Hey, Wilson," Meredith said. "How's it going?"
Jo sighed a little. Meredith had wanted to be at their house when Tommy had come. Jo kind of understood why; Meredith and Izzie had been friends, Meredith and Alex were still friends. She understood that she had wanted to support him, but at the same time, she really didn't want Meredith around right now. So she was definitely grateful that Alex had quickly put the kibosh on Meredith's plan, saying that tonight was about Jo, Alex, and Tommy and that Meredith would have plenty of time to meet the kid.
"It's...well, there's no crying," Jo said, relief clearly evident in her voice. She watched as Alex and Tommy came back into the living room, both carrying the trucks they had decorated Tommy's room with.
"Not even Alex?" Meredith laughed a little and then got serious, "I'm glad everything is going smoothly, Jo."
"Me too," Jo said honestly, ignoring the anxious twist of her stomach. "Alex deserves this."
Meredith was quiet for a minute on the other end, giving Jo a chance to really watch Alex and Tommy interact. Alex was such a good dad. The boys were racing the trucks around the carpet, laughing. Alex's movements were slightly hesitant, as if he were afraid to do something wrong, but Jo could see the happiness reach his eyes.
Something she couldn't give him.
"Jo," Meredith finally said her name softly. "You deserve it too. I know it's been hard for you and Alex lately, but everything will be okay."
Jo's threat felt tight and her eyes were a little watery. "Thanks, Meredith. I...um...I have to start getting dinner ready."
"Should I tell Bailey to keep the ER on standby?" Meredith joked, eliciting a laugh from Jo before they said their good-byes and hung up. Jo replaced the phone on its cradle and leaned against the counter for a minute. She squeezed her eyes shut against tears and took a shaky breath. She caught sight of the hamburger meat on the counter and suddenly couldn't stomach the idea of making burgers. She needed to get out of the house for a minute.
"Hey! How do you guys feel about pizza?" she called out, heading into the living room.
Tommy's eyes went wide, "Pizza?!"
Jo and Alex grinned at his excitement.
"Yeah, pizza, buddy. Your mo-your Jo," Alex amended quickly, "isn't so great at cooking."
Tommy didn't catch Alex's slip of the tongue, but Jo did. Her breath caught in her throat and she bit down hard on the inside of her cheek. She wasn't Tommy's mom. She wasn't anybody's mom. Alex reached out and grabbed her hand, squeezing her fingers gently. He gave her a reassuring look and she half-smiled back.
'I'm okay,' she mouthed.
'I love you,' Alex mouthed back. He left go of her fingers and stood up, hoisting Tommy onto his hip. "Come on, time for some pizza!"
Tommy cheered in his arms, all precious hesitation forgotten, and Alex grabbed Jo's hand, interlacing their fingers. She looked down at their hands and sighed.
She still wanted to give Alex a baby that was part of them, but for now, for the rest of time, she'd love Tommy like he were her own.
A/N: I've had this idea in my head for so so long. I started it ages ago and got busy with school and never had time to finish it. But since I'm off for this week, I finally had a minute to write the ending I wanted! I hope you guys all enjoy this. Please, please leave me a review and let me know what you think :)