Okay so this is just a one shot requested by Barbacar using their headcanons about Muffet and a bit of ideas that I know will spontaneously appear as I write this. Enjoy.
Muffet hummed and clapped her hands, spinning around as she and her spiders packed away the pastries she had to deliver in her coach. While coaches were a bit outdated and cars were much more common, she still chose this method of transportation simply because it was fancier and there were more ways to decorate the interior and exterior than cars or trucks. That and the fact that she didn't not need many huge trucks because her company did not make huge deliveries. Only local ones. She preferred baking closer to home instead of large scale. Her business was family founded and there was no way she was going to introduce others into her craft. Employers were lazy and screwed up everything. Plus she had to pay them, meaning less money for and her loyal spiders. On a side note, they probably wouldn't appreciate her method of baking. After all, not everyone was an amazing multitasker such as her. Plus, she had experimented before and ended up firing each and everyone of them. Quite literally. She slammed the doors to her purple delivery coach shut as the last few spiders trickled in with the last dozen boxes of spider donuts and jugs of spider cider. She thanked she spiders and told them to take a break, each squeaking in response and climbing up cobwebs that littered the mansion on Mt. Ebott. Muffet put a two fingers in her mouth and whistled, calling her pet. A cupcake spider monster.
" Hello my little pet! Have you eaten and slept well?" the spider monster asked, patting Cupcake on her head.
The large spider yipped in response, running about in circles to demonstrate her energy. However she ran too fast and tripped, rolling on her side and whining when she couldn't get up. Muffet chuckled, putting a hand to her mouth then turning her pet right side up with the assistance of her strong purple webs
" Oh you are such a silly thing. Ahuhuhuhuhu." she laughed as Cupcake barked.
The spider pet stood in the front of the coach, waiting to be attached by it to Muffet. Cupcake was large, almost the size of a horse, making her ride-able and having a lot of strength. Muffet tied the straps tightly on her, Cupcake laying down quietly as to not cause Muffet to hook the straps incorrectly and cause an accident should something go wrong. It had happened before and Cupcake now had only seven legs instead of eight. However, it did absolutely nothing to hinder her performance in any which way. Tightening the last strap, Muffet pat the top of Cupcake's head, a signal to stand and Cupcake did so excitedly.
Muffet grabbed her lighter from the top of an empty crate. The young adult had developed a thing for smoking huge fat cigars. Cupcake whined at Muffet, causing the spider monster to put it back.
" Fine. I won't smoke around the goods. But I will have one when I get back~" Muffet said as she climbed aboard, " Mush Ahuhuhuhu~!"
As the straps cracked, Cupcake trotted off and out of the storage room. Cupcake slowly trudged down the steep mountainside, making sure that the coach didn't suddenly flip over. Muffet and the goods could get hurt. Cupcake maneuvered around boulders and pot holes, speeding up slightly when she felt that the coach was moving faster than her. So far, the ride as gone as smooth as it possibly could given the fact that they were traversing a steep, rocky mountain side. As the spider monster slid around the purple leather seat, she made a note to ask Asgore to help her and her spiders pave the path they used. This was getting ridiculous. Muffet bounced around in her seat for a few more minutes until Cupcake made it to the straightaway. She pulled on the straps, halting Cupcake.
" Hold on for a second dearie. I must make sure the goods didn't come loose. Smushed croissants won't earn us anything now would it?" Muffet said as she jumped out, Cupcake barking in agreement.
The spider monster unlocked the door and opened it, making sure none of the spider webs that kept the packages fresh and stationary had weakened. She put a foot up on the back and climbed inside with a slight grunt, testing each of the layers that the thrice entwined threads created. She put on another layer just to be cautious and hopped out when satisfied, not noticing the gray thunderheads that slowly rolled in and emitted low rumbling sounds like that of a person with an upset stomach. Cupcake whined at the noises but Muffet convinced her that they would be able to make it on time. Cupcake barked with newfound confidence and continued, moving faster since they were on a much clearer path. The wind blew through Muffet's pigtails, whipping them about her head.
" Hmm?" Muffet titled her head as she water droplets fell on her arms, legs and a few in her hair. Spots on the ground turned darker as water droplets hit them, wind became wilder and it howled, bending the trees to its will. The light spray had become a concerning consistent fall. She cracked the straps.
" Hya!"
Cupcake began moving faster until she broke out into full on galloping. Muffet gripped the straps tighter as Cupcake lurched forwards, trying to out run the clouds that blew their way. For a while, the two managed to stay clear of heavy rain but eventually, the wind pushed the gray clouds forwards overtaking Muffet's efforts to avoid it. Rain completely drenched Muffet's clothes and her head became heavy with the weight of her soaking hair. The precipitation, big fat droplets and thin narrow needles struck against the coach, the noise sounding like loud gunshots. It felt like bullets were pouring on Muffet, three of her five eyes closing in pain. Her vision had become obscure now, the only thing she could see was the rain that fell in a uniform slanting motion, only changing direction when the wind, its master made them. Trees creaked and threatened to snap and block their path. Oh wait. One already did and Cupcake began to slide to a stop, but a crack of lightning that scorched the ground pitch black in a place where Cupcake stood one second prior scared the pet and caused to to rush forward, even gaining so much momentum as to leap over the thickest part of the fallen tree. Cupcake landed abruptly, causing the back left wheel to explode, leaving the coach unstable. The landing also caused Muffet to release the straps and fall out of the coach being overrun by it.
" Oh no!" Muffet screeched as she tried to catch up.
The spider monster shot webs, completely wrapping around the coach then yelping as she was dragged along the road. Okay, that wasn't a smart plan. Muffet gripped onto her webs for dear life, praying for the perseverance of her ropes. At this point Muffet felt like she was strapped to a bed of nails, tied to the back truck of a car that was speeding over a an unpaved road that was pure speed bumps in the middle of an earthquake. Her skin tore open and dust fell from it, turning into mud from the rain that resealed the tears. Tear. Dust. Seal. Repeat. Tear. Dust. Seal. Repeat. Tear. Dust. Seal. Repeat. Tear. Dust. Seal. Repeat. It had been like that for five minutes but Muffet didn't scream. Adrenaline coursed through her body and he climbed up her ropes until she reached the top of her coach. She tumbled into the seat and got a hold of the straps, pulling on them tightly but they snapped completely. Cupcake kept running and the wails of the wind overpowered her commands to get Cupcake to stop running.
" Cupcake stop ru-!"
That was when the world began to move in slow motion. Everything was in the air. Muffet. Cupcake. The coach. They were flying. A stream of cider crossed Muffet's vision. The world move back to normal and they call crashed in the bushes, Muffet's body crashed into the trees and Cupcake burst into dust upon face first impact with the branch of an oak tree.
" NOOOOOO!" Muffet screamed as she tried to reach for her faithful pet but alas, half her body was pinned against the tree by the heavily damaged coach.
It wasn't fair.
The last thing Muffet saw before her eyes completely shut in unconsciousness was the rain wash her best friend away.
.
.
.
" Hngh...wha...what happened?" Muffet groaned as she tried to roll over but something tugged at her body. She remembered the coach that lay on the top of her arms, which were numb and lost all feeling in. They were probably broken. Muffet silently cried as she tried to push the coach off her body but to not avail. However, the rocks beneath the coach began to give way and the coach eventually slid off, revealing battered arms covered with scratches . Three of five eyes closed in pain, she dragged her arms over her body, breathing heavily. She sucked her teeth. It was going to be a pain calculating the money lost from the damaged the goods and coach. Painstakingly, she sat up and rested her back against a tree. Hugging her knees close to her body, Muffet cradled her head in between them, trying to gather energy. Eventually, she managed to muster enough energy to stand but she stumbled a bit. Her hair swung back and forth with her movement. When out of the pigtails, they reached her hips. The pink ribbons that held up her hair were shredded, the pieces occasionally fell out. She climbed out of the bushes and back on the main road. She sighed, whimpering at the amount of ground she had to cover. The trek back home was silent and pain filled. How was she going to tell her dear little spiders that their mother died?
Muffet paused, her eyes narrowing and looking back and forth in suspicion. There was rustling in the trees. She continued, but slower and more wary I the case that it were those mountain bandits that were rumored to live in these parks. Leaves crunched and twigs snapped, a black figure scurried back and forth between the two sides of the road, always managing to stay in the corner of Muffet's vision. The spider had 5 eyes for goodness sakes! Muffet continued, the rustling noises growing louder around her with each minute that passed. Finally, she found an opening. A grunt echoed from the bushes and she shot webs at the collapsed figure, dragging the lump of flesh out from the foliage. The thing squirmed in the encasement.
" Mmmf! Mmmmm! Hnnngh!" the creature writhed back and forth. It sounded like muffled chokes.
Muffet sliced a few openings in the trap so it could breathe, but not enough so that it would weaken and it could escape.
" You'll...make...a tasty batch...of donuts..." Muffet strained as she carried the body up the steep path back to her mansion. Normally, she would be able to carry things like this and heavier objects without breaking a sweat. But she was weak, half of her arms were probably broken and she had other matters to attend to. Tossing the cocoon haphazardly over a pile of empty crates, ignoring the wails of the person trapped inside, Muffet slouched in a nearby chair, opening a box of donuts that sat on a crate. Huh. She missed one. Well it was a good thing she supposed.
* You ate a full box of spider donuts
* Your Hp has been maxed out!
Muffet crumpled the box and threw it at the trash, but it bounced of the rim and in the back of some crates in the corner of a wall. Meh. Muffet decided that she would get that later. She waved her hand around, webs spinning until it formed a big fat purple cigar. She clamped it between her teeth and grabbed the lighter, putting it close to the end of the cigar and lighting it. She took a big puff and exhaled, rings of purple vapor that floated about. It smelled like a bakery. Her eyes wandered to the criminal in silk, wondering what the person she captured would look like before she grounded their bones to make her Spider Bread. Standing up, Muffet turned the soul of the person inside purple and sliced open the rest of the webs. Her jaw dropped but the cigar remained suspended in the air in the front of her rather than cascading to the floor. Within the cocoon was a young child. Probably no older than 10. They were wearing a torn up blue and pink striped sweater, blue jeans and one brown boot one on their right foot. The left foot was bare and was covered in cuts. Their brown hair was tangled, some parts defying gravity and spiking off in every which way.
" Well...I wasn't expecting this." Muffet muttered, taking another puff of the fat cigar. The fumes floated around the head of the child and they woke up, coughing.
With a groan, they sat up, rubbing their eyes that seemed closed but upon inspection were actually open. It's just that they had those really thick bishonen eyelashes that made it seem like they were closed. The child looked up at Muffet, apparently blinking at the spider monster. They titled their head, coaxing Muffet to do the same. The child suddenly started coughing, waving their hands in the air. Muffet blinked at the child, then realized that they were coughing because of the smoke from her cigar. She frowned, blowing more out then switching it to the other side of her mouth. Only half of it was done and she really needed this joint. More coughing came and Muffet sighed.
" Fine." the cigar dropped to the floor and Muffet smothered it with her shoe.
" You're lucky I have a soft spot for small defenseless children dearie~ Or else you would be bread." Muffet finished in a flat tone causing the human to gasp.
The human's stomach growled at the last part and they blushed.
" Hmmm. It looks like you're hungry dearie~ Well...you're in luck! You can help me and my spiders. Our delivery coach got wrecked in the storm and of our pastries are gone. I haven't been paid yet and I can't let that money slip through my hands. I have eight of them for Asgore's sake! And...perhaps after we're done...you can have some..." Muffet offered.
The child clapped their hands rapidly, filled with excitement
"...for a fee of 9999G of course! Ahuhuhuhuhu!" Muffet laughed.
The child's face dropped as they pulled out their pockets, nothing but leaves falling out.
" Oh. So you have no money? Well we can just ask your parents to pay after we're done. Depending on how well you help me will depend on how much I lower the price. Now...go wash your hands and meet me in the kitchen. My little spiders will guide you." Muffet said as she whistled.
The spiders came out slowly, scattering across the floor, completely uncoordinated. Muffet frowned, knowing what this was about. She knelt down and held out her hands. Three spiders crawling into each. She stood up and lifted them to her face which began to tear.
" I'm...so...sorry my dears. I know how this feels. You can sleep in until you're ready to bake again." Muffet put the spiders back on the ground and they crawled back into the holes in the wall.
The human looked at Muffet with a concerned face. Muffet noticed this and waved them off. " I'm fine. Well I guess I have to lead you there myself~" Muffet winked as she lead the human out of the storage room and into the main house.
This was the biggest building the human had ever seen. Their eyes widened at the marble pillars lining the house. Between every two or three pillars were a sculpture of Muffet and her ancestors. Muffet walked Frisk through the dining room. The mahogany table stretched from one end of the room to the other, tall chairs pushed up against them neatly. Overhead were crystal chandeliers that hung down from the ceiling. Muffet led the human through a few more rooms before they reached a bathroom. The child's eyes widened at how...normal the bathroom looked in comparison to the rest of the house. There were no overly decorative tiles on the floor and walls, just plain like an apartment bathroom. Muffet lifted the human up to the sink and turned on the faucet. The human grabbed the lavender scented soap and rubbed it all over their hands, scrubbing their palms and in between their fingers. Rinsing it off with warm water, Muffet set Frisk down and they dried their hands with a towel on the towel rack.
Once in the kitchen, Muffet and the human got all the utensils needed. Bowls, pans, spoons, measuring cups and the likes.
" What would you like to make dearie~" Muffet asked, showing the human her recipe book.
The human flipped through the pages, sticking their tongue out at each one because they all consisted of spiders.
" Well...I guess we can bake one of these but leave the spiders out?" Muffet appealed to the human, realizing what the problem was.
The child nodded their head and finally picked out a recipe.
" I couldn't have chosen a better one dearie~ Brownies. Simple yet sophisticated. Ahuhuhu." Muffet laughed
" Human. Please pre heat the oven to 350 degrees while I get the ingredients out the fridge. The handles are too high for you to reach." Muffet said.
The silent child nodded their head and found the oven. They squinted at it, confused at the buttons on it. Warily, they pressed a few buttons, unsure of its functions. Finally, the screen displayed a 100 on it, the numbers steadily rising, indication that the oven was heating up. The human turned their head back to Muffet who had just finished gathering the last of the needed ingredients.
" Have you turned on the oven?" Muffet asked.
The human nodded their head and Muffet grabbed the baking pan. " I need you to grease the pan. While this method is incorrect, it will probably be much easier for you to do."
Muffet grabbed a napkin from the napkin holder. She folded it in half.
" Here. Take up some butter with the napkin and spread it all over the pan. The bristles on the brush are stiff so someone like you wouldn't be able to use it well."
The human nodded in understanding, watching Muffet grab a stand and set it up to the counter. The spider monster pointed to it and the human climbed atop it, gaining easier access to the top of the counter. Following the monster's instructions, the child greased the bowl, at least not without getting some butter on their shirt and on the outside of the pan instead of inside.
Muffet frowned at the mess but smiled, remembering the first time she baked something. It was a disaster but at least she had fun. Muffet turned the stone on, the blue flames igniting with a woosh. She but half a cup of butter in a large saucepan and left it to melt. She asked the human to grab the sugar, the human nodding at grabbing a bag off the counter. They handed it to Muffet, who stirred it in with 2 eggs and 1 teaspoon of vanilla. Once the butter had finished cooling, Muffet poured that in the same bowl with the sugar, eggs and vanilla. The human stirred the mixture as Muffet washed the saucepan. There was no need to accumulate unnecessary dishes. The human grabbed the recipe book, looking over it to make sure they were on par with the instructions. Next came the cocoa, flour and baking powder, The human showed the book to Muffet and pointed at the next set of instructions. Muffet nodded and took the needed measuring utensils. She told the human to scoop up the necessary amount and sift it in the batter.
" One third cup of cocoa...half a cup of flour...one quarter teaspoon of baking powder...you're a professional at this dearie~ Ahuhuhu. Do you bake with your parents often?" Muffet asked.
The human didn't answer and their expression saddened for a little bit. Muffet noticed this and didn't press any further. After all the ingredients were beat together, Muffet poured the batter in the pan as the human held it. Muffet titled the pan to make sure the mixture was even and slid it in the oven. Muffet clapped her hands together, flour flying in the atmosphere.
" Let's have a little talk while we wait for the brownies to bake dearie."
At this, the human hoisted themselves on the kitchen counter, kicking their legs back and forth.
" So human...may I ask what is your name?"
The human shook their head.
" Oh! You don't have one?...How about Sydney?"
" Blegh!"
" Muffet Jr."
" No."
"...Frisk?"
The human put a finger to their mouth in thought, then nodded their head.
" So Frisk it is. Well...Frisk...why were you out in the bushes by yourself. You parents must be so worried."
"...no parents. Died in a crash. Hated the orphanage. So I escaped." Frisk told their tale in a few short sentences.
Muffet put to of her hands to her mouth with a gasp. The poor dear. They must be so lonely.
Muffet smiled gently. " Would you like to stay with me for a while?"
Frisk nodded their head excitedly causing Muffet's smile to widen as she patted the human's head. Muffet lifted the human off the counter as she lead Frisk to one of the guess bedrooms for them to stay in. After setting Frisk up, the two went back to the kitchen where the brownies had just finished baking. Muffet put on a pair of purple oven mitts, pulling the oven door open and carefully sliding the tray out and putting it on a cooling rack.
" These should be cool in a few. While we wait we can-oh! You want to see my hair?" Muffet asked noticing that Frisk was pointing at her head.
Muffet knelt down to Frisk's level, bending her head. Frisk ran a hand through her silky black hair. Muffet sat flat on the floor when she noticed that Frisk began to plait it.
" Do you like playing with my hair?" Muffet asked with a giggle, the human nodding in response.
" Your hair looks nice as well, considering the fact that you were running rampant through the bushes and then I tied you up and swung you around like a sack of poptatoes. Speaking of...are you a girl or boy? I'm considering buying new clothes for you. Yours are all tattered. If you are under my roof, you need to look presentable."
" I'm Frisk." was Frisk's answer.
Muffet hummed. " Well...I could simply repair your sweater."
" Better idea." Frisk said as they moved to another part of Muffet's head.
After Frisk completely finished plaiting Muffet's hair, they let it sit for 10 minutes and loosed it. Muffet's straight hair was now wavy and the spider monster didn't seem to mind one bit. By this time, the brownies had completely cooled. Muffet opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of virgin spider cider for Frisk and regular cider for herself and two glasses from a cupboard. She poured the glasses of cider, keeping hers in one hand to prevent a mix up and putting the bottles back in the fridge. Meanwhile, Frisk found two plates in a low cupboard and put them on the counter. Muffet cut up to brownies and put a piece on each plate. She handed Frisk their cider and she put hers on the table.
" Bon appetite~ Ahuhuhuhu!" Muffet giggled taking a bite.
" Hrk!" Frisk's face scrunched up.
Muffet opened her mouth and let the half chewed brownie fall back in the plate. Frisk did the same and each pushed their plate away from them. The two quickly gulped down their cider.
"...salty..." Frisk shuddered.
" I think you might have put salt in the batch instead of sugar dearie." Muffet said
" ...are you mad?" Frisk asked.
" Of course not. A simple misunderstanding! I once mistook paprika for cinnamon!...I label all my spices now. The tag must have fell off one point in time." Muffet said, collecting their plates and scraping the mush in the garbage bin. Muffet took the remaining brownies and tossed them in the bin as well. No use in keeping them. Muffet but the empty pan in the sink and washed it, putting it in the dish tray.
" Muffet...will you be my mom?" Frisk suddenly asked.
Muffet almost dropped the glasses she was holding and began blushing. " Wha? What's that?! You want me to be your mom? But dearie... I can't I'm not-"
" Please! I don't want to go back to that stupid orphanage! Everyone there is mean! I...I don't want to be alone again!" Frisk burst into sobs, running into Muffet's arms and staining her clothes with their tears.
Muffet gently rubbed Frisk's head. " Okay dearie. But I hope you know what you're asking for~ Your life will never be the same."
" Thank you."
" Your welcome. Now...let's go get those adoption papers."
" Absolutely not!" shouted the social services worker as he slammed his hands on his desk, some of the objects sitting on it tumbling off with the force of the impact.
" And why not!" Muffet pouted, putting her hands to her waist.
" Because you're a monster! Human children needs human parents to take care of them! Besides...we've been looking for this particular human for a long time. There is a family that is interested in adopting them." the worker said as he picked up the items that fell off his desk and placed them back to where they belong.
" No. I want to stay with Muffet!" Frisk crossed their arms.
" You just met this monster! How do you know she won't eat you!" the worker asked
" She won't! She...she was kind to me. She gave me a place to stay. She fixed my clothes. She made me something to eat. She...she gave me a genuine compliment! No one has ever done that before...not even my parents. The people at the orphanage sucked! They were only doing it for the money and not for the children." Frisk testified.
" She was probably only doing it not to get in trouble. Human and monster relations are pretty unstable nowadays." the worker smirked.
" No she wasn't. I...I refuse to go to those humans! I want to stay with Muffet." Frisk stomped their foot.
At this, the worker shot out of his seat and walked towards Frisk, hands behind his back and a stern expression on his face. " I don't care what you want to do Frisk. Humans should be raised by humans and monsters should be raised by monsters. Now...come with me."
The social worker grabbed Frisk's arm and yanked them away from Muffet. Frisk let out a cry. " You're hurting me."
" So what? I know! We'll blame it on the monster that way monsters will never be entrusted with human children!" he pulled Frisk towards the door, Muffet going after them.
" No. I will not let you take Frisk away from me!" Muffet grabbed at the social worker but he pushed her to the ground and opened the door. His face instantly dropped.
" Uh..uh boss! How...how are you?!' the worker smiled nervously.
" Disappointed. Very disappointed." was the response.
" How much of that did you hear?"
" Everything. Come to collect your pink slip shortly. You're fired." she crossed her arms
Muffet stood up and dusted off her clothes. " Ahuhuhu! You don't fire people with a pink slip dearie~"
The boss raised an eyelid. " Pardon me?"
" I own a bakery. And when I fired my employees I didn't use a pink slip." Muffet smirked
" Then what did you use?"
Muffet smiled, her fangs showing as she said. " A purple cannon."
She pulled the canon from her inventory, the machine landing on the floor with a thud but not breaking through. It was so huge that a person could fit inside.
" Don't worry, it doesn't kill people."
The boss looked at the canon then at the worker who was on the floor cowering in fear. A smile spread across her face as she knelt in the front of the worker. He gulped as she snapped her fingers. Muffet, getting the message grabbed the worker and tossed him head first in the cannon. The boss slid open the window. The space was wide enough for the launch to be successful without breaking any glass. Muffled pleas and cries for forgiveness echoed within the barrel but was ignored.
" You know...its a good thing you have no living family members." the boss said to no one in particular.
Pulling her lighter from her pocket, Muffet handed it to Frisk. " Would you like to light it dearie?"
Frisk nodded their head, holding the lighter to the end of the rope. " 3...2...1..."
BOOM!
The social worker went flying out the window, screaming loudly as he disappeared as a twinkle in the sky. Footsteps could be heard down the hallway as a legion of employees flooded the door. They asked various questions about everyone's well being. The boss simply replied that everything was quite alright and a worker was just fired and judging from the cannon quite literally. The boss shooed everyone away as she, Muffet and Frisk discussed the terms of the adoption. In the end, Frisk got to stay with Muffet who was very happy she got a new baking partner. Leaving the building with papers in tow, Muffet held Frisk's hand, the human gripping it tightly as they went home with their new mom.
" You know Frisk...this was definitely not the kind of delivery I thought I would be making today."
Frisk titled their head in confusion and Muffet smiled, rubbing her child's head.
" You'll understand when you're older Ahuhuhu!"