HI to my readers, it's been a while and I AM sorry about that.
Honestly, FF has been in the bottom of my proverbial bucket. Pretty much the scrap but then my inspiration hit me like a bullet train after a bad day. And the guilt of knowing of how it feels for someone to stop yeaaa...

The fic is angst - M (Sexual theme, gay, abuse-ish, dub-con-ish) and the story continues to be sad

It hurts, it hurts, it hurts
But…
Sherlock please stop crying.
That face hurts the most.

On the bed two figures are joined together, the body below no longer speaking, only grunting in silent agony.

"John, John why! Am I not enough?! WHY AM I NOT ENOUGH?!"

Shouts the man on top, shouts Sherlock.

The penetration is not enjoyable, not for John Watson, but that's not what this is about. This is all punishment. He should be used to it.

3 hours earlier – Tesco

John had been out with Sherlock to get groceries, the curly-haired man continues to loom next to the blonde in silence.

It was poisonous.

Mary, Molly, Lestrade, Mrs. Hudson…

So many told him, warned him, but he just loved his detective too much.

John loved the innocence that only he can show, he loved the special treatment meant for John Watson, loved the man's intelligence, the cases and the love they shared. They were meant for each other, he was sure of it.

It was just… the possessiveness, the one thing that even John couldn't handle, the one reason that his loved ones warn him, tell him and try to protect him from.

But he bloody loves Sherlock, he gave so much to a broken war veteran.
John never felt so perfect with another man, he remembers that first day they ran through the streets like hooligans. All he could think was 'I want to continue this feeling' which later became 'I want to continue this connection' and is now 'I want to continue this love'

Sherlock watches his beloved. A not-so-ordinary yet mostly-typical England man who was able to turn him, a sociopath, to be able to feel and understand love. Sherlock loves John, wants to give John the world, and would give anything to see the blond smile. The bruises mock him, it calls out his hypocrisy, *You did this, you make John wince every step he takes, you make him fearful, you hurt him*

Sherlock understands that what he's doing is not healthy, it burns his heart knowing he is the reason for the frown John wears on his face, the nervousness that radiates from his body and the silent tears he shed at night.

This is his sorry, this trip outside together is his sorry, but John still won't smile.
How can Sherlock make him smile, how can he bring back the joy John used to own so freely.

As they arrive at the check-out counter the employee takes the items from the couple. Young gentlemen with curly black hair like Sherlock yet with a smile the detective rarely gives, the boy makes small talk with John (Sherlock would never join in something so boring).

John, talking to this Sherlock-look-alike made him remember that first day and that first smile.
Without himself noticing, the corners of his lips rise as he gives the boy a kind smile. His eyes were so gentle as he took the grocery bag.

Sherlock, he didn't like it, he made sure to show his disdain.

With a harsh grip he pulls John away from the counter, filling John with dread. Sherlock calls for a taxi as John steels himself for his punishment, it was quiet yet tense in the cab. Sherlock never let go of the hand and the former bruises forms new bruises.

When they reached the apartment Sherlock wasted no time before shoving John to the bed, John doesn't fight. John never fights because he knows he hurt his lover, his sweet innocent lover, this young man who has no control over his emotion yet suffers hell when John is involved. John never wanted to hurt Sherlock so he allows Sherlock to also unintentionally hurt John.

The room is filled with the scent of sex, like it always does when Sherlock is sobbing at John.

"John WHY!"
thrust
"John don't you love me?!"
thrust
"It hurts John, I love you, I love you, I love you! IT HURTS BUT I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU BUT IT HURTS!"
thrust
"Your smile is for me, YOUR LOVE IS FOR ME, we are meant for each other! Stop making me feel like I'M USELESS! I'm NOT so give me a chance, STAY MINE!"
thrust, thrust, thrust

Their bed creaks loudly just as loud as the shouts and the painful grunts. Mrs Hudson has long fled her room to the kitcheb, she has heard this monstrosity too many times for her poor old heart.

Sherlock screams, John grunts.
Sherlock cries, John keeps his eyes close.

Bang, bang, bang.

The blonde is lifted only to be pushed down, tight grips to form in to bruises, sometimes a slap or nails scratching down his back. Blood often joins the stench of sex

Mrs. Hudson once believed that Sherlock, though odd, would never stoop as low as her ex-husband. Today, she holds a thread of that conviction, a thread called John. John who is so quiet and lets Sherlock get away with this, who protects him when others call him out, who tries to explain and show that their love (no matter how bad) is a love worth dying for.

'Sherlock please stop crying' John wishes to voice out.

'I will always love you. Trust me and you will never hurt again. I never mean to hurt you. It hurts too, it hurts and burns and I wish to scream. But I will hold you like you want me to because you are not useless, because we are meant for each other. I will give you till forever so please stop crying, your tears burn me more than any physical wound.' So he closes his eyes like always.

John wishes he can scream his words out but if he opens his mouth it would be screams of pain. He has to wait till after Sherlock has finished and he himself has cried. The words often go over his detective's head, he has to show it in actions. But John can wait, he can be patient, it's for his Sherlock after all.

This is punishment, John should be used to it. But today, today was different.