Precious You
I don't own Rk or anything related to it.
"When will you be returning?" The hopeful question came from Okina's grave voice not hers which made it extra difficult for Aoshi to respond. Since he had brought the topic up at the dinner table, a single word had not left her mouth. She had been cracking a stupid joke when Aoshi had voiced his decision to leave the Aoiya, again. Her humor left her half-sentence so did her liveliness. Aoshi had expected a tantrum, tears , shouts, requests and pleas. But not this. Not her silence.
He had at least expected a demand for an explanation, an angry why, a sobbing please. He had his answer ready. But her silence was deafening. It spoke volumes of unbearable hurt, unexpressed emotions . It was over powering his resolve to leave.
But he needed to leave. He had to find himself. Needed to find the missing piece, his missing part. He couldn't forever be nourished by Misao's tender affection. Her infatuation was pulling him in. He had to leave, for himself, for her. He couldn't very well be sheltered in her heart for all the time to come. She had a life, he couldn't ask her to spend it for him. Yes, he had come to realize long ago that he had become dependable on Misao. Without her, he wouldn't be able to live for a moment. And that realization had struck him worse than Kanryu's bullets. He had taken the harsh decision to wander again, this time alone, in a journey to find himself.
But Misao's expressionless face was weakening him by the moment. The others at the table had fallen silent as well. He took a deep breath and murmured farewell to all as he rose from the table. His dinner almost untouched.
Okina's unanswered question lingered in the air making the atmosphere dense, more painful. Eyes turned towards Misao, the victim of his indecision. They would have liked to yell, shake him by his collar to force some sense into that thick head of his. But her stony silence had robbed them all of their words. Okina was the first to react. He raised his wrinkled hand to cover her dainty ones lying lifeless on the table. But just before his warms hands dropped on hers, she quickly withdrew it from the table as well as herself. No words were exchanged as she slowly and silently retreated towards the safety of her bed chambers.
The sun was just coming up, illuminating every corner of the shadowy dawn. Aoshi was at the doorsteps, bidding farewell to the only few people he could call his own. Misao was there as well. She had worn a grayish kimono with dull, fading flowers as if to mourn for the departure of her beloved. Aoshi couldn't bring himself to meet her eyes as much as he wanted to hear her voice one last time before he left. He turned around solemnly nodding towards Okina and walked away with soft steps and a heavy heart.
Part of him wanted to drop his bag and return within the safety of Misao's adoration. Part of him wanted to break into a run and hide himself forever from those once expressive now dull eyes. A selfish part of him wanted to hear Misao call his name and ask him to stay back and he would. The more sensible part of him knew Misao would never ask for anything against his wishes. And he was the one who had himself said, he needed fresh air. Torn between affection and self-esteem, Aoshi slowly disappeared from sight with an aching heart.
By mid day, Aoshi had reached the core of the Kyoto forest. He sat by the river bank trying to calm his raging emotions down. Since the moment he stepped out of the Aoiya, something had been bothering his mind. It kept increasing with his increasing distance from home. It wasn't anything much, just a prickling sensation in his heart. But the pain it caused seemed to intensify by the miles. So he retired himself for a break, trying to figure out the reason of this unwelcomed feeling. He sat back and reviewed his activities from last night. What was that that caused this sensation like he was making a big mistake, like he was losing a part of himself, like he had left a part of his restless heart somewhere behind. It disturbed him. This journey was to find himself, not to lose his sanity on the way.
But nothing mentionable crossed his mind except those silent, pain-filled eyes, much like his own one day. Aoshi sat upright. This is it. Those eyes, they were never meant to be like this, so cold, so empty. They were his never ending source of happiness, of love and protection, of desire and contentment. Those sunshine smiles of hers were his completion. Her warm heart was the contrast for his cold ones. She was his missing piece.
As soon as he discovered the truth, Aoshi had already started his journey back. His steps were determined and fast, not unsure and steady like the ones he had left with. His strides quickly grew faster and suddenly, he broke into a run. He didn't know why, but he had a feeling he had to hurry or it might be too late.
Misao sat by the window of her chamber. She watched the sakura petals fall with the light breeze. She realized how they left the tree that nourished them barren. It reminded her of herself, her empty heart. She had locked herself in her room as soon as she had lost sight of him. She had not spoken since then, not that she did it on purpose. She wanted to speak, to cry, to scream till her voice broke, till her heart bled. She wanted to beg him to stay, demand an answer for his leave, drag him back to his room and lock him up. But she couldn't. Why would she? How could she? She wasn't worth it. Her love and devotion weren't significant. For if they were, he need not leave. He need not find himself, he would not feel himself incomplete. For if her affection mattered, he would not have left.
She was just not enough. It was as simple as that.
Aoshi sped up at the sight of the Aoiya, something was telling him to be faster. His heart was beating so fast he feared it would explode. He skipped the stairs multiple at a time and burst through her shoji skidded to a stop as he gazed at her slight form standing by her window, staring at the open sky. A sense of relief washed over him as he thought he made it in time. But the feeling was soon replaced with another sickening feeling as the scent of fresh blood drifted to his trained senses. His keen eyes noticed the slight sway of her perfect figure and he managed to secure her in his arms before she hit the ground.
"Aoshi-sama…" He heard her calm whisper as a sad smile graced her delicate mouth. Aoshi couldn't breathe, he could not move, his eyes were glued to the kunai that was now embedded deep into her flat, desirable stomach he had caught glimpses of during her practice sessions. The same kunai he had presented on her fifth birthday was now painted a lovely red with her blood. He sat immobile as he cradled her rapidly bleeding form as the others shouted orders for her first aid and desperation for a doctor.
He had gone deaf to the entire world, only one thought echoed back and forth repeatedly in his mind…he was too late.
A.N: kibbe? Like it? Hate it? Do you want some more? It was inspired from a fic, "Rainbows in water" which had a sentence, She was not enough. I thought of it ever since. Now here it is. In fond memory of our sucking result.