Newlyweds: Erik and Christine

"Episode 1"

(American Idol theme music)

Ryan Seacrest (on the T.V)…and the next American Idol is… Carrie Underwood! (Camera flashes to an over ecstatic Carrie)

Erik: (stands up) Curse you! You little lying Delilah! You little viper-

Christine: Erik? (Peaks head in from kitchen) Calm down for goodness sakes! (Motions to meatloaf) It's time for dinner come sit.

E: (sits down reluctantly and starts to mope) I hate that girl Carrie, no talent at all, and trust me I know talent, remind me of Carlotta…no talent at all…and that Simon well when I meet him I'll Punjab him so fast…

C: (rolls eyes) It's amazing what reality T.V can do to people.

E: Hey, what's that suppose to mean? (Stands up in American Idol pajamas and slippers)

C: (sighs) Nothing, let's just eat.

E: Fine…(gobbles up meatloaf but leaves spinach).

C: Wait a minute; we don't have TVs in the 1870's!

E: Your point?

C: Well, than how can you be watching a reality T.V. show?

E: (ignores comment) You know, I should be judge on that show, it'd be a good way to make some extra money for a maid, I hate when you make me clean the lake, I mean it's an underground lake.

C: Nevertheless, it still needs to kept clean. And don't you remember what happened to our last maid?

E: No…(avoids eye contact)

C: She was cleaning the mirrors in the torture chamber and accidentally locked herself in.

E: Oh yeah, I hated her, she'd always polish the organ with some weird smelling stuff…

C: Erik!

E: Just kidding! (Shifts uncomfortably)

(Both continue to eat in an awkward silence)

C: (perks up suddenly) Oh my God! I totally forgot! The interior designer is coming tomorrow!

E: What!

C: I'm redoing the lair.

E: Why?

C: well…it needs updating, and there are these adorable curtains I saw the other day…

E: I DON"T CARE this was my lair first!

C: It's either that or we move into the house next to Raoul. Just imagine, he could come over every day, and we could have barbeques, block parties, and-

E: O.K O.K (shivers at thought) redo the lair, just nothing too un-phantom like.

C: Agreed (crosses fingers behind her back). Speaking of Raoul, you have a hair appointment with him tomorrow.

E: Excuse me? I'm The Phantom of the Opera (theme music ensues in background).

C: You sure haven't been acting like one lately.

E: Hey!

C: Hey is for horses Erik. Anyway, you're finally getting a permanent wig, and Raoul needs his weekly blow out, so I figured you two could go together while Meg and I stay here with the designer.

E: I'm not going with that fop! (snickers) girly, girl…

C: (starts cleaning off the table)

E: Can I have ice cream?

C: Not until you finish your spinach.

E: But I don't like spinach! (throws tantrum)

C: Do I need to do the airplane?

E: (looks down at plate) yes.

C: Zoooooooooooooooommmmmmmm…here comes the airplane…. zoommm…broooommmm…. coming in for a landing….

E: Yay! (claps hands)

(This goes on until there is no spinach left)

E: Can I have ice cream now? I want vanilla, with sprinkles, and fudge, and nuts, and cookies, and chocolate chips, and…

C: (looks in freezer) Oh no, we're out of ice cream! The siren must've eaten it! Always sneaking things in the middle of the night…

E: (laughs) Yeah, I know, tell me about it…(starts sweating).

C: (looks through rest of kitchen) I need to go grocery shopping need anything?

E: Yeah! That kid cuisine stuff and the macaroni and cheese in the little shapes…the uh…"Rugrats" ones.

C: Will you go for me tomorrow after your appointment?

E: Do I have a choice?

C: No, but you can pretend you want to.

E: (sighs) Of course honey, I would absolutely love to! Anything for my wonderful wife who would never force me to do anything against my will!

C: Awwww you're too nice to me. Well, that's that I am going to bed.

E: Night night, don't let the bedbugs bite! (smiles stupidly).

C: (mumbles under breath) I don't think I can last much longer.