Uh… it came out of no where… :D
Clare Edwards; who is she? Well, that's me.
I'm sitting here thinking and pondering over this very essay. The topic? Tell about yourself; define yourself in your own words.
It's actually quite simple. I don't know who I am. I can't define myself for you in a sentence or three paragraphs or five pages. Either way you ask for it, I still don't know.
But I can tell you about myself.
I've lived my whole life in my own little world since I was old enough to talk. I thought everything was butterflies and rainbows and there was no such thing as violence. I was the purest thing alive to put it into simpler words. My mom hid me from the evils of the world and told me nothing but lies about some of the most sinister things. Like drugs or alcohol.
When I came home from school one day in fifth grade, I told my mom about my day. One of the kids in my class talked about how their mom was in rehab for her alcohol addiction and I was so curious about the word alcohol that the second I walked in the door I questioned my mother. Do you know what she told me?
"Alcohol is something you drink, but you can't."
I asked why not and she just distantly said, "Because I said so."
In my whole twenty years of life, I've learned many things. I've been taught many lessons and I've had many problems.
Now, I'm no longer the innocent little girl with the curious mind.
Reality set in when I started to understand the troubles of the world. I've even been faced with these things before.
My whole perspective on the world and my life changed with the help of one person.
Darcy Edwards.
My older sister.
Darcy was never the smartest person that I knew, but she was brighter than most. She had to face problems that made no sense to me when I was just the age of ten.
I remember asking my mother so many questions after my sister had been stalked by someone online. She finally had told me about some of the bad stuff that had been going on around me for ten years.
Then I had gotten my purity ring when I was just eleven. I never knew what sex was or meant. My mom never gave me one slip up as to what the act was; I had gone so long not knowing.
She breathed out as she set her pencil down next to her paper. Her essay was going fantastic, but her hand was suddenly starting to gain a dull ache, so she decided on a break.
Clare Edwards had changed in the last four years. She was far away from the people she was once so close with. Prom had ended in heartbreak and tragedy for her.
Adam had been shot and died shortly after, before they even made it to the hospital. She went into a deep depression and gave up her relationship with Jake and cut ties with everyone.
Eli.
Alli.
Her parents.
Jake.
Everyone.
She went off to college far from all of them, in the states and she hadn't been contacted since. She felt horrible, but things just weren't the same. Trying to forget them all was the hardest part.
It was like trying to light water on fire.
It was impossible.
Every emotion she hid so well would resurface and bubble up inside her chest when she thought of them; him.
It made her want to throw up violently when mental images of him flashed behind her eyelids. He probably still looked so perfect to this very day.
She hadn't realized she was clutching her pencil tightly, almost about to snap it in two.
She let out a shaky breath as she set her pencil down once again. Tonight would just be another night to drown her sorrows away in the numbing taste of alcohol. Ironic isn't it? She was taught to believe against that stuff, but here she was, not even twenty-five and she was basically an alcoholic. It was her usual routine now. She would remember them and the temptation beat her until she gave in then she would get ready for a night on the town; alone.
She would hit up the nearest bar and drink until she saw twos of everything and sometimes she would wake up not remembering anything.
But she still had a shred of dignity for herself.
She was definitely still saving herself for marriage.
But sometimes she wonders if she had been taken advantage of; she'd even go out the next two days after to the hospital to get tested for anything, to see if her last piece of innocence was taken away.
She gulped and shook herself from her thoughts. She got up and grabbed her jacket and purse before putting on her heals and heading out of her dorm building. It was a Saturday. The weekend. She didn't have to get up the next day so she could get as wasted as she wanted.
The second she stepped out into the crisp and chill December air the frosty wind slapped against her pale skin and tugged at her auburn strands. She shivered as her fingers started to numb and stuffed her hands into her coat pockets.
It felt as if she didn't drink she would get swallowed whole by her conscious. Like it was eating away at her very soul, telling her if she didn't drink soon then she would be gone and she wouldn't get herself back.
As she sat there gulping down her first shot she could have sworn her eyes were deceiving her. Like she was being mocked and tortured. But for some reason she knew it was real. That the man she's loved since she was fifteen was sitting a handful of seats down from her.
Her body was set on fire at the very sight of him. From the side she could see his ivory skin clashing with the lights above and his brown hair was cut and she had the urge to run her fingers through his hair. He still wore what he had when they were teenagers. His skinny jeans and band tee's.
She felt like she was going to explode from the intensity of the situation. She was about to turn her head away when his stare locked with hers and she couldn't look away.
Everything suddenly became chilling under her touch as his green eyes bore into hers. It was all laid out on the table to see. She wanted to get up and rush to him and feel his skin under her fingers; just to make sure he was really there. That it wasn't some hallucination or dream.
Eli fucking Goldsworthy was there.
Staring into her eyes; her soul.
Everything made sense at that moment.
It all rushed back in the blink of an eye.
The anticipation she felt when he stood couldn't be described. More so as he kept his gaze locked on her and made his way to her. She can smell him as he stands before her.
He still smelled the same.
He still looked the same.
"Clare Edwards?"
The words came out in an amused husky voice.
Her legs felt like jelly and she thought the world was falling out of orbit as he smirked down at her. Her stomach tied up in knots and she felt the lump in her throat rise.
"E-Eli?"
It came out as a stuttered croak and she wanted to curse herself.
"My how you've grown." And she just wanted to moan at those words. She knew what he was implying and he knew that she knew.
"How… how have you been?"
"Good, but maybe better now. I just… I can't believe you're really fucking standing right in front of me, Clare."
The heat rushed to her cheeks in an instant and she wanted to press her lips to his and never pull away and just drown in him forever and ever.
"Well, believe it. I'm really here."
"You look great. How's school?"
"It's… good. Lonely, but good."
"What, you don't have any friends?"
"No, no I don't."
"Clare…"
"It's… it's nothing, I just haven't really bonded with anyone that's all."
"Sure it is."
Smirk.
Blush.
As she opened her pink lips to speak, he beat her to it, "You have no idea how much I wanna kiss you right now…" He breathed and she gasped in surprise.
And that's when she could read the expression on his face; he had this longing lustful look on his face. The lust to kiss her. Kiss her like he did the last night they spent together. The last night they shared their secrets and just held each other.
She didn't know what came over her, but suddenly Clare was dragging Eli out of the bar by the collar of his leather jacket.
The second they were outside Clare felt surprise rise up inside her as she was pushed up against the brick wall behind her. It was rough and cold on her back; her jacket somewhere inside the bar, but she didn't care. She wrapped her legs around Eli's waist and his hands rested on her hips. They inched toward each others lips and when they brushed their lips together, both of them lost it and everything disappeared when the kiss escalated.
His tongue dove into her mouth and her fingers dragged through his locks, massaging his scalp. He groaned at the sensation and ran his fingers down her hips and to her bottom.
Clare could taste the slight hint of vodka on his tongue and felt herself fall into complete and utter bliss.
This is what she wanted.
This is what she missed.
She moaned into the kiss and trailed her tongue along his gums, his teeth, his tongue. Every crevice of his mouth that she could touch and reach.
Suddenly his mouth pulled away from hers and latched onto her jaw. He trailed wet open mouth kisses down to her neck where he nibbled, sucked, and licked his way around her flesh.
She moaned and groaned and whimpered.
His lips came back to hers crashing against hers in a hard and heated kiss; one she would never forget.
But Clare Edwards never forgot him or anything he ever did.
He pulled away from her, still holding her up against the brick wall, "I missed you, Clare; so much."
"I missed you, too."
This is where she wanted to stay; in his arms.
Forever.
Where they could forget everything that happened and just live in the moment.
Together…
Gah, that was bad wasn't it? :\
Well, leave a review telling me what you think!(: