Disclaimer: Durr, I don't own the characters.
Promises
He gave his word to guard her, while she swore away the very life he promised to protect. Only one can prevail.
When Life becomes unbearable, we find that there is nothing but broken promises. . .
x X - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - X x
She was a child loved by the gods.
Well, at least that's what they told her before all of…this happened. Rin stands alone in a field, countless stars thrown across the blanket of night above her. She stares hard into it and tries to think of some excuse that could save her from a life of shame…a life full of guilt for having killed her best friend. She's left Kakashi over there with her sensei. He'll be fine, she knows. She knows because she's the one who healed him, gave him almost every last shred of chakra in her tired body. She knows she did a good job, but she knows that Obito's gift will most likely be the death of him one day too.
Rin glances down at the hands which had so skillfully placed a part of Obito in Kakashi, and wonders how they'd been too slow to prevent her capture. It seems unfair to her, and she thinks that maybe the gods have the sickest sense of humor imaginable. They love her, and yet here she stands – searching for Obito amongst the stars. It wasn't fair. She lifts those same hands to her nose and inhales gently. Yes, the scent of his blood still lingers even though she stood in the river and scrubbed until her skin peeled away. Sensei had had to drag her out of the water before she stopped. Rin feels dizzy now, but can't seem to make herself sit down. The air is cool, but the breeze is warm. It ruffles her hair ever so slightly and makes her think of when her mother did the same and told her the gods would never abandon her. The girl knows it was all a lie now. She hears her sensei calling her name, telling her to come back. It's time to go home.
But Rin only ignores him and looks back up at the stars. She just knows that Obito is up there somewhere, and she wants to find him before they go. She hears Kakashi calling her now. His voice seems different, tired for once and somehow kinder. But she ignores him too. The girl thinks that perhaps she's changed, just in this one day, as she studies the lights above her. That crush she'd had… it seems so trivial and childish, especially since Kakashi had chosen to abandon her whilst Obito made the ultimate sacrifice. Rin's eyes are watering, but instead of fighting it, she chooses to cry freely. She can still feel her friend's hand in her own and against her cheek as she tells him not to leave her. He's too young, she says, and it's all her fault. Please don't die, she pleads. Yet, here she stands.
Alone.
Kakashi calls her again, a little more urgently. Rin smiles a little, knowing that he thinks she's lost it, gone mad, broken… It's only half-true. She looks around this field, then back up at the stars to tell Obito that she'll come back to find him soon. She doesn't care what anyone says, she tells him. They'll be together again, because she can't stand the thought of him living up there, alone and cold and lonely. Rin bids him a heartbroken goodbye, then turns to rejoin what's left of Team 7. She's never felt more alone than right now as she walks across the field, but soon, she reasons, she'll have Obito again.
x X - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - X x
He was a child blessed by the gods.
At least, that's what everyone told him before all of…this happened. Kakashi opens his eyes to more darkness, though it's littered with little lights this time. That's strange, he thinks. Last he remembers… yes, that's right. The boy groans and tries to sit up, but a strong hand pushes him back down. His sensei tells him to take it easy. He's been through a lot. Kakashi nods his compliance, then asks where Rin is. The ripping pain in his left eye socket has suddenly reminded him that he should thank her. It also reminds him of his last words to Obito and that he should be especially attentive to her as well now. Sensei nods his head to the right, silently telling his student she's over there. The boy looks and, sure enough, Rin is standing in the middle of a field. She's acting strange he thinks, because she's not usually the type to be overly contemplative or solemn. Obito's death must have been hard on her, though he's not sure how he'll help her shoulder the burden when he hardly knows how to shoulder it himself.
Sensei's calling her over now and telling her they need to get home. He watches as she ignores their teacher, which is out of character. After a moment, he too calls for her, knowing that Rin will surely come to him. But when she refuses him too, Kakashi knows something is definitely wrong. He calls more urgently now, afraid that's she's completely broken. He'd seen how much it'd hurt her, watching her closest friend die – helpless to prevent it. The boy considers going out for her, but pauses as he sees her turn and begin to approach them. As she draws nearer, he notices her eyes are nearly swollen shut from weeping, and her hands are raw and shaking from disregarded pain. Their sensei draws the young kunoichi into his arms and tries to offer comfort, whilst Kakashi can only stand and watch in awkward silence. She's sobbing again, but no tears come out because he supposes they've been completely used up.
Minato smiles kindly and suggests they get going now. So they do. Kakashi watches as Rin looks back up at the sky one last time and whispers something to the stars. It worries him, but he doesn't know why it should. She'll get better, he reasons. The wound is just too fresh now, but she'll get better.
x X - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - X x
They've been home for ten days now, but Rin can't seem to get out of bed. She tries to find a reason for getting up, but all of them seem so stupid. Obito's dead, so what's the point? The kunoichi hates how everyone offers their condolences and says she couldn't have helped it. It's eating away at her, makes her physically ill to think about it. They are all filthy liars, every one of them. She could have helped it. She could have been stronger, trained harder, resisted capture. But no. Rin had been too weak.
The girl rolls over and languidly stares at the curtained window for hours, the will to move or eat nonexistent. Food has lost its taste, just as Life beyond these walls has lost its interest. It's dark in here, but who knows what it's like outside. She doesn't care too much, but the question is there either way. A knock on her door rouses her from pointless thoughts, but Rin isn't fazed. It's probably another well-wisher, she thinks, and closes her eyes to wait until they leave. However, they don't leave and keep knocking louder and louder until she can hardly stand it. Still, she refuses to move and simply keeps staring at her closed window. An obnoxious crash behind her finally says that someone has kicked in her door, and it's most likely one of her team members.
Kakashi calls her name loudly, as if afraid she's poisoned herself or slit her throat. The mere sound of his voice brings back horrifying visions of the Rock country, so she covers her ears in an attempt to shut it out. Rin tells him to leave, she doesn't care about training and he'd be stupid to attempt it with such a fresh injury. The girl hears him approach her regardless, and suddenly a cold hand is on her forehead, feeling for a fever. She screams and jerks away from him, then sits up and orders him to leave. Rin demands that he never touch her again because she hates him. She hates their sensei. She hates being a shinobi and wishes that she never was one to begin with. She hates Konoha. She hates everything.
And most of all, she hates herself.
x X - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - X x
It's been ten days since they've been home, and Kakashi hasn't seen Rin since Obito's memorial service. Neither has Minato-sensei for that matter. In fact, no one has seen Rin which concerns her teammate. He's been wondering about her a lot more than usual because of how she acted back in the Rock country, and the fact that no one has seen her is in no way uncalled for. The boy goes to her apartment, much slower than usual because of his new eye. It hurts in such an ungodly way, he can hardly stand it. But of course, he's forced to.
Once he arrives, Kakashi knocks politely. There is no answer, so he knocks again. Then again. Again. Again. He begins to fear for the worst now, and without hesitation kicks in her door to find the girl's body curled up on her small mattress. The room is dark, curtains pulled over the windows. She's unresponsive to the noise, but when he calls her name she moves. She must be sick, he thinks, so he goes to feel for a fever. Kakashi is surprised when she reacts violently to his touch. The way she shrinks away from him is almost unbearable, and he's hurt without really knowing why. Rin screams in anguish, and ends by saying she wants nothing to do with the life that lead to Obito's death. She refuses to be a shinobi any longer, and he can find someone else to train with.
The boy tries to explain he just wanted to check up on her, keep the promise he'd made to Obito. At that she calms down a bit, the terrified look in those once-soft eyes dissipating. Kakashi says he'll leave, and she doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want concerning being a kunoichi. She will however, have to come out eventually. With that, he leaves her, though it's against his better judgment to do so. Rin isn't well, he knows, but what he doesn't know is how to help her. Perhaps Sensei would have better advice, because Sensei would have dealt with these matters before. With the promise of help in his mind, Kakashi leaves his teammate to her own devices for the time being.
x X - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - X x
The screams are bloody and make her skin crawl to hear them.
Rin hurries to nearest source, only to find a man whose lower half has been completely incinerated. He's still alive, but not for much longer, and she knows that he will never make it out of this. So, with a quick apology and blow to his temple, she puts him out of his misery and moves on to the next man. He's salvageable she determines, and makes the hands signs for her healing jutsu. As the soothing jade chakra envelopes her nimble fingers, Rin wonders how she can do this. It was only a year ago that Obito died, and yet here she is. Healing. She's breaking her promise, and she knows it. A terrible roar not 200 yards away startles the girl and makes her turn to stare into the glowing eyes of Evil itself. The jinchuuriki advances mercilessly, setting fire to anything that comes within it reach. The situation is hopeless, she knows this. She's been here healing for nearly the entire battle, and her chakra has begun to flicker as its source is completely depleted.
Then, a resounding cry of hope arises as the Yondaime finally appears atop Gamabunta. He looks regal, she thinks, and knows that the village now has a fighting chance at stopping the demon. But then, Rin watches as her Sensei makes what she thinks are the wrong handseals. She screams and begins to run towards the enormous creature. The girl can't believe what her eyes are telling her; this can't be right. The demon begins to roar in insurmountable fury and struggles to resist this jutsu forced upon him. And as quickly as it begins, it's over. Her Sensei is dead and all that's left is the child he's sealed the Kyuubi into.
Rin drops to her knees and weeps for her Sensei. Now he's gone, and her world completely falls apart for the second time in a year. Hope is dead to her.
x X - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - X x
The roar is bloodthirsty and makes his heart beat erratically every time it sounds.
Kakashi has been here fighting since the start, and Konoha only seems to be losing ground instead gaining it. He wonders how one can even fight a demon such as this and live to tell of it. So many are dead, the boy can look in any direction he wishes and find no ground unstained and blood-free. Fire consumes everything yet never dies; fueled by the Kyuubi's infinite reservoir of chakra, the hellish flames can burn forever if the demon so wishes. Kakashi leaps aside at the last second to avoid a searing blast of heat generated from the beast's wicked laughter. He realizes he's growing slower now; he can't last much longer.
A small group of shinobi approach him from the right, eyes watchful of the demon. They ask what's to be done. Nothing is working. Konoha, they say, is doomed. The young Jounin can't answer because he has no idea what to do. He knows he is not powerful enough, or wise enough, to give them hope. His new Sharingan is throbbing, which only further serves to deter from his concentration. Suddenly, a great shadow arises from behind, and the group turns to see what could possibly be going on. They cheer, because it's Gamabunta they see, though he's too tall and too close to see the Yondaime atop his head. Kakashi breathes a sigh of relief. It won't be long now, he thinks, because his sensei is here. It's a downhill battle they fight.
But then he hears Rin, screaming in horror and running towards them. Her eyes are locked atop the toad king's head to where he knows their Sensei to be. He's confused and unsure as to what's going on. Why? Why would she do such a thing? The Kyuubi's roar changes now. Fear, the boy hears, is stagnant in its terrible voice. And in less than a minute, the jutsu is complete, his Sensei is dead, and all that's left is his infant son, the demon fox sealed within. Kakashi feels weak; his mind can hardly register what's going on around him until he hears Rin weeping for their dead teacher. He looks behind him, tears running from his left eye as Obito joins Rin in mourning. Clearly, she is broken. The girl covers her face with her hands, hardly able to breathe through the sobs. She's a mess, he notices. Blood covers her body from head to toe, and Kakashi knows that she's been here as long as he has, doing an arguably much harder job than he. So what now? What's to be done now? His heart aches because now he sees that the only one left of his team at this point is Rin.
If she dies, he will be alone again, and the very thought of that makes him fearful. As long as Rin lives, he reasons, hope will live as well.
x X - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - X x
Rin sits on her teammate's hospital bed, listening to the steady pulse of the monitors behind them. Kakashi had expended far more chakra than was acceptable thanks to Obito's parting gift, and had collapsed as soon as his adrenaline hadn't been able to support his body any longer. He's been asleep now for nearly forty-eight hours, kept in that state by the constant flow of sedatives into his bloodstream. She hadn't been the one to heal him this time, for her chakra can hardly support her own life let alone another's. It's a miracle in and of itself that she too isn't in a hospital bed.
The girl slowly reaches over and lays her hand inside Kakashi's; she wants him to live more than anything in the world. Rin wants him to live, to have a future; she wants him to find happiness one day. She wants him to find the happiness she never could and never will find. She wants him to live, and she tells him so in a very small, gentle voice. A lot of things, she thinks, are in store for her teammate. He is a prodigy, a genius. Surely, Kakashi will be better off…
Rin now lifts her hand from his and gently run her fingertips over his true eye. She thought she loved him back then, when they were still children. Now things are much, much more complicated, and she is much, much more fragile than she used to be. Visions of her teacher's sacrifice, of Obito's death play relentlessly through her mind. Over and over they go. Mercilessly. Her fingers begin to tremble, and she moves them over to touch Obito one last time. Rin's eyes water, tears flow freely for her broken team. She tells both Kakashi and Obito that she's sorry, and that all she ever wanted was to help those around her. Now, she says, she is only a burden. She was the one who killed Obito, and she could do nothing to fight off the demon. Perhaps if she had been a better kunoichi, Rin thinks, she could have prevented her capture or stopped the Kyuubi from ravaging their homeland. Obito might be alive, and perhaps even Sensei.
The kunoichi breaks down into hysteric weeping as she looks at Kakashi. The guilt is crushing her heart to the point of physical pain, and she can't seem to let it go as everyone tells her she should. She never wanted this, she tells the boy. She never wanted any of it.
x X - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - X x
Kakashi lies on the hospital bed, sedated to the point of immobilization. He's definitely overdone it, but it was for the greater good. It was his duty. He closes his eyes, allowing the putrid stench of the hospital and maddening beat of the heart monitor to drown out the memory of his teacher's death. It was much better that way. Much easier. Suddenly, he feels the weight of someone else on his bed, and hears Rin's gentle murmuring. It's too quiet to make out exactly what she's saying, but he keeps his eyes shut to hear what she really wants to say.
A kind hand takes his. It feels warm and soft, he notices, much softer than his calloused two. Her hand moves to his face and gently caresses it; he wonders what exactly she's thinking about. Kakashi finally hears her start to cry, and she runs trembling fingers over Obito now. Rin pours out her heart to him, and secretly he wishes she wouldn't do so. He doesn't like to feel emotion – never has and never will. He's worn a mask since enrolling in the Academy to hide them, but to have this heartbroken girl…to hear how she's wrongfully taken on something so unnecessary is enough to make his true eye water slightly.
Kakashi can't take it anymore and finally parts his lips to tell her she's wrong, it isn't her fault. She shouldn't bear the guilt of their teammates' deaths. But before he can speak, the weight on his bed is gone. The boy opens his eyes to find no one there. The monitor begins to sound faster and faster as he begins to worry what might happen to Rin or what she's desperate enough to try. The memory of her in that field so far away flashes across his mind, and without hesitation he decides that is where he must go to find her.
x X - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - X x
Rin is tired.
She stands alone again, in this field of stars with the wind at her back. Her soft brown eyes search the heavens, looking to find Obito just as before. It was a long journey on such a little amount of chakra. Her body aches, but her heart feels lighter now that she knows what the future holds. She is free to have a life where Obito still lives. A life with Sensei. A life that no longer holds pain or suffering. Yes, that is what she will have. Rin feels sad that Kakashi must outlive every one of his teammates. He has already outlived one family after all… She wonders if perhaps he will feel any sadness for her once she's gone, or will he remain stoic as he has thus far. The girl smiles slightly. No, she says, he will feel nothing. He will feel nothing because it is his duty. And duty, she knows, is more important to him than anything else in this world…
More important than Obito was, more important than Sensei, and most certainly, more important than her – a silly, naïve little girl who knows how to do nothing.
Rin sighs and finally prepares herself. She must focus all her energy on the task now at hand. It's complicated, but she knows how to do it…and she knows what it will do to her. Precise chakra control – that's what the gods had blessed her with. Now, Rin will use this gift to finally bring herself the happiness she'd been so cruelly denied. Her small hands move quickly, making just the right handseals. In less than a moment's time, she's opened the eighth chakra gate: Shimon – Death. Her breath quickens, her heart beats uncontrollably fast… Rin is dying, her life force simply seeping into the ground at her feet.
She's afraid, but for the very first time in years, she can truly smile.
x X - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - X x
Kakashi is tired.
He should be back in the hospital, not out here in the middle of nowhere. It was stupid to put such a strain on his body so soon after…well, after all that had happened. But right now it doesn't matter, he concludes. Right now, he must find Rin. To break his promise to Obito, to let her do the unthinkable… It is the very last thing he needs right now – to find that he's outlived his very last teammate. His very last friend. He grows still for a moment, pausing to catch his breath as he thinks. The Jounin thinks it strange – just last year he'd wanted nothing to do with her or Obito. Now…
Kakashi suddenly senses an enormous amount of chakra released nearby. He starts to panic as it fades, flickering away as a candle might in the wind. He rushes into the open field, disregarding any protocols he might have heeded in the past. The only thought running through his head is of Rin. He must protect her, he'd promised to. She cannot die, for he will not let her. He will not let another teammate's life slip through his fingers like sand. He will not let himself watch another friend die. He will not watch Rin die.
As he draws nearer to the chakra source, Rin enters his field of vision. She's just laying there, he panics. She isn't moving, and Kakashi cannot sense any chakra in the area whatsoever. Within a second, the boy's at her side. He says her name, but there is no response. Rin's eyes are closed, her breaths are shallow and quick, and her skin is cold to the touch. Kakashi picks her up and holds her close as he tries to administer an emergency dose of chakra in pill form. The boy commands her to swallow. Swallow dammit, he shouts hoarsely into the evening air. The girl feebly obeys, but it does her body no good for the gate is still open and the booster merely leaks onto the ground beneath them once more. Kakashi cries out in frustration and demands she show him the proper hand seals so that he may close the gate.
Rin tries to smile and slowly makes a series of signs for Kakashi to mimic. But when he does so, the Jounin merely feels reenergized, the piercing ache behind his left eye gone as soothing jade chakra envelopes one hand. He realizes she gave him the wrong one on purpose, and time is running out. Kakashi screams her name and shakes her, anger and grief nearly blinding the once stoic warrior. He demands over and over that she tell him how to fix this. How to heal her. How to save her. He feels helpless for the first time in a while, completely and utterly helpless. He asks why she finds it necessary to torture him like this, force him to watch as he becomes the sole survivor of Team 7.
Rin can't answer, for her body impedes her in doing so. Instead, she merely grasps onto Kakashi's free hand with the last shred of strength left in her feeble frame. Such a struggle takes so much of what's left… She watches as Obito weeps freely for her, his tears falling like rain upon her skin. Is this not what he wanted? Why is Obito so sad? the girl wonders in pain. Has she done something wrong…again? Rin feels Kakashi squeeze her hand, and returns her gaze to him.
She is surprised to find that Kakashi, too, now weeps for her.
No, she says. No, this cannot be. He doesn't care. He cannot care… He wasn't supposed to care. Guilt burdens her heart, and she is torn. The girl's eyes fill with tears, but all she can do now is gaze up at her teammate and wait for the end. He is so sad, she thinks. It wasn't supposed to be like this…
Kakashi's heart is breaking as he watches Rin's eyes. It is terrible to remember how bright and happy they once were, how filled with life they had been. But now, he sees nothing but sadness and misery. The boy wants to look away, so that he will not have to watch as Rin's life leaves her body. However, he cannot, no matter how hard he tries. Rin franticly clutches at him; her grip tightens on his hand as if she's desperately trying to hold onto something. Then, Kakashi watches as the light slowly fades from those beautiful eyes… Her hand falls lifelessly to her side while he continues to stare into her empty gaze.
Rin is dead.
The boy can do nothing for a moment, staggered by the realization of what has happened. But within moments, the sobs begin to shake his entire frame as he gathers Rin's body to his and holds her close. Here, in this field of stars, it is alright. It is alright to weep for a lost comrade. It is alright to weep for a friend.
It is alright to weep for Rin.