"Gohan!" shouted Goku from the afterlife. "Don't give up!"
Gohan had a flashback to all the times before when he'd been a useless little wuss. He realised that he would never defeat Cell. He faltered, and Cell began to cackle with evil laughter and increased the energy in his beam.
"Nooooo!" Gohan screamed in a whiny voice. "I can't do it!" He collapsed, crying like a little twerp.
Cell's blast tore him to atomic particles. There was nothing left of Gohan but dust. The rest of the Z force quailed in terror, and Cell smirked at them.
"I'll leave you now, to train and get stronger. In five years I will return and perhaps you worthless slime will give me a challenge. If you can't beat me in five years' time, I will blow up the Earth."
Cell flew off into the sky.
"By the way," he called. "I don't want you using the dragon balls to cheat and bring Goku, Trunks and Gohan back to life. So I'm taking them."
Cell took all seven magic balls and tossed them into a black hole.
"No!" shouted Yamcha, punching the ground. "We're doomed!"
"Shut up, human!" Vegeta snarled. "If he's going to give us five years to get stronger, we'll train every day and make that android eat his words. Depend upon it!"
For the next five years, the Z fighters trained every day while the population of Earth trembled, waiting for their fate to be decided.
Five years later, Cell returned. He spat out several Cell Juniors, who easily defeated the remaining Z fighters while Cell sat back and read the newspaper.
"My goodness, you people really fail," Cell said boredly as he watched Yamcha being Yamcha'd. "I mean, I gave you five years."
Vegeta screamed with rage and fury as the Cell Juniors taunted him. He seemed more cut up about his failure than the fact the Earth was about to be destroyed. Driven to desperation, he fired off a Garlic Gun with enough force to destroy the planet.
"What are you doing!" hollered Tien. "You're as bad as Cell!"
"I hate all of you humans!" shouted Vegeta. "I'm tired of life! I'm taking Cell and all of you with me!"
"Oh no you don't," Cell said, tossing aside his newspaper. He stepped in and deflected the blast. It flew right at the person who'd fired it. Vegeta and the Z fighters were evaporated and the blast flew into space, taking out the planet Mars before flying to the outskirts of the solar system. Cell stood on the empty battle field, shaking his head at the sheer stupidity of the Saiyan race. The Cell Juniors cheered and clapped.
"Hmmm, I suppose I should keep my promise and blow up the Earth..." Cell mused. "But I've just saved it... what a paradox..."
Hercule came running out.
"Hey I saw what you did and it was amazing! You saved Earth from those evil Saiyans!"
A large crowd came out and proclaimed Cell King of Earth.
"You know, I could get used to this," Cell smiled.
Meanwhile, Gohan was sent to hell for being a whiny useless brat. While he was there Frieza and the Ginyu Force whaled on him every day for the rest of eternity. Vegeta was reincarnated as a little alien princess. Goku trained in the afterlife and became stronger, hoping someone would eventually wish him back. However, no one ever did.
Cell defeated Majin Boo and became a benevolent dictator, ruling the galaxy until it became a beautiful Utopia ruled by the green android.
THE END