-O-

"I heard the news today, that you're not mine to keep."- It's Only, Odesza

-O-

AN: I...I have Sinned.

Takes place in S3, after Urban Jungle, ignores everything after.

Danny was fed up.

With what, you ask? Well, with a little know problem known as Vladimir Putin Masters. The guy had shown up the previous day, completely uninvited, and tried to curl his evil coils round his mom like the slimy snake he truly was. Worse, his dad hadn't been home, so it'd been particularly infuriating. It was the seventh time this month. It was really starting to feel like Vlad had developed a sense to know exactly when his ex-best friend went AWOL.

Quite honestly, Danny wanted to shove something up Vlad's ass to make him go away and stay away.

But Vlad was stubborn. Infuriatingly stubborn. Both of the fights the teen had brought upon the older Halfa just resulting in a pretty embarrassing ass kicking and migraines the size of Russia. Every 'Leave my mom alone!' and 'Get out of my town!' Danny tried to say with his fists and ectoblasts went completely unacknowledged. Annoying, given that in one of those encounters, he'd literally grabbed Vlad by the elven ear and screamed exactly those two sentences into it, and still Vlad didn't listen.

So Danny was done trying to beat it into him. Instead, he opted for something with a little more...finesse. Or, with as much finesse as a 15 year old super hero teen who's first thought about invading ghosts was 'I'm gonna punch them.' could have.

See, young Danny had thought up a plan. An ingenious plot to get his arch enemy off his back. He was a little impressed with himself, really. Vlad had been constantly complaining and bemoaning about being lonely and just wanting love, so that's precisely the problem he was going to fix. Start at the root of the problem, and all that philosophical babble whatnot.

Which was why Danny was currently hunched over Vlad's laptop in the pitch dark at midnight, browsing for which online dating site would be best to put a sociopathic narcissist half ghost onto.

Operation #GetVladAGirlfriend2005 was full under way.

Well, after 2 hours. Finally.

Danny drug his hand down his face, groaning. The bright computer screen light was starting to make his eyes go funny. It turned out that answering a lot of romance-based questions about your arch enemy was a lot harder than he thought it'd be. Especially since he was discovering that he didn't really know anything about Vlad as, y'know, a person. Google and no less than seven calls to Jazz was his savior. His brain felt like it was starting to deflate. The fact that the unfinished math homework sitting at home wouldn't stop prodding the back of his mind didn't help. But at least it seemed like he might almost be done, since the questions were now about Vlad's personal information rather than how important a skilled partner was to him. That was a welcome change.

"Shit. What's Vlad's birthday?" Danny groaned. Back to Vlad's Wikipedia page. Again.

Another half and hour and much quiet metaphorical dying later, Vlad Masters was successfully a member of TruLove4U,Com.

Good news: The site had already fund quite a number of matches.

Bad news: Danny would have to go through every one of them in order to find Vlad's, to quote the site, 'TruLove Soulmate.'

Honestly Danny was so tired that he found the idea inexplicably hilarious.

-o-oOo-o-

As the week crawled on, Danny returned every night to Vlad's profile to continue on his question. Much to his dismay, every day there were new matches he had to compare and contrast against the ones he already had. But the good thing was that he already had three front runners: Rebecca, Ellen, and his personal favorite, Kathy. Kathy certainly seemed like the best option and most likely to be able to deal with Vlad's insanity. Ellen was pretty nice too, she was sweet but stubborn.

Really, who'd have thought Danny would be going through dozens of middle aged women's profiles to try to get Vlad laid? Where did his life go so wrong?

Three days after starting the profile, Tucker discovered what he was doing. His friend took it upon himself to hijack it to send out messages, much to Danny's annoyance. Hilariously, even under the guise of renowned Vlad Masters, he was rejected by all of them. Sam learned about it not long after, and complained that it was cruel to the women to try to set them up with someone like Vlad. Bickering between the three ensued.

By the end of the week, Danny was just happy Vlad himself hadn't yet discovered him. There had been a few close calls, when he had lost track of time and didn't realize Vlad routinely got up at 5 in the morning. But Lady Luck finally seemed to be on his side for once. He was feeling good about his progress.

"Daniel?"

Annnnnnd there goes Lady Luck. Backstabbing him again, the wench.

Danny slammed the laptop closed, spinning around. Vlad took a few tentative steps into the room, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. "What are your doing in my private study?"

Danny swallowed. He tried to squeeze his brain for an excuse. Any excuse. Anything that Vlad would actually buy. The lights flipped on, illuminating the room and momentarily blinding him. He blinked rapidly to try to readjust his eyes, then cleared his throat.

"Just, uh, seeing if you were keeping any world domination plans in here."

Vlad gave him a look, "Daniel I know you think I'm crazy, but I'm not that stupid. Why are you on my computer?"

Danny unconsciously shifted to block the laptop with his body, "I was looking for information." he replied.

"You're lying to me."

Danny remained defiant. "No I'm not."

Vlad growled. His eyes flashed red and his lips pulled up to reveal the tips of his fangs, "Give me the laptop, Daniel. Now." He extended his hand, expectant.

Danny looked towards Vlad's fingers, then back to his face. His fingers curled tighter around the computer. He of course knew that he'd eventually have to confront Vlad with what he'd been doing, but he hadn't expected to do it so soon. He thought he had time to actually think of a plan for doing that. His foresight is the worst. He tried to weigh the pros and cons, but Vlad's overbearing presence made it quite impossible. His resolve popped.

"Okay, you're right. I was lying." Danny said, shirking away a bit when Vlad's eyes narrowed, "But in my defense, this is about something that you, uh, won't take kindly to. But I'm doing it in your best interest, so, really, I'm just trying to do you a favor."

"The laptop, Daniel."

Danny sighed. He handed over the machine, Vlad snatching it from his fingers and prying the lid open. The screen popped back to life, displaying in crisp high definition the matches page of TruLove4U,com. Vlad's anger melted into confused irritation as he attempted to figure out just what he was looking it.

"What is this stupidity?" Vlad demanded, and Danny grimaced. Here we go.

"It's, uh, a dating site." he said, "I signed you up."

Rage flooded Vlad, "You WHAT?!"

Danny held his hands up, as if that would even help anything, and gestured tot he screen, "Look, I've found you five women you've been matched with! And they're all available because they're single!"

His attempt to calm Vlad's anger worked about as well as throwing gasoline on a fire. The elder Halfa slammed the laptop onto a table, his eyes bleeding red and wisps of ectoplasm dancing round his arms. He advanced upon Danny, who took equal steps backwards.

"Daniel, I do not appreciate your idiotic assumptions that I am unable to pursue relationships myself, nor do I like the fact that you are attempting to set me up behind my back! I am perfectly capable of living my own life and doing what I want! If I have said it once, I have said it a thousand times: I love Madelyn and I will not give up on her!"

Danny growled, narrowing his eyes, "And I personally think that you're more in love with the memory of her than you are with her as a person."

Vlad recoiled like he'd been struck, "How dare you...!"

"Face it Vlad! My mom is not the same person she was in college! No one is! Not her, not Dad, and certainly not you! Time changes people! You lost your chance before you even had it, and no matter how hard or how long you try to run after it, it's gone! You're chasing ghosts, Vlad, and you've wasted twenty years of your life doing it!" Danny yelled, stomping. Ice slithered across the carpet, the temperature dropping several degrees. His patience had officially run out, and he is 110% Done. Vlad's hands balled into fists, pink encasing them. Small streaks of smoke rising from him; he was not about to back down now.

"You are wrong, Daniel!" he snapped back, "I had dreams! I knew exactly the life I wanted to live! I could have had everything I wanted had that blasted—!"

"But you don't! You're alone and family-less with nothing but meaningless wealth and empty rooms to your name!" Danny jabbed a finger at the older Halfa, "And let me tell you, that is completely your own fault!"

Vlad opened his mouth, but Danny was having None Of It.

"You could have chosen to give up on your stupid grudge fifteen years ago and maybe you could have found someone who made your heart twist and year in a way my mother never could and spent every day since bickering like the old married couple you'd be! Maybe ten years ago you could have met someone you learned you never wanted to live without and who knows, if that had happened, maybe you'd be busy celebrating your child's birthday today! Or maybe five years ago you could have stumbled upon a great guy and discovered you were actually gay or something, I don't know!" Danny three his hands into the air, "Every year that you waste your time pining after my mom is one more year of missed opportunities and future regret!"

"How many more are you going to waste? Five? Ten? Another twenty? Let's put that into perspective, you'd be in your sixties, Vlad. Just as alone and bitterly miserable as you are today." Danny snarled, glaring at the other Halfa, "There is no chance of my mom loving you. She never did to begin with. Is it honestly fucking worth it, Vlad?"

Silence. Danny inhaled, forcing his fingers to unclench. In and out he breathed, attempted to calm himself. Looking back up at Vlad, he was a little startled. Vlad was staring, wide-eyed and pale, looking quite taken aback by the outburst. Uncertainty traced the lines of his face, small and nearly undetectable, yet still there. Danny swallowed, feeling a slight twinge of guilt, yet not the least bit sorry. He knew that pulling off the scab that was Vlad's delusions would cause it to bleed once more, bringing the ugly and pain of the past with it. Danny also knew that sometimes you needed to pick scabs off because they got infected and you needed to clean the wound.

Vlad wallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing, then spoke, "You haven't any idea what you're talking about, Daniel. You don't understand—"

Danny shook his head, "I think I understand more than you realize. I've fought you for months, I know you better than anyone else." Vlad said nothing, instead turning to glare at the wall. Danny heaved a sigh.

"Listen, I'm not trying to do this to shove your face into things you'd rather forget—okay, I kinda am—but I really am doing it to help you."

"No you're not. You are only attempting to get me away from your family. You care about your mother, not me. Don't be so pretentious, you're not fooling me."

Danny gave a halfhearted shrug, "You're right. That was the goal. But as hard as it is to believe, I really don't want to see you running around in circles for the rest of your life." Vlad flinched, despite obvious attempts to smother it. Danny noticed, and his face softened, "You've always been right about one thing, and that was that your accident really did ruin your life. But it wasn't anyone else's fault but your own that was ruining it since. You've got to let itgo."

"It's not that easy!" Vlad hissed, eyes glaring red. Danny cocked his head, a brow raised.

"Why isn't it? Why are you able to just say 'I've done this long enough, it's not worth it anymore, I'm done'? Why is it so hard to decide that you've given enough of your life to something, and walk away from it? What's fueling you, Vlad? What's tied you to it?"

"I..."

Danny furrowed his brows, "Do you even know anymore?"

"..." Vlad shut his mouth, lips pressed into a thin line. Danny waited, patient, but Vlad turned away, motioning to the door, "I'd like for you to leave now, Daniel. I need to get ready for work."

Danny visibly deflated. He sighed, but nodded and walked away. Nothing more he could do, he supposed. He paused at the table where the laptop lay askew on, the screen still displaying the dating site. He picked it up, and approached Vlad again. Vlad frowned at him.

"Just...give it a try, okay? Humor me." Danny pushed the laptop into his hands, "I recommend Kathy, she seems pretty cool."

He stepped back and walked away again, phasing through the wall and out into the crisp air of dawn. He looked back at Vlad's Polterheist Mansion, frowning deeply. With a shake of his head, he flew off. He should probably do his homework.

-o-oOo-o-

For a rare time in his life, Vlad Masters didn't know what to think.

He stared at the open laptop in his hands, his mind a monsoon of clashing thoughts. Part of his throat felt stuck. His lungs felt too tight. A deeper part of him ached, like it'd been cut with a dull blade. Half of him was angry, unfathomably angry, at Daniel. How dare that teen, that child, have the audacity to come into his home, to interfere with his life, to attack and insult his very being. Vlad wanted to throw the brat into a wall, strap him down and send a thousand volts into him. The other half knew Danny was right, and it hurt. He'd been trying for so long and had nothing to show for it. Indecisiveness and self doubt swelled, hiding the fear nestled close to his heart. Fear, and the soft whispers of regret. The tiny mumbles of 'I told you so' freckled through the repeating sentences echoing in his mind like a record that wouldn't stop skipping.

Vlad Masters did not fear, and he did not regret. Regret mean he'd made a mistake, that everything he's done had been in vain. It was unacceptable.

'But it kind of has been fruitless, hasn't it?' The small voice breathed in his mind.

He refused to believe it. Daniel didn't know what he was talking about. Daniel didn't understand. If he could get more, perhaps Maddie would turn her eyes towards him.

'In disgust, of just plain pity? I think she'd feel sad for how desperate you've become.'

His fingers tightened, the plastic case creaking. Before him, the sleek design of the dating site stared back at him.

Would more be worth it? Maybe if he could give Maddie more, more wealth, more luxury, more prestige. More knowledge, more skill, more fame. Were those even the kinds of things that could sway her? Did she even care about those kinds of things? Had he ever even considered that before?

'How many more years are you going to waste? Five? Ten? Twenty? Will you be forty years from now, 82 and dying alone, only to ask yourself the same questions? Or maybe you'd ask 'Why did I ever even think I could have made her love me?''

He shuddered. He didn't want that. That was his biggest fear. He had already half died alone, he refused to do it again. Being alone when the rest of him withered away too was too horrible to even try to imagine. For there to be so many people, yet to have no one care...he wouldn't be able to bear it.

'Humor me.' The voice utters, 'What have you even got to loose?'

Vlad placed the computer on the desk, slowly sinking into the chair. Six names stared back at him. But Daniel had said five earlier. Just five? Or had Daniel been combing through his potential partners, and if so, why? To weed out those he felt didn't fit him well? They do say that no one knows you quite like your enemy does. Part of him feels indignant that he hadn't been allowed to make his choices himself, but another part, puzzlingly, trusted Daniel's judgment.

Six names. Six women. Kathy, Ellen, Rebecca, Zoe, Marilynn, and Christine.

Vlad hovered over Kathy's name, but hesitated. Daniel did recommend her, but...he wasn't so sure.

He clicked, and Kathy's profile displayed. She was 38, and she owned her own business. He looked to her picture, which displayed a fair attractive blond dressed formally. It seemed to be a professionally taken picture, perhaps for some event. He scanned her about section, discovering she was interested in botany, dolphins, and fully supposed Eco activists. He frowned. There wasn't anything particularly wrong with her, but there wasn't anything that tickled his fancy either. She just felt like an okay person. There wasn't a spark.

Backing out and continuing to the others, Vlad learned that his relative disinterest in anything any of them had on their profiles was the norm. Zoe came the closest, given that she was an archaeologist and had a rather morbid sense of humor. But he still wouldn't say he was particularly...interested. His curiosity and eyes often wandered to Marilynn's name. He couldn't help it. It was so similar, of course he was drawn to it. She was the last one, specifically because he kept putting her off.

He opened her profile. His breath caught in this throat, his eyes glued instantly to her picture.

She wasn't Maddie, but damn if she couldn't be. She could easily pass as a doppelganger. Similar face, similar eye shape, similar smile, even her hair style was nearly the same. Blue eyes highlighted with light makeup and complimented with a soft, sweet smile. Freckles speckled her skin, her hair a shiny ebony trimmed into a floofy bob. She appeared younger, yet still incredibly beautiful. She was the kind of woman who could catch anyone she wanted in a bar or club, which begged the question of why she'd pick a dating site instead.

He tore his eyes away from her picture, to her information. Her younger age was confirmed by her birth date, Halloween '71. she was currently 33, 9 years younger than him. She lived in New York, worked as a programmer, and had attended Penn State. She didn't have any previous marriages, and was currently child-less. At a height of 5'3, she was quite short; especially compared to his 6'2 height. He ran his eyes over her interests.

'Tell About Yourself: I am from Cattawissa PA, and I attended Penn State to pursue my desire to design and develop software. I have a number of hobbies, including baking, quilling, gardening, and rock climbing. My biggest interest is Theatrical Musicals, and I'm also quite fond of movies, my favorite of which are the Kill Bill series. I have recently taken up learning German, and I sometimes teach a small programming class in my local rec center. I value cleanliness and respectfulness. I have a bit of a soft spot for cartoons."

Vlad inhaled, lacing his fingers together. He stared at the screen, skimming the words again. And again. And again. He was interested. Very interested. But he felt like he shouldn't be. That it was wrong. Part of him still didn't want to give up on Maddie, another felt uneasy due tot he similarities between the two, and a third couldn't help but feel like Danny would be very upset.

Yet a surprising amount of him was still interested despite his doubts.

He bit his lip. He was forced to wonder if he just drawn to her because she was similar to Maddie. Was he was just perpetuating his inability to move on by wanting to see about her? Was he unconsciously making her a surrogate? But then again, she wouldn't actually be Maddie, so that had to count for something. Right?

Daniel had told him to give it a try. It wasn't Vlad's fault a woman unfathomably similar Maddie appeared in his matches.

"You know what? Fuck it." Vlad lowered his hands to the keyboard. He clicked on the message button, and began to type. Only to quickly backspace and repeat several times because he had no idea what to say. Something flirty? Something charming? A formal request? A pick up line?! A quick trip to Google told him no, pick up lines were almost unanimously horrible. Good to know. He eventually opted to keep it quick and simple:

"Hello, my dear. I've noticed we've been matched, and I must say, I'm quite interested in you. I love love an opportunity to get to know you better."

Message sent, he closed the computer. And tried not to think about what he just did. He looked at the clock, remembering that he was supposed to be getting ready for work. 6:42. He cursed profoundly. He'd be late, which was pretty much the gross cherry on this train-wreck of a morning.

At least his fight with Daniel negated his need for coffee today. Victory in the little things.

-o-oOo-o-

Six hours later, Vlad took his lunch and escaped into his office at City Hall to try to break into his own dating account. There was no way in hell he was actually going to ask Daniel to tell him the password. That would just be embarrassing. Once into the account, a bright pink heart next to the messages tab on his page pulsed. Vlad rose a brow. He was a little shocked, and a tab hopeful as well. He'd been wondering if he'd even get a response to his message.

He opened the tab, and sure enough, the single new message was a reply from Marilynn. He poked it.

"I'm sorry, but your profile is empty. I must decline, I don't trust that."

Vlad growled, fists clenching, "Curse you Daniel. Typical of you to half-ass things."

He soon discovered that whatever Danny could get away with leaving blank, he had. The only things actually on his profile were his name, what he was searching for, and his birth date. Daniel hadn't even attempted to put a picture up. Though, Vlad supposed that this was a bit of a blessing in disguise. The less people made the connections between him and the account, the better.

As shallow as it would seem, he was not about to risk accidentally snaring a gold digger. If he was really going to try to this seriously, then he wanted someone who was interested in him, not his money. If that, perhaps, meant lying through his teeth, then so be it. He was billionaire, and that made him a rather large target.

This brought about a unique challenge: giving out just enough information to satisfy and intrigue possible partners, while also keeping as much as possible a secret.

He was rather annoyed that Daniel used his real name. If he'd used an alias, it would be easier to keep the account a secret.

Vlad filled out his profile, as thorough yet as vague as he could. It was an odd dance. He decided against putting his interest in football and the Packers on it. He also only listed his current Mayoral role as his occupation, given it was the lesser known of the two positions he held. He did not particularly want a picture of himself on it, but he came to the conclusion that he didn't have a choice, really. Who gets interested in someone who doesn't put a picture on their page?

Profile officially complete, Vlad navigated back to Marilynn's message. He had the option of replying back to her, and he was torn on actually doing it. He wanted to, but he didn't want to paint himself as a possible threat. Or desperate. He couldn't figure out which would be worse to come off as.

He opted to reply, once more rationalize that, really, he had nothing to loose in the long run.

"Ah, my apologies. I did not mean to send up any red flags. I am quite new to this kind of thing, please forgive my ignorance. Might I ask, since I have completed my profile, is there any possibility you'd be willing to give him a second chance?"

At least he was being half honest.

Vlad flopped back, running his fingers through his hair. He pulled the tie from it, rolling it through his fingers as he thought. Was he really doing this? Was he really taking the advice of a 15 year old vigilante? Sure, he'd gotten a cat, which was originally Daniel's semi-suggestion mostly-insult, but still. This was different. This was...life altering. Which, he supposed, was the point. It didn't make him feel any less conflicted. He was putting all of his trust into the idea that Danny was correct and that Danny had the right idea. He didn't know what to think about that. Daniel frequently made mistakes, sometimes huge ones. The boy was inexperienced at life. But he was also good at fixing the ones he made. It was what made him such an infuriating enemy.

So either Danny was either inadvertently leading him to disaster or to a better life. It was a blind gamble either way.

His computer dinged, shattering his thoughts. Vlad looked back to the screen. A pop-up blinked at the bottom right corner, a small message within. Leaning forward, he confirmed the IM was indeed from Marilynn. He hummed, "That was fast. She must be online."

"Normally I'd deny, but I'll bite and give you the benefit of the doubt since I'm interested. Dazzle me."

Vlad couldn't resist the temptation. He replied.

"My darling, all I ever do is dazzle."

"Someone's a little cocky."

"There's nothing wrong with being confident in one's self. Although that claim looses quite a bit of it's luster when I must admit that I haven't any idea how to impress you."

"Awww, seems like Vladimir is all bark and no bite."

"Most ashamedly. However, the same cannot be said of you. You are quite the wolf, giving my charisma a run for it's money."

"Woof woof, there goes Little Red Riding Hood. I find it hilarious you're attempting to flirt already."

"Why try to pretend I'm not incredibly interested in you when I am? I'm rather curious about what you'd say if I asked you on a date right now."

"Is this a joke? You can't be serious."

"Oh but I am. Marilynn Durren, I, Vladimir Masters, Would like to take you to see any theater production you want. Completely my treat. What d'you say?"

The conversation stalled. Marilynn frequently started to type, then stopped, then resumed. Vlad twisted his hair tie into knots waiting, wondering if he'd perhaps overstepped a little too far. Finally, Marilynn replied. The disbelief was palpable on her letters. Vlad steeled his resolve. If you're going to jump, you might as well leap.

"Are you being for real right now?"

"I am being completely serious. I'm genuinely asking you to go on a date with me."

"You do know there's a process to these kinds of things, yes?"

"You did tell me to dazzle you."

"You're insane. You know that, right?"

"Shall I take that as a yes?"

"Alright you've got me. I'll give it a try."

Vlad smiled. Maybe this wasn't going to be as bad as the thought it'd be.

-o-oOo-o-

AN: ~First chapter!~ This is the beginning of my new somewhat AU, which I've dubbed #GetVladAGirlfriend2016. Or the MarilynnMastersAU. Whichever. For those of you curious, this idea started with wondering if the prototype design of Maddie (which can be found on Butch Hartman's tumblr and twitter) might exist in the DP world, which then led me to combine both it and the "Vlad actually joins online dating" ideas. And for those of you wondering, yes, I named her Marilynn specifically because it was similar to Madeline.

I would like to encourage y'all here on to jump over to either my Ao3 or my writing blog to see the nifty pictures I did for this chapter!