Pickle Wars
By: AnimeGodessS
Declaimer: Do I own Wild ARMs 3? .... Hmmm... lemme check.... Nope, not yet. Do I own Dragon Ball Z? Nope. Do I own the Internet? Nope. Do I own anything I made references to? Nope.
A/N: It's a crossover! It's a song fic! It's my first ever attempt at humor! It's a.... a.... crossdresser? A story spawned from a line I've always wanted to start a fic off with...
And so we begin...
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"Can I put pickles on it?"
The group of four drifters gazed confused across the room to another party of four who had just seated themselves to order. Clive glanced at Virginia, who in turn looked expectantly at Jet, who wasn't paying attention, so she instead looked at Gallows who just continued to gaze, jaw-dropped, across the room.
"Who puts pickles on rice, and soy sauce?" Gallows asked, but no one answered. They were all wondering the same thing. They could understand just regular vegetables, fruit even, but pickles? "What a weird looking bunch of people anyway..." Gallows continued, turning back to his own meal (mostly meat and gravy).
"Yes..." countered Clive "Just look at the lad with the green hair... how bizarre!"
His companions just stared at him for a moment, and decided to disregard the statement.
"But still it makes one question," queried Clive rubbing his chin thoughtfully with his hand. "Why would one make such an odd request?"
And thus the brain of Clive Winslett started to work, the wheels started to turn, creaking in their joints from being over worked, and many ideas fought to surface his mind first.
'Perhaps, it is a secret code...' he thought to himself as his friends continued to gawk at the strange people across the room. 'Possibly, the waitress is in cahoots with this odd team, and this pickle remark, is merely a code to get information about the latest and grandest bounty heads'
'Or maybe the boy just likes pickles...'
But that thought was quickly brushed aside
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"Can I put pickles on it?"
Tristan scoffed and smacked his red hair air-headed friend upside the head.
"Taku, who the hell puts pickles on rice?" he asked bewildered slumping in his chair embarrassed that maybe someone had heard his friend's odd request.
"Dude," replied the quirky red-head (which was really more of an orange head) "Pickles taste good on everything!"
His three comrades sighed. Tristan had a mop of green hair that fell in an organized mess over his face. Santo (whom has not even been mentioned yet) had relatively normal brown hair and dirt colored eyes to match. He had a balloon tied around his wrist that wore an impish grin and its doodled eyes had a devilish gaze to them. Liana (the only girl in the group) wore a bobbed hairstyle, which was as blue as Taku's pickles were green.
Taku smiled in content as the waitress plopped his plate in front of him and his friends barely registered its arrival before Taku returned it to the table completely void of any previous contents. He belched loudly and leaned back in his chair patting his stomach satisfied.
"Yum." He said simply, as if that would excuse the belch that had wiped out everyone who had been unfortunate enough to breath in at that precise moment.
Liana rolled her eyes.
Tristan banged his head on the table in hopes of ridding himself of this world once and for all.
And Santo returned the rude glare that they were receiving from across the room.
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"I mean look at that balloon!" laughed Virginia. She had just discovered the joy of jeering at her peers. "It's so demonic looking!" she giggled. Jet scoffed and propped his feet on the table to make everyone aware how much 'he didn't care'.
"That girl sure is a cutie though..."laughed Gallows. No one paid attention. Anything that remotely resembled the female gender was 'cute' to Gallows. He had once told Jet he would look sexy with a blonde wig and dress, but that is another story for, well, another story.
"What if their stupidity, is just an elaborate scheme to capture the bounty on our heads?" injected Clive. No one paid attention. Anything that remotely resembled strange behavior was 'an elaborate scheme' to Clive. He had once told Jet that his sexy blonde wig and dress was not elaborate enough a scheme to get the bounty on their heads.
Suddenly out of the blue, something flew through the air and knocked Jet upside the head with such strength, that he toppled straight out of the chair he probably should not have been teetering back in in the first place.
"What the hell?!" Jet barked quickly jumping back to his feet, retrieving the item from the floor that had almost caused his demise.
He looked at it confused then to the strange group of four across the room.
"What the hell is this?!" he snapped waving spork at them.
"What the hell is this?!" yapped Santo as his table immediately imitated the rude stares they were receiving.
"Making fun of my balloon..."he mumbled under his breath.
Jet's eye twitched and in an instant he was across the room and holding his Airget-lamh to the head of an unsuspecting Santo.
In another instant Tristan was strangling an unsuspecting Jet.
And in yet another instant, Virginia was gnawing on the arm of a certain green-haired young man (no you fools, not Clive).
In a couple more instants an old-fashioned brawl fight had broken out between the two groups.
There were punches thrown, hair was pulled, insults were spat (that are much too dirty to be put in this story) but no ARMs were shot. This is only the first chapter of the story after all. As a matter of fact, if this fight had been allowed to continue, it could have qualified as possibly the grandest bar scrap of all time. But thanks to one misplaced fingernail, one misplaced spork, and one unfortunate balloon...
POP.
Everyone ducked to the floor immediately assuming someone had brought their guns into the fight. Everyone except Santo that is. Tears welled in his big brown eyes, and he clasped limply in his hands the rubber that used to be his balloon.
"Dude that was just uncalled for!" yelled Taku standing, consoling his friend by patting his shoulder. Liana stood and dusted off her knees, shaking her hair back into order and straightening her skirt.
"It was about time he got rid of that satanic thing." She sighed helping Tristan back onto his feet.
Santo ran out of the restaurant crying followed by the rest of his team.
The remaining pile of drifters just lingered on the floor.
"Ooooookay..." said Virginia finally standing.
They all rose and dusted themselves off. Jet picked up the spork, and noted that it could be a dangerous weapon when wielded properly and thrown at high velocities. He pocketed it for later use.
"Hey Jet, is that a spork in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"
And thus Gallows was knocked upside the head so hard; he flew out of the pages of this chapter, and is doomed not to return until he finds his way back.
The remaining members of the Maxwell team just shook their heads; He had it coming.
As Clive, Virginia and Jet prepared to leave the restaurant however...
"HEY!"
Clive turned around to see who had called out to them so rudely. It was the waitress who had served both the tables and remained completely oblivious to the nasty rumble that had just occurred in her bar.
"You forgot to pay your bill!" she said pointedly shoving the meal ticket in their faces.
"I beg your pardon?" gasped Clive, he was positive he had just paid. He took the check from her hand and readjusted his glasses and examined the paper that dare defy him so.
The order read as follows:
1 order shrimp fried rice: $6.50
Extra pickles: $4.00
20 extra sporks: $3.00
59 steaks well done: $236.89
1 box of Pocky: $.03
Cinnamon Apple Empanada: $1.00
Ramen: $3.45
Mashed Potatoes: $6.80
4 Corn Dogs: $8.00
Lasagna: $17.50
The look on Clive's face: priceless
Clive was furious. But the other party had pinned the check on them so what other logical action was there to take? He hesitantly pulled out his wallet and emptied the contents. Barely enough to cover such an extravagant bill.
Clive was fuming as they exited the bar.
"I can't believe the nerve of them!" Clive ranted and hissed and Virginia and Jet politely listened. They didn't have to pay the check, so what did they care?
They stepped out into the dirt road, a usually empty area, but not at the moment. Four strangely familiar people occupied it. One of which was burying a balloon alongside the road, humming little prayers, cooing to it that 'it did not deserve such an in honorable death'.
"YOU!" spat the furious Clive. He pointed his finger at them accusingly. If this were Dragon Ball Z, a beam of light probably would have shot from his finger and blown them all up. But that of course, is a worse case scenario.
In what seemed like no time at all (because it really was no time at all) both teams of drifters were at a stand off, facing each other. If looks could kill, they would all be dead.
Tristan and Taku whipped out two huge guns, multi-colored, with pumps and tanks, and the words 'super soaker' written across the sides.
Clive, Virginia and Jet merely stared at them flabbergasted. Could they really be so dense?
Taku and Tristan prepared to fire their massive 'guns' only to find them empty.
"This is Filgaia, you fools," sighed Liana scratching the back of her neck bored "Not Bludecem. There is no water here."
It was all Clive, Jet, and Virginia could do, but burst into laughter.
"I don't see what's so funny" scoffed Santo "You owe me a balloon."
"Aw hell no!" barked the more than perturbed Jet. "It's your own damn fault the stupid thing popped."
"Then that means you owe me over $300 worth of food!" snapped Clive, leaving his scholarly composure.
"You actually paid that?" laughed Liana. "You could have just refused, and walked outside to find us waiting. We would've paid"
Clive was more furious than ever now. If he cursed, he would probably be doing it about now. But since he doesn't...
"Flabbergasted...canoodle...flam doodle...Yuki Eiri...." Was all he could manage to mutter.
"You have disgraced us, or in Internet terms, owned us! I will not stand for this!" yelled Tristan throwing his empty and worthless super soaker at the opposing team, only to have them easily dodge it.
"Mark my words!" he continued in a low threatening growl "This is the beginning of the end! From this point on! We are considered rivals!"
And with that dramatic speech as the cue, Tristan and co. turned on heel and left the remaining three drifters in the dust.
"What the hell was that?"
No one answered Jet. No one was quite sure.
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"Rivals," pondered Taku aloud to Tristan and Liana and Santo.
"Kinda sounds like some kind of food..."
After a few more moments of silence Taku spoke yet again.
"Can I put pickles on it?"
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A/N: That's the end of Chapter 1! A story spawned at a random moment on the phone today! Thanks all for reviewing to my other stories! I sooooo appreciate it and... well... sorry this one was so rushed but it was so much fun to type. I hope you enjoyed it! Please review! And a special thanks to Betsy! Co-writer of Bludecem! applauds Well... that's it!