Completely unrelated to all my current stories.. Just another random short story rolling in my brain. I don't know, just go with it... Jed/Deb Friendship
"You Are Free To Make Choices In Life. But You Are Not Free From The Consequences Of Those Choices"
Deborah Foster watched the ice slowly melt into the bourbon. She looked at it wishing it were vodka and that she were in a bar and bartender was just finding her a lime wedge to squeeze into the drink. But she wasn't in a bar, no she was in a secluded cabin in the woods with Jed Chandler and two kids and a baby. She couldn't help but smirk at the domesticity of it. The dream she had always been chasing for herself but never managed to grasp onto. She normally would immerse herself in the family gatherings of the Nathan James. Focusing her energies on other people, obsessing over Frankie and his development trying to be a good grandmother but still her old habits of coping creeped in. It was like a monster than sink it's claws into her back and had the power to twist her up inside until the only solution she could see was reached in the bottom of a glass.
Most days she could go without the booze. Not that she'd tell Kara but she had moments when she slipped but mostly she ended up looking at the glass but never touching it. She was a little over 5 months sober. She'd fallen off the wagon after Kara left to go back to the Nathan James. She's survived the first few days well, she had figured the sobriety had stuck but returning to the home she shared with Kara threw her through a loop. It had been hard watching her daughter's ship sail away, the fear for her life and the dangers she was facing.
All those same fears ate her now as her daughter unceremoniously packed her and her own son up into Jed's car and sent them away without even an explanation. She knew it was for their safety but it didn't ease the pain of her daughter being thrust into a dangerous situation. The fears that she wouldn't see Kara again. The fear she would have to raise her grandson alone if Kara and Danny didn't make it. It made her want to scream at Kara, to through her own poor record at Kara as proof of what being a crappy parent was. That she shouldn't be abandoning her child. But Deb had remained silent as all those words stayed locked up inside her; eating away at her.
It was why as soon as the kids were down and Jeb had retired to his room for the night. She'd come out to the kitchen and poured herself a drink. She'd spied the bottle of bourbon about 5 seconds coming into the cabin. Just like a moth to flame; she'd fought the urge to gravitate to it until she was alone and no longer needed.
It was the same every time, the alcohol was like an old and welcoming friend as if offered an escape. It offered relaxing oblivion where nothing could touch her. It soothed her pain no matter if it was emotional or physical. It boosted her confidence and made her feel amazing when she was in the good stages of drunk.
But at the same time, it was her worst enemy as it destroyed her life. It made her lose jobs, men and damaged her relationship with her daughter. It never ceased to amaze her that she had a daughter as brilliant as Kara who still allowed her in her life. Who forgave her for every tumble she made as an adult and sadly took care of her in her lowest moments when it should be the other way round.
But even for all that she looked at the amber liquid and felt the desperation her mind and body screamed at her to drink. She was so conditioned to believe drinking would help. It was of course a desire to drink it, to have that relief that it would miraculously give her the clarity of mind she needed.
She took a slow inhale and exhale and skimmed a finger around the rim of the glass. Tempting fate, she knew she shouldn't have poured out the drink. But it was years of habit now. Right now she needed it to silence her mind. She picked up the glass in her hand. Telling herself that she could stop at one. She made it 5 months without it but she could temper her drinking. The excuses as to why she could do this poured through her mind.
She brought it to her lips and was about to take a sip when she heard a door open. She placed the glass back on the table and watched as Jed walked into the kitchen. She wondered idly if she should hide her glass but decided against it.
"You're still awake?" Jed asked a little surprised to see her up, he didn't miss the glass of bourbon on the table before her.
"Yeah, it's so quiet here." Deb remarked. She was waiting for it. The lecture, the disappointment, the shaming as she knew he had to know about her alcoholism. She knew she had a problem but she always believed she could handle it. Something she knew to be stupid but her brain said it was rational. Jed gave a nod as he went to make himself a cup of tea and some toast.
"It's why I bought the place. You want something to eat? or some tea?" he asked her as he placed the kettle on the stove to boil the water.
"No, I'm ok." Deb said, her heart fluttering anxiously as he wasn't saying a thing to her about the drink.
"Are you? you were awful quiet on the ride up here." he told her.
"Can you blame me? My daughter told us to run without telling us why or what's going on." Deb told him.
"It's for the best. the less we know the safer we are." he told her wryly as he hated not knowing what was going on as much as he assumed Deb did. But he was also used to being in the dark when it came to these things. So he like a good soldier followed orders and didn't ask questions he knew he wouldn't get an answer to.
"It's not comforting." Deb said looking down at the bourbon.
"You think that bourbon will help?" he asked her.
"My daughter warn you?" Deb asked him.
"No, but I know that look in your eye. Let me tell you there's no point in having it if there's no joy in it." Jed told her in a serious manner. Deb gave a nod as he was right. She wasn't drinking for enjoyment. "But if you want to talk about what's got that drink out then I'm here and I got ears." he added.
"I don't want my daughter to die, I can't raise my grandson on my own." She told him in a low voice confessing her one of deepest fear and insecurity at once. She felt the shame of saying out loud and the tears prick her eyes as now the need to drink was even sharper than before. Jed took the kettle off the stove and moved to the table and sat down beside her. He placed a hand on her shoulder and gave it a comforting squeeze.
"No parent wants to outlive their child. That is universal, but your daughter is one of the finest sailors I've met. So I think you need to put more stock in her than that glass of bourbon and your fears." He told her.
"I was a terrible mother and a fantastic drunk. I still am." Deb said feeling pitiful as she wished she were as strong as Jed. It seemed like nothing touched him, sure he had a temper but he didn't have a vice in sight.
"You're not drunk yet, you can't get drunk if you pour the bourbon down the drain. Now you might not be able to change the past but your future is yours to decide and that little boy in there has had a fantastic grandmother from what I can tell." he told her. Deb had to admit he was right she did have a choice to get rid of the drink in front of her and pour what was left of the bottle.
"He's only a few weeks old." Deb told him.
"Now you're fishing for compliments." Jed told her, which made her smile as she wasn't but it was nice to have some levity in the situation. "None of us are perfect, but we can control our action. Pour the glass and the remainder of the bottle down the drain and have tea with me." he told her in a gentle cajoling manner.
Deb stared at the glass. tears filled her eyes as it hurt to decide as either way was going to be painful. She could get drunk and disappoint Kara when she found out or do as Jed suggested.
A long moment passed before Deb gave a nod. She rose from the table and took the glass and the bottle to the sink. She watched in a very unreal moment for herself as she poured perfectly good alcohol down the drain. But once it was gone the knot in her chest loosened, it wasn't relief but she did feel a little better.
"I'm sorry, it looked like a good one." she told him, she wanted to offer to buy another bottle to replace what she'd thrown away but that wouldn't help her at all in staying sober. As she realized that now temptation was gone she really wanted to stay sober this time and have it stick.
"You can make pancakes in the morning to make up for it." Jed told her with a smile.