Note: Hey, readers! This is just a tiny comedy I wanted to write as a little side thing. I know I should be focusing more on my SasuSaku story SUPREME, but I'm experiencing a little writers block so hopefully I'll get my mojo back after a little bit of side-writing. I hope you enjoy this fanfiction, which will mostly be in Kazu's point of view even though it's a Takato x Jeri fanfiction. I just thought it would be more fun if it were in Kazu's point of view. Okay! Enjoy reading it!
'SUP LOSERS. My name is Kazu Shioda, bad ass digimon tamer extraordinaire. My digimon is Guardromon, and he's a little whimpy and uncool but still pretty cool at the same time, y'know, being my digimon and all. I guess my bad ass-ness is pretty contagious. Too bad it ain't rubbing off on either Kenta or Takato, eh? I guess there's only room for one supreme God of all digimon tamers around these parts...(sigh).
Today, Kenta and I were going over to Jenrya's house to visit him, Terriermon, his annoying little sister Suzie and her digimon...uh, can't remember her name but she looks kind of like an indian Terriermon. OH RIGHT, it's Lopmon. She's pretty cute. Anyways, you clueless nuts are probably wondering what the digimon are doing back in the human world, because you idiots thought that they returned to the Digital World after the D-Repeaer incident and stuff, right? (By the by, those were manly tears I was shedding alright! Takato was the one with the girly-girly tears! Kenta too!)
Yeah, well, you guys are idiots! (Sticks out tongue) See, they miraculously came back because they all loved me and missed me, and had no clue what do with themselves without my awesomeness and amazing tamer skills and guidance. Well, I guess they missed Takato and the other guys, too, but whatever.
Moving on with the story, while we were at Jenrya's house we ran out of soda. Usually I would've made Kenta do it, y'know, being the push-over that he is, but I decided I needed a good break from Jenrya's little brat of a sister and her constant talking, so I went.
So here I am, walking to the convenient store a few blocks down from Jenrya's apartment, talking to no one in particular in my head. It's a good thing no one can hear me, right? It's just in my head. No one's listening. So here: I think Takato's mom is a hot MILF (laughs).
Just now, a couple of girls walked by me and I winked at them with my manly-beautiful eyes. I guess it was too much for them because they looked away and walked faster. See, I have this effect on women where they can't handle how hot and mature I am to the point where they run away or scream in terror and end up throwing things at me like books and purses.
It's a curse, I tell you. My charming good looks are a curse. That's why I don't have a girlfriend, alright? No other reason than that.
At least Takato is a lot worser when it comes to the ladies. I mean, this guy doesn't even show any signs of liking girls. When Kenta and I are talking about hot chicks and stuff (we used a code name for his mom when we talk about her), he doesn't contribute at all. He just blushes and looks away all embarrass-like, and than he stares into space for a while.
I swear to God I think this dude is gay. I mean, I have nothing against homosexuals and stuff, but I mean, damn. What if he ends up liking me? Just damn. Jenrya's no better either. I mean, if I were either of them I'd be hitting on Rika all the time. Man what a waste. If I were them that babe would be my girlfriend by now.
Oh, and that weird Jeri chick from our class that somehow got involved in all of this Digi business, too? I think she's pretty cute, when you tune out all the other weird things about her. Like that creepy puppet. But I digress (it's my word of the day. Take that Kenta, who has a poor vocabulary, now, eh?), that's the only girl I see Takato talk to on a daily basis, but they're just friends.
"Takato!" A distant voice called out from a couple of feet in front of me.
I looked up to see a fifteen-year-old girl with long brown hair wearing a green dress standing in the middle of the street. I froze when I saw that she had a little yellow puppet on her hand. "Holy crap." I muttered to myself, ducking and hiding behind a lamp post quickly. Talk about speaking-(to myself)-of-the-devil.
You're probably thinking, 'Kazu, you hot son of a gun, what are you hiding for? You're too brave and heroic for that stuff'. Well, the answer is simple, kiddos. I'm spying. It's what I do.
Well, starting from today, it is.
"Takato!" Jeri called again, giggling as she rested her hands on her hips. "Hurry up, Takato." She then lifted her freaky puppet. "You're such a slow poke!" She made it say with surprisingly amazing ventriloquism. It was still weird though...
A skinny boy with brown hair came running up to her breathlessly. He stood in front of her and rested his hands on his knees as he tried to catch up with his breath. Yeah, that was Takato alright. That's so him during P.E., I really had the urge to pants him like I usually do but I needed to keep up my amazing ninja skills, y'know.
"W-What did you start running for, Jerri?" Takato asked, still out of breath. Hot-Rika is right, he really is a weakling.
Jerri laughed again. "I don't know." She's so weird. "C'mon, Takato!" I froze when I saw her hand grab for his. "We're going to be late for the movie!"
Takato's face flooded red as he stared at their joined hands, a lot like what I was doing. "O-Oh...r-right, u-uhm, erm, ...yeah-WHOA." Takato's uncool stuttering was interrupted by the ventriloquist jerking forward and running down the road with him tagging behind.
"We're going to be late! We're going to be late!" She made the creepy puppet say as they neared towards my pole. I ducked even further behind it and let them run past me, hearing Takato's exasperated pleas for her to slow down as they passed.
As they continued down the street, I removed myself from my post and stared at the two, dumbfounded, my jaw slamming onto the floor.
Oh, Kazu, Kazu, O'Great Kazu, why are you looking so uncool right now?
Firstly, shut up, I always look cool.
Secondly, well, here it is:
1) Turns out, my bestfriend, Takato Matsuki, is actually not gay and will never like me (thank God).
2) Takato Matsuki is a wimp (no surprise there, just thought like I should add it).
3) Jeri Katou is weird (still no surprise).
4) Jeri Katou is in fact an amazing ventriloquist, and I can see her going places if only she got a less-freaky puppet. (shudders)
5) Jeri's actually pretty hot.
And 6) ...I think my wimpy friend Takato has a girlfriend.
"GUYS." I hollered, crashing through Jenrya's apartment door while leaving a sexy Kazu-shaped hole in it. "GUYS. HOLY CRAP GUYS GUYS!"
"God damn it, Kazu!" Jenry yelled, running over to inspect the damage on the door. "This is the third door in my house you put a hole in."
I ignored him, because he should be grateful. I mean, that is A+ decor right there. His house looked pretty ugly before my body was plastered all over it. "GUYS." I began again, grabbing Kenta by the collar and pulling him close to my face. "I HAVE NEWS."
Kenta crinkled his nose and shoved me off of him. "What?" He asked, pinching his nose. "That you didn't brush your teeth this morning? Cus I kind of already got the picture."
"Ha ha ha, very funny, Kenta." Cool guys like me just wake up with good smelling breath, he just has a weird nose. "BUT NO. LISTEN TO ME!" I demanded, jumping on top of Guardromon and pulling him close to my face instead. "THIS IS, LIKE, BIG. REALLY, REALLY, REALLY BIG."
"Bigger than the last news you had?" Jenry asked in a sarcastic tone.
"Yeah, the big news on how he got to look down Takato's mom's shirt?" Terriermon laughed. "Whatever that means."
"Yeah, Kenta, what, you got to look up her skirt this time?" Guardromon teased. "Or is there a new middle-aged woman your lusting for now?"
Kenta's girly little digimon MarineAngemon floated down onto my nose and blew a tiny kiss onto my forehead. "I smell love." She said dreamily. I frowned and flapped her away.
"NO, GUYS. JUST LISTEN." I screeched, jumping up and down impatiently. "THIS IS BIGGER THAN THAT. THIS IS HUGE."
"We know, you've said that a million times already. Why don't you just get to the point already?" Guardromon teased. God. Sometimes it's pretty cool to have a digimon that's pretty much your carbon copy personality-wise, but it can get pretty annoying sometimes.
Wait. If Guardromon is supposedly just like like me then...
...is this how other people feel when I talk to them...?
...
NAH. I'm too awesome. After all, I am the God of all Digimon Tamers.
"GUYS." I began, almost exploding with excitement. "IT'S CHUMLEY."
Jenrya started to look a little worried. "What about chum-I mean, Takato?" He inquired. "I did think it was kind of weird he didn't want to come over today...he wouldn't tell me why."
"YEAH. I KNOW WHY!" I explained, throwing my hands up in the air. "IT'S JERI!"
"Jeri?" Kenta repeated.
"YES YOU DOLT THAT'S WHAT I JUST SAID. JERI!" I continued. "They're dating!"
The room was quickly grew silent as everyone stared at my handsome form dumbly.
"...dating?" Jenry repeated, folding his arms as he broke the silence.
"Takato...?" Terriermon piped, jumping onto his usual spot on his tamer's head.
"...and Jeri..." Kenta said slowly, as MarineAngemon floated onto his shoulder.
"Yes!"
"Who is Jeri?" Guardromon asked, looking confused. "And what is this 'dating' thing. I am so confused, Kazu-."
"I'm with Guardromon here." Terriermon announced, pulling on Jenrya's blue hair. "Jen-Jen, what's 'dating'?"
"Uh, it's when two people with romantic feelings for each other are paired together...romantically..." Jenrya explained awkwardly, troubling for the right words to explain it. He was so wrong. Dating: v. When a guy dates a hot babe (like Takato's mom for example) and makes out with her stuff.
"Like marriage?"
"Uh...I guess...but it's differen-."
"TAKATO'S MARRIED!" Kenta screeched incredulously, falling backwards and onto the floor in surprise.
"No, you idiot." Jenrya shot, turning to look at my beautiful face. "Kazu, what are you talking about?"
"THEY'RE DATING. I JUST SAID IT!" I retorted, getting a little pissed off. It sucks being the smart one out of the group. I always have to be the one to explain everything. (sigh)
Jenrya moaned and rubbed the space in between his eyebrows impatiently. What's he acting all P.O.'d about? I'm the one who has to explain everything. "Yes. I heard you, Kazu." Jenry told me calmly. "What I want to know is, what is making you say that? What's your proof?"
"Yeah, you liar." Terriermon quipped.
"Terriermon..."
"I'M NOT LYING." I hollered, tightening my fists. How dare he? I, Kazu, am 100% fact and truthful...well, most of the time, but this time I am! "You guys just gotta listen to what I saw! And then, you guys have to come with me!"
"Come with you where?" Kenta asked from his position on the floor.
"Come with me," I continued, smirking sexily. "to spy."
End Note: Ahh, yeah, I know I've extremed Kazu's personality a tad bit, but hey, we don't actually know what's going on his head anyways, right? I also wanted to add that the theme of Kazu having a crush on Takato's mom is not an actual theme in the show and was made up on the spot by me.
Please review, I really appreciate feedback (my feedback on SUPREME's been pretty slow, so it's pretty depressing ha ha), and if you'd like you can send me messages. I'd love to talk to you guys, especially other writers. Later guys!