Minerva McGonagall stopped dead in her tracks after entering the Great Hall. They had been trying to enter all night, but Hogwarts would not let them.
Draco Malfoy was crucified, nude, and quite obviously dead, upside down over the head table with Severus Snape, kneeling in supplication, and gibbering insanely, in front of him, nailed to the Teachers table through his lower legs with large staples. Draco had the initials HJP burned into his skin hundreds of times.
On each of the House tables a nude girl lay spread eagle and covered in syrups of all colors and flavors, bite marks, hand prints, and what had to be drying semen and vaginal fluid.
Parvati Patil lay panting on the Gryffindor table, Susan Bones lay shivering and bright red on the Hufflepuff table, Luna Lovegood lay smiling on the Ravenclaw table and Daphne Greengrass lay unconscious on the Slytherin table.
Between the house tables and the head table where Dumbledore's podium had rested Harry Potter knelt between Hermione Grangers thighs with blood, now dried, running down his face from his scar. In front of him, in an aquarium, was a pale, sickly, yellowish, toad, with dead red eyes. It appeared to have been stomped on and was quite dead.
Minerva swept to the front of the great hall, as she passed Luna she heard the girl singing quietly "Pop goes the Dork Lord." "Mr. Potter would you please explain what has happened here?" Harry remained silent and kneeling.
Luna said "we did a dark, sex based, ritual with a human sacrifice, to bring the Dork Lord here and trap him in an animal form. Harry was exhausted after torturing Draco to death, while having sex with us, which caused Snape's unbreakable vow to drive him insane, as it stripped his magic. Harry got mad at the Dork Lord, so we did another ritual to return the Dork Lords whole soul to his body, and strip him of his magic. Harry got his magic," Luna motioned to the other girls, "Hermione's virginity was the sacrifice for that. We got Harry, and Hogwarts got heirs to the founders as we are all pregnant."
Minerva's head appeared to be about to explode "Mr. POTTER how could you!"
Harry looked up with eyes that closely resembled two piss holes in the snow "Head mistress, in my defense, I was drunk at the time Luna proposed this." Minerva sank to her knees in shock as Ginny began loudly arguing with a laughing Luna.