Practice Makes Perfect
Prompt 2—Awkward
Setting: Season 5ish
The idea had been to spend the evening catching up on paperwork away from the lab for a change. Valera and Natalia had shown up at her apartment an hour or so after shift with a six-pack of wine coolers, a pizza, and a mountain of cases to finish up.
The evening had started out productive; Calleigh had managed to finish almost all of her pile before allowing herself to indulge in Natalia's choice of fruity malt beverage. It was delicious, she had to admit, while she took a break for a moment and stretched her arms above her head. Her green eyes fell onto her analyst friend.
"Valera, I thought you came here to work," she commented, watching Maxine flip another page in this month's Cosmopolitan.
"This is work," Valera replied, not looking up. When she did, she found herself met with a double set of disbelieving eyes. "What? Delving into the secrets of the male mind? It's work! It's hard work!"
Natalia laughed. "What are you reading, anyway?"
"75 Racy Sex Tricks," she said, folding the page back. "'Surefire tips to have him begging for more'," she read, making her companions giggle. "Anyone curious?"
Calleigh rolled her eyes. "Maxine, I don't know why you read that crap, everyone knows there's only," she stopped and thought for a moment, "maybe four things that actually work. And two of them have to do with making him a sandwich and doing his laundry!"
Natalia nearly spit her cooler back into her bottle before reaching for another slice of pizza. "Though Calleigh makes a very good—albeit very sad—point, I'm curious. Hit me."
Maxine, thoroughly pleased that work was being forgotten about for the moment, settled the magazine in front of her. "Do we want these in order?"
"No," the brunette waved a hand. "Just throw a few out there."
"Okay," Valera's brown eyes scanned the page for a moment before landing on one she found satisfactory. "Ooh, here's a good one. Lift his sack and flick your tongue on the crease of skin where the scrotum meets his body."
"Nope," Natalia said almost immediately with a resolute shake of her head. She acknowledged the questioning look Valera was giving her with a scoff. "Oh, c'mon. That's gotta be an area that's missed most often in showering—sorry, I'd put my tongue a lot of places, but that's where I put my foot down."
Calleigh laughed and absently moved Cubano down from the coffee table, where he'd been sniffing hopefully at the pizza. "Let's hear another one."
"Put a small mirror out to the side, parallel to his body. While you're going down on him—he'll have an eye-popping view." Valera took a moment to consider this. "Yeah, I guess that makes sense."
"Couldn't he just move your hair to the side?" Cal asked, tilting her head so that her own sheet of blonde hair tumbled past her shoulders.
"Yeah, but if he had the mirror, he could really see what you were doing," Valera clarified.
"Wishing he would finish?" Natalia joked, making them laugh again. "Keep going."
Vaguely, Calleigh wondered where her cell phone was; she thought she remembered setting it on the kitchen counter and got up to check. It was not where she left it and, upon hearing more giggles from the living room, resolutely decided not go in search of it. Removing another cooler from the fridge, she returned to her friends where she found Natalia laying prostrate on the couch they had just been sharing.
"What are you doing?" she asked, amused.
"Calleigh, do me a favor," Valera ordered.
"What?"
"Straddle her."
"What? No!"
"C'mon!" Natalia rolled her eyes. "I won't tell if you won't. It's tip fourteen—Valera wants to see if it's possible."
"Well why do I have to do it?"
"Because Nat's being the man and you're shorter."
"Why can't you do it?"
"I'm the director," Valera told her, as though it were obvious. "Come on, Cal—it'll take five seconds, I promise."
Maybe it was the drinks, maybe it was not wanting to feel like a prude, or maybe it was that Calleigh had never really had girl friends before, and this was fun. Whatever the reason, the ballistics expert set her glass bottle down on the coffee table and did exactly as was asked of her.
"Is this good?" she asked, positioning herself.
"Yeah, good. Now, lean forward and rest your upper body on his—or in this case, her—torso." Calleigh complied, placing her hands near Natalia's head for support.
"Wait, what should I be doing with my hands?" the brunette asked, suddenly concerned.
"I think for the time being, your hands should stay up by your head," an idea visibly struck Valera. "Ooh! Calleigh—hold her hands there—that'd be sexy."
Calleigh shot her a look. "Valera, I am not trying to be sexy—this is your experiment. I'm just waiting for my next step."
"No, wait," Maxine consulted the magazine again. "You keep your hands there; Natalia, you should be feeling her up."
"What?" The brunette exclaimed, looking alarmed.
"Don't blame the messenger! According to this, he shouldn't be able to resist a squeeze or two while you're taking control."
Natalia stared past Calleigh up to the ceiling and did as she was told, flashing back to sleep away camp when she was thirteen. "So this is what my lowest point looks like," she said quietly, making her companion giggle.
"Boa Vista!" Maxine clapped her hands. "Just humor me! Calleigh, you keep doing what you're doing—this looks really sexy."
"It feels ridiculous, Maxine. What's next?"
"Fine, fine. You need to extend your leg out and bend it so that the inside of your leg is against the bed…er…couch."
She wrinkled her brow while Natalia continued to chuckle. "Wait—what? Like this?" she settled her leg at a perpendicular angle to their bodies and hooked it as best she could around the sofa. "This is exhausting!"
Natalia laughed harder. "Oh if Stetler could see us now."
Calleigh joined her for a moment, trying to not think about what a compromising position Valera had just put them in. "I doubt this fits the bill for appropriate co-worker conduct."
"Wait, there's more."
"Oh Lord." It was at this point that she noticed that Cubano had perched on the ottoman and was staring at the pair of them curiously.
"No, you're doing really well—I'm really excited to try this sometime. Okay, Calleigh, now you have to straighten your other leg and slide it between Natalia's."
"Why?"
"Because Cosmo says!"
Heaving a sigh, Calleigh did as she was told. "Well now what?"
"Now you're supposed to rock back and forth to increase the friction."
"Valera!"
"I'm just reading what it says!"
As Calleigh was about to fire back a response, there was a knock at the door.
"Come in!" Maxine called, a wicked grin on her face.
"No, don't—" Natalia tried to yell back, but it was too late.
The door had swung open to reveal the stunned expressions of Eric Delko and Ryan Wolfe.
Calleigh felt the heat rise from the tips of her toes and all through her body before setting her face on fire. "Hey there," she greeted, trying to appear nonchalant.
"Uh…hey Cal," Eric managed, still appearing quite shocked. "I just…I uh…I texted you to tell you that you left this," he awkwardly held up a light jacket, "in my car."
"What are you guys doing?" Ryan asked, no longer able to keep quiet. His expression of disbelief had turned quickly into a grin he was unable to suppress.
"We were just…" Natalia trailed off as Calleigh struggled to untangle herself. "Maxine was reading this article and…"
"Don't worry about it," Valera stood from the armchair and gave her friends a hand with their uncoupling. "What's up? Why are you both here?"
"Delko's giving me a ride home," Ryan explained, looking like he'd just walked in on his birthday, Christmas, and a VIP pass to a Playboy party all rolled into one. "My car's in the shop."
"Well," Eric began, still looking torn between discomfort and amusement, "like I said, I just stopped by to drop off your jacket." He tossed it unceremoniously on the back of Valera's chair. "I guess we'll see you guys…uh…tomorrow."
"Thanks for dropping that off," Calleigh said, finally able to shove a few words up from her throat.
"See you later," Natalia gave a nod, biting down on her lower lip.
"Have fun you three!" Ryan called over his shoulder as Eric pulled the door closed behind them.
A grim silence settled over the living room before Natalia broke it by covering her face with her hands and letting out a groan. "That was mortifying," she declared.
"They're never going to let us hear the end of this," Calleigh agreed, still staring at the door.
"Probably not."
Idly, Valera turned the page in the magazine and her eyes grew wide. "Whoa. It's a good thing I wasn't having you guys try out number thirty-nine."
Fin.
AN: This is from my long-abandoned CSI 50 fanfics for Calleigh. I just found it on my hard-drive and thought it might be fun to post. Just some silliness, really. R&R?