Alright, this'll be my first fanfiction I ever wrote, so any comments or critiques about the story would be greatly appreciated to help out. This story is supposed to take place around the teenage years on Mordecai and Rigby, around the of 16. Tell me what you guys think and what I should work on, thanks.
It was unbelieveable, the chance of a life time, one that rarely came along, and yet here he was, so close to the finish, so unbearably close to the line, he could almost touch it. It really was crazy, even he could hardly believe it, but he had to keep his cool. He could do this, he needed to try, no need for distractions, it could easily go away. "I can do this..." he thought, and this was it, moment of truth, no stopping it. Once this happened, once he crossed that line and wins, no longer will he be mocked. No longer will he be kept the title as "loser", he was going to win, and become a winner, and prove everyone wrong. Almost, so close... but, wait. The car beside him shoved him, the other car was right beside him now, and he was going to take the lead, win and make him keep that title of being the "loser" again. Not this time, not for all the effort and hard work put in this time, immediately, he shoved the car beside him back, maybe that'll hold it off, besides, it was not too long now. Unfortunately though, shoving that car was a big mistake. The other wasn't going to go out without a fight and to prove it he sped up and slammed into him. This time, the force was too strong, making the car tumble over after being hit. The car rolled off the track, tumbling and eventually landed upside down, right next to the finish line. His dreams were crushed, everything he hoped for was gone. All the hard work and dedication just... evaporated, simply washed away and gone for he no longer was going to win. No longer would he ever regain the chance of such a moment to where he could be the winner for once. But, now what? What could he do now? How would he be able to help his family, win that money and be able to support them and...
"Yeaah-yuh!" Mordecai yelled with joy at Rigby, throwing his controller down. "Dude, I just totally beat you!"
"Dude, whatever, that was total luck." Rigby said, grabbing the soda beside him on the couch they were sitting on and gulping it down.
"Luck? Are you kidding me? For like the fifth time in a row? I even gave you a head start."
"SHUT UP!" and picked up his controller and with all his might threw it at Mordecai. Of course, it didn't really hurt at all, not with his strength. Mordecai just laughed mockingly at Rigby.
"Dude, just face it, you'll never beat me in a race at this game." and picked up a soda beside him too to drink.
"Pfft, yeah, whatever. I bet I could beat you in a race in real life."
"Dude, what? You're not even old enough to drive."
"Yeah? Neither are you! Besides, just because of my age doesn't mean I don't know how to drive. I've drove plenty of times."
"Heh, yeah right." Mordecai said, taking another sip of his soda.
"Bro, I swear. I drive like all the time. Remember that one time when we met up at the mall and I said my uncle dropped me off? I totally drove there." a smile was over Rigby's face.
"Dude, your lying, and I know it. Where the H would you get a car anyway?"
"Hehe, my mom's car..."
"No way, you'd be too scared to take a car, liar."
Rigby just shook his head. "Dude, you're obviously not going to believe me, so whatever. Besides, have you ever drove once in your life?"
"Heh, yeah, of course I have..." Mordecai lied, looking around the room they were in. He never had experience with any type of vehicle, in fact, he was absolutely clueless of how to work a vehicle.
"WAIT!" Rigby cried, "Dude, you're almost old enough to be able to actually drive! That's awesome! Your birthday is like in like a few days anyway, right?"
"Well, yeah, but why would it matter if you drive all the time anyway?" Mordecai asked the raccoon.
"Duh, so we don't get in trouble if we're caught."
"Pssh, whatever, since when did you care about getting caught if you supposedly drive a lot anyway?"
"Uhh... dude, just forget it." Rigby said, trying to play it off. Mordecai knew he was lying now. "I just want to be able to have my bro drive me around to cool places too." he sat still for a few seconds, and suddenly jumped up, like a light bulb went off in his head. "Dude, just imagine all the cool places we can go once you start driving too! We'll be able to go everywhere, and not care what anyone says because we'll be able to do what we want! Man, we can even do that race!"
Mordecai listened to Rigby, "Hm Hm." he agreed, he could imagine it now, the ability to go anywhere without people trying to slow him down, and it sounded like the best thing that could ever happen. They could do what they want! "Rigby, you're right, dude."
"Yeah, I always am. Just in a few more days Mordecai... freedom." he said, waving a hand slowly across as he said freedom.
Mordecai was motionless, all the thoughts running through his head. Yeah, it was freedom and he and his buddy were going to live it up once he was able to drive. "Alright Rigby," Mordecai started. "The night on my birthday, we'll drive."
"Hehe, yeah! That's what I'm talkin' about!" Rigby said jumping up and giving his best friend a high five.
Just then, the doorbell rang.
"Aww man." Mordecai complained getting off the couch to answer his door and see who was on the other side. He opened the door and saw Rigby's younger brother,Don, standing in the door way. He was holding his blue hat in his hands and didn't notice at first when Mordecai answered the door.
"Oh, hey, what's up Mordecai, is Rigby here?"
"Uhh.. yeah, hold on a minute."
Just then Rigby got up, "Wait, who's at the do-" he stopped mid-sentence and instantly frowned. "Why are you here?"
"Oh, sorry Rigby, well, mom wanted me to come by and tell you that you need to go home, she said it was getting late."
Rigby looked over at the alarm clock that was beside the TV where him and Mordecai were playing games, flashing the numbers 8:57. He sighed, "Alright then..." He started to head out the door. "Well, it was cool hanging out Mordecai." He looked around the room really quick and looked back at Mordecai and stepped out the door. He turned around and looked at Mordecai in the face. "In just a few more days..." and got a huge smile on his face.
"What are you guys talking about?" Don asked.
"Wel-" "Nothing!" Rigby interrupted Mordecai before he could even say anything.
"Oh... well... uh... okay then." Don said, sounding a little disappointed that he was excluded out of whatever they were talking about.
"Well, you guys should probably be heading out now." said Mordecai looking at both the brothers. It seemed funny to Mordecai, looking at them both you can tell a major height difference between the two, and it seemed funny because Don was a lot taller than Rigby.
"Yeah, well, alright, see ya, man." said Rigby walking out and waving good bye to Mordecai.
Mordecai could hear Don talk to Rigby as they were walking away before he shut the door. Don gave Rigby a hug (sugar) and asked, "What did you guys do? Was it fun?" Rigby just groaned, annoyed at his younger brother.
Mordecai laughed to himself and then shut the door, sitting back down on his couch. He shut off the game system and flipped through the channels on the TV, trying to find something good to watch, atleast something to catch his interest. While flipping through the channels he thought to himself and what Rigby had said, the word just repeating over in his head, "Freedom." He really couldn't wait for the next days to pass by, then he and Rigby could go where ever they wanted. Get away from all the rules of their parents and go on and do what they want. But, there was just one small problem. He just needed to learn how to drive first.