Disclaimer: I do not own The Office (locations, characters, etc.) or any other fandom MENTIONED. I do, however, own Intern Zoe.
First On-Camera Interview:
When I graduated high school I wanted to do something that'd help me with the career I was going to try to get after I graduated college. Business school, basically. I live about fifteen minutes from the building and thought, 'Hey, why not intern at Dunder Mifflin?'…you could say I made a good first impression…because I made myself laugh at all of Mr. Scott's jokes. Let's just hope I can survive the summer.
Yup. That was what I said after I got the internship at the Scranton branch of Dunder Mifflin. I was pretty sure it was going to be an easy-going summer with paper-pushing here and there while learning the ropes of the corporate world. Little did I know (no matter how cheesy that just sounded) I was in for the ride of my life.
This is the diary of a Scranton summer intern.
WEEK ONE, DAY ONE. JUNE SIXTH.
Dwight K. Schrute is a nutcase.
My reasoning is very clear. Why? He was the first person I talked to for more than three seconds and he asked me the weirdest question I have ever, and I do mean ever, been asked.
"Can you outrun a mountain lion?"
I looked up from my bottle of soda. "What?"
"Can you outrun a mountain lion?" he repeated, his left eyebrow rising quizically. I stared at him for a moment. He couldn't be serious. Who was this guy anyway and why was he talking to me?
I finally found my voice, scoffing first, before answering him, "Who would need to know that in an office?"
He leaned back in his chair, a smirk twisting his features. He sneered at me for a good two minutes, which I spent trying to back away to the receptionist's desk with a look of being completely creeped-out. Once I made a full step–clinging to my soda for dear life, I might add–he responded, "It's something all interns at the Schrute Family Beet Farm should be able to do. You're an intern and I thought you should be able to do so here."
Slowly nodding, I groped for something behind me to copy. "Uh-huh, okay. I can't. Sorry. Oh! Look, I have to…make a copy of…of…" C'mon, Zoe, find something! It took me a few more seconds of scrambling before a piece of paper was placed in my hands. I waved the paper in front of me and almost sighed in relief, "of this! So, I'm going to go now. Nice meeting you…uh, Mister?"
"Schrute. Dwight Schrute."
I nodded again and turned my back, rushing to the copier and taking as much time afterward to make a few copies of the memo that I'd been given. I looked up and around and spotted at least two people chatting online or playing solitaire. I also spotted three "descreetly hidden" cameramen. Nother notch to the weird scale. I didn't dare look back at Dwight, he was just…ugh. He creeped me out.
Hearing the door click open, I looked over and spotted my boss, Mr. Michael Scott, walking through the door with a mile-wide smile. "Good morning everyone!"
Silence.
"I hope you guys have all gotten the news that this summer we will be the proud owners of an intern!" Michael continued, leaning against the receptionist's desk. "She is Zoe and she is…Zo-Zo could you mark yourself noticable please?" I didn't move, only scowled, as he leapt over to me and wrapped and arm around my shoulders, "There she is, couldn't spot you there by that huge copier!"
"Please don't touch me."
"Look at her, she's tiny! And so hot!"
I did not see myself as hot at all. No clue what he was talking about. I was short, skinny, and didn't have any 'wow-factor' qualities. Brown hair, brown eyes, normal complextion–actually I was trying to hide a zit on my forehead at the time–and in no way stunning. "Mr. Scott, please."
---
Second On-Camera Interview:
Wow, is this like a regular thing?
(You could say that. It's sort of like on Survivor when people do the confessionals.)
(chuckles) So is like someone gonna get fired at the end of the week or something?
(No.)
Okaay then…(nervous laugh) So…what do I talk about?
(Well, what's happened to you in Dunder Mifflin so far? It's just like your first interview.)
What's happened to me so far? I was exposed to some of the weird that goes on in the office. Like Dwight? Who does he think he is, SurvivorMan? (pauses) Wait, no one sees this, right? It's just a private thing? Dwight won't see this? (He doesn't see this) oh, okay. Well, over all, I'm pretty phyched to see how things go this week.(Michael knocks on the window passing by)
MICHAEL: (muffled) ZO-ZO! YO-YO! Oh! You're having your first day interview! How adorable! It's so sweet!
(Zoe closes the blinds, frowning.) Yup. Zo-Zo. I used to be called that….(long pause, nods) When I was two.
---
Michael Interview Shortly After.
I am…so happy that Zoe is already settling into the "vibe" of office life. I mean, she's only like, eighteen, right? Wow she's a fast learner. Y'know. I already consider Zoe my daughter. She's come into the office family and I hope she stays the whole summer.
When I saw Zo-Zo having her first interview, it was so touching. It is like…seeing her go off on her first date. It's both heartbreaking and joyful.
Do I think she likes me? Well of course she does! She laughed at every one of my jokes during her interview, she…wants to go the Business School…and she's as cute as a button what can I say?
---
Dwight Interview.
What do I think of Zoe? She's nothing but a diversion for a few months. When I heard she was going to be at Dunder-Mifflin this summer I did a little research. (pulls out large notebook) In this is everything I might need to know about Miss Zoe Elaine Ruthford. Zoe Ruthford, nineteen years of age, five-foot-two-inches, brown hair, brown eyes. Allergies include: feline, pollen, and cinnamon. Failed French II in her sophomore year in high school. (flips page) Tried out for every school musical and play and got in once, but dropped out apparently due to her father's running for Scranton City Council. Her father lost by eighteen votes.
---
It took fifteen minutes to attempt a recovery from the allbeit horrible introduction, which I spent hiding in the break room behind a trashcan, when someone kicked the can and caused me to gasp and jump up, nearly knocking into a cameraman. I apologized and looked at the man responsible for my "outburst".
"Five minutes and the intern cracked?" he grinned, obviously cracking a joke. I rolled my eyes and straightened out my t-shirt and brushed off my jeans, conveying that I hadn't cracked. He held out a hand to shake, "Jim Halpert."
I smiled and returned the handshake, "Zoe Ruthford." I shrugged, trying to appear as if I hadn't just jumped out from behind a trashcan. "I haven't cracked. I'm using an old high-school trick to avoid humiliation."
"Oh yeah, you just graduated, right?"
A nod was my response, "I hung out with the nerds and the geeks. Kinda perfected the art."
"The high-school level, at least. In the office, there is no hiding," he took on a serious face like the ones you'd see in a horror flick when you were getting dished on the backstory or in a kung-fu film when the teacher would instruct the student. "You have to learn to fight for your image!"
I couldn't help but chuckle, breaking off the handshake. "I'm still getting settled into the whole office thing."
---
Third On-Camera Interview:
I'm guessing Jim saw me there and thought I needed a friend or something.
(You do know about them, right?)
After two minutes with Kelly, yes. She told me everything. (pause) I can keep up with girl talk! I wasn't a total loser in high school, you know. (bites lower lip) I barely had any girl-talk, though. Most of my friends were guys and they…cast spells at each other using pencils during study hall…wow. I was friends with total dorks.
Jim On-Camera:
JIM: Zoe needs some new hiding places. I remember the last time we had an intern here, well, a summer worker. She was sixteen and needed something to do and she took a job here. Michael humiliated her first day, never came back. Next time I saw her was last week…cashier at McDonalds. Thought I'd help spare Zoe that fate. (grins)
Zoe (off-camera dialogue as Zoe introduces herself to Pam with the help of Jim.)
My first day didn't actually end as bad as it began. Michael didn't really do anything after he realized it wasn't really okay to call a nineteen-year-old intern hot on the first day yadda yadda yadda. But he did try to do a one-man "Twilight" parody for me in the afternoon…
(camera zooms in on Michael's office window as he leaps onto his desk and leans in toward Zoe, Michael: "You're like my own personal brand of heroin…or pixie stix.")
ON-CAMERA:
He even started to take off his shirt.
Jim: Really?
Yeah.
Jim: Wooow.
But I beat him back with my jacket before he even got his tie off. Maybe later I'll do a Harry Potter parody single-handedly just for him in his office.
Jim: All by yourself?
I am a master of disguise, Jim. I could totally pull off Voldemort. (creepy look at the camera)
Jim: That's more like Dwight about to tell me off than the Dark Lord.
(cracks up)