My Jelly Roll Soul

Gorobei's mind worked in a strange way. He wasn't unintelligent, but his intelligence was unlike anyone else's. His memories came and went in bits and pieces. There were things that always came back to him. The most important ones that really defined him as a person were the most frequent. Otherwise, his life was disjointed and blurry, at least to his mind. The most critical of the memories he thought on really hard until they were so emblazoned into his psyche that no other memories could replace them. These things were not always pleasant to remember, but they formed Gorobei's moral code. If he forgot them, he might forget himself.

Sometimes it seemed there was only a set number of memories his mind allowed and he would have to make room for a new one by removing another. This is why he was so particular on what he remembered.

-- One --

The air was cool and dry, a typical summer night for the small village snuggled deep in the valley between two large mountains. A young boy sat in the grass outside of his house, trying his best to ignore the sounds coming from it and focusing on the night sky. He watched as a star fell from the sky, leaving a long trail behind it that quickly died out.

The yelling from his house intensified. The boy pulled his knees tighter to his chest and tried not to think of the dying star. He liked to believe that the star wasn't dying, but rather going home. Maybe the star had a child he left behind, one that could really use a dad right about now.

"- you don't know anything about it! He looks nothing like him! Why couldn't he at least have left me a memory! The boy can't even do anything!"

His mother's voice had gained in volume to where he could understand the words. Not that he needed to; he had heard this tantrum a million times. He understood it was his fault that his father left. His mother had told him many times. His father was a good man and a strong warrior and he would never leave a woman behind unless she was carrying a child of complete malice and evil. These words didn't hurt anymore; he never cried.

He could hear the soothing tones of his grandfather now. His mother was starting to quiet down. Or, maybe she had passed out again. He wasn't sure which he preferred.

"You can come in now," his grandmother said, placing a frail hand on his shoulder. "You should get some sleep before your first day of school." He was reminded of why his mother had started in the first place. It cost too much to buy all of his books. He wasn't worth them anyway. They should just send him to the coast to become a soldier.

A soldier. A samurai. Like his father.

He wondered if the other stars noticed when one went shooting across the sky. If the star did die, he decided it wouldn't be a bad way to go. Out in a blaze of glory with the whole world looking up to see your brilliance.

It bugged him that the star didn't leave a large enough tail in the sky. Or, rather, that the tail went away so quickly and then the star was gone. He didn't want his life to come and go without ever touching a person, without leaving an impact. As selfish as it sounded, he wanted someone who would mourn him.

"Gorobei," his grandmother reminded. "Are you coming in now?"

He lifted himself off the ground. He turned to his grandmother and followed her to the house with his head down.

-- Two --

Gorobei hated school. The other kids treated him badly, his mother never packed him a lunch so he was always hungry, and the teacher always looked down on him with condescending eyes. He didn't like learning books anyway, especially because he could barely read.

"Hey, Katayama. You understand the assignment? I fell asleep."

Gorobei turned to the voice in shock. No one had ever said more than a few words to him in all the time he'd been at school. And to top it off, the voice sounded friendly, like it was trying to start up a conversation.

He was not used to conversation.

"I wouldn't ask me. I'm not very good with school." Gorobei answered to the boy who had addressed him. He left in a hurry before the other boy could answer. He didn't want to have to deal with whatever harmful words he knew were coming.

The boy didn't answer him or try to follow him. A few weeks later, though, he did try once again to start a conversation with Gorobei. "I hate school. I'd much rather join the samurai. I actually have my own sword and I practice every day."

Gorobei's head snapped towards the boy, his eyes wide with interest. "I want to be a samurai too." The words sounded wrong coming from his mouth. They were almost light-hearted.

The boy grinned brightly and Gorobei only stared back. He had never really learned how to smile. He had especially never created one could match this boy's greatness. "I knew there had to be something you wanted to talk about. I'm Takeo."

He had never introduced himself to anyone before. It was almost exciting. "Gorobei."

The boy laughed. "Yeah, I know you're name. Everyone does. You're the kid who won't talk." Gorobei suspected that this was one of the kinder reputations he had at school. The rest of them went from anti-social pervert all the way to crazed psycho-murderer. He didn't really care, though. It's not like he'd ever had friends before; he didn't really know what he was missing.

"I noticed you never bring a lunch. I brought extra today. Wanna share?" Gorobei nodded dumbly, unsure of what was going on. The boy's kindness made him nervous and his smile even more so. His chest felt heavy and his stomach was hurting.

A few weeks later, he and Takeo had created a ritual out of eating lunch together. Takeo did most of the talking if there was any, but sometimes Gorobei managed to speak on a subject as well. It was on the day of these meetings that two very important moments in Gorobei's life occurred.

When Takeo's mother had packed his lunches, she had always added a note to Takeo wishing him a good day. This day, she had added a note to Gorobei as well. It told him to take care and study hard (Gorobei actually has the words memorized if anyone were to ask him).

It happened then, one of his important moments. His first smile.

Takeo nearly fell off of his seat he was so surprised. And then he laughed about it and told Gorobei how friendly he looked and that girl's would probably be falling all over him if he ever flashed that smile their way. All this only made Gorobei smile more.

When he returned home that day, excited to show his mom the smile and hopefully make her happy for the first time, there was a man waiting for him at his kitchen table. The man was dressed in long robes and carried a sword at his side. Gorobei almost hoped that his dad had come back and he could be like the other kids for good.

This man was a samurai, but not his father. His mother was sending him to the army. He could only pack a few of his things and had to leave immediately. He left with the big man that night and didn't even so much as look back to see if his mom cared enough to wave good-bye.

He was only fourteen. It was his second most important moment. It was not a good one.

-- Three --

His years with the army were long and arduous. He has chosen to forget it, but the memories are not so polite as to leave him alone.

He was young, surrounded by much older men. They did not treat him kindly.

Most of his memories of this time were jumbled, one event led into another during some obscure time where he was some age and there was some man with a twisted smile and some pain and always his screaming. The night he got the scar was among these.

He's not sure what his age was at the time. He had forgotten very quickly how old he was when running with the army. Though he must have still been young, because he remembered that the army uniform didn't fit him and all of the samurai robes hung down his body and pooled around his feet. That could have been any time, though. He's at least pretty sure that his sword was still heavy.

He was out in the forest for a perimeter check (or maybe he was out for a hunt?) when he was suddenly surrounded by strange noises and his mind and world were spinning. Something surprised him (probably one of the soldiers), and he fell underneath the weight of his sword.

Yes. His sword was definitely too big for him at the time. He might have been fifteen, right before his growth spurt.

When he fell, his face caught along a sharp rock which left a long gash in his cheek. He remembers that he could feel nearly to his bone. It was the first time he'd ever seen his own blood. His troop had never met with any fighting and the only blood he'd seen had come from the animals they hunted. But, human blood was different. His blood had a strange effect on him. His eyes became more focused and though the trees around him seemed to be swaying, they only looked more clear. He remembers this because it still happens whenever he sees human blood.

A sound startled him and he sliced a man nearly in two. He had time to stop his sword from cutting the man down, but he would have done anything to see more of the glorious blood.

When the others found him - it might have been the next morning - he was covered in the blood of their fallen comrade. He was sitting stock-still watching the blood flow and spill and dry. The men were wary of coming near him. He remembered how his smile had cheered Takeo.

The smile that he offered the soldiers guaranteed that none of them would ever be harassing him again. They called him a demon and schemed to get rid of him while he slept, but none were brave enough to actually confront the blood-covered boy.

Blood and death never felt that unusual of an occurrance at this time. When Gorobei's troop actually did fight, his eyes became crazed and he stopped anything that came in his way. This even extended to his own comrades, who quickly learned to keep away from the boy during battles.

Eventually, he found a new troop to join. He doesn't remember how he left his old troop. He doesn't think any of them were still alive when he did.

His new troop enjoyed his smile and taught him pranks and showed him entertainment. His smiles were everyone's favorite part of dinner, and his boisterous laughter soon became the most common sound in the camp.

But no one would come close to him. His fighting in battle was still crazed but they respected his power. Despite the fun he could bring, he never had any friends. No one talked to him about his life. No one cared when he looked depressed or felt sick. He didn't understand why he still felt lonely until much later (he probably didn't even understand that he was lonely), when he did make friends and created closer bonds than he ever knew to be possible.

-- Four --

"Tell me how you got your scar, Gorobei-dono."

The kid was sure demanding and blunt. Gorobei had fabricated many lies about his scar. He didn't care for people to know much about his less-than-great life. He chose to tell Katsuhiro one of his favorite lies. "I used to be quite the ladies-man. One of the times when women were fighting over me, one of them said, 'If I can't have you, no one can' and came after me with a knife. She only hit me because I was drunk and the scar is my reminder never to trust a woman with alcohol ever again."

Katsuhiro looked angry. "Fine, then. Don't tell me." The boy was getting up, ready to leave Gorobei alone by their campfire. Gorobei didn't like people to leave him, especially if they were angry.

"I don't remember."

Katsuhiro turned to Gorobei, looking a little shocked at the statement. "How could you not remember?"

A half-lie would be all the boy got. "I didn't enjoy my life at the time, I choose to keep it behind me and out of my memories."

"Yeah, but you can't just forget things like that!"

Gorobei sent Katsuhiro a look and the boy shut up. After that, Katsuhiro would often stay up late with Gorobei and try to gain more information about his past. Gorobei didn't understand this. No one cared before. But, as Katsuhiro found out about him, he felt he needed to find out more about Katsuhiro. Friendship was new to him, but it didn't end with Katushiro. Every friendship was different.

-- Five --

"I heard you up late talking to Katsuhiro."

Kambei was a man of few words and a quick blade, but still managed to maintain a gentle way about him. His friendship was quiet and introspective. He trusted Gorobei and his opinions.

"Yes?"

"Don't give him any ideas. Keep your stories bleak."

"I wouldn't dream of going about it any other way."

Gorobei didn't talk much to Shichiroji. He really didn't know the man that long. But, the man always seemed to know the right time to join a conversation.

"Give the guy a break. Just because the kid reminds you a lot of yourself doesn't mean other people are out to get him," Shichiroji said, sending a smile to his old friend. Gorobei always felt he was missing something when these two talked together, but never felt uncomfortable because of it. It just made him wish he had someone to share little secrets with himself.

-- Six --

It seemed that, for some odd reason, whenever Gorobei was around Kikuchiyo, Kyuzo wasn't too far away. Maybe the man was always ready to cut Kikuchiyo down or didn't trust Gorobei not to scheme with the big guy - Gorobei had never really gotten that much figured out. He just knew that their personalities clashed so badly that it was always interesting when the both of them were around.

"I told you that you couldn't touch the lady because I saw her first!"

Kyuzo looked unamused. "I was just helping her."

Gorobei chuckled, watching Kikuchiyo try to decipher what help that woman could possibly need. He decided to help him out a bit. "Kyuzo was helping her by getting her far away from you, Kikuchiyo."

"Exactly."

"HEY! Gorobei, whose side are you on anyway!"

"I'm on the side of the lady, of course." Kikuchiyo grumbled until, in just a few moments, he completely forgot the argument and was on some new subject about one of his exploits or how Gorobei should really get around to teaching him that one trick or whatever. Kikuchiyo's mind worked quite quickly for someone who was so dense.

The more he was around Kyuzo, the better he became at understanding the man's grunts and various degrees of scowling. Kikuchiyo seemed to only become more confused, but that was what made the conversations that much more interesting. Gorobei felt like he was playing mediator - or maybe interpretor - sometimes.

-- Seven --

"Guys like you and me, we gotta stick together." Heihachi was a man who knew what he wanted and knew how to go around getting it. This became more obvious as Gorobei spent more time around the mechanic.

"Oh?"

Heihachi nodded emphatically, his face scrunching as he put thought into his following words. "I've come to catch on to your optimism." Gorobei wouldn't call it "optimism," but he supposed that he had recently found a certain zest for life. "It's just you and me, now. We have to provide a solid foundation for this group, or they'll all go crazy with depression and moaning."

"Kikuchiyo could also be the cause of their insanity, I would guess."

Heihachi snapped his fingers as if to signal that Gorobei was catching on. "That's it! We're not like that, right? Hey, you like rice, don't you?"

Gorobei shrugged, smiling a little as he watched the man get a little more animated when he mentioned rice. "Who doesn't?"

"I know, right!"

-- Eight --

"Hey, Gorobei. When's your birthday?"

A number of heads turned towards Gorobei at Heihachi's question. Gorobei froze and his mind worked quick to come up with a date from his memory. He couldn't remember a birthday, though. He was sure he had never celebrated it.

Still, not wanting to sound odd - he especially didn't want any sympathy from his friends - he created a birth date for himself. "November tenth."

"Aw, man! That was a month ago! Why didn't you tell us!" Kikuchiyo seemed a little too worked up about this. What was the big deal?

Heihachi looked a little disappointed, but quickly remedied the situation. "It's no problem, Kikuchiyo! We'll catch Gorobei-dono's birthday the next time around!"

Gorobei was warmed to hear that Heihachi considered they would all still be together in a year. And that, of all things, his fake birthday was what they could look forward to.

-- Nine --

Gorobei had given all of his friends little mementos of his life. He remembered the shooting stars and how he wanted his soul to last for a little while longer after he was really gone. He thought that if his friends remembered him, that was all he could really ask for.

Gorobei considered what it would mean for him to leave the world with a more brilliant light than a star. It probably meant that he was a little selfish, but maybe it also made him a little bit more human. Gorobei felt that it would be worth it then.

He once told Heihachi these thoughts. The other man didn't scoff the idea at all, but instead adopted it for his own life. "But, not stars, Gorobei. Stars are great and all, but that's a little too romanticized for me, you know?" He had never considered it romantic, but maybe Heihachi was right.

"If not to outshine the stars, then what will be your goal when you die?"

Heihachi grinned, motioning toward the bowl of rice he was munching. "I think that should be obvious."

But for all the importance he had once placed on this idea, these thoughts didn't even occur to him in his last moments. His stars didn't matter when there were six of his most important people staring down at him. Gorobei finally understood what death meant when he knew these were face he would never see again. He finally understood when Katsuhiro was crying and Kikuchiyo was coughing to try to hide his sobs and Kambei's eyes were closed and he was murmuring what sounded like a prayer.

He suddenly realized all the things he forgot to tell them.

But you can't just forget things like that!

Guys like you and me, we gotta stick together.

He wanted to clear up some of the mysteries about himself. He wanted his friends to know all about him but he had kept telling himself that he could wait to tell them some other time. He should have known that people like him didn't live very long.

Heihachi wasn't crying, but his face was contorted into some emotion Gorobei did not recognize.

It's your birthday in a week. Try not to die before then.

They had laughed about it at the time. There was no doubt it was on Heihachi's mind at the moment. Well, they had come really close to the year mark. He remembered the birthday but had forgotten about the stars. Maybe it was too romanticized. That wasn't Gorobei's style.

He was sure the others were nearby, but his eyes were no longer seeing and his ears were no longer hearing.

It was okay, though, really. If there was one thing Gorobei had learned during his life was that he didn't dodge situations or even take them head on.

And as his life ended, he did not shine in brilliance or fall from the sky. His soul didn't break or splinter or drown. It just rolled. Rolling and ready for whatever was waiting for him at the end.

While it rained and Gorobei's soul rolled on, Heihachi remembered the shooting stars. He lifted his head up to see, but the sky was too cloudy.

-- Ten --

There's always someone waiting for you on the other side. That's what I've come to believe.

Maybe it is a lot like going home.

Decided to fill-in this little plot bunny I got while rping. Well, not really a plot bunny so much as "dayum, I love Gorobei and he needs more fic." If there are any more Gorobei fans out there, I certainly hoped that you enjoyed this. Oh, and add to the pile a little, yeah?

For those of you wondering, the title (is a little odd, yes) was taken from a Charles Mingus tune of the same name. I thought it suited Gorobei and then there was fic.

- Mayo