I do not own any part of Twilight.
This is my first submission to fanfiction. Comments are welcome.
***Bella***
Another of my mother's trips. I wanted to stay home, where the sun was bright, not like here. What kind of name was Ohio anyway? They should have named it state of total cloud cover. I hadn't seen the sun since we had come, almost three weeks.
Visiting Aunt Ruth had not been fun, especially for a seven year old. She didn't have any kids, nor did she know any—not that I was great at making friends quickly, but even trying to make friends with some stupid boy and his video games would have been less boring than sitting around Aunt Ruth's living room. The furniture was covered in plastic, and I wasn't allowed to touch anything.
"Isabella," my mother called from upstairs, "are you ready for church?"
"Yes." I was always ready before her, and yet she always asked if I was, as if I was the one to lose track of time.
I sat on the plastic couch waiting for awhile longer, trying not to move. I hated the squeaky sound the plastic covers made. Aunt Ruth was too ill to go out, not even church, but my mother had insisted on going every Sunday, as if that was what we always did.
Thankfully, my mother didn't make us stay for the lunch afterward. I had the feeling she didn't particularly like church either. Honestly, I thought the sermons could be kind of interesting. I just didn't like not knowing what was going on, like when to stand, when to sit, when to pray, when to put money in the dish, when to sing—or in my mother's case, try to sing. She should stick to the piano.
Instead of lunch with blue-haired women who talked about things I didn't understand, like how to make rhubarb pie, my mother took me to the park. Arizona didn't have places like this. It was pretty, green and thick with trees. I missed the sun, but the green was nice. We found a path and started walking.
***Edward***
The more I listened, the more my mouth watered. I had to like my lips to stop the venom from dripping down my chin.
"I'll kill the bitch," the man was thinking. "I'll fucking strangle her and watch the life in her eyes fade. Bitch thinks she can turn me down. I'll teach her. Maybe I'll fuck her too. That'll show her who's in control." He followed the woman out of the bar and stayed in the shadows as he matched her pace down the road.
The woman was stupid. What in the hell was she doing walking alone this late? Well, she may have been an idiot, but Chad was the one who deserved to meet me, who should learn that vampires do exist. He wouldn't have to keep the secret for very long.
While Chad followed her, I followed Chad. I kept listening to his mind, making sure he was a good target. I had to make sure he was truly willing to give into his sadistic tendencies before I could make my move. I would not have innocent blood on my hands. However, evil blood down my throat was terribly refreshing, much better than the shit Carlisle drank.
Carlisle never understood. He didn't trust my judgment, that I was careful. I never preyed on the innocent. Why should my thirst not be quenched when I could tell who deserved to die? I missed Carlisle and Esme. Maybe eventually they would come around.
The woman approached her car. She started digging in her purse for her keys. I saw in her mind how distracted she was, focused on finding her damn keys.
Chad's steps splashed through a puddle, but the woman didn't look up. The contents of her purse were too noisy—plastic makeup compacts, several pair of sunglasses, feminine hygiene products covered in plastic, the annoyingly crinkly kind. Humans were entirely too damn noisy.
Chad continued forward. His thoughts were focused. He was going to rape her. He just hadn't decided if he would do it before or after he killed her. Sick fucker.
The ironic thing was I had watched the woman's mind for awhile, ever since she had turned down Chad's offer to get her a drink. She wasn't exactly the girl next door. She had already slept with several men in the bar, and she probably would have slept with Chad if he had handled her a little better. But he had come off as a creepy loser type, so she had made a point to berate him in front of everyone. Sometimes she liked the feeling of turning men down and watching their embarrassment as much as being fawned over.
Finally, she found her keys.
Chad was only a few feet away. He was thinking about how good it was going to feel to screw her, to be in control. He wasn't sure where he would hide the body, but he would figure it out later.
My mouth filled with the acidic taste of venom.
Silently, I circled around her car, still hidden from their shallow perceptions. Humans were blind and deaf. They saw nothing but the movement of big objects. It was like humans described the sight of a tyrannosaurus. Just like dinosaurs were below humans, humans were below me.
Chad reached out and touched her arm.
She turned and jumped back. "You scared me."
He sneered. "I'm sorry." He trailed his fingers from her shoulder down her arm. "So, how about that drink? I bet your place is nice."
She raised her eyebrows and juggled her head with attitude. "Right, loser." She shifted to turn back to her car.
He squeezed her arm and yanked to keep her facing him. He was becoming aroused.
I waited—to be sure he would go through with it.
She slapped him. "Let go."
He shoved her against the car and pressed himself to her, shoving his hardened dick against her hip. "I'll let go when I'm good and done." He grabbed her shirt and ripped it.
"Stop it," she screamed.
He pulled out a knife and slipped it into her waist band. Her skirt fell to the ground.
She opened her mouth to scream again.
He held the knife up in her face. "Get fucked by me or the knife. It's your choice."
She didn't scream again. She could only blubber incoherent pleas.
I listened closely to Chad's mind. Any linger of indecision was gone. There was only excitement and power.
He was not going to stop.
I ran out into the open and grabbed him. I glanced back just before turning the corner. The woman was falling to the ground.
I ran with Chad. He didn't struggle. Perhaps my speed had knocked him unconscious. I didn't stop until the outskirts of town. There was a small wooded area that I had used a few times. Chad would have to be that last one I buried here before I moved on.
In the center of a grouping of pine trees, I dumped Chad on the ground with a thud. His breath expelled.
I stood over him, and he stared up at me. He was conscious, just too shocked to move. I saw myself through his mind, the way the red of my eyes seemed to glow like flames in the faint moonlight, the way my skin looked like alabaster. Most people chose to see me as human. Chad didn't. He only saw the monster.
With trembling hands, he started to try and shift himself away. The twigs snapped and dug into his flesh, broke his skin.
The scent of blood filled the air.
My nostrils flared. Venom dripped off my teeth as I smiled.
I grabbed his leg. "Oh, but you just got here."
He blubbered incoherently, just like the woman had.
Holding him in place, I knelt on the ground next to him.
His voice trembled. "What do you want?"
With my hands on the ground next to his head, I leaned closer. "I want your blood."
He froze, eyes wide, and I watched as the realization hit—what I was and what was about to happen.
He opened his mouth, but before he could scream, I sank my teeth into the flesh of his shoulder. Warm liquid filled my mouth, travelled down my throat. My teeth sank deeper, easily sliced through his flesh and muscle. My body tightened as I sucked his blood into me, as I drained him.
It was an uncontrolled frenzy. Sometimes I wandered if sex was something like this. The few glimpses I had suffered seeing of Emmett's and Rosalie's sex life—Emmett's thoughts were very loud—seemed like this, the overwhelming drive. Only this didn't have that sense of fulfillment when it was done. Feeling full and feeling fulfilled were two very different things.
I dumped Chad's now empty body back to the ground. He was gone.
For some reason, I always stood over them after I was done and just looked at them. I wasn't sure exactly what I felt. I supposed it didn't matter. I wasn't human. Why should I embrace human emotions? Carlisle seemed to think I should, but what was the point? The last few years with him, I had felt his disappointment in me grow. Perhaps that was part of the reason I left.
After properly disposing of Chad's body, I took off out of town. I headed east for a few hours until morning neared. The day was shaping up to be cloudy as usual, but I still had to find a hiding place for the day. I didn't have any more contacts to conceal the red of my eyes. In the middle of a small town, I came across a park, one with enough dense foliage to be able to hide. I found a spot a little off the path and leaned back against a tree. I wished I had a book. I hated being bored—hated being alone with my thoughts.
There was a small gap in the limbs above, enough to show me the clouds. Usually in this state, the clouds were more of a haze that blocked the sun. Today, though, they reminded me of the pictures I had seen of Florida skies. The white seemed to billow up forever, as if the clouds formed a tunnel to heaven—if heaven existed. I tried to tell myself it didn't, that this was all there was to life, that I wasn't a damned creature, but Carlisle's words rang through my head—him and his damn faith.
Well, if I was damned anyway, I may as well have the one pleasure in this kind of life. It was an empty pleasure, not the kind Carlisle went on about—giving to others and shit. But it was the only kind I could get. I wanted sex, to be with a woman, for a woman to share herself with me, but I didn't have a mate. It was different for me than these idiot human men. I wanted a woman who wanted me, who wanted to bring me into her, to let me be a part of her. After all these years, I was starting to believe that was never going to happen, not for me. Sometimes I wondered if I could want a woman who could want someone like me.
Damn, I was fucked in the head. I was thinking in fucking riddles.
I took a breath and rested my head back against the tree trunk. This was my life. There wasn't much else from which to choose.
A faint voice. "Isabella, wait up."
I held very still and listened. Quick steps coming down the path. Whoever it was wasn't likely to see me. I just had to make no noise. I was good at that.
"Mom," a little girl called," it's so pretty. Look at how big the leaves are."
There were a few maples up the path a bit, maybe fifteen feet.
The steps slowed. I closed my eyes and listened. Her stride was short, and she was wearing hard soles, dress shoes. They had likely come from church. I imagined the girl, her slow pace as she looked around, admired the trees and the "big leaves," the simple wonder of a child. Then her steps stuttered. I imagined how she had tripped on a twig, too distracted by the simple beauty around her. I smiled. I wished I could be distracted sometimes, be able to forget.
Then I realized I was imagining—not hearing her thoughts or seeing through her eyes.
I reached out to touch her mind. I found her mother easily. She was coming around the bend, just as her daughter came into view. "Isabella," she half scolded half laughed. Isabella was righting herself after her stumble. My smile broadened. It had been forever since I had smiled.
Then I felt another mind, an all too familiar type of mind. I jumped into the man's thoughts and found where he was—not far up the path. He was watching the woman and little girl. His thoughts disgusted me, even more than Chad's. How could he think things like that about a little girl?
As I ran silently through the trees, I forced myself to stay in his thoughts, to make sure I didn't lose him. I didn't care if I had just fed or not. This man was going to die.
I found him behind a large spruce—and then I heard the girl's steps coming quickly down the path. He took a step, and I yanked him back, one arm around his shoulders and a hand on his mouth. He was completely unable to struggle, and I didn't give a flying fuck how much I was hurting him.
"You think you can prey on the weak," I muttered in his ear. "Remember, there is always a carnivore stronger than you." I sank my teeth into his skin and drank slowly, feeling as his strength left him.
I dared not move from that spot for fear the girl would see or hear me. The man was still alive. I wanted to keep him conscious awhile longer, wanted to savor his pain and fear.
The girl's steps neared. I already had the sound of them memorized—the grace of them interrupted by the occasional distracted stumble. Then, through the branches of the spruce, I saw her—her fair skin and long dark hair. She turned and looked with big brown eyes at the spruce—looked in the exact direction where I was standing. For one terrifying second, I thought she saw me, and I felt like Alice for that second, like I could see the future, the fear and terror in the girl's eyes at seeing me drink a man's blood.
I pulled my mouth away from the man's neck and stared at the girl, at her beautiful eyes, filled with innocence, the kind of innocence I would never have, never really understand. I wanted to understand.
And I knew what I wanted my life to be about—not empty consumption of pleasure. No matter how many times Carlisle had tried to tell me, to explain, I never understood why I should live without the one pleasure available to me. Whether I was damned or not, I wanted to be more than what I was. I wasn't sure how to accomplish it, but I knew I wanted something more than this.
The girl continued walking down the path, and as if lighting her way, the clouds parted and let a halo of sunshine fall over her. Then the halo widened, filtered through the branches of the spruce. My skin caught the light and sparkled like a cheap sequin gown.
The girl turned, as if to see where her mother was. Then she stopped. Her head tilted. I didn't need to see her thoughts to know what she was seeing. Before she could move any closer, before she could see the blood dripping down my chin, I was gone, leaving no trace of me or the man who had planned to attack her. I prayed she would decide the sparkle she had seen was only her imagination. Her innocence should not be marred, neither by the man I was hauling away nor by me.
Now what to do with the man. I was done killing. There was only one option. I would never be able to suck all the venom out. He would go through the transformation, become a monster like me.
I didn't stop running until I found an empty field in the middle of farm country. I dropped the man on the ground and watched as he writhed and thrashed in pain. I wanted to understand the girl's innocence, but I couldn't help but to find pleasure in watching this man's torture. And I knew my torture was yet to come. I wanted to be good, but it wasn't who I was. For the rest of my life, I would be fighting to be something I wasn't, something I could never be.
***Bella***
The clouds parted. It was like God was shining a spotlight, as if He was trying to show me something. Then the spotlight broadened.
I turned. In the branches of the pine tree, there was a sparkle, like tinsel on a Christmas tree. My heart pounded. It was so pretty.
Then it was gone.