After watching a full season of Supernatural I decided to ask some of the authors if they knew could help me write a fanfiction and Dirreth did. I hope I'm spelling the name right. Please read and review.
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"I feel uncomfortable" I say as I look at the mirror; my reflection is piercing me with its sky blue eyes.
The long dark red dress with open back envelopes my body perfectly, its edges dance around my ankles. My makeup is flawless, thanks to Charlie; my hair falls on lovely long black curls down my back and this is also Charlie's doing. She knows what she's doing, I'm giving her that, even though she doesn't put much of an effort in her every day casual look. But tonight I trust her with my outlook.
"You look great" she assures me while putting on some eyeliner; I open my mouth but she cuts me off "Don't argue with me"
I throw my hands in surrender and smile. I really love her – she's loyal, lively and energetic person full of sunshine. And she's taught me a lot of things for being a human and being a girl. When she came back from Oz she decided to stick around for a couple of days and that somehow turned to permanent stay. She became my best friend and I know I can talk to her about everything. Including my feelings for Dean. It was hard to understand the way I was reacting around him and how he was making me feel. When I asked Charlie she burst into laughter, and then she explained me what that meant. After her explanation sank in my mind I realized what love feels like. But I was too much of a coward to do something about it. I still am. Dean is my friend and I prefer to leave the things that way. I don't want to ruin the friendship we have. Charlie disagrees with me about that but she keeps my secret and helps me deal with it.
"Why can't I have short dress like yours?" I whine only to irritate her while examining her dark blue dress that makes her wonderful red hair stand out even more.
There is a gathering in a privet collector's house. And Sam and Dean need one of the items from the house to finish their hunt. They need to get some old compass and salt and burn it in order to put the angry spirit to rest. And they decided that this gathering is the perfect opportunity to sneak into the house without raising suspicion. But they needed dates. So they managed to persuade me and Charlie to go with them. And here we are, both of us, preparing for the event.
"What the hell is taking you so long?" I hear Dean's voice from the corridor as he's approaching my room, and then he shows on the door frame, looking at us "Wow…" he stops and his wide opened eyes glue to me. If I don't know him, I'd say there's admiration in his eyes.
"Is it too much?" I ask bashfully, uncertain how to take his reaction.
In that moment Charlie also turns around to face him, waiting for his approval.
"No…" he shakes his head and smiles widely at me "You look amazing, Cas… Both of you do." He quickly adds seeing Charlie's glare.
My face lights up in happiness and I smile brightly at him. I really like when he uses the shorten version of my name that he came up with soon after we first met.
"Well, you don't look too bad yourself" Charlie smiles, eyeing his black formal suit and his bow tie.
He is really handsome, I have to admit that. He looks good in anything, but this suit... He looks hot in it. His green eye sparkle in amusement as he watches me trying to put my heels on.
"Don't say a word!" I warn him when I finally manag to put on my shoes.
He arches an eyebrow and gives me his arm, trying to hide his smile. I take it and Charlie follows us behind. He looks so proud as if he's escorting a princess, not a fallen angel. I shake my head, he's having too much fun. As I suspect, Sam looks just as good in his suit as his big brother. The four of us head to the Impala. I slide in the back seat, behind Dean. The trip isn't much long but I spend it looking through the window, lost in my own thoughts and not listening what the others are talking about.
I am a human for two years already. Surprisingly, but I like it. The feelings, the emotions that I experience every day… the taste of food, I perceive everything in a whole new way. I understand people and I enjoy simple, small things. Being an angel had its advantages but it was nothing compared to being a human. In the past two years I changed a lot. I learned many things and stopped being that socially awkward creature I once was. Back then I might had a lot of power but I was ignorant of the world and people who lived there. All I cared about was following my orders. Until the day I saved Dean from Hell. It was the day everything changed for me. He and Sam were the ones who taught me the meaning of free will, the meaning of love and sacrifice, and friendship. A lot of things happened since I first met Dean. We stopped the Apocalypse on a high price – Sam went to the pit with Lucifer. Then somehow miraculously he came back. Heaven was in war, some angels wanted to start the Apocalypse again. And there was no possible way for me to allow that to happen. Not after everything Sam and Dean went through to stop it. So I made the deal with Crowley but when Dean found out, he talked me out of it. I trusted him. But Crowley opened Purgatory anyway and let out the Leviathans. Meanwhile the war in Heaven ended and those who wanted another Apocalypse were punished. But stopping the Leviathans was a challenge. And Dean and I ended in Purgatory after killing their boss. Going through the portal leading out of Purgatory, however left me without my grace. Since that day I am just another human being. Sam and Dean helped me to adjust. And I help them with their researches. I know that without my angelic powers I am practically useless. So I do my best to help and not get in their way. They leave me behind when they go on a hunt because I don't want to be an obstacle for them. That is why I am wondering right now if it is a good idea to go with them on this gathering. Charlie is more experienced than me and it's understandable why they take her with them. But me? The fallen angel who sucks at being a hunter, as Dean repeatedly has pointed out… What if something goes wrong and I can't help?
I shake my head and realize that Dean is parking the car. I really have zoned out pretty hard this time not to notice when we have arrived. Sam and Charlie climb out of the car and head to the entrance. The boys got us two invitations and I am not sure I want to know how exactly they managed to lay their hands on them. Dean patiently waits me to get out of the car.
"Hey, you okay?" he asks concerned "You look… distracted"
"I'm fine, Dean" I force a smile at him, trying to ignore my worry.
He grabs my hand and stops me. His eyes are piercing me.
"Don't lie to me, Cas" he insists "What's bothering you?"
I sigh and look up. I know I can't lie to him. He knows me too well. It's dark and the ink blue sky is covered in thousands silver glittering stars. It's beautiful and for a second I let myself enjoy the view. I wonder what it would be like to be in Heaven again. But I quickly push aside the thought. I know I'll never go back there. Not in a million years. And even if I had the opportunity, I would decline it. Because it would mean to be an angel again and I don't want to lose my humanity, I don't want to be the cold calculating bitch I once was. That's why I stopped wearing my trench coat. It's representation of the skeletons in my closet. It is a reminder, a memory of what I once was. But it isn't a painful memory. It is sad but I face it with a smile because having my humanity is much better than having my grace, even though this way I don't have my angel powers. I sigh.
"Why am I here, Dean?" I ask simply, putting my worries into words.
"What?" he looks confused "What do you mean?"
"Why did you take me with you?"
Now he looks even more confused and unsure what to tell me. Almost bashful. But Dean can't be bashful. He's always so confident and sure, strong and brave.
"I don't understand…" he starts but I cut him off.
"Never mind" I sigh "Just forget I asked"
I head to the entrance but before I could make even a step he grabs me and pulls me towards him. I tilt back my head so I could meet his wonderful green eyes.
"I can't just forget it" he states quietly "It's obviously important to you. Tell me."
We are too close to each other and my heart bumps so hard in my chest I worry he can hear it. Fortunately, outside is dark enough so he can't see the blush that I know is covering my face.
"I'm no hunter, Dean" I manage to say taking a step back "Without my powers I'm useless. Like once you said, I'm baby in a trench coat" I look down at my dress "Now without the trench coat. Just a baby…"
"You're not useless, Cas" Dean says and makes me look at him "You're really good shot. And you can fight. But if you want I can train with you to keep you in shape."
"That doesn't answer my question" I half smiled at him, having a nice warm sensation because of his sweet offer.
"No. it doesn't. Apart from the fact Sam and I need dates to get in" he tilts his head to the house's direction "and you're my choice for that, I think you need to go out more. You always stay in the bunker and burry yourself in books and researches. You need to have fun"
"And helping you steal a compass is your definition of fun?" I raise my brows and he chuckles.
"You hate bars and I had to get you out of the bunker." He shrugs and gives me his arm.
With a smile I take it and let him lead me to the entrance.
Half an hour later I stay next to Charlie in the crowded grand hall, watching as couples dance. I take a sip from my glass and narrow my eyes as I examine the woman who has just gone past us. Long blonde hair, black dress, nice body, but a face that looks like a horse just kicked it.
"Hm…" I bite my lower lip "Four, maybe five"
"Oh, come on!" Charlie exclaims "You're a hard one. She deserved at least a seven"
"Well, she has the body but her face is awful." I state and take another sip from the champagne. "So from 1 to 10 I give her a five"
Charlie puffs in annoyance and I smile. That is our little game we invented to entertain ourselves. We usually rate women outlooks and as usual Charlie doesn't like my opinion. But I think that the fact she plays for the other team clouds her judgment a bit. Not that I'll ever tell her that, though. In those moments I just let her pour out her disappointment at me and chatter her arguments why I'm wrong.
I carefully look around. There are guards on every exit. And the bulges under their wide jackets mean they got guns. I really start to worry as I check what time it is.
"Shouldn't they be back by now?" Charlie asks nervously, looking around for Sam and Dean.
"Yes" I nod and she turns white "Act naturally." I warn her "Let's go"
The boys left us a while ago, heading to the room with the compass. They told us to give them 15 minutes and if they weren't back by then to leave. So I am following the plan, leading Charlie out. I am not sure how Sam and Dean got through all the security and how they planned to get the compass but I am really worried about them. Nervousness is building inside my stomach and I do my best not to show it. I realize I'm biting my lips and I quickly stop, my eyes darting around the rooms. We are almost on the exit when I hear uproar behind us. We turn only to see Sam and Dean running towards us followed by security guards yelling at their small earphones and giving orders while chasing them. I can see the compass in Sam's hand. At least they got what we came for. The guard near the exit takes his gun out, ready to shoot. I instinctively reach to him and manage to yank it from his hands. Before he knows what's happening, much to my own surprise, I hit his head hard and he collapses on the floor. Well, maybe I'm not as useless as I thought. The boys reach us and push past me and Charlie, grabbing our hands and pulling us out of the building. We run after them, there are shots, screams and complete confusion… I look over my shoulder and see one of the guards aiming at Dean. Without even thinking I push him aside. There's a rattle and I feel sharp pain in the right but I ignore it, hurrying after Charlie and the boys. We get to the car and Dean drives off into the night.
In the back seat I relax my body. I feel weak and I don't know why. I hear Dean and Sam's voices from afar even though they are just in front of me. I feel dizzy and sick. Darkness is trying to cover my blurred vision. Every part of my body is numb. With an effort I lean forward and take of my heels. The motion makes me feel the same sharp pain but my mind is too clouded to pay much attention. Soon we are home and Charlie climbs out of the car with enthusiasm. Sam and Dean follow her. It takes me ages to get out. I clench to the open door when my legs shake. The pain returns and I reach my hand to see what exactly hurts me…
"Cas…" I hear Dean's questioning voice from afar
He's just a couple of steps away from me. His face is covered in worry and concern. I look down at my hand. It's covered in blood. I've been shot, I realize with some distant part of my mind. I look back to Dean, who's quickly shortening the distance between us. I stagger and hiss in pain. It hurts like hell. My head is spinning, my legs are weak… everything blurs and spins and spins as I fall down. Dean shouts something but I don't understand him. He manages to catch me before I hit the ground. I feel his strong embrace enveloping my body. I feel safe… and everything goes black when I finally lose consciousness.
I feel nice and warm. I try to stretch but severe pain in my right makes me give up from the idea. I open my eyes and slowly sit in the bed. I focus even though every part of me is in pain. I look around. I'm in my room and I wear nothing but a huge T-shirt. Then I realize I've seen it on Dean and I smile. A soft noise makes me look at the chair next to my bed. Dean is there, eyeing me carefully.
"Hey" I greet him with a smile, brushing a strand of hair away from my face.
"Hey" he says "How are you feeling?"
"Peachy" I groan "I'll need some painkillers."
Dean locks his wonderful green eyes with mine. Suddenly he flings out of the chair and hugs me tight. I wrap my hands around him and let myself get lost in him, in his smell, in his strong hands around my body, in the feeling of safety. It's so nice and it feels so right that it hurts me.
"Don't do that ever again" I hear his voice so I push away a bit and stare at him questioningly.
"What?" I ask confused "What are you talking about"
"Don't freak me out like this" he states and lets me go "I don't wanna lose you."
"Oh…"I shrug, feeling both happy and uncomfortable hearing his statement "Sorry but it wasn't my choice to get shot. That idiot was aiming for your sorry ass."
"He was going to shoot me?" Dean asks in disbelieve "That's why you pushed me away…" realization covers his face.
"I couldn't let you get hurt"
"I can take care of myself, Cas"
"So can I" I cross my arms over my chest and I feel the bandages on the right side of my ribs "Yet, you worry about me. The same way I worry about you. That's what I do for the people I love, I worry about them no matter what…" and then I shut up, realizing what has just slipped my lips.
Dean looks as shocked by my words as I feel for saying them. His emerald gaze is glued to my face. I realize that I'm blushing and bite my lips.
"I'm sorry" I start nervously "Just forget I said anything… I don't want to make…"
I shut up when he cups my face and leans forward. His kiss is gentle and I get lost in the sensation. I pull him closer to me and soon we are cuddled in my bed. Dean is careful with my wound but I'm so distracted right now that I don't feel the pain. I hug him and put my head on his chest. I can hear his heart. It's bumping loudly, just like mine.
"I didn't know you felt that way about me" I smile widely at him.
"I really meant it, Cas." he quietly says "Seeing you hurt made me realize how much you mean to me. And I don't want to lose you"
"If I knew that getting shot will make you kiss me, I was going to do my best to get that bullet in my ribs sooner" I joke but barely keep my eyes open
"You did really good job with that guard by the way" Dean chuckles "I told you, you're not useless" he kisses the top of my head
"I know" I mutter as sleepiness overwhelms me.
I huddle next to his strong warm body with a smile, knowing that this is not just a dream and when I wake up the reality will be just as good as my wildest dreams. After all, maybe I should get hurt more often, if that makes Dean admitting his feelings. With a happy smile I drift off in the arms of the man I love.