My Living Fear..
Chapter one - The move
Kathy's P.O.V
I hate the rain, I though to myself as I sat staring at the rain beating down on my car ,I hate the beat up old car I was in, I hate the fact that I was moving and most of all I hated the town I was moving to. Forks. Every time I thought about it ( and from the facts which I got on line)one thing comes to mind. I'm fucked. The town was too small which meant that everyone know anyone and everyone's business. And every one would want to get to know the new people no doubt. Hence the problem : I don't want anyone to know my business, I don't want anyone to know me .I like to keep to myself. I know people are going to expect me to be nice and sweet and caring and loving. I'll try be nice and sweet and caring and loving. Can't promise anything.
" Rain drops keep falling on my head …" my foster sister Cassie sang rather dryly from the front seat. I was in the back while my foster mother, Maria, drove.
"I can't seriously understand why we are even moving here" Cassie said as she leaned her dark head against the window.
"You know why" Maria said to Cassie. Poking her head my way.
I pulled my hood over my head and sank deeper into the seat to avoid their eyes and shoved my ipod into my ears. It wasn't on though. I picked this little treat up with my other foster parents. When they wanted to talk about their "business" I would shove my ipod in my ears and listen to them complain to each other about me. Like I cared.
"You know what the doctor said." Maria was saying to Cassie. " She needs to get away from it all. A new start, some where were she will be her old self. Get her out of her depression about you-know- what and you- know- who"
Cassie snorted and said "And ya think this is the right place for her? Look around babe, does this look freaky like Disney Land. "
"It will help" Maria said " Just wait and see."
"I hope your right." Cassie said " cause this weather is making this place look like Emo World."
I hope Maria was right too , cause the rain sort of reminded me of the bad times. The times were all I ever did was see rain. Inside me .Outside of me. All over. It was like I was stuck in this thunderstorm that was never going to go away. My weatherman was not predicting sunny and clear blue skies in my world. In my world nothing went right.
I could feel the familiar rush of doom settling inside of me. Clotting up my little shine of hope I had. I quickly pulled out of it and grabbed my stretch pad. Drawing was the only thing that keep me sane (or partially) all those times in the hospitals and the shrink's office. It helped a lot .I was actually very good. When I drew all my thoughts just came out of my head onto the paper to create some very impressive drawing.
"The. Silence. Is .Killing .Me" Cassie said with each word she banged her head on the window.
"No don't do that ," Maria said " you'll get brain damage. I saw it on Dr. Phil."
"As if." Cassie said rolling her eyes. " Yo I need music, shall we see what's on people or do you want to be killed by silence. And I saw that on Oprah." She said winking at Maria and reaching for the radio
I took my ipods out of my ears and pulled my hood back. Then covered my ears as loud rock music came booming out of the car stereo.
"Ahhh no ,chicas .no" Maria said. She was trying to put her hands over her ears and drive at the same time. It was so funny. She looked like a duck caught in a trap or something.
"Sorry" Cassie shouted over the stereo's noise. She turned the volume down and started searching for some music. Country music came on with the singer playing away on his/her guitar. " Ah hell no." Cassie said she was about to change it when I guessed she remembered me. " Hey tell me you do not want to listen to this"
"Nope" I said with a light shake of my head. "Next"
Rap music came booming though this time. I had no idea what the person was saying, all I recognized was the words pussy and whore. " Next please"
Cassie laughed and changed it. As soon as she listen a few seconds she screamed out " Hell Yea GAGA .I love her this is my jam."
BOYS, BOYS, BOYS WE LIKE BOYS IN CARS BOYS ,BOYS BOYS,BUY US DRINKS IN BARS.
This is what I think every car in the range of ours heard. Cassie turned it up to the fullest. I loved Gaga, she did too. Hell who didn't? Even Maria was banging her head to it.
This is way I choose to leave with Maria even though I would be turn 18 pretty soon. She made all the bad feeling and moods go away. She was first real thing I ever came close to calling a mother. And Cassie was the only person I can say I actually love much less like. Though we were completely and totally different. She was loud, I was not. She's aggressive and has a temper like wet cat. While I'll never hurt a fly and I can't remember the last time I actually lost my temper. Cassie was scared of nothing and no one while I was scared of everything and everyone. I loved our differences. I loved her even though we weren't related at alll, I still called her my sister. She felt like one even though she only came to live with me and Maria a year ago and a half ago.
I looked out the window the same time I noticed the " You're now leaving Forks" sign. " Hey," I called to Maria , " I thought we were going to be living in Forks where are you going?
"Oh I forgot to tell you, we are going to be living on a reserved called La Push"
"La Push huh?" Cassie said with a wicked look in her brown eyes. I know that look anywhere. " Me thinks I'll like it there if the boys can ,ya know, keep up with their names."
" No, no you don't" Maria said " I had enough trouble to last me a life time already from you two."
" Who us ??" Cassie mocked trying to look innocent. She was failing horribly. " Never, we're pure angels we never did anything bad in our whole existence."
Maria give her the look.
"Ok ok I get were your coming from." Cassie muttered. " We'll try to be the best darn messed up kids you'll ever know. Right Kathy ?"
She give me a wink. I was catching on.
" Yep we'll be practical angels"
Maria still looked worried and suspicious.
She had good cause to be. See Cassie has been to so many court houses for so many crimes, that it's a wonder she out on the streets now. I wonder how I was even out too since everything she did wrong she dragged me down to. What can I say we are partners in crime. And the other thing Maria has to worry about is Cassie's horny unbalanced and bouncing out of control hormones. Yep the girl was sex crazed. She's the same age with me and I swear she has a little black book of all the guys she ever screwed. Another difference there. I was a virgin. She was obviously not.
" We're here" Maria shouted as she drive up a driveway near a beach and parked in front of a small two storey white house. The rain had ease its falling and it was nearing sunset, giving it a soft orange glow. It had a small porch with a rocking chair on it.
"Ahhh its so cute" Cassie cooed
Yea it was cute if you like the forest being so close to your house while the beach sit on the other side and you sit in the middle of all the dangers the two can give you stuck inside a house that looked like it came out of a fairytale. Unfortunately I didn't. I hated it.
"Oh my god, Kathy. There's a beach, there's a freaking beach." Cassie said or rather screamed.
"Oh really I would never have noticed from a few inches behind you." I said rolling my eyes. She was so over dramatic at times.
She started pulling me towards the beach. " Stop being such a sour puss will ya? Lets go for a swim , common it looks so good."
"Aren't you girls going to unpack?" Maria screamed from the porch.
Cassie looked at me. I looked at her. We both looked at the beach and screamed back: "No!!" Then we both ran towards the water, shedding our clothes, till we had nothing but our bras and panties on. Cassie hit the water first, could hear her muttering, " Shit ,shit, shit. Its freaking cold, freaking cold." I laughed and dived in.
She was right. It was cold, too freaking cold but we stayed anyway and it was wonderful. We played like five year olds who just got sent to the amusement park. We chased each other back and front till we got tired. When we came out of the water the sum was already down. And some how it had gotten colder.
"Gosh I'm cold my nipples are hard." I said as I made my way out of the water and collapse on top of our clothes. Sand clung to my skin and I loved the feeling.
I felt Cassie body hit the sand when she threw herself down and stretch like a cat and muttered " I wish I could stay like this forever."
"Too bad you can't" came a deep husky voice. We both nearly jumped out of our skin. At least I nearly did. Cassie, however, jumped up , ready to fight.
"Oh yea says who ?" she asked hands on her hips chest sucked up with and mean expression on her face.
I, on the other hand was trying to get my clothes on as soon as possible without him seeing me .I let out my ponytail and my bags of curls came bouncing free to cover my face. I throw my t shit over my body and wiggled into my jeans but some how it ended up with my face in the sand. I looked up to see big connecting with massive legs to and even massive flat abs. I I had bended my neck any further , I swear it was have cracked. This dude was massive.
And all the while, while I was dressing. Cassie was glaring the stranger to death.
"Says me" the guy replied with equal authority. It was too hard to see his face because of the darkness but I bet he looked pretty scary but Cassie was not backing down.
"Oh yea you and what army?" Cassie asked
Suddenly, with only the slightest movement of the stranger's head, six more massive guys appeared.
"That should answer your question for you." The guy said .I could hear the amusement in his voice. We were screwed. Some one tell that to Cassie.
" What are you guys?" She asked with attitude of course. " beach Mafia or something? We are not scared of you. Right Kathy?" She looked at her side, where she probably expected to see me. Of course I was still sitting in the sand trying to crawl away when she looked down. The glare she sent me could have melt the top of Everest. The guys were roaring with laughter that shook the ground.
I jumped up and said " she's right we are so not scared." As if. I was scared shitless. I kept thinking , please don't rape me, please don't.
Before I knew it , one of the guys came forward and grasped me in a hug. While another said " Embry play nice."
Embry I figured his name was muttered my ear. "You're not scared huh." I shook my head in complete awe. "Should be."
He ran his hands up and down my body. He felt warm, way too warm. But it was nice since the night was so cold. He felt so right. I had to bite my lips to keep from moaning out in pleasure when his warm hands crept under my t shirt, warming my belly.
He smelled my hair and said "Hmmm you smell so good." His breathe tickling my face. " Babe you have a great body, next time don't cover it up too quickly." and with that he was gone.
Laughing and running with his friends along the beach and disappearing into the woods taking his warmth and scent with him. All the while Cassie was screaming jerks and other crude words at them.
I wanted to scream and tell him to come back, to bring back the warmth. I never felt so happy when he was here, which was weird since I never seen him in my life. I wanted a complete stranger. What was wrong with me? I'll probably never see him again. My life once again sucks.
"Common Kathy." Cassie said picking up her clothes "Maria must be losing her head wondering where we are, beside we have to unpack and plus we have school tomorrow .So hurry up will ya ?"
WE had school tomorrow., I thought, it was a small town, people know people .I'll see him again. I smiled to my self thinking that maybe coming here wasn't such a bad idea. But then I stop when I heard wolves howling in the wood. Wolves, I gulped, here. So close. No can't be wolves, cause god knows how I hated wolves. I hate them , I hate them, I'm…….scared shitless of wolves.