Hey enjoy! inspired by Christina Perri's Jar of Hearts.
I don't own anything but my ideas.
You told me you loved me. You said you wanted to be with me forever. Was it all just a lie? Was I supposed to trust you so you could have the satisfaction of hurting me deeper? I still don't understand quite what happened. You showed me something I'd never seen before, love, at least, I thought you had. I gave you my heart and you took it gladly before spitting in my face. Did you enjoy watching me break when you told me you were leaving? Did you watch the light fade from my eyes and smile? I once believed you had a heart, a soul and that you were just suffering from your own emotional scars, but I see I was wrong. The ice inside your heart took over your entire being, mind body and soul.
I was so happy the day you asked me on a date, you actually stuttered you were so nervous, you were flustered and almost messed the whole thing up. All I could do was smile, laugh and tell you yes. I will always remember the smile you gave me, I believed it was genuine. I still believe if you ever really smiled it was then. I wonder what happened to that smile. We went out to dinner almost every night, or you would cook. We would watch movies, play games, we even drank sometimes. I won't deny that those were the best days of my life. After a few months you started drifting away from me, telling me you needed your space and I couldn't just smother you all the time. And so it went from me seeing you everyday to maybe once a week. I would find myself cold and lonely, but I refused to give up on you because I had seen what you could be. How you could be. I though that maybe you were just trying to figure things out, maybe you were just going through some sort of phase.
Then things started to look up, you started coming around more, you were still distant, but not quite so cold to me. But I guess I was wrong. The day of our anniversary you told me you had met someone else. You were leaving, you were moving away and probably wouldn't be back. You told me to just get over it. I remember how empty my chest felt, how cold I suddenly was. The air was heavy and hard to breathe. I couldn't get past the words you were saying. They bounced around my head like some kind of sick mantra. I remember screaming incoherently at you that I wished I had never met you.
I didn't leave my apartment much after that, maybe to get food, or other necessary supplies. I started working from home, but my friends weren't having any of that. They were constantly at my door telling me to get my ass out of the house or they would drag me out. I would smile at them and shut the door. How could I face anybody when I felt so useless. I obviously wasn't good enough, otherwise, why would you have left me for someone else? I couldn't wrap my mind around it. Why did you decide to go to someone else? What wasn't I giving you? Eventually they got me out, I started going out ever couple weeks. I still didn't feel OK. It took a long time to feel alright. It took a very long time. Eventually I was back to more or less my old self, with a little more caution of course. I still don't trust easily, and I have very few people I actually talk to.
And now, a few years later, you're back, and you want me. I don't know who you think you are, but I am not going back to you. I learned my lesson. But it was surprising to find you on my doorstep when I got home from work. You tried to say you were sorry, you weren't thinking when you left me, like I would just fall back into your arms again, and everything would be the same as it was. But you were wrong. I told you you were a fool and left you standing dejectedly at my door. I wondered how many other people you had scarred? How many other people you had shattered the same way. But then I realized that it didn't matter, because I was over you, you don't rule my life, and you never will again. I had finally broke free of your bonds. I was no longer chained to you. And to finally realise I had been liberated was the best feeling in the world. I had finally taken back my heart. I wondered if the light dimmed in your eyes as I slammed the door in your face. I wonder how you felt as you stumbled down the stairs in a rejected stupor. I wonder if the ice in your soul had finally caught up with you.
I never saw you again, I almost felt sorry for you, wandering out there all alone. I finally found someone who accepts me for who I am, not who I should be, could be or would be, but for who I am. We are very happy, actually we are getting married. I'm happy to report. Never before have I felt so accepted, so loved and warm. So I hope you are happy wherever you are, cold and alone. Because you will never feel the way I do, you just aren't capable, I fully believe this. You've thoroughly broken yourself. It was never that I wasn't good enough, it was that I was too good for you, and you knew it, so you broke me. Well, that didn't work out quite the way you wanted it to, did it, Sasuke?