NO POV
Sun shining through the window on a bright and sunny day in LA, people start to stir in their beds in apartment 2J. Mama Knight is the first to wake up, she starts making coffee and breakfast. The smell of food stings through the boys noses, Carlos rushes down stairs to the kitchen where MS. knight is just finishing the pancakes and sets them on the table as Carlos sat at the table , "Good morning "said mama knight to Carlos as she turns back around to grab juice and coffee. Carlos says "good morning mama knight" before grabbing a plate and a cup while the other boys lazily walk into the kitchen with Katie right behind them and take a seat at the table, Mrs. Knight says "good morning " to the others and they say "good morning " all at the same time. Everybody finishes eating and heads to take a shower and get ready for the day.
Carlos jump out of the shower dries himself off and wraps a towel around his waist as he proceeds to do his daily morning routine. He exited the bathroom and walks to his bedroom that he shares with Logan. He walks in his room and starts pulling out clothes for the day, he pulls out a purple v neck shirt with black skinny jeans. He drops the towel about to put on is purple and black boxers when the bedroom door opens with Logan standing in the door way frozen from what he is seeing.
CARLOS POV
The door to my bedroom comes flying open and I jump about five feet, I see Logan standing there about to say something then just stares at me, I look down and notice I'm not wearing anything so I race to grab my boxers and pull them up. I turn to look at Logan who's still standing there frozen so I wave a hand in front of his face.
"Dude what the hell?" I say a little pissed at him.
"I…um…."said Logan not able to find words to say and starts to blush
"Why are you blushing?" I ask. The room becoming really awkward now.
"I am not blushing you are." He retorts. I'm starting to get really annoyed by Logan
"Yes you are." I say while Logan shacks his head 'no'.
"Whatever I'm leavening any ways." I say while I finish putting on my clothes, I can feel Logan staring at me it's kind of creeping me out. Why is he just standing there watching me.
"Why are you staring at me?" I ask awkwardly as I see him starting to blush again and look away.
"I wasn't I just spaced out." He said I looked at him and shrugged but I knew he was lying. I walk out of the room thinking. 'Why was he staring at me' and out of the apartment going to the elevator, heading to the pool. I flop down on one of the chairs by the pool still thinking about what just happened in the apartment and how awkward it was. 'I think he might love me like I love him 'I thought 'nobody will love me I'm stupid, reckless, ugly and Logan's not even gay not even my parents love me'
I start to cry but I hold back the tears but it doesn't work and I eventually cry myself to sleep on the chair by the pool. 'What I don't get is that nobody sees me crying, see nobody cares about you, you're worthless you're just a waist of space' I thought before I finally fell in to a deep restless sleep.
LOGAN POV
I watch as Carlos left, I can't believe I froze up like that, but seeing him so exposed turned me on so much I couldn't fathom to think of any words to say. I think I really like Carlos but I think it's more than a crush I think I actually do love him but the way he just bolted out the door, I know that he will never like me I'm a nerd and weak and he's not even gay. I need to talk to someone about this. 'Where is Kendall' I thought as I left my room. "Damn he's not in the apartment I should just text him." I said out of frustration, I text Kendall, hey Kendall where you at we need to talk-L, a minute later I feel my phone start vibrating 1 new message for Kendall. At the palm woods park-K, I text back like the speed of light hey stay there I'll be there in a minute to talk its important-L. And with that, I ran out the door as fast as I could, taking the stairs and going through the lobby where Bitters is yelling at me saying "don't run in the lobby!" I didn't care at that moment I needed to get to Kendall and tell him. I finally made it to the park I see Kendall sitting on a bench I go and sit next to him he looks up with a confused face. I sigh and he starts to talk.
"Hey what's wrong?" He asks with his eyebrow's raised up looking at me confused and worried
"Nothing's wrong, I just needed to talk to you about something." I say while looking down ashamed of what I'm about to say, I hope he doesn't flip out or call me names maybe I shouldn't do this? He looks at me questionable.
"Ok what do you want to talk to me about, you know you can tell me anything right?" He said while looking at me, I looked anywhere but his eyes.
"I'm gay." I blurt out not meeting his eyes while he just stars at me thinking, the anticipation is killing me but he finally talk.
"Oh is that it? I thought something was wrong." he said while I was in shock and looking at his face trying to read it. Seems like he's not lying I hope.
"Wait what you're not mad or disgusted with me?" I asked in disbelief.
"No why would I be your still LOGAN aren't you, it doesn't matter if you like guys instead of girls….so is there a lucky somebody you like?" He said 'omg now I feel more nervous than before' I think to myself as Kendall starts to speak again.
"Is it Carlos?" Kendall asks, I tense up and look at the ground.
"OMG, IT IS CARLOS! YOU LIKE CARLOS!" He practically screams so that everyone in the park can hear.
"SHUT UP KENDALL KNIGHT!" I yelled while I punch his arm.
"OW what was that for?" He asks as I stare at him with an "are-you-serious" look.
"Oh I'm sorry I didn't mean to yell." He said in an apologetic way.
"It's okay, just please don't tell anyone….please. I will tell them when I'm ready okay." I said while getting up to leave I turn around and say, "I'll see you back at the apartment." He just said "okay." And with that I took my leave.
Back in the lobby I see Camille I say "Hey." But she just slaps me across the face and pulls me in for a kiss, and as always I just stand there shocked. Then she just leaves without saying a word and I just stand there for a minute then I just decide to head up to my room and go to sleep. I'm trying to go to sleep but I can't stop thinking of Carlos, 'what should I do, tell him and it might ruin our friendship or don't tell him and I'll probably go insane. I don't know what to do.' I thought before I fall asleep.
CARLOS POV
I woke up on a chair by the pool, I'm all sweaty and sticky 'that was the worst dream very.' I thought to myself as I sit up and something catches my attention in the lobby, it Logan and Camille, KISSING, omfg I knew he wasn't gay then I see Camille walk away and Logan walk to the elevator to go to the apartment so I decide to stay here and try to remember my dream.
*CARLOS DREAM*
* I walk in the apartment and go to my room, as I open the door I see Logan sitting there at his desk working on homework, or whatever he does. So I go sit on my bed and sigh heavily for a good reason I think this is the perfect time to tell Logan how I feel….
"Hey Logan what are you doing?" I ask to break the silence in the room.
"I'm doing chemistry homework that you should be doing to." He says not even looking up from his work.
"Oh….um…..I need to talk to you Logan, it's really important." I said looking at my shoes. I can tell he is staring at me but I don't look up.
"Okay what do you want to talk about Carlos? " He asks very calmly as usual.
"Um…..I..I..Um…" I said trailing off trying to figure out how to tell him my feelings.
"Carlos just spit it out. " He said as he started to become frustrated.
"IthinkImightbeinlovewithyou!" I said super-fast so he wouldn't understand what I had just said.
"What did you say?" He asks in udder shock.
I sigh and say, "I think I might be in love with you. Do you hate me for feeling this way?" And not even making eye contact with him, he takes a deep breath and starts to yell "You're a fuckin fagot, your fuckin gay get the fuck out of here you fuckin fagot. I'm not fuckin gay!" He grabs me by the shirt and throws me against the wall and starts to throw punches, and now Kendall and James are in the room yelling at me calling me names and hitting me*END OF DREAM*
That's when I woke up I didn't realizes I was crying so I run in to the apartment and lock myself in the bathroom. 'I should be better off dead nobody cares about me nobody loves me I'm worthless.' I thought to myself looking at the razor blade thinking if this is a good idea, but my mind just keeps telling me to do it. So I take the razor blade and press it to my wrist I move it slightly and I start it wince in pain but it feels so good. I make four more cuts and rinse of my wrist, bandage it up and put my sweater on and I exit the bathroom and go sit on the couch watching SpongeBob Squarepants.
LOGAN POV
Carlos came out of the bathroom unknowingly tugging at the sleeve of his sweeter he wore to cover up the cuts. He feared going to his room that he shared with Logan, so he changed directions and went into to the living room of said apartment. Ms. Knight walked through the door holding a basket of food; she saw Carlos and lightly tilted her head to the side as her mama sense was tingling. She set the food down and walked over to Carlos. "Carlos sweetie is something the matter?" She questioned as she sat down next to the upset Latino. Carlos looked up at her and then back down to the floor. 'What will Ms. Knight think of me if I tell her what I really am…will she still accept me as me or….will she…'Carlos shuddered at the remembrance of his nightmare.
"No Ms. Knight there is nothing wrong at all. Everything is fine." He lied to her, he hated lying to her or anyone, but he did not want to be abounded by a person who had become a mother figure in his life.
"Well Carlos, if you want to talk to me about anything I am right here. Please remember that." She said as she got up and went to her domain in the kitchen and started to put food away. She was worried about Carlos and took him in when no one else would, well that's only because her son and friends begged her.
In the next room, which would be the room Carlos and I shared I heard everything. I shook my head, something is very wrong with him; I mean he's not acting like his usual hyper crazed self. I sighed as I thought about the kiss from Camille and wished that Carlos would do the same to me. 'Well without the slapping part. I could deal with out that, it hurts like hell' I thought to myself as I rubbed my check, she is one crazy chick as the guys would say. I looked over at the spot where Carlos stood nude and started to fantasize about the things I could have done to that body, kissing him from head to toe, and then rubbing lotion over that tan body making sure I get every inch of his body and then paying special attrition to….the door to my shared room opened and in the door way stood Carlos looking sad.
I stood up out of my chair and walked over to him as he closed the door and sat down at the foot of his bed. "Carlos, what's the matter with you? You are never this down…..then again you are never really ever down." I asked with concern lining my voice, the four of us have been friends for like forever so we know the other is lying or telling the truth.
"It's nothing Logan." He said to me as though trying to wave the subject away.
"Carlos, I'm your friend, and I'm worried about you. Please you can trust me with anything you know that. So don't sit there and tell me it's nothing." I responded back to him. I was hurt that he didn't trust me enough to tell me what was going on.
"I….I just had a bad dream is all. Nothing to get all worked up over." He retorted back to me as he stood up to leave our shared room. "Coming in here was a mistake." I heard him say, I believe it meant for it to be mostly to himself and not to anyone in the room. I couldn't let it end this way, so I grabbed his wrist and hard him cry out in pain, I let go and he held his wrist to his chest in pain and when I looked at his face I noticed that his eyes started to water.
"Carlos….you didn't?" I asked in an almost disbelief, had his problem really become that much that he couldn't came to one of us, his friends….was he really hurting that bad over some nightmare that he had. I couldn't seem to wrap my head around what was going on right now, and I think I was having a mental break down at seeing the person who I love the most hurt and in pain. I wanted to know what had made him go this far.
"Carlos….." I lightly said with sadness in my tone and I knew he felt and heard it there as his expression changed from pain and sadness to just plan sadness.
"I'm going out." And with that my love left out of the door with what I think were tears in his eyes. What the hell is going on? I watch him as he runs out of the room like I have the black plague and he keeps running he leaves the apartment, I was just standing there in our room wondering what just happened? I wonder where he's going I hope nothing happens to him.' fuck I should have ran after him I don't know what I would do if something happened to him' I thought sadly falling back in to bed not being able to sleep just up waiting and thinking of Carlos. I can feel tears coming on I don't care at the moment I just let them fall freely from my eyes.
CARLOS POV
I just ran out of the apartment think 'OMG HE knows what I was doing' the tears just keep falling from my eyes they won't stop my vision is blurred I finally stop and wipe my eyes and look around I have no idea where the hell I am… 'I wish I didn't leave the apartment' I thought to myself, "fuck I don't have my cell phone on me" I said out of frustration. I start to walk in the direction I think is the way back home. As I was walking someone grabs me and pulls me in to an alley he has a knife at my throat he said "scream and I will kill you, you got that kid" I just nodded because I'm to scared to come up with the words.. But finally I say "w…w…what are you going to do to me…please don't hurt me please….please" my voice sounded scratchy and I could hear my voice crack, he say "you'll just have to wait and see" with an evil grin. He puts his hand around my neck chocking me 'omg this is the end for me I didn't even tell Logan how I felt' I thought sadly begging to cry I notice my vision was becoming blurry do to the lack of oxygen and I finally blacked out.
I wake up slowly hoping all that was a dream but no it wasn't, I look around I'm not in the alley anymore I'm in a white room on a bed I think I'm in the hospital "how the hell did I get here" said out loud kind of confused. Then suddenly I hear someone say "oh your awake good, how are you feeling" I jump about ten fight in the air all most falling of the bed buy I say "o….okay um…were am I and how did I get here" I ask staring at her confused "you're at Hollywood general hospital and an ambulance brought you here" she says in a sympathetic tone I just nodded at what she said "do you know why you're here" she said I simply say "yes" then I ask "when I can leave" she looks at me and says "not in tell tomorrow sorry kid" "thank you, is there a phone I can use" I said she simply nodes and shows me where the phone is, then she walks out without saying another word I pick up the phone and start to call Mrs. Knight. the phone stars to ring and then another ring and someone picks up.
"Hello" says
"Hello Mama knight its Carlos" I say in a scared voice I can hear her sigh over the phone
"Oh my Carlos where have you been, are you ok we have been worried sick" she says in a worried voice
"Oh I'm fine known "I say kind of scared if I should tell her what happened.
"Okay sweetie where are you" she says kind of relived I'm fine but I am anything buy fine I take a deep shaky breath.
"I'm at Hollywood general hospital"
"oh sweetie we will be there in a Minute "she says very sweetly like usual then she hung up I breath a sign of relief that she didn't ask why I was in the hospital I can't tell anybody it's to humiliating