During the sector wide chaos incursion of the Lao system, an infamous, Chaos Lord Khatishi had been wreaking havoc across several key planets across the sector with no sign of slowing. Angry marines 5th company, lead by Brother-Captain Dickhead were dispatched to deal with this threat and were plunged into their longest engagement yet (five earth days) the reason they gave as to why this was taking so long was, and I quote "THE FAGGOTS WERE HIDING IN THE CITIES LIKE LITTLE BITCHES" But the high lords of Terra were also informed that the Chaos Lord had been isolated to his last stronghold where the Chaos forces were making their final stand, and that the incursion would be dealt with soon.
"BRING THE WHIRLWINDS UP YOU USELESS PRICK" Captain dickhead screamed into his vox, adding another shout to the spamfuck that was 5th company's public vox network.
"ROGER THAT BROTHER CAPTAIN DICK" A voice responded quickly.
"THAT'S DICKHEAD TO YOU, WHORE-SON" The captain roared back.
"AH, SORRY CAPTAIN" Techmarine, Whore-Son replied as his whirlwind lurched further toward the enemy stronghold, which was already being bombarded by the Angry marine's missiles and lascannons, "WHIRLWIND READY CAPTAIN"
"FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC TECHMARINE, FIRE WHEN READY YOU, TAU HUGGING PRICK"
"AFFIRMED" Whore-Son stepped out of the whirlwind and gave the middle finger to the eight Angry assault marines who were lodged in the missile loading turret on top of the vehicle.
"GET ON WITH IT FAGGOT" One of the marines yelled, obviously eager to carry out the emperor's will.
The techmarine stepped back inside and launched the marines one by one, each of which streaked through the sky screaming and hollering, their standard issue power fists middle finger raised as they flew.
"IF SENTIMENT WASN'T FOR FAGGOTS LIKE THE EMPEROR'S CHILDREN, I'D SAY THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL" Captain dickhead voxed as he watched the yellow streaks of rage explode into the stronghold walls, silencing any chaos guns that had been excreting fire moments before.
"CAPTAIN DICK-HEAD YOU SORRY EXCUSE FOR A SACK OF GROT SHIT" A mortal voice screamed from behind Captain Dick-head, he turned and saw it was his company's commissar, STEVE.
"WHAT'S THE MATTER COMMISAR, STEVE YOU UGLY PRICK?" The captain asked.
"WHY ARE WE NOT INSIDE THOSE BITCH ASS CHAOS STRONGHOLD WALLS CAPTAIN?" The commissar screamed as he put his face right in front of the captain's.
"WELL" The Captain began, but the commissar cut him off.
"I DON'T GIVE TWO SHITS, HELL I DON'T EVEN GIVE ONE SHIT, JUST GET INSIDE THERE AND KILL THAT FAGGOT CHAOS LORD OF TZEETCH OR KHORNE OR WHICHEVER FAKE GOD THAT FAGGOT WORSHIPS I DON'T WANT EXCUSES I WANT RESULTS" Commissar Steve ranted and raved.
"FINE THEN" Captain Dick-head replied, "FIFTH COMPANY, LET'S GO RAPE SOME CHAOS"
And with that, the valiant Angry marines of fifth company drew their various close combat weapons, power swords, fists, broken coca-cola bottles, a damp slipper, and charged into the lessening Chaos gunfire.
"THIS IS LIKE D-DAY OR SOME SHIT" One nearby Angry marine pointed out loudly.
"NO, REMINDS ME MORE OF MY DATE WITH YOUR MOTHER" Another marine screamed back.
"MY MOTHER WAS A SAINT" The first marine screamed as he leapt on the other marine, they both went rolling over each other into a missile crater and went out of sight.
Captain Dick-Head was the first to reach the stronghold, which by this point was in total anarchy. The marines that had been fired in earlier were still kicking the living shit out of nearby Chaos terminators and the aftermath of their previous fights were still visible all around, traitor guard were killing themselves on the spot and chaos marines were dropping left and right.
"LEAVE SOME FOR ME YOU GREEDY FUCKERS" The captain hollered as he dual wielded a power sword and a bar of soap, he charged shoulder first into a group of terrified cultists, his shoulder's impact causing many of the cultist's ribs to crack and killing a good few of them.
The rest of the Angry marines joined in, slaughtering their way through the entire stronghold. In less than half an hour the Angry marines were through to the command structure of the stronghold.
Captain Dick-Head looked up at the Command-Structure and sure enough at the top stood a Chaos lord. He wore ancient Terminator armour, red and black colours painted it, multiple skulls and space marine helmets hung from chains and stuck on spikes on his shoulders and hips.
"COME DOWN HERE YOU FAGGOT" Brother-Captain Dick-Head yelled, pointing his now bloody bar of soap at the lord.
"If that is what you wish, fool" The lord's unnaturally amplified voice replied, he then turned and got onto a lift that brought him and his ten strong, terminator retinue down to the angry marines level.
The heavy chaos terminators walked out toward the dozens of yellow clad Marines, who stood covered in heretic blood and toting their strange close combat weapons.
The chaos terminators formed a circle around their lord and pointed their weapons out at the Angry marines.
"I WILL HAVE YOUR HEAD MYSELF, THE HONOUR WILL BE MINE" Brother-Captain Dick-Head screamed at the Lord.
Before the Chaos lord could reply the sky fell all around them, sending dust clouds into the crowds of Angry marines, blocking all sight of the lord as large objects crashed all around the Chaos units.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS" A marine yelled from somewhere in the dust cloud.
The captain took his helmet off, exposing his battle scarred face to the thick, gritty dust cloud.
The dust cleared, revealing what had caused it all, Dick-Head couldn't believe it.
Blocking himself and the entire Angry Marines 5th company from the chaos lord and his retinue was a circle of brightly coloured drop pods.
"BROTHER-CAPTAIN" Champion, Prick said, "WHO ARE THESE FAGGOTS?"
But before Dick-head could answer, all at once every drop pod door opened, and flocks of Partridge birds all flew out of the pods and into the 5th Company, causing angry and muffled vox transmissions to ripple across the network.
Then, following the flurry of birds, an entire company of Blue and white foresquare coloured marines ran out of the pods and surrounded the Terminators, aiming bolters and plasma weaponry.
A Captain walked in front of his bolter toting marines and yelled:
"All glory belongs to the Partridges!"
The Terminator armoured lord didn't even have a chance to reply as volleys of bolter and plasma fire tore into him and his retinue, killing all of them.
"GLORY TO THE GALACTIC PARTIDGES!" The company cheered, raising their weapons into the air, "HATERS SHALL HATE!"
"DID THEY JUST" A nearby Angry marine's fists clenched.
"THE FUCK THEY-" Another one died due to the fact that he'd just burst a blood vessel out of anger (which was a common cause of death amongst the chapter)
"CAPTAIN?" The champion crushed his relic blade in his clenched fists as he frothed at the mouth.
Captain Dick-Head also was enraged, his kill, his glory had just been stolen right from under him, by these FAIRY, FUCKING, MARINES.
"YOU GLORY STEALING FUCKERS" He roared at their Captain as he began pacing toward the ring of drop pods.
The galactic partridge Captain turned toward the fuming Yellow Marine that was stomping toward him with a bloody bar of soap and removed his helmet, revealing his grinning face.
"No need to thank us brothers!" He smiled, "All in a day's work!"
"WE'VE BEEN HERE FIVE DAYS" Dick-Head screamed as he kicked his way through a drop pod and continued his advance.
The Galactic partridge captain put his hand to his vox bead.
"Yes? I see, of course"
The galactic partridges all at once stood at attention and held their hands to their fiiiiine buttocks, and walked back into their drop pods.
"Sorry brothers!" The Galactic Partridge Captain put his helmet back on and stepped into one of the drop pods, "The space wolves need our help with something!"
And before Captain Dick-Head could reply, a squadron of fully golden Thunderhawks (With the word thunderhawk crossed out and replaced with Partridge) flew over the drop pods, picked them up with their wings and flew away.
Captain Dick-Head almost succumbed to the chapter's gene flaw, blowing a blood vessel, but he expertly resisted.
Commisar STEVE walked up to the captain, looked at the circle of dead chaos Terminators, and shielded his eyes from the blinding shine of the Galactic Partridges' peculiar transport.
"WELL CAPTAIN" Steve shook his head, "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT YOU PRICK"
The captain shook with rage, his vision turning red, his suit warned of over heating and began the cool-down procedures.
The entire of 5th company were showing their rage in their own ways, some were swinging dead chaos marine corpses into walls, some shaking on the spot, some even started fighting with each other, their blind rage making them see their brothers as the Galactic Partidge marines that had just stolen their kill.
"WHO THE FUCK ARE THE GALACTIC PARTRIDGES?" The captain yelled in the Commissar's face, "AND WHO ORDERED THEM HERE?!"
"HOW THE DICK SHOULD I KNOW, CAPTAIN" Commissar Steve replied, "I DON'T KNOW SHIT"
Dick-Head immediately Vox'd their battle Barge in orbit the: "Infidus Ragicus"
"THE FUCK DO YOU WANT BROTHER-CAPTAIN, DICK-HEAD" The Angry marine shipmaster inquired.
"SEND THE THUNDERHAWKS YOU PRICK, AND DO YOUR SCANS SHOW ANY OTHER SHIPS NEARBY"
"WAIT A MINUTE AND I'LL CHECK YOU SCOUT TOUCHING DICK STAIN" The shipmaster ordered a scan.
The Thunderhawks landed in a cloud of grit and their access hatches swung open.
"TOOK YOUR FUCKING TIME DIDN'T YOU?" Some marines yelled as they walked into the belly of the craft.
Captain Dick-Head was hailed by the ship master as he entered his Thunderhawk with Commissar Steve.
"CAPTAIN" The shipmaster yelled, "THERE IS ANOTHER SHIP, MADE OF PURE GOLD, THE SHIP IDENTIFIES AS "EGO MAXIMUS" OF THE GALACTIC PARTRIDGES CHAPTER, SECOND COMPANY"
"THAT'S THEM" Captain-Dickhead exclaimed, "HAIL THEM AND TELL THEM TO STAY WHERE THEY ARE OR WE'LL ENGAGE"
"ARE YOU BATSHIT INSANE YOU ASS-HOLE?" The shipmaster replied, "THEY'RE IMPERIAL FORCES YOU RETARD"
"DON'T QUESTION ME, DO WHAT I SAID YOU TERVIGON SPAWNED PRICK" Captain Dick-Head screamed as he severed the link, "STEVE"
"COMMISAR STEVE" STEVE corrected him, "AND WHAT?"
"TELL THAT PRICK OF A PILOT TO FLY US TOWARD THE "EGO MAXIMUS" AND TELL HIM TO DOCK THERE"
"WHAT EXACTLY ARE WE GOING THERE FOR?" Steve asked as he began to walk to the cockpit.
"Oh we're congratulating them on their victory" The brother captain SAID, he didn't shout, he spoke at a tolerable volume.
"R-REALLY?" Steve was taken aback by the sudden change in pitch.
"NO YOU FUCKING TYRANID BUMMING, PRETTY MARINE FUCKING, MATT WARD RETARD, WE'RE GOING THERE TO FUCKING KICK THE SHIT OUT OF THEM, WHAT DO YOU THINK WE'RE DOING?!" Brother-Captain Dick-Head pressed his finger against his temple to stop a blood vessel from exploding inside his helmet as he roared.
Steve shrugged and disappeared out of sight to the cockpit.
Captain Dick-Head sat down in his seat and began to imagine ways he could hurt the Captain that had stolen his kill.
"THE FUCK IS TAKING SO LONG" The marine sat next to him screamed.
The Captain punched the marine in the face, crunching the helmet's face off and sending the marine (along with his seat) flying across the thunderhawk belly, crashing into several other Angry marines who swore angrily as they received the impact.
The Angry marine ThunderHawks flew closer to the "Ego Maximus" as they entered the planet's orbit. They had just come into the "Ego Maximus's" weapon range, and Dick-Head waited for the guns to fire, but alas they didn't, instead the Galactic Partridge Captain's friendly voice came through their vox network directing them where and how to land in their docking bays.
Inside the Galactic Partridge ship, the thunderhawks landed in the docking station and the Angry Marines started to disembark.
Dick-Head stepped out of his Thunderhawk, accompanied by Steve and Techmarine, Whore-son.
"WHORE-SON" Dick-Head said.
"WHAT" he replied.
"BRING THE VINDICATOR"
"WE LEFT IT ON THE SHIP"
"FFFUUUCK" Dick-Head screamed and punched a nearby servitor, caving in its head, exposing the rotting brain inside.
"CAPTAIN" Steve yelled in the captain's ear, "WHERE IS THE COMPANY STANDARD BEARER?"
"HE SUCCUMBED TO THE BLOOD VESSEL AFTER HE HEARD THAT SICARIUS SURVIVED BATTLE OF EAGLE GATE"
"WE NEED THE STANDARD" Steve glared up at Dick-head.
"WHORE-SON" The captain screamed again, "YOU ARE NOW A TECH MARINE, AND A STANDARD BEARER"
"THIS IS A FUCKING HONOUR" Whore-son yelled as he grabbed the company standard from inside the thunder hawk.
Just then, a welcoming party of Galactic Partridge marines approached, a master of the fleet wearing ornate artificer armour, Corvus pattern helmet (corvus crossed out with Partridge replacing it) with more gold than anything else covering the ceramite, several Terminators with golden Storm bolters and power fists, and a standard bearer holding a standard with no cloth, but rather solid gold and encrusted with gem's that formed pictures depicting acts that the company had carried out that brought them glory.
The master of the fleet stepped forward, his thunder hammer humming.
"The galactic Partridge's second company welcomes Angry Marines 5th company aboard the "Ego Maximus", well met brothers" He said in a gruff voice, "But I must ask why you keep us from our next engagement?"
Dick-Head stepped forward so his helmeted face was a mere inch from the fleet master's.
"TAKE ME TO THAT PRICK OF A CAPTAIN THAT JUST MADE PLANET FALL"
All the Terminators were startled and aimed their ornate Storm bolters at the angry marines warily.
"Um" The fleet master stepped back half a step and realised he was now holding his thunderhammer in the defensive stance, "Ok, come this way"
The fleet master lead the entire 5th Company through the halls of the "Ego Maximus", which were all filled with battle honours, golden slabs commemorating their past victories and portraits of their heroes of old.
"THIS PLACE IS GETTING MORE FRUITY BY THE MINUTE" The techmarine-Standard bearer observed.
"WE'LL LEAVE AFTER I…SPEAK.. WITH THEIR CAPTAIN" Captain Dick-Head replied.
"These are his quarters here" The fleet master beckoned toward a pair of grand oak doors.
Dick-head shoved through the Terminators and kicked the door open, breaking one of them in two. The rest of fifth company followed.
The quarters was an immense room, its height could house a warhound class titan, its width several baneblades, the floor made of pure gold, stain glass windows with pictures of the captain's past glories depicted all around, and there, right in front of the largest of the windows sat the Captain on his throne of gold, which had written on a sign next to it (I had a golden throne before it was cool)
Captain Dick-Head looked the captain in the eyes and drew his sword.
"Are you here to kill me, Brother-Captain?" The Galactic Partridge's voice echoed around the room.
The Terminators realised the danger their captain was in and began to raise their weapons, but before they could they were put into headlocks by some of the Angry marines, the fleet master was also pinned to the floor.
"YOU STOLE MY KILL FAGGOT" Dick-Head swirled his sword as he walked ever closer.
"Answer the question" The captain replied urgently.
"YES." Dick-Head said, "YOUR HEAD WILL BE MINE"
The Galactic partridge leant back in his chair with a sigh.
"Perfect"
Suddenly large cylinder shaped shafts in the ceiling surrounding the golden throne opened, and from them slid Galactic Partridge drop pods which blocked off Dick-head from the Captain.
"WHAT" Dick-Head yelled.
The drop pods opened, Partridge birds flew out of the exits and flurried through the crowds of Angry marines.
"YOU'VE GOT TO BE SHITTING ME" Dick-Head roared as he ran toward the drop pod circle. He could see the Captain through one of the pods, he was stood on the throne with his arms out.
"I DIE LIKE A GALATIC PARTRIDGE!" He yelled at the top of his voice.
"ALL GLORY BELONGS TO THE GALACTIC PARTRIDGES!" The marines all yelled at once, their bolters poised.
"NOOO!" Dick-Head reached for his plasma pistol, but it was too late, all at once the Galactic Partridge marines fired volleys of shots into their Captain and he dropped out of sight.
Captain Dick-Head stood in disbelief, he looked back at his company, who were all looking at him, some still headlocking terminators.
"DICK-HEAD…" Commissar Steve said.
Dick-Head grabbed at his head as he felt his blood vessel quiver from his building anger.
"FFUUUUCKING SHITTY FUCK BASTARD NODUS FUCK" He stumbled to the floor.
"GET A FUCKING APOCATHERY YOU USELESS CUNTS!" Steve yelled at the idle Marines of 5th company, they immediately started yelling at each other and threw forward an Apocathery.
Dick-head blacked out as the apocathery injected him, his suit struggled to cool down which caused bits of his skin to burn.
"HURRY YOU SHIT DICK" Steve yelled at the Apocathery, "OR HE'LL LOOK LIKE ONE OF THOSE SALAMANDER DICKS"
That was the last thing Dick-Head heard before he passed out, his mind racing and his eyes burning.