"Daddy!" John squealed, laughing hysterically at his dads constant tickling. It had been going on for over 5 minutes now, and it seemed that Ricky had no plans of stopping. Amy looked up at that scene, and it's then when she realizes, that she wouldn't do it over for anything.
"I wouldn't do it over, you know", Amy said, interrupting the laughing that their son was hysterically doing for the past 5 minutes.
Ricky's eyebrows shot up, "What do you mean"?
Amy looked over at John reluctant, who seeming to answer her, went out of the room to continue playing with his new toy car, before the tickle attack.
Amy's eyes went back to Ricky, and she signaled by pointing at herself, and then at him him, back and forth. "Us", she said, with then adding, "John."
Realization dawning on his face, he smiled. "But, the question is, would you still pick me?", he said playfully. Coming over to sit by her at the edge of the bed.
Amy rolled her eyes. Oh, brother, here we go, she thinks. "What do you mean by that"?
Ricky, who was now playing with her hands, looked up from them smirking at her. "Ohh, you know…that man who wanted to steal my title, Boykevich."
Amy laughed, not realizing his point, but laughing at his superiority that always got brought up when it came to Ben Boyekevich. There seemed to always be unresolved tension when he got brought up, and Amy couldn't blame him. The man did step up and take Ricky's place, when Ricky wouldn't immediately. While what Ben did was sweet, honorable even, she could realize Ricky's hostility. She would be angry too if in some, weird, twisted way, Adrian would have stepped in as mother, and not her. That just invoked bad feelings in her. "What exactly is your question here, Ricky"? She asked.
Ricky dropped her hands, and as fast as Ricky could get serious, he blurted out - "Would you still pick me if it came to me and him?" It was amazing how Ricky could go from emotion to emotion, so quickly. But she never questioned him, that was Ricky. And yes, it was her Ricky.
Amy smiled, and threw her arms around his neck, tackling him down to the bed". She gave him a small kiss, and answered.
"I'd pick you every time."
Ricky smiled shyly, something that she didn't see him do often.
"Every time?" He asked.
Amy nodded, "Every time", she replied.
Ricky sighed, "Then why were the first two years the way they were"?
Amy often thought about this too. She related this back to her inexperience back then with what could be with Ricky. She was scared. After what had happened with, in her mind, Ricky choosing Adrian over her, she decided that she needed to do the same. Ben was there. He was convenient. He was helpful. He was comfortable. She couldn't take a risk then with the player Ricky. The thing with Ricky was, was that to her, she never saw him as a "bad boy". Although everyone identified with them as the bad boy, good girl, couple, that to her, wasn't the case. He had a messed up life, and from that messed up life, he developed bad habits to cope with the pain. That wasn't a bad boy, that was a boy who was hurt. Usually in the pairings, people seem to forget that the boy is the one who's not necessarily "bad", just to be "bad", something made him that way to lead him to choices. Even more than that, the term "bad", shouldn't even be used, because she knew that the man she was staring at never could be bad, he just made some bad choices and has now learned from them. Someone bad, never learns from their choices. That's the difference.
"For me to realize and wake up from my delusion that I wasn't over you". Amy laughed silently, still holding her arms around his neck, his hands on her waist.
Ricky's eyebrows shut up and smiled. "You weren't over me"? He asked with disbelief.
Amy rolled her eyes. "Want to ask me now when you were under me"?
Ricky laughed, realizing the Friends reference. "Nah, that would require that day at band camp not to happen". Ricky and Amy laughed at that. "And if I'm not mistaken, he raised his eyebrows slightly, you were under me." Amy swatted his arm playfully in response, and then laughed, with Ricky joining in. All too true.
Ricky, back to earth, went back to being serious again. "No, seriously…you weren't over me? Were you really…harboring feelings"?
"Of course I was Ricky", Amy said in disbelief. Wasn't in obvious the way she was acting those two years they were apart?
Ricky's eyebrows shot up in disbelief, "I just never realized…I mean, the way you treated me." "I thought you hated me".
Amy at that, immediately put her hands against his face.
Listen, Underwood. I could never hate you, and never did.
"Then why"? Ricky said, trailing off confusingly, his confusion matching his face.
Amy realized then that she never really brought this up. Never talked about it, and never responded back to the comments that Ricky had made to her when he told her that he had feelings for her, starting from day 1. With that newfound realization, she blurted out the simple truth that had been harboring her all this time.
"I thought you chose Adrian over me."
Ricky changed their tackling position and hovered over her. Amy breathed out, as she normally did when the where in this position, as Ricky looked seriously at her.
"I never would choose Adrian over you". "Or any girl for that matter".
"That's how it felt like", Amy said in a small voice.
"Then it felt wrong, because that wasn't the case". Ricky replied gently, but seriously. When the man meant something, he was stubborn and passionate about it. Not backing down. But that's one of the many things about him, which was everything, that Amy loved about him. Although she would never admit it to him when they were fighting with something, she would always feel that pride when he acted like that. He was brave.
Amy sighed and bit her lip, as she usually did when she didn't know what to say.
"I thought you chose him".
Amy looked up at him, seeing that the stubbornness and passion had left his eyes, replacing them with vulnerability.
"I could never choose him if you were ever even close to an option".
"I was though, Amy…"
"No, you weren't, Ricky" Amy sighed.
Ricky stayed silent for a bit, and sighed, "Yes, I guess I wasn't at the time."
Amy stayed quiet too, until Ricky replied once again.
"But that was only because I thought that you hated me, and that you chose Ben."
"Well, I thought that you didn't want me, because -"
"Whoa whoa whoa", Ricky said, astonished. "You thought I didn't want you"? He said again in disbelief. Seemed to be a habit in this conversation.
"Yes", Amy replied in a small voice.
"That could never be possible".
"Then why was it"?
"Amy, If I really didn't want you then I wouldn't try and pursue some sort of immature war with Ben back in the first year, and then second. I never tried to break up you two, because I thought that's what you wanted. I thought he made you happy, and I wanted you to stay happy. You see, when you love someone, you want them to be happy. And I didn't want you to be miserable, which meant with what I thought at the time, was being with me. And sometimes, I did think that, but now with these realizations…he stopped, it makes me wonder what could have been if we had just stayed together".
"But then you wouldn't have been the man you were today."
Ricky smiled, "You're right, I wouldn't be."
Amy smiled in agreement.
Ricky continued, "And you wouldn't be the woman you are today, either."
Amy thought about that for a second, never really thinking much about herself, he was right. She had changed, but sometimes when she thought she was doing everything wrong, because of her age that people made her feel bad about, with the responsibilities that followed, she still had that insecurity.
"Yes", she replied, "I guess I wouldn't be."
"No, Ricky said shaking his head. "You most certainly wouldn't be."
He stayed silent, and then asked - "Do you believe me"?
"Yes".
"Except…it is kind of shocking to me that you used the term "love", in your little speech", Amy said teasingly.
Ricky smirked, "It's because it's true".
It was Amy's eyebrows to shoot up and have disbelief in her voice. They were really similar in so many little ways, one being their insecurity as to how much the other felt about the other back in the two years that were made with them being who they were today. "You loved me then"?
"I loved you from the start".
Amy started to tear up at that, and Ricky, now forming a a concerned look on his face wiped them away from her cheeks.
"I wouldn't have said all this if I knew I would have to see you cry".
Amy laughed from the tears that she was shedding, Ricky always did have a tendency to hate to see her cry.
"Believe it or not, she said continuing laughing - "I'm happy."
Ricky smiled, "Even when tearing up like this?" He had a twinge of serious to his voice. He really didn't like seeing her cry, she thought.
"Tears of joy", she replied.
"I could've just said all this then", Ricky said exasperated. She didn't want him to sound like that. Not him, and not her. What was done was done. And to be honest, it needed to happen. Because they wouldn't be the people they are now, if they hadn't been apart those two years. And like they say, time makes the heart grow fonder, and also she would add, a bit wiser as well. They had both been wisened up. A lot.
"No, you couldn't have" Amy replied, trying to snap him out of his cloud of "Could've been, should've been, should've/could've done". "Because it took all this time to get to where we are now." "It might've been different if we had been honest with the words, but different with the actions". "We needed time, Ricky".
Ricky stayed silent at that for a moment, and then nodded. "Yeah, you're right about that."
She could tell by that statement that the cloud had gone.
They both stayed silent after that for a while, with John then suddenly interrupting their silence. Throwing himself in between Ricky and Amy laughing.
They both laughed, looked at each other for a moment, and like reading each others minds, continued the tickle insanity that had followed sometime before.
John at some point laughed so hard, that he actually got tired and fell asleep at the edge of the bed.
"Too cute", Amy said, looking adoringly at her son, and then back at Ricky.
Ricky laughed in agreement, "Well he is our son".
Amy smiled, "That he is." Something she forever will be grateful for.
She could feel Ricky's serious gaze on her as she and him were tucking John in". After they were done, and Amy turned to turn off the light, Ricky wrapped his arms around her waist, and brought his face to her ear.
"It's always been you".
Amy teared up again, and Ricky, being him, realized it right away from the Amy crying radar, and wiped them away.
Amy smiled showing that she was okay, with Ricky relaxing at that.
"And if that's not enough of a confirmation, then I guess I'd have to say that I'd pick you every time, too". He paused, and then continued.
"Because I would".
And she believed him.
