Mostly to reduce the risk of me buring myself out on the fire and fury bit-I'm gonna go ahead and publish this little dandy-not to mention I need extra practice on my writing and grammar skills.
So here's the deal-Claymore is an incredably dark, serious manga with some humor(thanks to a certain individual who shall remain unmentioned)-so I figured-throw in the bumbling Reds and Blues-and we'll see what happens.
Just so your aware-lots and lots of stupidity shall be going into this-And I don't own claymore.
Chapter 1-Sarge's Plan(Where's Caboose?)
"WHAT!? WHAT DO YOU WANT!?"
Lennard Church-also known as the A.I. Alpha-was fuming-they had arrived in a very, very strange situation. First-they had come across some kind of alien artifact-and of course, Caboose just had to mess with it-and then they wound up on some-probably ass end of the galaxy-planet. "Come Church-you need to see this!" Came Lavernus Tucker's somewhat high pitched, annoying voice. He spotte the teal-armored trooper waving him up to the ridge.
"Yea yea, I'm comin." Hefting the sniper rife-which admittedly he was not very good with simply because of a lack of practice-the leader of the blues broke into a run-why the fuck was he running anyways? "Man-can't even get one, fucking moment to my self-" He grumbled, then switched to whiny, nasily tone-"Come over here and look this Church! I don't know what to do Church!"
"Fucking assholes," He muttered, switching back to his normal voice, "This place sucks even worse than blood gulch!" Nearly out of breath-which was strange since he was in a robotic body-Church came up to where he'd last seen Tucker. Him, Caboose-and of course-the natves-were standing with them-silver eyed warriors called claymores-well-one of them anyways. "W-whoo-what do-what do you want?" He panted, still trying to get over the fact that somehow-despite have a machine for a body-he was panting. "You okay?" Asked a warrior-Helen he thought her name was.
"Y-Yeah." He steadied himself, and then glared at them all-well as much as you could glare through a helmet. "Alright-why'd you call me up here?" He asked in an annoyed tone, checking his rifle. "That scarred chick-Miria?" Tucker said, shifted the battle rifle in his hands from one hand ot the next, "Said she wanted to talk to you. About the Reds." He glance back at where the Reds and several other claymores were gathered-"Also mentioned something about Caboose."
"Wonderful," Church rolled his eyes, "Just fucking wonderful." He motioned for the two of them to follow him-"Let's go see what she wants."
Helen chuckled as he ran past them. "Any particular reason he's pissed?" She asked as they followed the A.I. "Beats me-but then again, Church is always pissed." Tucker replied, keeping a steady jog, "Especially anything that concerns Caboose, the Reds, or just anything in general." Helen chuckled darkly-sounded like her kind of person-thingy.
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"No!" Miria said in an exasperated tone, placing the palm of her hand against her head, "For the last time Sergeant-that idea is completely idiotic-how in the hell did you even get command of a sqaudron!" The leader of the Reds, a gruff man simply called Sarge, had been lobbying-or more like simpy forcing and not listening to anything she said.
"It's because of my genius cunning and superior leadership skills." The bright-red armored soldier said in a proud voice. "Right," Said a gold(or was it orange?)-colored soldier-Griff, who seemed a little too pudgy for his armor-it looked like the seams had been streatched to their limit-indicating a severe lack of exercise, "I'm sure that exactly why we always seem to be getting our asses kicked."
"Well that explains an awful lot." Helen commented as they came up. "Alright-what's the problem?" Asked Church in an annoyed tone, glaring at each one of them. "He won't listen to the captian!" Said Tabathat, pointing at the red lead, "His plan is-"
"It's genius!" Exlaimed Sarge jubeliantly, causing Miria to growl. "We got a call for an awkened being," The captain of the claymores explained, not taking her eyes off the red leader, "We were about to send a team out when this fool-" She nodded her head indicating Sarge-"Decided he wanted to help-only his version of help isn't what we need." Church let out an annoyed sigh and shook his head, "For the last time Sarge," He said, carefully drawing out each syllable and resisting the urge to throttle the guy, "These guys know more about killing these 'Awakened Beings' than we do-so fighting against some kind of super predator that can completely and utterly fuck our shit up with no kind of training really isn't the greatest idea."
"The plan is simple-we use someone whose sheer plumpness makes them a slow and perfect target for it." Sarge explained, stealing a sidlong glance at the pudgy trooper while completely oblivous to anything that Church, Miria, or the others had said, "Now while its busy ensuring that someone with a terrible and well deservered death, we'll sneak up behind it and then blast it into a bloody pulp while its busy eating said sombody."
"Yeah-somehow I don't think its going to cooperate with that plan." Grif retorted sarcastically. "Of course we could just always let them handle it and not get our guts eaten." Sarge glared at him, "Now Grif-I know we've had our diffrences in the past-you with your insubordination and lazyness and me with constantly plotting to kill you("By the gods." Miria groaned while Helen put a hand over her mouth)-"But I know if we can work together, we can make your death worth something." Helen chuckled. "Man, and I thought our leader was an asshole." Tucker muttered as Church and Miria shook their heads.
"Statistcally speaking sir," Simmions said, his voice taking on that irritatingly helpful-'kiss ass'-voice, "Humans have been shown to almost no chance of-" Sarge's wordless, angry sputters caused him to trail off. "Erm," He said, his voice suddenly very nervous, "Griff did it!" "What the hell did I do?" Griff retorted defensively. "You were born." Simmions growled back.
As they argued, Church shook his head. "For the love of god." He looked at Miria. "This is what I've been putting up with for ten fucking years." Chruch snarled in irritation, "They go on and on and on..." He sighed in fustration. "Now-your...friend here also mentioned something about Caboose." Miria tunred and looked him in the eye-"Yes...about him-where is he?"
"What-Tucker I thought he was with you?" Church was looking aroung frantically, searching around for the blue armored soldier. "Dude, I was in 'Alone time'" Tucker shot back, causing not more than a few rasied eyebrows from the women. "How the fuck am I supposed to keep an on that idiot."
"What exactly is 'Alone Time'" Helen inquired, to which Church responded with an exasperated sigh-"Don't ask." He tunred to the still arguing bunch and shouted-"HEY! ANY OF YOU KNOW WHERE CABOOSE IS!" They all turned, "No-we thought he was-"
BOOOM!
"SON OF A BITCH! RUN!" A bald man and two claymore were running towards them-a huge-"Oh shit." Tucker said, turning and running as fast as his legs could carry him, "BIG. FUCKING. MACHINE!" Baldie said, shouting and trying to catch his breath.
A massive tank, with a turret placed towards the rear, began to search for new targets. "Aquiring new targets." A cool femail voice spoke over the radio. It began to zero in on church.
"Well-I guess we figured out where Caboose is." Church shouted as they all hid behind a rock, a cannon round narrowly missing him as he lept forward and landed on Miria.
xxxxx
I did my best. Poor gang-their all gonna die...