Pranks

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter if I did I would live in a Scottish castle and have the initials JKR.

Prank 1. Vengeance

"Ronald you ruin everything" (GOF- Yule Ball scene) Hermione stomped around the common room grumbling about the scene that Ronald had caused at the Yule Ball the night before. Victor was her first real boyfriend and she really liked him a lots. He was kind and funny, and quite smart (despite being an athlete) and Ron had ruined it by acting like a total jerk cause he did not have the guts to ask her out before she started seeing Victor. Honestly, Ron Weasley had the emotional depth of a teaspoon (not even a full teaspoon- one of those little half teaspoons that you buy in tourist shops on the shore in Dover). Suddenly Hermione had a grand idea (insert light bulb and a shriek of EUREKA! Here) and she grabbed a notepad from her bag and began scribbling down a new idea for a spell.

The first day back in class she silently cast the spell Technical Supportus Micrsoftus Needius on Ron's wand in charms class. They were working on cheering charms and the second Ron tried to cast the spell a screen appeared in front of his want. "Do you really want to cast this spell – click Yes or No?" Ron looked rather like a deer caught in the headlights. "Professor Flitwick, my wand is acting wonky whatdoIdohelp?"

Hermione grinned at Ron and said "obviously your wand is running on Windows 7 Ronald, you need to click yes if you want to continue casting the spell." Ron clicked yes and cast the spell. Of course Malfoy and his goons burst out laughing hysterically. Ron's ears grew redder and redder as they pointed and laughed.

"What's the matter Weasley can't even cast a spell without permission from your wand? Pathetic like the filthy Blood Traitor you are" snickered Malfoy.

"Fuck you" shouted Ron as he pointed his wand at Malfoy. All of the sudden Ron's wand began to vibrate and alarm bells began going off. Everyone in the classroom ducked behind their desks expecting the worst- because the worst always happened when it involved Ron Weasley.

The wand began talking again. "Fuck you is not a Ministry approved spell. Please register the wand movements for this spell with the Department of Spell Creation either via Ministry Floo Connection, or on Level 3 of the Ministry Building." Ron's wand instantaneously shut off.

Ron frantically began waving his wand screaming "Fuck you, stupid wand FUCK YOU!" by this point everyone in class including Professor Flitwick was rolling around on the floor laughing. Ron's incompetence was making him the laughingstock of the entire 7th year.

"Fuck you is not a Ministry approved spell. Please contact Technical Support at 1-800-655-4826 ext 3377 (1-800 OLLIVANDERS) or via Owlnet at ." Ron screamed and ran to the fireplace and frantically screamed "1-800-OLLIVANDERS". Ollivanders face quickly appeared in the fire "Mr. Ronald Weasley – 14 in. Unicorn Hair and Willow- swishy and suited for Charms correct? What seems to be the problem? "

"My wand won't bloody work – it keeps giving me these popup messages, and every time I get mad and start swearing at it (specifically saying fuck you) it says the spell is not approved by the Ministry and I have to register the wand movements with the bloody fucking Department of Spell Creation. I don't even know where the fuck that fucking department in the Ministry is!" screamed Ron into the floo.

Mr. Ollivander smirked and stated "have you had any problems with girls lately? Someone you got mad at you perhaps? "

"Umm yah, I waited till the last minute to ask a girl to the dance and now she hates me. WhatdoIdo?" said Ron

"I suggest you apologize to the girl for being a complete and total ass and having the emotional depth of a tourist souvenir teaspoon and then politely ask her to remove the jinx from your wand" snickered Ollivander as he disconnected from the Floo Network.

"Mione I am a moron, I am sorry for everything mean I have ever said to you just please fix my wand "whined Ron.

Hermione grinned and said "First, stop whining, it puts me in a Bellatrix Lestrange kind of mood and I want to hex you and not your wand. Then simply say Finite Incantatum and the spell I placed on your wand will stop working."

"Finite Incantatum. Okay Malfoy payback is a bitch- Furnunculus" Ron said with a smirk.

" Mr. Weasley 10 points to Gryffindor for a perfectly performed Furnunculus jinx however, I will have to take 25 points for hexing a fellow student and inciting house rivalries –AGAIN! " said Professor Flitwick as the students filed out of class.

As she left the classroom Hermione smiled to herself. Her prank worked out rather well and it seemed that Ron Weasley just couldn't win.