Valentine's Day Tryst

A short AU fic for Valentine's Day. A chance meeting with Isobel encourages Anthony to enlist her help to surprise Edith on Valentine's Day.

A/N: Just so you know this is set in 1921 and Valentine's Day was on a Monday – I checked.

Sir Anthony Strallan sat in the car in the village High Street. His chauffeur was running errands but Anthony was content to sit and ait as life passed him by. Life had little meaning for him these days; not since he had done what he thought was the honourable thing and set Lady Edith Crawley free by walking away from their wedding.

The long lonely hours since had convinced him he had been wrong. He often just sat; reading the beautiful poems that they used to share but these beautiful verses no longer held anything for him. He had been deeply depressed and this was his first time out in many months. He wished he could see her again if only to beg her forgiveness for breaking her heart but he knew that once he looked into those brown eyes he would be totally lost again. But it was not only Lady Edith's heart that had broken that day but his own. He had cursed his weakness and lack of confidence most unbefitting the war hero that he was. He had allowed himself to be swayed by the prejudices of Lord Grantham and his mother, the dowager countess.

"Oh darling Edith," he murmured as he had done a myriad times a day since, "Will you ever forgive me because that is the only way I will ever be able to forgive myself."

He cursed himself for not being able to recognise what he had truly wanted when it was offered to him.

There was to be a classical concert in York that Sunday in honour of Valentine's Day the following day and he wanted to go but not alone. The idea of being surrounded by amorous couples, reminding him what he had thrown away, would be torture. He knew that any valentine or love token he sent to Edith would not reach her and he could not just turn up at Downton; a place where he assumed he would be very much persona non grata.

"Oh Edith my darling," he thought, "Why did I not just ignore them and tell you I loved you? I suppose I deserve to suffer for what I did."

Anthony had suffered for what he had done; the nightmares he had had on returning from the war had resurfaced and several of his former friends had ceased to have contact with him. It hurt him badly because he was not by nature heartless; he had tried to set Edith free.

OO

Isobel Crawley was walking through the village; the shadows were beginning to lengthen heralding the end of the day. She had been working ceaselessly with her fallen women all day and just wanted to get home to put her feet up with a cup of tea.

She looked twice when she saw Anthony sitting in the car. She had felt nothing but sympathy for both of them after the event. She understood his motives although she did not entirely agree with him and she had become quite fond of him but she had not really had a chance to spend any time alone with Edith since.

"Sir Anthony," she called out. He turned his head to look at her. He had sensed that Isobel too was on the fringe of the Crawley family; indeed he felt she was probably only tolerated because her son was Lord Grantham's heir and he also knew that she liked to rub the dowager countess up the wrong way. Perhaps she was the answer? She had certainly been kind to him when he and Edith were courting. She had not pitied him for his injury and that meant a lot to him.

"Mrs Crawley," he smiled in spite of himself, "how are you?"

She walked over to the car.

"I'm very well thank you Sir Anthony, how are you?"

"Things are, difficult," he sighed.

"May I join you?"

"Of course; other than Edith you were the only person in the family who treated me with any degree of respect."

"I can't apologise enough,"

"It's not your fault."

She sat beside him.

""I don't know if I have the right to ask this after what I did but how is Lady Edith?"

"She is pretty lonely," Isobel said, "your name has not been mentioned at Downton since,"

"Nothing less than I expected then." There was a trace of self- reproach in his voice.

"You had the best of intentions," Isobel said gently,"I don't fault you for that."

Anthony blinked tears from his blue eyes and Isobel passed him a handkerchief.

"I miss her so much, Mrs Crawley," he sighed, "Why could I not recognise that what I wanted was in front of me all the time? Lady Edith is a woman who loved me and she was capable of making me happy as well as looking after me. We never spoke those words and I wish to god I had. I told her she had given me back my life and she meant so much to me; Why did I do that to her? If she had told me she loved me that day then I know it would have made a world of difference but I cannot tell her that now. I dare not write because I know that she will never get the letter. I wrote a letter that night but I can't send it to her. I can't cause her any more pain. I have tried to forget her but how can I when she is beautiful, intelligent and everything I ever wanted."

"Do you have that letter with you now, Sir Anthony?" Isobel asked.

"Yes," he patted his shirt pocket, "I have carried it around ever since in the vain hope I might see her or find a way to her heart."

"You have found one, Sir Anthony," Isobel gently put her hand on his shoulder, "I am going there for dinner later. I will give it to her myself,"

Tears trickled down his face and he almost hugged her.

"Have her give you any reply,"

"I will,"

"There is a concert in York on Sunday that I would give anything to take her to. I want to ask her forgiveness because until I have that I can never forgive myself."

"The valentine concert?"

"Yes are you going?"

Isobel laughed, "If only, Sir Anthony. The idea of going to a concert with Dr Clarkson would be wonderful."

"Ask him," Anthony said. He swallowed, "Everything I want to tell Lady Edith is in this letter," he handed her a creased white envelope, "I love her so much,"

Isobel took it and put it in her bag.

"I will see what I can do, Sir Anthony; for what it is worth I don't think she feels any malice towards you."

He smiled, "that's a relief,"

OO

That evening at Downton Isobel sought out Edith who was alone in the library.

"Edith," she whispered, "I have been asked to give you this letter and take away any reply."

"It's from Anthony isn't it?" Edith whispered, "I recognise his hand."

Isobel nodded, "I saw him today while he was waiting for his chauffeur. I don't want to say too much here because things have a habit of being overheard but please read it and if you want to reply then give it to me."

There was a bright light in Edith's eyes.

"How was he cousin Isobel? I have to know."

"He seemed lost and I could tell he regrets what he did," Isobel leaned close and whispered, "He loves you, Edith, and more than anything he wants to take you to that concert in York at the weekend. Come to visit me at the hospital tomorrow and we will talk there; it will be safer for you.""

"I will cousin Isobel," Edith smiled, "Thank you so much."

OO

Edith opened the letter that night once she was in bed. Her hands shook as she drew out the wafer thin sheets of paper contained therein.

Dear Lady Edith

I am sorry from the bottom of my heart for what I have done to you and I don't expect I shall ever again have the pleasure of seeing or speaking to you; well that is the price I must pay for being too foolish not to see that what I truly want is right in front of me.

I love you and I regret what I did but right now you probably hate me and would not want to see me again.

I will never forgive myself for I have done and I have no right to ask your forgiveness. I am not good enough for you; I am a cripple and much too old for you but I should have listened to you above everyone else and it galls me that I did not. If you had told me that you loved me it would have made all the difference and I wish to god I had told you. They say you never know what you had until it is gone and I truly know that now when it is too late.

I don't know if you will ever see this letter because I know that it would never reach you if I posted this and I deserve to suffer. I behaved in a way very unfitting for a war hero.

I wish I did not love you and need you as much as I do but that again will serve as part of my punishment because I will never have you.

Please be at peace my darling and try not to hate me although you could never hate me as much as I hate myself right now.

Yours sincerely

Anthony Strallan.

Edith's body shook with convulsive sobbing as she read his words but as usual there was no one to hear or comfort her and no one to care that her heart was breaking in two once again.